Stormseeker: Balance of the Force

by Keolah

Lexen Skywalker is more than he appears to be. Images of other times and places appear in his dreams, and he can't seem to stay dead. It would have been much simpler if he only had one dark past to wonder about.

21. The Power of Regret

Chapter 21: The Power of Regret

I walk through the Valley of the Dark Lords. A chill wind whips through the barren, lifeless land. The sun glaring down overhead does little to warm this forsaken place.

The Dark Side is strong here, in a way that feels almost palpable. I glance to the sides, at the various ancient tombs, but my goal is before me. The tomb of Naga Sadow, although he's not actually interred here.

I gain entrance to the tomb and carefully make my way through. It's a twisting, treacherous labyrinth, where dark whispers constantly echo. The very stone over my head seems to press in against my mind oppressively. I avoid a pair of terentateks and make my way into the back. The Star Map...

I wake to the sound of beeping. Right, I'd set an alarm to make sure I didn't sleep too long. I turn off the alarm and take a glance at my journal. Nothing forgotten at the moment. That dream I was having was just a memory, it seems.

I head back out for the academy again. It's afternoon, but despite that, the place has a constant sense of gloom about it. How can anyone live in such a dead place?

I cross through the academy and enter into the Valley of the Dark Lords. Out in the valley, there are several archaeologists digging and carefully brushing through the dirt, searching for ancient secrets. I suppose, in order to gain prestige, I'm expected to raid these tombs for artifacts and bring them back to Uthar Wynn. I'm not sure what I would actually want Uthar to get his hands on, but I console myself with the thought that I can always take them back later after I kill him.

Well, time to get started, I suppose. I'm still tired, though. Maybe I should have slept longer. But I can't afford to waste too much time, when the other prospectives might be getting ahead. Or, knowing those idiots, getting themselves killed. Still, even if they might be turtles, I'm not going to be the complacent napping rabbit.

I approach one of the tombs, and speak to the archaeologists poking around outside. "What can you tell me about this tomb?"

"This is the tomb if Ajunta Pall. The stories say that he had a legendary sword that he was buried with. Be careful if you go inside. The ancient Sith protected their tombs with traps and guardians."

"Thanks for the warning," I say, and head inside. The place has been infested by a number of vicious beasts. Tuk'ata, I believe they're called. I pull out my lightsabers and fight my way through them to gain passage into the tomb.

I make my way into the back, and after some deliberation, I locate the legendary sword in question among three distinct blades. As I turn to leave the tomb, I come face to face with the translucent impression of a man. A Force ghost?

"Who is this?" says the ghost. "Someone come here after so long? Take what you wish. I have no more need for the wealth of this world or the implements that were once mine."

"I am Lexen Skywalker," I say, giving a small bow. "You are Ajunta Pall, I take it?"

"Yes... that was my name, wasn't it?" says Ajunta. "I was the Dark Lord of the Sith, once. But now I am merely a memory, an echo, barely even that."

"Why are you still here?" I ask.

"I don't know," Ajunta says. "I held so much anger once, so much hate. We great, proud Sith were each others' downfall. Our might was brought down not by our enemies, but by ourselves. I find I have little left but remorse."

I sigh. "That's the trouble with the Sith... the self-destructive tendancies. It never had to be that way."

"So, who are you, that has come to my resting place?" Ajunta says. "Are you of a new generation of Sith, seeking ancient relics? Or a Jedi, come to try to cleanse this dark place of its taint?"

"Neither," I reply. "I was once a Jedi, a champion of the light. I was once the Dark Lord of the Sith. But no longer. Now I've embraced both the light and the dark, and walk another path."

"I see," Ajunta says. "A difficult path you must tread, then..."

This poor man. I wonder if there isn't something I could do for him. "If you could do it all again, what would you do?" I ask.

"I don't know," Ajunta says. "It's been so long, and I've forgotten so much. But what's the point in wondering? There's no way that could ever be."

"Perhaps there is," I say. "You see, this may sound strange, but I have died many times, but I have yet to experience death."

"I do not understand," Ajunta says.

"Whenever I would die, I return to a previous point and have the chance to make different choices," I explain. "I'm not too sure on how it works, but I believe it is the work of the Force."

