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Chapter Twenty-One

Falling Softer in Our Convoluted Subjugation

I had to tell myself that I was simply going there to see his misery. To see him wallow in the hallow things we tied ourselves to. I didn't tell myself that I had to see him, that my blood had felt cold without feeling his presence brush mine, to feel his mouth hover above mine and wonder if I would feel passion or tenderness. I had to see the truth to our actions; I didn't want to be blind any longer. I just hoped the truth wouldn't scare me any more than I already was.

So I left with no logical preeminent reason as to why I was speeding to Fangtasia; speeding to what awaited me. I knew from the first time I laid shuttered eyes on Eric, that I was in trouble. Not the summer crush, I have to have you now trouble that alleviates itself halfway through winter but bone aching, skin heating, heart beating, thigh shaking, pulsating, trouble.

Enough to know that he was seriously dangerous to my health, in fact, the closer I got to him, the more a foreboding knowledge settled in my heart. I knew our stories were tied, that the Fates were cruel in their humor and my time was already ticketed. It was only when they would cut my thread with rusty scissors that I was unsure about but I knew whom played a part and I quietly, morbidly wondered if he would miss me.

Maybe we were like Beauty and the Beast, though I would never tell him that I thought him Beauty also. In fact, we were more like Human and Inhuman; as Monster was such a loose category and knowing what I have done and the means I went to, surely would categorize me in that league also. I've never fought harder with any other man than I have with Eric, I've never yielded to any other man, never wanting to compromise but for some reason…with Eric, I wanted it all. I was tired of playing games; this night I would fix things. For better or for worse.

I shoved the gears to park and slammed my car door. He was going to hear it from me and when he was done; then I would take what I wanted. Screw him if he thought he could keep leading me on, I was tired, I wanted to know what I meant to him. Maybe I already knew, maybe I just needed it spelt out for my analytical mind. At this point; between being worried about him and wanting to take him down, I was getting overly exhausted and I still didn't know what I really wanted.

By the time I neared the line into Fangtasia, I was panting from my mind's excursion. I didn't bother waiting in line, the bouncers knew me well enough to wave me forward.

"Hey Phil." I nodded towards the blond bouncer.

"Hi Erin. Go on ahead." He smiled before returning his stoic mask on and facing the rowdy crowd once again.

I shoved my way through the door and growled when I realized I'd have to do more than shove to where I knew Eric was. What bothered me more? The fact that I willingly came to Fangtasia with no underlining reason or the fact that I immediately knew where he would be.

Was that the blood tie? In a room filled with supernatural power, the room buzzing and bustling, I only focused on the throbbing pulse that I knew was Eric's. I found myself standing in front of a wooden door, similar to the one where we usually met, unsure if I should go on ahead.

Maybe this was a mistake but maybe if I didn't go to him then things would be lost. We all would be lost and I was starting to think that losing ourselves was worse than when we were together. Eric would lose more than himself and though I was no martyr or white knight, deep down I knew I couldn't do that to him. No matter how much I wanted to hate him for it.

I grasped the doorknob in my sweating palm, counting to ten before I hesitantly opened the door. Unsure of what would stand before me and my breath caught in my throat when I saw the truth, the realization that maybe, just maybe he felt something for me too.

There was only a small amount of light filtering through behind me; otherwise the room would be basted in darkness. He sat, elbows resting on thighs, head bowed lowly on a small leather couch and even from the doorway, I could feel something akin to sympathy for him. Which was funny, since when did I have sympathy for the devil?

"You know, it sure as hell doesn't improve a mood if you sit wallowing in the dark." I mused trying to find a light switch and failing miserably. I closed the door with my foot and blindly reached for anything that resembled a lamp. It took a second longer than I would have liked but finally I found it and clicked it on, flooring the room with a dim glow, hushing the darkness to a minimum.

"Leave me." He growled darkly.

I smirked despite the whirlwind I was feeling, "Can't do that. Even if I wanted to and trust me, I tried."

He grunted but didn't move an inch, he was worse than I thought. I wondered how long he had been like this and if I made it out alive, I would find Pam and shake some sense into her. I sighed and perched myself on the armrest opposite him on the couch not knowing what to say, if I should say anything at all. Maybe he just needed comfort but seeing him this low didn't even remotely fix my mood either.

"Why? How can you go on when you feel like this?" He asked suddenly, sounding disgusted when he motioned to himself. A hint of accent whispered into his words and I knew immediately that he was even more upset than he let on.

I laughed. A true honest belly laugh, one that I hadn't partook in a while; I had no intentions of laughing at him but I couldn't help myself. I would never want to be a vampire, to live forever until I would start to forget about human things and would wonder what it would be like to have any semblance of humanity in me. A horridly long, mundane life was something I didn't want.

I shook myself from my sudden turn of thoughts and felt his eyes boring into me and turned my head to find him intensely staring at me. And I blushed. I couldn't help myself nor could I contain my nerves. Eric always flustered me but to find his icy blue eyes boring holes into me with an unreadable expression marking his face, made me feel a wee bit disconcerted, to say the least.

"What? Is there something—?" I asked self-consciously when he kept staring at me.

He cocked his head lightly, as if he couldn't make out the sudden horns I must have grown popping out of my head, "You laughed."

When he didn't continue, I shrugged nonchalantly, unsure of what his meaning was; I was in new territory, heck, we both were and it was awkward as hell. "Yes, am I not supposed to laugh?"

He was about to shake his head when he must have made up his mind on a something and he reached over, grasped my wrist tightly and pulled me to him. I didn't bother gasping, I was starting to get used to being around vampires and their "too fast for the human eye" ways. Did I just say I was starting to get used to them?

I breathed in his scent; loving the feel of his hand cuffing my wrist as his other hand pulled me even closer to him. When his thighs were against mine, I finally let lust slither its way into my belly, curling between my thighs. I wasn't here for seduction, far from it. I was trying to do something altruistic, to help Eric from…well, from being human and I wanted answers.

But even against my will, I still wanted him, I wanted to feel him atop me, feel his tongue lick a path to my navel and lower. It was no wonder I hated him, because at this point, I realized I was feeling something akin to the L-word and it sure as hell wasn't lust.