Late late late! So sorry for taking ages to update this. I gotta say I just had a case of the good old writer's block I'm afraid. But I finally managed to finish this chapter and I hope you'll all like it.

I also wanna thank all of you guys! The last chapter got so many reviews and it made me so so so happy! I hope you still enjoy this chapter as well (even though you had to wait a while) and aren't too cross with me to bless me with your awesome opinions!

R&R my darling ;)

Chapter 21

Wham.

"Santana, we don't throw doors shut in this house!"

"Ugh, sorry mum."

I ran up the stairs, always taking two steps in one stride, and fled into my room, this time careful not to let the door slam shut behind me.

Letting out a deep breath and dumping my purse carelessly to the side, I leaned against my bedroom door for a second, pressing my eyes closed, before I pushed myself away from it and started pacing a sick looking circle from the window, past my bed, over to my desk and back to the window.

What the hell had I been thinking?

You didn't think! That's what you were thinking! You let your fucking screwed up hormones take control!

"Ugh!"

I stopped dead in the middle of my room in front of my bed and buried my head in my hands.

The feeling of Brittany's soft but demanding lips on mine was still leaving them tingling and the image of her naked heaving chest had burnt itself into my mind, making it hard for me to concentrate on anything else than the prickling desire that had my body humming and my heart racing.

"Stupid!" I cursed myself under my breath. I had known that it would be a bad idea to do anything sexy with her while I was still crushing on her, but my body had taken control.

And now, now that I was back home, I was riled up again and freaking out. On the car ride back to my house I had managed to somehow lose all calmness I had gathered at Brittany's and completely panic instead.

What if I hadn't heard the car door slam? Her parents could have caught us! Emily almost had.

Or if they hadn't come home at all…it could have been even worse…I could have slept with Brittany and ruined everything.

For the first time I found myself actually wishing that Rory still lived with Brittany and not with his aunt and cousins who had come to live in America about three months after Boy Irish had.

He had always been a reliable cock-block.

Even Lord Tubbington had disappointed me this afternoon. I hadn't seen his bushy tail once. Traitor!

Not that sleeping with Brittany on its own was a bad thing, far from it, but I didn't trust myself in this state.

This confused, emotional state I had been in for way too long now.

I resumed pacing the room and frantically tried to think of a solution to this.

Because I couldn't do this anymore. It was just too hard to stay away from her and not even be able to tell her why I was being distant. Not that she had asked me directly, in fact, she hadn't brought it up at all.

I stopped again and frowned.

Why hadn't she brought it up?

Brittany usually noticed any change in my behavior the second it happened. She was eerie perceptive that way.

But this time she hadn't asked me once why I didn't call her up to ask her to come over for some sweet lady kisses anymore. She hadn't asked about the lack of make-out sessions in the janitor's closet at school and she hadn't said anything about missing my suggestive touches and glances during classes.

Didn't she notice? Does she not even miss it?

A tiny part of my mind let my body be flooded with a sudden jolt of sadness and disappointment, before reason took over.

No, that can't be…not the way she was ready to rip my clothes off the last few tutoring sessions we had. But what is it then? Why isn't she confronting me about it?

I sat down in front of my bed on my soft, black and red carpet.

Resting my forearms on my tugged up knees, I gently leaned my chin forward onto my left wrist and stared at the small stain that sat on the edge of my carpet ever since Brittany and I had had the brilliant idea of trying out red wine on the floor of my room to celebrate my new carpet.

Shaking my head slightly, I let out a tiny sigh and closed my eyes again.

This was bad.

If I didn't start controlling myself better around her I could end up hurting both of us.

It had been way too close this time.

My heart clenched fearfully when I realized how true that thought really was.

I had almost told her about my crush, had almost spilled all the confusing, 'more than friends' feelings I had for her.

An involuntary shudder ran down my spine and I lifted my head off my arms, leaning back against the bed and taking a deep breath through my nose, as I mentally shook off the image of Brittany's shocked or pitying expression upon telling her I had a big lesbian crush on her.

Lesbian.

My breathing picked up and my mouth went dry. I had never even thought that word out loud in my head before. I didn't like it, it felt wrong, nauseating even.

Lesbian.

I actively shook my head now to get rid of the cold, icy feeling that was creeping up my neck.

No, that was ridiculous.

I stood up and walked out of my room without waiting another second. I had to get out.

"And where do you think you're going, mi amor?" my mum's voice interrupted my power walk towards the front door.

My arm froze in the middle of the air, just having been extended to grab my winter coat.

Right. Grounded. Fuck.

"Um…" I slowly turned around on the spot and saw her standing in the doorway to the kitchen, both of her hands on her hips and her left eyebrow raised.

"I need some fresh air." I said, faintly noticing the weird tone that laced my voice.

My mum had apparently picked up on it too, because immediately she changed her posture. She took her hands from her hips and tilted her head.

"Are you not feeling well, mija?" she asked, the slightest touch of concern strengthening her accent.

"I'm fine. Just wanted to go for a quick walk." I said, this time consciously trying to rid my voice of the unusual undertone.

She eyed me curiously.