"Do you think... you might be able to give me another chance, then?" Ajunta says.

"Maybe," I say. "I don't know. I've never tried using this power deliberately before, never mind on someone else. But if you're willing, I'll try it."

"If there's even the smallest chance that it might work, then I will take it," Ajunta says.

"There we go... Hope," I say. "Coupled with regret, remorse... yes... The Force is fueled by emotion, and your emotions are quite strong. Well, you're pretty much nothing but emotion at this point. Let us hope that the Force is with us today, then."

I reach out my senses into the powerful impression of energy and emotion that makes up the Force ghost of Ajunta Pall. I've never done anything like this before, but I feel that I must try. No one should have to suffer like this, and telling him to just let go and become one with the Force or some other such nonsense just doesn't feel right. Not when I, of all people, seem to fail to actually reach death again and again.

I call on the Force, fueling it with the emotion of remorse. So much remorse. I feel like a blazing conduit of power. It feels very strange. Tingling. Burning. Hot and cold at the same time. It's almost enough to make me pass out from the exertion, especially as tired as I am, despite the nap.

Send him back.

Fire in my veins, ice in my blood. Blinded in light.

Send him back to the point where he can choose a different path.

Inferno in my heart, blizzard in my soul. Consumed in darkness.

And then, in a flash, it's gone. A rushing sensation, something is snatched away. The ghost of Ajunta Pall has vanished.

I collapse to my knees, panting and shuddering. I don't know if I succeeded or not. I'm not even sure what I just did. But I obviously did something.

Then, as I'm catching my breath and calming my pounding heart again, the image of Ajunta Pall's Force ghost shimmers back into view before me. But now he looks different.

"Ajunta Pall?" I say, blinking up at him.

"Yes," he replies. "It's been difficult to find you again, Lexen Skywalker."

"Did... did it work?" I ask.

"Oh, yes," Ajunta says. "Better than I had ever dreamed possible. You sent me to a very pivotal moment when I could change the course of my life forever. I did not return to the Jedi Order, however. I followed your example and took the middle path, instead. It was difficult at times, but I believe it was far more fulfilling, in the end. I am grateful. I owe everything to you."

"I'm glad that I could help," I say with a weak smile. "But all I did was give you the chance. You are the one who made the choice yourself. Your path was your own, and you've done well."

"You are generous," Ajunta says. "You downplay your own role. But I suppose that is your nature."

I chuckle softly. "How do you mean, it was hard to find me?"

"When I changed the path of my life, events did not play out as they otherwise would have," Ajunta explains. "I searched for you, and waited, but it seems that you were never born. But I grew more powerful in the time that I had on my hands, and I discovered how to traverse the boundaries of possibility, and trace my line back to where I began. You have a tangled line yourself, Lexen Skywalker. Weaving your way across time and possibility, like a spider bouncing from branch to branch as it spins its silk."

"I'm... I'm just glad that I could help," I say quietly. "I never thought to do something like that before, never realized I could even do that."

Ajunta smiles at me. "You are far more powerful than you realize at this point in time and space, Lexen Skywalker. You have a long journey ahead of you yet, and there are many things that you must discover for yourself. But we will meet again, in the future."

"Ajunta, wait-" I begin, but he's already vanished again. I sigh. "Figures." I chuckle softly.

I hope when I get to that point, that I'm not so cryptic and useless. There were many questions that I wanted to ask him. And yet, I doubt he would have been willing to tell me all of the answers, anyway. Still, I did gain some valuable information here. Most importantly, that I can do this, and that it actually worked.

I climb to my feet again, staggering for a moment and putting a hand out against a wall to steady myself. Damn, I feel like I've just run a marathon in under a minute. I really should just go get some real sleep. I might get myself killed if I try to tackle the other tombs like this. I don't know if I could even fight in this condition.

I head for the entrance to the tomb. Thankfully, I killed all the tuk'ata on the way in, and I don't seem to have missed any. Unfortunately, I'm stopped when I get to the entrance. Shaardan is standing in my way.

I straighten and put on a confident mask, trying to hide how weak I am at the moment. Damn it, I don't want to die now. I'm already apparently messing with time travel and multiple timelines, but even despite that, what I just did was difficult and draining, and I don't think I could handle doing it again anytime soon.

