Everyone stared at Miroku, their eyes filled to the brim with a stunned sort of incredulity. The two that stared at him with the most stunned disbelief were none other than InuYasha and Kouga himself. Finally, after a few minutes of awkward silence, someone spoke.
"Are you out of your fuckin' mind? There's no way on Earth that I'll work with him!" Both Kouga and InuYasha said the exact same thing at the exact same time, pointing at each other as they glared at Miroku.
"Hate to say it, but I agree with them, Miroku," Kagome said, although she knew Miroku wouldn't understand her. "There's no way InuYasha and Kouga will work together willingly."
"I'm not saying you two have to work together," Miroku clarified, "I'm just saying that you could travel alongside us for the time being."
Kouga was opening his mouth to protest, so Kagome decided that now was the time to intercept, much as she loathed to do so. Maybe Miroku was right. Maybe they did need a translator of sorts. "You could do it for me...think of it as keeping an extra pair of eyes on me at all times...it would help me stay safe," she told him, mewing slightly as looked at Kouga, though inside she was shuddering at the mere thought of having the ōkami close to her after what he had tried back in that mountain cave.
Kouga's outraged face suddenly broke into a triumphant smirk. "Is that so? Does that mean that you've given up on inu-korro an' you're ready to be my woman?"
Kagome's tiny face broke into a snarl. "Don't push it."
Kouga shrugged. "Whatever."
He turned to Miroku. "Alright, houshi, I'll bite this once. If you want me to translate what my Kagome is saying, then I'll do it-on one condition."
'If it has anything to do with Kagome, I swear I'll scratch his fuckin' eyes out,' InuYasha growled to himself. Kagome sensed the hanyou's tension and nuzzled his chest, letting a reverberating purr run through her body, her tiny form vibrating softly as her tail wrapped around his wrist like her hand might have done if she had been human. Slowly, InuYasha relaxed, though he still eyed Kouga with a suspicious and hate-filled glare.
"What condition would that be?" Miroku asked warily.
Kouga made a scoffing noise. "You think I'm gonna tell ya? Baka houshi. When the time's right, I'll make good on it, got that?"
Miroku and Sango looked at each other, then at InuYasha, who was glaring daggers at the houshi and the ōkami, respectively. Could they trust Kouga, who hated InuYasha and wanted Kagome for his own, regardless of whether or not she loved him? Could they make a pact with him for the sole purpose of knowing what Kagome was saying? Finally, could they trust an ōkami youkai who was ultimately working for his own benefits? It was risk versus reward, but which was greater here: the risk, or the reward? It was a hard choice, and Miroku steeled himself before giving his verdict.
"All right, but know that if the...condition is something we do not agree to, I will let InuYasha do as he pleases with you," Miroku said. Sango nodded tersely.
InuYasha scowled. "Thanks for thinkin' of me, guys."
Kouga smirked. "So we've come to an agreement then." The ōkami prince leaped up, careful to use InuYasha's head as a stepping-stone as he crossed over to where the two humans were standing, the youkai at their backs. "Well, c'mon, you humans. I'm not gonna stand around all day doing nothing while Naraku still draws breath," the ōkami shouted behind him, his wolves at his heels as he moved with exaggerated slowness.
"I sincerely hope we don't come to regret this," Kagome mewed, wriggling carefully out of InuYasha's arms so that she could stand on his shoulder. "And I definitely hope that I am not the condition under which Kouga accepted Miroku-sama's offer."
"Don't worry, Kagome," InuYasha growled, one hand lifting up to cover the small cat's head. "I swear that I won't let that fuckin' ōkami come within an inch of you."
"I hope you can manage to do that," Kagome mewed back, rubbing her head against the hanyou's palm. "But, as chichi-ue once told me 'Some of the wiliest creatures in the world are kitsune, tsuchigumo...and ōkami."
The rest of the day was spent traveling in relative silence. InuYasha and Kouga were both leading the party, each obviously trying to outdo the other in speed. Kagome's claws were rooted deeply in InuYasha's haori-clad shoulder as she held on for dear life, the wind blasting through her fur as the hanyou pushed himself faster and faster, trying to catch up to Kouga's tornado with only a little success. At least he hadn't lost sight of it during the run.
Miroku, Sango, Kirara and Shippou trailed farther behind them, watching with a sort of resigned disbelief as the trail of dust and the whirlwind moved faster and faster, each of them racing to see who could run the fastest. "Why are they racing like that? Don't they know they're gonna waste their energy?" Shippou asked incredulously.