"Please? I'll be back before dad comes home." I promised, staring at her calmly, holding perfectly still despite the inner almost panicky restlessness that was nearly driving me insane.

At least I still had some self-control, I noticed grimly as my mum's posture relaxed and she nodded slowly.

"Okay, but take your phone for emergencies." She instructed, her brows furrowing in light concern.

Ever since my dad had told her about a girl that had come into the hospital, having been attacked on her way home from a friend's house only one town over, she didn't like the idea of me being outside after dark, which kinda sucked since it was winter and after dark meant after six.

My dad and I weren't as worried since it had happened in a knowingly 'bad' part of that town and our neighborhood was anything but, but nevertheless we didn't antagonize her on the subject and I always took my cell phone and sometimes even pepper spray when I went out by foot after the sun had already set.

I shot her a quick smile in thanks and patted the left pocket of my cheerleading jacket, indicating that I had it on me.

She nodded again and I hurriedly grabbed the coat and my scarf and left the house without another word.

Even though I had somehow roughly been aware of the time and had registered my mum's worry, I was still somewhat taken by surprise when I was met by complete darkness as I stepped outside the house.

It threw me for a second and I looked up from my feet to orientate myself as my hurried footsteps came to a halt just outside the door, but the urge to keep moving, to get some sort of outlet for my tumbling thoughts, drove me to walk on.

I zipped up my black coat and buried my hands deep inside the warm pockets, drawing up my shoulders as I crossed the short path from our house to the side walk in a light-footed jog.

I came down to a quick, even walking pace and managed to turn two corners before my thoughts caught up with me.

What was I supposed to do?

Had Brittany not cut me off with her kiss, I would have told her. I was sure of it.

I would have told her…well, what exactly?

How would I have explained the tingling, unnerving feelings I couldn't even really make sense of myself?

Would I have said, 'Britt, I think I have a crush on you.' Plain and simple and totally horrifying?

Or would it have come out more like this, 'Britt, I can't stop thinking about you. About what you mean to me.' The truth, but it could be interpreted many different ways.

Or, and this was the worst option I could think of, would it have been down-right word-vomit, along the lines of, 'Britt, I feel all tingly inside whenever you're near me, or whenever I think of you, which is all the time. Everything reminds me of you and I just want you to hold me close and never let me go.'

I actually cringed at that thought and my face contorted into a grimace.

Oh god, I can never go near her again!

The panic rose within me and I broke out into a run, desperate to escape the haunting feeling that I was steadily losing control over my own actions.

It took me two blocks and one heart-attack causing dog jumping out at me against one of the gates and barking like mad, scaring the shit out of me, before I had the power to calm myself down.

I fell back into my walking pace and listened to my own breathing and heartbeat return to normal.

Okay, get it together. You can do this! It's just a crush! Just do it like Finn…

My mind jumped to the mailman story Quinn had told me about. Apparently it helped Finn distract himself whenever he was about to…arrive early. Gross.

It wasn't exactly where my problem lay, but it was close enough. I needed something to distract me whenever I felt like I was about to spill my feelings to Britt or get too carried away sex wise.

Cause no mailman was gonna stop me once all the clothes were gone. I had some self-control…I wasn't a miracle worker.

No one could turn down a naked Brittany, and as I had said, I didn't trust my mind not to start revealing my secrets once we were at it.

So all I had to do was find my mailman.

I wrecked my brain for something powerful enough to tear my attention away from a lust-driven unicorn like I had had it this afternoon, but nothing seemed strong enough.

Not the memory of my cousin stabbing himself in the eye with a pencil, nor the one of my abuela chasing me with a rolling pin after I had eaten all of the dough for our Christmas cookies when I was five.

Not even Quinn's dad's face that time he came home early and found me holding a half-naked Britt's legs up who was trying to stand on her hands against the new wide screen TV, while his daughter was laughing hysterically, on the edge of passing out, draped over the coffee table with her head upside down.

I had never seen anybody radiate so much anger in my life and I was sure if Quinn's mum hadn't been right behind him he would have beaten the crap out of all three of us.

Quinn had never before in any way hinted that her dad might be violent and I still don't think he ever hit her, but in that moment I was dead sure he would.

With Mrs. F looking wide eyed over his shoulder however he had 'only' thrown Brittany and me out and grounded Quinn for life, which turned out to be two and a half months without allowance.

I hadn't stepped one foot inside Quinn's house since that night.

That was a little over two years ago.

I couldn't believe how much had changed since then.

Amongst other things Quinn had gotten pregnant and had a baby, Brittany had dated Artie – that name still made me frown – and I had gotten thrown off the Cheerios, rejoined them, and started crushing on my best friend.

And, not to forget, all three of us had joined Glee club.

Crazy…

"Hey, Lopez!"

Something small hit my shoulder. I looked up just in time to see the dark shape of Puck fling another small object at me from across the old fence surrounding his garden.

I hadn't even realized I had been coming this direction.

I caught the thing he had been throwing at me and realized that it was a gummy bear.

"Hey Ferret-hea-eeey!"

As I looked up from my hand again another one hit me in the face and I threw my hands up reflexively and tumbled a step back.