"Well, now," Shaardan says. "You've successfully retrieved the sword of Ajunta Pall, I take it?"

"What are you talking about?" I say.

"Don't play dumb with me," Shaardan says. "I know you have the sword. Hand it over now, and I will let you go free."

I groan softly and murmur, "Damn it."

"Yes, I can see your condition," Shaardan says. "Don't think you can fool me with your posturing. You can barely walk right now, never mind fight. I don't know what happened in there or what you had to fight, but now I've caught you in a moment of weakness. So do yourself a favor and hand it over, or I will take it from you by force."

I sigh. "Fine." I pull out one of the other swords that was in the tomb. "Look, just take it and leave me be. This isn't worth it."

"Aha! The legendary sword of Ajunta Pall!" Shaardan says, hefting the fake sword triumphantly. "Let it not be said that I'm not a man of my word. I will spare you, for now."

"You are most gracious," I murmur.

Shaardan makes his way back to the academy. I head on outside and lean my back against a stone pillar, and slide to the ground. I'm so tired, I could just take a nap right here. But I shouldn't. It's not safe here. I'll just rest for a minute to regain enough strength to walk back, and return to the Ebon Hawk. Even so, I'm struggling to stay awake here.

"Are you alright?" says one of the archaeologists, approaching me.

"Yeah, just a bit tired," I say. "I'm Lexen Skywalker. Who might you be?"

"Dak Vesser," he introduces himself. A human male. "Yeah, I suppose it's getting a bit late. Were you fighting things in the tomb there?"

I nod. "There were a bunch of tuk'ata inside. And a ghost. Oh, and an incompetent fool who wanted to take credit for someone else's effort in order to prove his own worth. But he's not going to get anywhere with that."

"I see," Dak says, chuckling. "Sounds like quite the adventure."

"So, Dak," I say. "You seem like a nice guy. How'd you wind up here?"

Dak shrugs. "I left the Jedi, and I had my eyes opened."

"Didn't agree with the Jedi, huh?" I say. "Can't say I blame you there."

"They said I was too emotional, and I was frustrated with them," Dak says. "I just wish that the woman I loved would have gone with me when I left."

"Who was she, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Her name was Juhani," Dak replies. "Beautiful, fiery, passionate... But she rejected me, telling me she didn't return my feelings, and I left, alone."

"Juhani?" I say, raising an eyebrow. "Cathar, blue lightsaber? That Juhani?"

"Yes, do you know her?" Dak asks.

"Yeah, I'm acquainted with her," I reply. "But, Dak... She's not even interested in men. She's a lesbian."

"Wait, what?" Dak says, blinking at me. "Are you serious?"

"It's true," I say.

"Damn," Dak says, then laughs after a moment. "Now I feel like a fool. No wonder! I wish I could apologize to her, now. I must have seemed like quite the impertinent ass to her."

"Well, if you really want to apologize, I could arrange that," I say with a smirk.

"You'd do that for me?" Dak says, raising an eyebrow.

"Eh, why not?" I say. "Dak, she's on my ship, docked in Dreshdae."

"Wow, that's quite the coincidence," Dak says.

"No kidding," I say. "I'm getting used to running into copious amounts of gratuitous contrived coincidences, though. Just call it the will of the Force and don't think too much on it. Otherwise it would drive me mad to think about how many coincidences I ran into on Tatooine alone."

"But, what's Juhani doing here with you?" Dak says. "I thought she was going to stay with the Jedi. Or did she turn to the Dark Side after all?"

"She did, but now she follows me, and has chosen to walk the path I walk instead," I say. "Neither Jedi nor Sith. Neither entirely light nor completely dark."

Dak frowns. "I don't understand. What are you doing here if you're not Sith?"

I shrug. "I'm as much Sith as I am Jedi. It's complicated, but I'm here for reasons of my own."

"I see," Dak says. "I should probably turn you in... but I would like to see Juhani again and mend things with her if I can."

"It's your choice," I say. "I'm well aware of the risk I take with every person I reveal anything to. If you choose that path, then I will deal with it as I can. But it need not come to that. There are always choices."

