AN: I think an apology for the wait is in the AN of most chapters in this story. I can't believe how long I've been working on it. For those of you who have been patient and read each chapter, Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.

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Hope Comes From Within
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Chapter Twenty-One: A New Dilemma

Summer
476
New Hope
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"Tobe?" Kel called from her workroom. In the weeks since her return to New Hope, Kel had spent most of her time outside, helping to plant fields and repair damaged buildings. Intending to spare Kel some worry, Tobe had understated the damage in his letter. Everyone had to pitch in to help fix up the fief. Unfortunately, New Hope's small stores of money were quickly being depleted by this effort. It gave Kel a headache, trying to read Tobe's small, neat print as she went over the accounts. She was hoping the footsteps she'd heard in the hallway belonged to him, so that he could explain some of it to her.

Instead of Tobe, Loesia poked her head through the doorway. "He's out drilling with the soldiers," she said. In one arm she balanced a basket of laundry. Her youngest baby was settled on her hip, and another grasped her skirts.

"Motherhood becomes you," Kel told her as the girl tugged at her skirts again, whining to be held. Loey blushed.

"I love it," she admitted as her daughter began to wail. Kel rounded her desk and picked up the little girl. She quieted when she received the attention of "Auntie Kel."

Kel's heartbeat quickened. She still had the mothering skills that she'd acquired when Domi was a baby.

Loey placed her daughter into the laundry basket, then continued on her way. She hadn't noticed the odd way that Kel looked at her daughter. Kel had been flooded with feelings of motherly love.

Lately, Kel had begun to suspect that her liaison with Neal had left her pregnant. Her feelings on the subject were mixed. On one hand, she had always wanted to have a second child, but was this the way to do it? And how would Neal feel about it? He already had six sons of his own.

After Loey and the children were gone, Kel went into the privy and checked her loincloth. It was clean. She should have been having her monthly bleeding, but she wasn't. That was all the confirmation Kel needed. She was having another baby.

Kel realized that she wanted the baby very badly, but still worried that Neal would not feel the same. That was once subject she hadn't encountered in her previous pregnancy- telling the father.

A letter seemed too impersonal, and a mage message was too public. She knew she wanted to tell Neal in person. He had promised that he'd visit with the boys. Kel was able to write a calm, collected letter asking him to come sooner.

…..

Two months passed. Kel's belly stiffened and began to grow, but even she couldn't tell unless she was bathing. With loose tunics and coats, no one else knew either. She wanted to get Neal's reaction before anyone else's.

So far, Kel had managed not to throw up in front of anyone. Her morning sickness was usually at its worst very early in the day. She covered this by taking her breakfasts in her office, where she also worked on New Hope's accounts.

This time, however, was different. Kel was helping to rebuild a part of the fief's outer wall that had been destroyed in a bad storm. She was outside of New Hope's gates and close to the woods when she felt the familiar nausea in the pit of her stomach.

Kel glanced around. No one was looking at her. She turned and edged into the forest, going far enough in so that she would not be heard heaving. A spring bubbled and flowed near the spot where Kel was sick. After she pushed some dirt over her vomit, Kel splashed some of the cool water on her face.

As she dried off with a sleeve, Kel was startled by a voice that was quite familiar.

"Mama, are you alright?"

"Domi!" Kel croaked, jumping up. Her son stood on the other side of the spring, bow in hand. Kel had forgotten that Domi was spending that afternoon hunting. She ran her hand through her hair, sighing.

"What's wrong?" Domi asked.

"I'm not feeling too good," Kel said vaguely. Domi looked at her curiously. Kel felt her stomach roll again. This time when she threw up, Domi rubbed her back, just as she'd done for him many times before.

"Do you have a stomach bug?" he asked when she was done.

"No," Kel said hoarsely. "I think what I have is a little more permanent than a bug."

Domi thought for a very brief second, then gasped.

"You're pregnant? You?" he exclaimed. Then his face twisted in confusion. "Who's the father?"

Kel couldn't help but feel that she and her son had switched roles. She certainly felt like a child being scolded, though Domi's voice was filled with a sort of kind surprise.

"It's going to shock you," Kel said softly.

"I still want to know," Domi said matter-of-factly. "I have to make sure that he takes care of you."

"He will. I'll make sure of it. It's Neal." Kel saw no point in any further hedging. Domi would not drop the topic until she told him the truth, and she wasn't going to try to hide it from anyone.

"Uncle Neal?" Domi said. He let out an impressed whistle. "Does he know yet?"

"I only just realized it myself. It was, I mean- well, we have grown close over the past few years, and starting our relationship just felt right. We didn't mean get to pregnant. Not yet anyways," Kel babbled.