"Quit it, Puckerman!" I snarled, but Puck just laughed and threw one in the air, catching it with his mouth.

That's when I heard another voice chuckle.

When I got closer to the fence I spotted a head of blonde hair. Bieberlicious was sitting on the steps leading up to the house.

"Hey Trouty, what are you doing here?" I greeted, giving a half-hearted wave and a nod, before putting both of my hands into my pockets.

Sam lifted his hand and wiggled the thing in it. I furrowed my eyebrows and squinted at it. Even though Sam was sitting right below the porch light it was hard to see what he was holding.

I was about to tell him he should just spit it out, when Puck cleared it up for me.

"Look what Sammy-boy scored!" Puck called enthusiastically and pointed down. His finger directed my eyes at two toy monster trucks, one of which was now moving, zooming back and forth and around Puck's feet quickly.

"Hey!" Puck laughed out as Sam made the little car crash into his leg.

Sam grinned broadly but backed the car away. "My uncle Luis gave them to me and my little brother for our birthdays." He explained even though I hadn't asked. "He works at a toy shop. He's actually the manager."

"Ah." I bobbed up my head once, not really up for feigning interest.

"What are you doing out so late, chica? I thought you were grounded for another week." Puck grinned as he walked over to Sam and sat down next to him.

I scowled at him. "I am. I was just going for a walk and it's none of your damn business."

"Whow! Calm down. I was just making conversation." He chuckled obnoxiously and raised his hands in front of his body like I was totally overreacting.

That pissed me off even more. Puck had this way about him, that he thought was extremely cool, but pretty much everybody else thought was pretentious and annoying.

I personally found it extremely provoking most of the time, so I couldn't hold back an aggressive grunt and my signature eye-roll before turning to leave.

"Hey, come on, Santana." Sam called out and I turned back around, visibly annoyed.

Sam was looking at me expectantly to let it go and come back, ignoring Puck who was looking confused and asking Sam what he had said that had upset me.

With another roll of my eyes I took the few steps back to the fence and leaned against it.

"So what, you're just out here playing with your little toy cars? You came all the way over to Mohawk's house just for that?" I asked with a slight sneer.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, I guess."

I snorted.

"Hey, don't mock it until you've tried it." Puck said defensively and stood up.

He walked over to me and offered me his remote. I only raised my eyebrows. Remote control cars really weren't my thing. See, I wasn't into lame stuff.

But he just held my gaze until I rolled my eyes again and took the remote.

"Fine. So what do I d-aah!" I had pushed a little nub on the control and one of the cars had jumped to life and driven full speed against the old apple tree.

Sam chuckled and Puck tried to hold back his laughter as he saw my shocked face.

"Women behind the wheel." He clicked his tongue playfully.

"Haha." I replied humorlessly and went over to the gate. "Shut up and just show me how to work this thing?" I walked to where the little car still had its front pressed against the tree and sat it back next to the other one.

"Kay, come here. The Puck's gonna show you how it's done." Puck waved me over to the light.

I ignored his typical idiocy and directed my footsteps toward the two guys.

As I walked over I noticed that they had actually cleared the snow in the garden so they could play with their toy monster trucks. Boys are such kids.

I sat down one step below Sam and Puck scooted down as well to show me how to control my car.

It wasn't that hard once you had figured out the buttons, even though - as Sam proudly told me - it was apparently an extra complex race car set. Like the newest on the market or something.

Whatever, it turned out to be kinda fun. Especially because my car totally owned Trouty's.

"Oh, come on!" the blonde boy threw up his hands and Puck fist-bumped me again.

I had been racing with them for quite a while and Sam's monster truck had had no chance against mine whatsoever. Although, whenever Puck took Sam's control it was more head to head. Okay, fine, my truck didn't stay on its wheels longer than a minute when Puck was my opponent, but I was getting better at avoiding his hits and attacks.

"We said no side-crashes!" Sam frowned, setting the remote down next to him and picking up his coke instead.

"Oh, boo-hoo." I mocked and rolled my eyes, making my red, flamey monster truck race circles around his black and blue one which was lying helplessly on its back.

"Bro, you're total shit at this!" Puck teased with a light laugh and Sam defended that he had only just gotten it.

"So? She's been killing you and she's only been playing for like an hour." Puck gave back.

A shock ran through my body. "What? Oh, fuck! What time is it?" I jumped up and patted down my coat to see which pocket my phone was in.

I found it and whipped it out. "Don't know, like nine or something?" Sam answered me as I unlocked my phone.

8:57 pm

"Shit!" I hissed.

My dad usually came home around nine these days and I had three missed calls from my mum.

"What's going on?" Sam asked almost concerned. But before I could answer Puck was already doing it for me.

"The little Cheerleader is grounded, remember?" he sniggered. "Ou!"

Now Sam was sniggering and Puck was rubbing the back of his head. "See you tomorrow loser!" I called to Sam as I jogged over to the gate and pushed it open hastily, dialing my mum's number.

"Bye Santana." Sam's voice called after me, while Puck just growled.