"I'm surprised that you aren't begging me not to turn you in, or threatening to kill me if I even think about it," Dak says.

"I believe in free will," I say. "Although it mainly boils down to the fact that I'm in no condition to follow through on any threats at the moment, and begging is beneath me. I have some dignity." I grin weakly at him.

"I could help you back to the academy," Dak offers.

"That'd be showing weakness in front of Sith," I say. "Although perhaps it might still work in my favor, regardless. They might underestimate me, perhaps."

"Here, can you walk?" Dak says, trying to help me to my feet.

"Yeah, I can- umph." I try to stand, and flop down like a rag doll again. "Fuck's sake."

"What in the galaxy happened to you in that tomb?" Dak wonders. "Did that ghost you mentioned do something to you?"

"More like I did something to that ghost," I say. "It's complicated."

"I'm beginning to think that everything is complicated around you," Dak says.

I laugh softly. "Oh, believe me, you don't know the half of it."

Leaning heavily on Dak, I manage to walk a little. This is embarrassing. I'm not going to make it there like this.

"Alright, I've a better idea," I say. "Would you be willing to watch over me while I sleep?"

"You would trust me to do that?" Dak says.

"Would it be any worse than my current state?" I point out. "You could already kill me as easily as blinking and I wouldn't be able to do a damned thing about it."

"Alright," Dak says. "I will watch over you and make sure no harm comes to you while you sleep."

"Thanks, Dak," I say.

We head just inside the tomb. I tuck myself away in a corner and curl up. It's uncomfortable, but I'm so tired right now that I don't care. I could fall asleep with my eyes open while standing up at the moment, provided I could even stand on my own. Dak positions himself in front of me, lightsaber held close to hand, in a spot where he can easily keep watch on anyone approaching. Feeling sufficiently secure, I close my eyes and fall asleep.

"Come on, Lexen, we've got to get out of here!" Han Solo's voice calls to me.

I race across the docking bay toward the Millennium Falcon. But then I hear the sounds of fighting to the right, and I turn to look. Obi-Wan has his blue lightsaber out, and is facing off with a man wielding a red lightsaber. A man clad in all black, with a black helmet concealing his entire face. Darth Vader!

Even from this far away, I can hear their words clearly. "If you strike me down," Obi-Wan says, "I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

And Vader strikes him down. But even as Obi-Wan dies, his body vanishes as though he were never there, robes falling empty to the floor.

"No!" I cry out, rushing toward him impulsively. But the Stormtroopers turn their attention toward me and shoot at me repeatedly. I collapse underneath a painful barrage of blaster fire.

I wake, and blink for a moment. This place is hard and uncomfortable. Where am I? Oh... right, I'm in the tomb of Ajunta Pall, where I was sleeping due to being too exhausted to walk. And there, in front of me, Dak Vesser is still standing watch.

"Dak..." I murmur softly.

"Lexen?" Dak says, glancing toward me. "You awake? You feeling any better now?"

"I think so," I say. I stand up slowly. Yeah, still a bit tired, but capable of functioning now. "At least I think I can walk without looking like I'm about to fall over, or actually doing so. How long was I out?"

"A few hours," Dak replies. "It's past nightfall now."

"Thanks for keeping watch," I say.

Dak chuckles softly. "I don't even know why I'm doing all this for you. There's just something about you... You're intriguing, to say the least. I've been thinking a lot on what you've said."

"Oh?" I say.

"This new path of yours sounds... appealing," Dak says. "I don't suppose you're looking for students?"

I grin faintly. "I'm not exactly trying to look, but I'll happily take them in anyway. I haven't really been trying, but it seems like the Force guides me to them anyway, one might say. Or vice versa."

"I'm glad for that," Dak says. "The Jedi weren't for me, but I don't really think the Sith are, either. Do you want to try to get back to the academy now, or stay here for the night?"

"It's probably safer if we stayed here for now," I say. "But I'd really rather get back to my ship."

"We'll have to be careful," Dak says. "Are you up to fighting?"

"Maybe," I say.

I consider my options. I look out into the pitch black night of Korriban. Dangerous things lurk in the darkness on this world. I'm better, but still weak. I won't be fighting at my peak if it comes to that. I don't fear for my own life at this point, but I'd hate to get Dak killed for my own recklessness.