"Probably, but I think Kouga and InuYasha are trying to establish which one of them is stronger and faster than the other," Sango told him. "If two youkai, especially inu and ōkami youkai, are competing for a female's attention, they'll start showing off, you know, and try to outdo each other at every little thing. Both of them want to prove that they're the best choice for a mate."
Miroku nodded in agreement. "And this isn't even the beginning. Ever since Kouga first started chasing after Kagome-sama, they've been competing for her affections."
Shippou looked from Miroku to the barely visible hanyou and the black dot that was Kagome, clinging desperately to InuYasha's shoulder with all four sets of claws. "Do you think Kagome knows?" Shippou asked.
"Of course she knows, Shippou," Sango replied. "Why else would she get so exasperated every time they fight and insult each other? Kagome-chan is a human woman; she wants what a human woman wants, not what a female youkai wants."
Even as Sango spoke, Kagome was watching (and unwillingly participating in) InuYasha and Kouga's little race with increasing exasperation. 'This really isn't very impressive, guys,' she sighed internally, then gasped as a particularly wild leap performed by InuYasha nearly threw her off of his shoulder. "Inu, please slow down! I'm gonna fall!" she screeched, trying hard to grip his shoulders without falling out.
InuYasha glanced at her, and noticed with alarm that Kagome was barely clinging on to his shoulder, slipping a little more with each step he took. The tiny muscles of her body were clenched so tightly that she almost resembled a furry black stone. Her cat-lips were pulled back to reveal her little fangs, her ears forced back against her head as her tail whipped out behind her like a flag on a motorcycle.
InuYasha dug in his heels, reducing his speed to almost nothing in a few seconds and a lot of now drying mud. In hindsight, that was probably not the hanyou's best idea; because of his abrupt stop, Kagome was launched off of his shoulder like she had been shot from a pistol. With a loud screech, she flew into a cluster of bushes, paws waving frantically as she tried vainly to slow herself down.
"Shit!" InuYasha darted over to the bushes, heart pounding in his throat as he searched for the miko/cat who had been thrown off of his shoulder.
Kagome was lying on her back on top of one of the bigger bushes, little moans coming from her throat as her head wobbled back and forth. 'OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoh...' she moaned internally, wishing she could raise her hands to her head. 'Why is everything spinning so much?'
"Kagome! Are you all right?" InuYasha called urgently, reaching out and scooping up the cat, holding her in his arms as he eyed her with a quick, concerned glance.
"I'll be-"
A fur-clad arm chose that moment to fly down from above and deliver a sharp punch to the back of InuYasha's head. "How dare you put Kagome's life in danger, mutt!" Kouga shouted, his fist clenched as he glared blue daggers at the hanyou. "I saw what you did there."
"Oh yeah?" InuYasha growled back, placing Kagome back on his shoulder as he flexed his right hand, the joints crackling dangerously. "What did I do, then, ōkami?"
Kouga stood up straight and tall as he raised his fist and extended his index finger toward the hanyou. "You deliberately threw her off, you despicable mutt!"
InuYasha quickly went from irritated to completely pissed in the space of about four seconds. Kagome thought she could actually feel his aura; it was like a heat wave, pulsing and boiling around the hanyou's form. Angrily, he snarled, "I would never hurt Kagome on purpose! These claws," he flexed his hands, "could never hurt her, not in a thousand years. You, on the other hand, I have no problem with tearin' you apart."
"Oh yeah?" Kouga growled, punching the palm of his hand as he smirked. "You can't even catch me, puppy, an' that victory at the cave was a stroke of luck on your part. I bet if I was paying more attention to you than to my Kagome's body, you'd be crow-food."
InuYasha tensed, obviously readying himself to charge. "Yeah? Well, we'll just see who'll be crow-food!"
"No! Calm down, you two! Calm down! Don't do this!" Kagome cried, but her cry went in vain.
The ōkami prince and the inu-hanyou charged at each other, teeth bared in fierce snarls as they lifted their hands and flexed their claws, ready to tear each other to pieces. They were about to charge when-
"Hiraikotsu!" Out of the blue came the taijiya's gigantic bone boomerang, careening wildly through the air as it headed straight toward the rambunctious youkai. Both of them only just managed to leap apart before the weapon was tearing up the ground where they had been before it flew back. Sango caught the boomerang with the air of someone who had used that weapon for a long time as Kirara landed on the ground, depositing Miroku, the taijiya and Shippou onto the ground as she moved in between InuYasha and Kouga.
"Are you out of your mind?" Sango shouted, using Hiraikotsu to whack InuYasha right in between the ears. "Do you realize how much danger you'd put Kagome-chan in if you and Kouga got into a fight? I bet she was scared to death!"