As I turned the corner I could still hear him complain and ask why he always got hit around the head by girls.

He should just be grateful it's only his head. Can't do much damage there anyway.

I snorted. That wasn't really true though. Puck was actually not that stupid. He just acted like it sometimes.

"Santana!?" my mum's shrill voice tore me out of my thoughts. I pressed the phone closer to my ear to hear her better over the cold wind that was whooshing past my head as I jogged.

I slowed to a hurried walk.

"Hey mum, I'm sorry, I didn't hear your calls. My phone was still on silent fro-"

"Oh my god, you're okay?! Santana Estrella Lopez! You almost gave me a heart attack!" she screeched.

Oh shit! Middle name...

"Lo siento, mama! I'm really really sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, I just ran into Puck and Sam an-"

"You said you'd just go for a run, not meet friends! And you were supposed to be home before your dad gets home!" she accused.

"I know, I'm almost there." I kept it short. Longer sentences didn't have a very high survival rate when my mum was this upset.

"Okay. Well, we'll talk about this when you get home. Hurry and be careful." She said a little more calmly.

"Si, mama." I rolled my eyes and hung up. I felt bad for having worried her but she was overreacting a bit if you asked me.

I hoped she wouldn't extend my punishment because I had foolishly told her that I had run into the boys.

It wasn't like I had arranged to meet them! I had just run into them.

I sighed as I started jogging again.

As it turned out my dad had been late as well and had come home just before I did and my parents were wonderfully busy telling each other of their day when I came, so my mum just gave me a quick word about how she had been really worried and I should keep better track of the time next time before I was allowed to go up to my room.

So now I was sitting on my bed, wrapped up in a towel after my shower and dialing Brittany's number for our daily phone call.

I was a bit nervous after how we had left things this afternoon but I didn't want her to think that I was mad or that she had done something wrong. Besides, I really wanted to talk to her. I had gotten so used to our daily conversations since I got grounded and I missed her already.

Wow. This must be like the mother of all crushes…Jesus!

I bit my nails anxiously as I waited for her to pick up.

"Heyyyy!" I was greeted by Brittany's happy voice.

I chuckled and lowered my hand away from my mouth, "Hey you. Why so happy?"

"What do you mean?"

"You just sound very chipper, Britt." I smiled slightly.

"I've just been really looking forward to your call."

I nodded even though she couldn't see it and hummed. My smile had broadened though. She had missed me too.

"I thought you might not today. Call, I mean." She said more quietly and I could hear that she was a little insecure about something. That made me frown.

"Of course I'd call. We talk every night, B."

"Yeah, I know, it's just…" her voice faded away and I was sure if we were face to face she would be averting her gaze and looking away from me. Probably at her hands or at Lord Tubbington or something.

"Just what?" I asked. I was curious, but also a bit afraid of the answer. Actually way afraid. More like terrified.

Today had been intense and maybe she thought that something had changed. I didn't want anything to change. I didn't want her to start doubting us too. I was doing that already. She needed to stay our silent rock until I had figured things out or until my crush would go away.

Either way…I was afraid she might tell me that she was confused. And for once I needed her not to be, because I was. So terribly confused.

"Just, you know…you normally call earlier and I thought maybe you had fallen asleep or…or were mad at me or something." Her voice was so quiet at the end that I almost didn't catch the last part.

Relieve flowed through my body at the same time as my brows furrowed.

"Mad? Why would I be mad at you?" I asked, quickly letting this afternoon's events run through my mind again, not letting myself get caught up in the more sexy parts of it.

I hadn't thought I'd seemed angry. There was nothing I would be mad about.

Actually I don't think I've ever really been mad at her. Even if I got short with her or snapped at her, it had never been her fault. Usually I was angry about something else and she just happened to be there. Because she was always there.

I felt a wave of sadness hit me as I realized that I had been unfairly bitchy to her so many times and had yet never apologized for it. It hurt my heart to think that I caused her to doubt herself and think that she had done something wrong, like she obviously did now.

"I don't know…" she murmured. "Maybe...maybe because I was, you know…I almost got us caught."

I sighed and my shoulders slumped. "Britt. That wasn't your fault-"

"I just! I miss you, Sanny. I miss hanging out with you after school and…and I miss…I miss everything." I heard her sigh and sniffle quietly. "I just miss you."

I wanted to reassure her. To tell her that I missed her too. So much. But I couldn't talk. My throat was being strangled by a big lump and my vision was blurry from the unshed tears that were swimming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry for being so pushy this afternoon, I shouldn't have done that, it was so stup-"

"Stop!" I got out, although my voice sounded strange and gurgled.

I sniffed and quickly wiped the tears out of my eyes with my right hand.

"Stop it, Britt. You're not stupid. It wasn't your fault that we almost got caught and you didn't do anything wrong. I wanted it just as much as you did."

"But you stopped us. You weren't so…"

"Out of control? Believe me, I was. I have no idea how I managed to stop. I just…I guess I'm…"

More terrified of getting caught than you are. More of a coward. Weaker. "I don't know. I just know that I miss you too. Being grounded sucks." I said, hoping to bring the conversation back to a safer topic.