"This is amazing," the lad said, sinking down on a moss-covered stump. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen a healer yet," Kel said.

"Now Mama, is that anyway to take care of yourself?" Domi scolded. Kel smiled weakly.

"How do you really feel about all of this, Domi?" she asked. He gave an easy-going grin.

"As long as you're happy, I think it's wonderful. I can't wait to spoil the new baby, and teach it how to be naughty. I've always wanted to be a big brother." Kel's eyes welled up with tears. Domi's eyes widened. "Are you okay?" Kel cursed softly.

"I'm fine. Women tend to go a little crazy when they're with child. It will pass," she promised. Domi hugged her again.

"If you need anything, I'm here Mama," he said, hugging her again. Kel cried for a moment, then turned her back to throw up again.

…..

That night, Kel went to bed so early that it was still light out. Instead of sleeping, she read, savoring the quiet of the evening and the novelty of not having morning sickness. It wasn't until well after midnight that someone tapped softly on the door.

"Come in," Kel called, setting aside her book. A tall, green-eyed man entered the room. "Neal," she whispered. Neal grinned as he closed the door, then crawled onto the bed beside her. Kel let him have a kiss.

"I missed you," Neal said. Kel held him an arm's length away.

"You were supposed to come much sooner," she said sternly.

"Little Baird had scarlet fever; gave us all quite a scare," Neal drawled. "But he's alright now, and I'm here. And I missed you."

"I missed you too," Kel said, slipping her arms around his neck. Neal pulled her close, and as he did his hand passed over her stomach. Kel watched him flinch; he'd noticed her bump.

"Kel?" he asked softly.

"I wanted to tell you in person, Neal," she began. "I'm pregnant."

"What?" Neal asked blankly. "I mean- how?"

"I think you were there, Neal," Kel said dryly.

"You know what I meant," he snapped, sitting up sharply. Until that moment, Kel hadn't been truly afraid that he wouldn't want the baby. Warily, she put a hand on his shoulder. Neal didn't move.

"Neal?" she whispered. "Are you upset?" He slowly turned.

"No. I'm sorry, Kel. I don't mean to act like a jerk. I just need a minute to bend my mind around this."

"It's huge, huh?" Kel asked, placing a hand on her belly. Neal put his hand beside hers, letting his magic flow into her body. Their eyes met above the green glow.

Neal took her other hand in his.

"Do you want this baby?" he questioned. Kel felt tears beginning to build up.

"Yes," she said with a nod. Then she gave him a tiny smile. "We're going to have a baby. And I don't want just the baby, but I want us to be a family, and to be happy together. It really means a lot to me, Neal."

"I think it will to me, too," he said slowly. His eyes fell back to Kel's middle. "It's a perfectly healthy little thing."

"Can your Gift tell us if it's a boy or a girl?" Kel gently asked. A hint of a smile touched Neal's lips as he concentrated on his magic.

"It's a girl," he said at last. Kel's joyful tears fell freely now. Neal leaned in and kissed her soundly. When he was finished he used the side of his thumb to wipe away her tears.

"This is going to be hard, but we'll be okay. I promise," he said. A moment later he chuckled. "What do think our sons will say?" Kel's smiled widened.

"I accidentally told Domi this morning, when he found throwing up," she admitted. "From what he said, I think our poor little girl is going to have a lot of very overprotective brothers."

"Good. No man will ever mess with her," Neal said. Kel sat up suddenly. "What is it?"

"I just remembered something," Kel said. "When we were riding to Steadfast for Lord Raoul's wedding- the childseer told me that you would have a daughter one day."

"She did? I wonder if she knew you would be the mother?"

"I don't know. The idea never crossed my mind until this," Kel stated, motioning to her belly. "There's more. Irnai said that your daughter- our daughter- would be a lady knight."

"I don't think so," Neal said. "Not having seen first-hand what you went through to get your shield. I'd have to be crazy to allow it."

"But maybe that's why she's being born to me," Kel insisted. She found that she was amused at his protective attitude. "I can help her. And so can the boys. Oh, Neal- everything happens for a reason."

"No. My sweet little girl won't want that hard life," Neal said, dismissing the topic. He blew out the last candle, crawling into the bed. "Now come to bed. You need your rest."

After she was settled in Neal's arms, Kel placed a hand to her belly.

"Don't worry, little one," she whispered. "We have more than ten years to talk your Da around."

Neal squeaked with frustration. It was the start of an hour long tirade about all the things he had heard and seen during Kel's training. Kel slept on and off during this. It was going to be a long ten years.