"Yeah, not to mention tired of all this crap," Kagome mewed, trembling slightly as her heart slowly resumed its normal pace, although her fur probably wasn't going to lie flat for a while.
InuYasha sullenly massaged the knot in between his ears as he muttered, "Th' ōkami started it."
"Yeah? Well, I don't care who started it, I'm finishing it!" With the speed of a thunderbolt, Sango snatched Kagome off of InuYasha's shoulder and deposited her on Kirara's head. "I'll be taking care of Kagome-chan until you can learn to mature, InuYasha."
InuYasha leaped at them, fangs bared as he growled, "Hey-who the fuck died and made you emperor? An' who says you can take Kagome away from me, huh? Hey, I'm talkin' to ya!" Sango just glared at the hanyou, one hand straying to the handle of her Hiraikotsu.
"InuYasha," Miroku called down, his amethyst eyes sparkling with amusement, "I'd suggest a quick and painless surrender. Take it from me, Sango will not forgive you unless you are the one to back down."
"As if! I'll never surrender!" InuYasha shouted back.
"Suit yourself," Miroku sighed.
"Let's go, Kirara," Sango ordered. "Do you have a firm hold on Kirara, Kagome?" Kagome mewed her assent, curling up in between Kirara's black ears. "Then let's go!" Without further ado, Kirara leaped into the air, soaring high up into the sky as she carried the houshi, taijiya, kitsune and miko/cat upwards.
"Hey-shit-stoppit! Cut it out right now, ya stupid, fuckin'..." InuYasha's words ran out as he stared angrily at the rapidly shrinking dot that was his friends and Kagome. Then he turned around and glared at Kouga, who was also watching the neko with a rather bemused expression on his face. "This is all your fault, you fuckin' ōkami," InuYasha spat, his golden eyes narrowing as he glared daggers at Kouga.
"Sure, sure. Put your muzzle back on, puppy, or you'll get left behind by your human pets," Kouga snapped back, turning tail and running in the direction that Kirara had gone.
"Shit, stop leaving me behind!" InuYasha jumped forth, fangs bared in an irritated scowl. "Dammit, I knew it wasn't a good idea to ask that damn ōkami for help!"
Three long hours later, Kouga and InuYasha were sitting on opposite sides of the chosen campsite, their faces set in identical scowls as they kept their backs to each other. This was the only solution that Miroku, Sango and Kagome could think of to keep the peace in between the two youkai. Since they had begun traveling together, tensions between them had been like a powder keg; only a small spark was needed to set the whole thing ablaze. The first incident was, of course, the scene in the forest. Shortly after the group had set up camp, they had fought over who was going to look after Kagome, then who was going to get the bigger fish. Both of them were now sporting nasty scratches and bruises all over their bodies, as well as some bite-marks here and there.
"It's like looking after a couple of three-year olds," Sango sighed as she poked the fire with a stick. "Those two always have to fight over every single thing."
"Like you said, they're just trying to be impressive," Miroku replied. "It's no different than watching two inu or ōkami youkai fight in order to win a mate's approval."
Kouga overheard their conversation, and shouted loudly enough to catch InuYasha's attention as he yelled, "Damn right I'm trying to win Kagome's affections! If I can prove that I'm stronger, faster (and to be perfectly honest, damn sexier) than inu-korro, then Kagome will be mine!"
InuYasha growled, ears flattening as he yelled back, "In your dreams, you fuckin' ōkami! There ain't no way in Hell Kagome would ever want a stupid wolf like you!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
Kouga turned around, his blue eyes narrowed as he growled, "You're pretty mouthy today, puppy. Why don't ya come over here and say that?"
InuYasha also turned around, one fist clenched as he growled back, "Oh yeah? D'you really want a rematch, wolf-breath?"
"Bring it, inu-korro!" The ōkami leaped over the fire and the startled humans, hitting the hanyou dead on as for the fourth time that day they started grappling.
"InuYasha! Kouga! Please stop fighting!" Kagome cried, her black tail writhing anxiously behind her as she darted toward the fighting pair, mewing anxiously as she jumped around the snarling pair. 'They might kill each other if they don't stop!' Kagome thought, fear overriding rationality as she started yowling at the grappling canines, trying to get them to stop fighting.
Miroku looked at Sango, his amethyst eyes grave. "My dear Sango, I do believe that this could be a rather large mistake on my part," he sighed.
A/N: This is the chapter where my misspent youth of watching nature programs comes into play...^^
tsuchigumo-spider-like demon