I think we both knew that I had left some things unsaid, that I had avoided the reality of the mutual 'I miss you's, but neither of us pointed out that being grounded was only part of our issue here.

She was silent for a while and I didn't interrupt it. The quiet sound of her even breaths was somehow calming me down. They soothed me until I felt like everything was going to be okay.

I lay down on my back, holding my towel closed with my free hand and looked up at my ceiling. The small light from my night desk lamp was throwing shapeless shadows on it and I tried to trace their outlines with my tired eyes. It was a game I had always done as a child when I was supposed to go to sleep but couldn't and there was enough light from the hallway to produce shadows on my ceiling.

Most children were scared of the dark, or so everybody said, but I had never been scared of it. Just bored.

Tracing the outlines of shadows had always been soothing to me for as long as I could remember and that hadn't changed until now.

I didn't do it as much anymore, but that was simply because I usually wasn't in a situation where I could do it. Now I went to bed when I was really tired so I would always fall asleep quickly and other times my mind was so busy that I didn't even register the faint shadows on the ceiling as thoughts and worries reeled through my head mercilessly.

Right now would have been such a moment too. But with Brittany's soothing breaths in my ear I felt myself relax and lazily follow the curves and bumps and blurry lines of my imaginary ceiling painting.

"Ducks can hold their breath fifty minutes under water."

As I laughed my heart laughed with me and it felt so good.

"Why didn't you tell her you didn't have it?"

"Oh, I don't know, Britt, maybe cause I didn't want her to tell everybody that I'm seeing a shrink? Ugh!"

I was pacing back and forth in front of Brittany's bed, fuming with fury at the injustice.

Brittany pouted and watched me walk restlessly back and forth from her position on the bed.

Her hands were in her lap and she unconsciously turned the silver friendship bracelet over and over around her wrist. My eyes flickered to it every few seconds and it gave me an uneasy feeling somehow, which I translated to annoyance.

"She's such a conniving bitch!" I snapped, feeling my own brows start to quiver from being pulled down into a frown for so long.

"I'm telling you she was just waiting for an opportunity to tank me and I bet Quinn was the one who told her that bull about me getting a boob job. God, she's unbelievable!" I threw my head back and my hands up and stopped for a second to kick one of Lord Tubbington's toys out of my way. It squeaked and flew against the door with a soft thud.

Brittany didn't say anything for a minute. She just watched me resume my pacing in silence until I heard her mumble, "But who will tell me which insult is my new nickname now? I'll never know when she's talking to me and then she'll shout at me even more…"

I stopped as I heard the fragile and teary tone in Brittany's quiet voice.

When I turned around to look at her I was shocked to see a tear silently rolling down her cheek.

Within a second I was sitting next to her on the bed, soothingly wrapping one arm around her waist.

"Hey, come on. It won't be that bad. Coach knows you're the best dancer on the squat, she's not that stupid. She won't throw you out or anything." I tried to uplift her spirits, but it didn't really work. She just sniffled and pouted at her hands. She was still fidgeting with the bracelet and I covered her hand with mine to stop her.

She looked up at me. "But maybe I don't even wanna be on the squad anymore." She said in a slightly whiney tone and I tilted my head and smiled at her sadly.

"B, that's complete bullcrap. You love cheerleading." I reminded her gently.

"It won't be any fun without you." She said quietly, looking deep into my eyes.

It always freaked me out when she did that, so I looked away and cleared my throat.

When I spoke it was in a louder voice, not the hushed soft one I had been using. That was getting too intimate.

"Look, " I started, taking a deep breath through my nose and straightening my back as I patted her hand instead of gently covering it, "it'll be fine. You just go on and I'll maybe watch or something. Besides, you still got Quinn. She didn't get you thrown off the team, so she clearly wants you around." I rolled my eyes.

Quinn and I weren't really getting along too well at the moment, but even though I'd rather poke my own eye out than be nice to that bitch I knew that this 'fighting' or whatever it was, was something between the two of us. It had nothing to do with Brittany and now that Coach had kicked me off the Cheerios, Quinn was the best choice for her to hang out with.

Brittany sniffed again. "Do you really think she lied to Coach about your boob job to get you thrown off the squad?" she asked me sadly, her watery eyes staring into mine.

I was quiet for a bit, but then rolled my eyes and groaned gently. "Noooo. Probably not."

I gave in and a tiny smile lit up Brittany's face, instantly making me feel better.

I really didn't think Quinn was that selfish and awful. She wouldn't do that to me. Right?

Brittany sighed and leaned her head onto my shoulder.

"Hey how about we pop in some Disney movie and I get us Dots and stuff and we just chill tonight?" I suggested, squeezing Brittany's waist encouragingly.

She nodded against my shoulder and I smiled.

"Okay then chose a movie and I'll check the kitchen for snacks." I said, shrugging her head off my shoulder with a smirk.

She smiled back gently and got up.

When I came back from the kitchen her mood had changed dramatically.

"Oh my god, San! I just can't decide! I haven't seen this one in ages! –" she lifted a DVD up I expertly recognized as 'Pocahontas', "But this one is soooo awesome! –" her other hand showed me 'The Lion King', "And that one is just so cute!" she exclaimed excitedly and pointed at her third option. 'Bear Brothers'.

I smiled at her improved mood and sat the snacks – two packets of Dots and a bag of Nachos – down on the bed before walking over to her and kneeling down next to her.

She was sitting with her legs crossed and looked at me expectantly.

"Hmm, lemme see…" I took the first two choices from her hands. "Well, you always get upset when Mufasa dies," I said, thoughtfully looking down at the cover before moving my head to take in the two Bears on the other DVD. "-and we watched Bear Brothers two weeks ago, sooo…" I raised my eyebrows and made a duck face.

"Okay!" she chirped and turned to grab 'Pocahontas'.

I smirked softly at her enthusiasm and got up, making myself comfortable on the bed.

This was far more the real Brittany than the sad-faced girl I had had in my arm not ten minutes ago and I was glad she was so resilient to anything that brought her usually chipper self down. Like a child but just uniquely 'Brittany' somehow.

A minute later I had switched off the lights and Brittany was snuggled up to my side, pressing play.

We watched the movie in silence for a bit until she giggled and I absent-mindedly turned my head to look at her.

Her eyes were bright and small from the huge, adoring smile she was wearing. She wore that smile whenever she found something cute. Like the ducks at the park or any kind of cartoon animal like now. Sometimes even I got that look from her. It always made me feel happy but embarrassed at the same time.

I unconsciously watched her. The way her chest rose and fell with her calm even breaths, the way the corners of her mouth and her eyebrows twitched sometimes along with what was happening on the screen, the way the soft light of the TV flickered over the skin of her face, neck and cleavage. It was all so… enticing.

I suddenly grinned lustfully and leaned over, placing my soft lips on her neck decisively as my warm hand covered her abs.

She twitched adorably and let out a soft, surprised breath.

I could feel her pulse and breathing pick up immediately and smirked even wider at the effect I had on her. My lips passionately engulfed her sweet skin and I sucked, humming out deeply against her neck.

Brittany moaned quietly and the covers underneath us rustled as I moved until my body was covering the side of hers, my left hand stretched out onto the soft pillow next to her right shoulder while my other forearm was pressed into the mattress to hold my own body up a little.

As my left knee pushed her legs open a high pitched sound escaped her mouth between choppy breaths and her body twitched in anticipation.

I liked making her body twitch like that. It made me feel in control and also very sexy.

I bit down sexily on the crook of her neck and then trailed my tongue up to her ear. I could feel the goose bumps on her skin as I licked and they made a jolt of excitement race through my body.

My left hand lifted off the pillow and cupped the side of her face instead as my body weight shifted more onto my right supporting arm and my lips moved to capture hers.

Feeling her fast shallow breaths against my moist lips was intoxicating and I quickly pushed my tongue into her mouth that had been slightly open, just waiting for me to claim it.

She moaned into my mouth and I rocked my leg against her centre, rolling my body onto hers.

Her body reacted instinctively and soon we were both grinding into each other fast and frantic, the movie playing behind us, long forgotten.

Her kisses tasted so damn good.

Her warm, demanding tongue dancing with mine made me wet at my core and her desperate hands clutching to my back made me pant and sigh softly against her lips.

Sleeping with boys was fine, but when they came it never gave me the satisfaction I got from only Brittany's quiet moans and pants. They were just suck a sweet sound that I wanted to hear them again and again, like I was in some sort of delirium. It was like a drug to me.

Brittany's version of 'Toxic' came into my mind and when I had thought I'd been turned on then, I was definitely down-right dripping now.

The feeling of Brittany's left leg pushing up into my crotch drew a wanting grunt from my lips and I couldn't wait any longer. I had to have her. Now!

Hastily I withdrew my hand that had been massaging her abs under her shirt, and traced it down to pull down her Cheerios skirt and spanks.

Brittany complied quickly by lifting up her hips to allow me to pull them off her and I did.

As soon as I had discarded of the red and white items of clothing I returned my hands to her stomach where her shirt had ridden up and reattached my lips to her neck.

Her skin was hot all over and touching her rock hard, defined abs made my fingers tingle incredibly, as I bit down on her smooth neck hungrily – making Brittany's breath hitch – and then sucked the soft skin into my mouth until it bruised.

Somewhere in the back of my head a voice was shouting at me.

'Shit! Shouldn't have done that! Ah, what the hell…she'll just have to wear a scarf or say it was someone else.'

I pushed it aside and traced my hands higher up Brittany's stomach, enjoying how her abs twitched in response to my touch. I couldn't get enough of it and I could have done it all night long.

But her hands were tugging at my shirt and she hummed demandingly between heavy breaths.

I reluctantly pulled back enough for her to get my skin tight Cheerios top off my body – probably not to be worn for a while -, before I dove for her lips again.

The few dark strands of my hair that had come loose from my tight ponytail framed our faces and tickled at her cheeks and temples as we kissed deeply. Her soft lips pressed into mine and our tongues battled, running over each other's lips in untamed haste.

I captured her lower lip with both of mine and sucked and bit passionately, while my pelvic pushed down into hers.

It was fast and rough like always and still I needed it to be faster and…without distractions.

Without distractions like Brittany's soft touches and her warm smiles.

What was she doing?

My stomach dipped as I caught her gaze at me again and I grunted in annoyance, my hands both reaching up to hold her head in place as I thrashed my tongue into her mouth possessively.

With furrowed brows and closed eyes I kissed her until we both gasped for air and her fingers dug deeply into my bare shoulder blades.

During our heated foreplay our bodies had slid further down the headboard so that Brittany was now lying properly down on the bed with me on top of her.

"Mh!" I growled against her mouth demandingly as my hand pressed against the dip between her shoulder blades. She arched her back for me and I expertly undid the clasp of her bra, leaving the light pink item loose enough so I could rip it away from her heaving chest easily.

The sight of her beautiful perky breasts actually made me stop and stare for a second and I could hear my heartbeat thundering in my ears.

I could see that her cute, pink nipples were rock hard and the areolas around them were wrinkled in arousal. I moaned quietly before taking one into my hot mouth as the other was being massaged by my left hand.

Brittany arched her back as another moan filled the dark room and I pushed my knee into her centre.

She whimpered softly and the sound stirred my driven need to show her how good I could make her feel even more.

I sucked on her nipple forcefully – drawing my name from her lips in a weak breath - before releasing it with a pop and moving up to grin at her mischievously as my left hand travelled lower, dragging my fingernails over her twitching abs, her belly button and towards the hem of her panties.

Brittany's hips bucked up impatiently and I clicked my tongue in amusement at her neediness.

"Uh uh uh…are we a little impatient?" I teased with an evil smirk, before biting down on her neck sexily and not moving my hand any further.

Her hips bucked up again, stronger this time, and she nodded frantically. "Y-yes!" she got out quickly between gasps and as I lifted my head up again I marveled at the pure lust I could read in her eyes and the beautiful bright pink glow of her cheeks.

I smirked and wiggled my fingers against her panties.

Her hips bucked up again and she frowned up at me.

"Saaan!" she pouted, chest still heaving fast.

I chuckled lightly and then pushed my hand under the thin material without another warning.

The wetness that greeted me there was indescribable and I could feel my own juices pooling at my centre.

Her groan was long and sexual and her head bent back in pleasure as my fingers started rubbing up and down against her already swollen clit. I quickly averted my gaze from her lust filled expression and stared at the mattress next to her ear instead, picking up my pace.

My thundering heartbeat and her rapid high-pitched sighs and moans rang in my ears and I gripped at her arm to get more leverage, my fingers pleasuring her frantically.

Her hot breaths that hit the sensitive skin on my neck and shoulders in quick, uneven waves made goose bumps erupt all over and I felt my nipples harden against the material of my bra.

I lowered my body over hers a little so that our breasts touched. Even though mine were still clothed, the feeling of her nipples flicking over mine in the frantic pace my hand set, elicited a low moan from my throat and a shiver ran down my spine.

Brittany was so wet that my fingers against her made the most delicious sounds and I could tell that I wasn't the only one getting aroused by them, as Brittany's breathing got choppy and broken – announcing her oncoming high – sooner than usual.

Her right hand was entangled in me hair and cupped the back of my neck, scratching my scalp lightly and almost desperately holding me close, as her left one fumbled against my ribs, every now and then digging in her fingernails, accompanied by twitches of her body and little outcries whenever my manipulations on her pulsing clit hit the exact right spot.

She was close to the edge. I could tell by the way her muscle contractions grew stronger and more frequent by the second and how she had started panting out indiscernible words and sounds.

I clenched my teeth onto her protruding left collar bone and shifted slightly, pushing my index and middle finger deep inside of her, earning a loud yell followed by even faster breaths and moans.

Her hips were now almost constantly lifted of the bed to give us more friction – only falling back onto the mattress every few seconds when her legs and back got too weak to hold her up – and she humped into my hand, making it slam against her.

I fought the urge to look up into her face, knowing from experience that her ecstatic, vulnerable expression would make my heart clench uncomfortably, and bit down harder instead.

It didn't seem like she even registered my teeth digging into her flesh however, as her left hand flew from my naked ribs and onto the mattress powerfully to give her something more stable to hold on to then my rocking body, and her right hand tugged on my hair sharply.

Her moans so close to my ear made me close my eyes and I gave it my all as I fastened my pace even more, easily pumping in and out of her wet sex and all the while keeping my thumb on her clit, circling it frantically.

I knew the exact moment it happened. The exact moment her orgasm hit her. And it hit her hard.

She screamed out a loud, strangled cry and her back arched up at the same time as her head was thrown back into the pillow, building a beautiful arc from the top of her head to her hips which were pushing into the mattress hard.

My teeth had slipped from her collar bone at the intense convulsion, allowing me to gasp in a few deep, high pitched breaths as she clamped down on my fingers strongly.

I felt her hot inner walls pulsate around them in orgasmic pleasure and heard her heart hammer almost frighteningly fast, amplified by the absence of the previous heavy breathing as her lungs and throat were frozen in the high.

Finally she gasped in a much needed breath and her body slumped back down onto the mattress, powerless.

Her sex unclenched a bit and I slowly slid my wet fingers out of her, giving her a few aftershocks as they grazed against her over-sensitive bundle of nerves.

I wiped them on the sheets next to her hips as I lifted myself slightly off of her in order to lie down next to her.

Both of us were panting as we came down and I stared at the ceiling, already fearing the after-sex hollowness I knew would come crawling up my body any second now.

And as if on command my stomach started tingling and my heart's frantic beats echoed with pain as my eyebrows twitched at the bridge of my nose and a lump appeared in my throat.

I hated this part. It was the part where my mind ran over every second of the act, not in joyous memory, but in overanalyzing, terrifying paranoia.

Had I really done it again? Slept with my best friend? A girl? Had I really put my fingers inside her to pleasure her? Made her scream my name? Made Brittany scream my name? Innocent Brittany?

The lump in my throat hardened and it was painful to swallow.

Why? Why couldn't I just stop?

I felt dirty and wrong, and despite the fact that I wasn't in the least prude or shy about sex, I felt ashamed.

I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes, willing my head to shut up and my body to just feel good for once.

It didn't work.

The mattress dipped slightly as Brittany shifted and then I felt an arm snake over my stomach, as she cuddled close to me.

She tried lifting her head onto my chest, but I quickly turned my body to face away from her.

It was a reflex, a desperate attempt to escape any reminder of what I had done. Of what we had done, but she snuggled up to my body anyway, ignoring my unspoken wall, and burying her face in my back.

Her warm breaths against my neck made me shiver and she quickly reached down with her right hand and pulled up the covers we had apparently kicked to the foot of the bed. As she did so she placed her other hand gently against my back, almost like a placeholder until the arm that was just getting the covers could curl around me again. Like she needed to be touching me in some way.

I think she could feel my inner desire to run away and had to try and make me stay somehow.

I stayed.

This time.

But as soon as I felt her breathing even out and her body relax against mine, I couldn't hold on any longer.

My façade crumbled away and my shoulders shook at the silent sobs, lonely tears ruthlessly making their way over the bridge of my nose and my cheeks to pool onto the pillow below my head.

Everything ached.

What I didn't know was why…

"Sanny?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry." I shook my head, getting rid of the last echoes of that night, and looked up from my tray.

"You okay?" Quinn eyed me curiously from across the table.

I frowned, sitting up straighter. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired."

It wasn't the most creative lie, but it wasn't completely false either. I did feel awfully drained.

"The bell just rang." Brittany informed me and from her tone I gathered that somebody had already told me.

I nodded and got up, grabbing my tray. Quinn and Brittany had gotten up as well and were now walking beside me. From the corner of my eyes I saw Quinn staer at me. "You haven't touched your food, are you sure you're okay?" she asked, raising her eyebrow. I could clearly hear something else but concern ring in her voice but didn't pay it any attention. I just watched Brittany skip to the Tray-disposal corner and shrugged. "Not that hungry."

Apparently my weird change in eating habits and my unusual taciturnity intrigued Quinn however, so when she made to speak again I stopped and turned to look at her.

"Look, I just didn't sleep very well and now I have a headache which makes this food even less appealing than it already is. Now can we please drop it and get back to class so I can get this day over with?" I snapped, much more back to my old self.

Quinn wasn't impressed though and just stared at me for another second with her left eyebrow raised before shrugging. "For now."

She walked on and I inwardly sighed as I followed her to drop off my uneaten lunch as well.

Brittany rejoined us and smiled brightly, linking her pinkie with mine as we walked off towards maths.

I faintly registered the tingling sensation her touch revived in me, but was too weary about the unwelcome flashback I had just had.

It had made my stomach churn and nausiating guilt had reared its ugly head inside my chest as I had so vividly been thrown back to that memory.

Ever since that last 'almost-something' Brittany and I had had a week ago, my mind had been bombarding me with flashbacks and guilt-ridden, confusing dreams along the lines of this flashback.

I tried to clear my head from the images of a heartbroken looking Brittany, lying behind my cold-shouldered body, that were now infiltrating my thoughts, I really tried, but only when Brittany's warm hand lightly tugged on mine, was my attention shifted onto her instead.

As I looked up into her sparkling blue eyes I was greeted by a warm smile and beaming expression. "Only one more day left!" she yayed in an excited whisper, and squeezed my pinkie.

I managed a smile in return and nodded.

She was right. Only one more day then it would finally be saturday again and I would regain my freedom.

As much as I couldn't wait not to be grounded any more though, I was also nervous about it. What would happen once Brittany and I were able to hang out all the time again?

I sighed inwardly as I walked into the choir room.

I guess I'll have to think of something. I gotta get over that stupid crush this weekend! If I don't, who knows what will happen...

Ooooh! Gettn closer!

As you probably all already figured out, the cursive indicates a flashback ;D

Spanish:

Mi amor - My love

Lo siento -I'm sorry

Si, mama -Yes, mum

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Bye, my lovelies :*