"Let's just stay here for now," I say. "You can sleep and I'll keep watch for a bit, if you want."

"Alright," Dak says, relaxing a little. He was clearly uneasy about going out there at night.

"I'll wake you if anything happens," I say, pulling out my lightsabers and taking up a watchful position.

Dak goes to sleep. I gaze off into the impenetrable black of night. It's quiet, for the most part, but the occasional eerie sound echoing across the barren landscape sends chills up my spine. It's been a while since I've been here. I wonder if I ever really liked coming to Korriban.

The strength of the Dark Side here isn't really a comforting feeling. The Dark Side isn't a cradling mother. It's a constantly challenging father, always pushing you to be strong and giving no quarter.

The hours pass, and I meditate in silence, conserving my strength while maintaining my alertness. I turn my thoughts to the puzzle of my memory. I need to find a way to either not lose my memories constantly, or to retrieve them more easily, without having to resort to a journal to refresh them.

Why do they disappear? Perhaps for that, I should look at when they disappear. And that would be, any time I jump back to a previous point in time after dying. So could it be that whatever power in me allows me to evade death exacts a price for this boon? That might make sense, I suppose, but I don't think it's quite as simple as that.

The thought of Ajunta Pall comes to mind. As a trapped Force ghost, he exhibited forgetfulness. He couldn't remember much of his life anymore. And later, he appeared capable of travelling freely through time without penalty, so far as I know. It would seem to me that it isn't the power itself that causes it, but dying.

So perhaps if I could figure out how to utilize it more deliberately, I could avoid my mind being damaged from death. The later Ajunta Pall didn't seem to have any trouble with it at all anymore, despite being, apparently, dead. I don't really understand. Perhaps it's merely a matter of learning to maintain one's hold on oneself even when passing through the veil of death.

But what I did with Ajunta Pall gives me encouragement. It's an indication that I may be able to learn to trigger my ability intentionally, and go back to a point of my choosing. I'm not really to that point yet, though, and I'm not sure I dare experiment just now, but it's something to keep in mind. I may yet come upon a situation desperate enough that I'm willing to try it blindly.

Come to think, I only ever go back to a point that I was actually at before. Why was Ajunta Pall able to come back here? Well, that's obvious. Because he's dead. He doesn't have the restrictions of a body to contend with.

So why don't I die when I, well, die? I may have been confused about it before, but after today's events, now I can see clearly that this is because of my own power. And it triggers whenever anything would kill me, whether I will it or not. Am I merely subconsciously rejecting death? That's understandable, I suppose. I'm sure as hell not ready to die just yet.

I wouldn't think I'd want to die at all, given the choice, regardless of the circumstances. If it came down to it... I might just let the entire galaxy burn to ensure my own continued existence. I'm not that altruistic.

Maybe the Valley of the Dark Lords isn't really the best place to meditate. These are awfully Dark Side thoughts. Well, no matter. I wouldn't have thought it if I didn't mean it.

My meditations are interrupted by the sense of something approaching through the dark of night. I can't identify it, but it definitely seems malevolent. I nudge Dak with my foot to wake him up.

"Nngh," Dak says. "What's going on?"

"Shh," I whisper. "Keep your voice down. Something's out there. Coming this way."

"What is it?" Dak says, peering out of the tomb entrance. He pulls out his lightsaber and is alert in an instant. An admirable reaction.

"I don't know," I say.

Then, as it comes close, I make out a form in the darkness. Humanoid, with red skin, terrifying features... a face of evil...

"No... it can't be," I whisper. "No way..."

"What...?" Dak says. "Who is that?"

"The Sith Emperor? Here?" I murmur.

I feel naked and exposed, even hiding in this dark tomb. I can't hide from him. I can never hide from him, anywhere.

He will find me wherever I go. His mind will reach out and touch me from across the galaxy. I will never be free of him.

I clench my teeth and try to block out the thoughts, although without much success. Still, I activate my twin lightsabers and step out to stand before him. If this is how it's going to be, I'll go down fighting. I will not be forced to be a slave again.

Dak is at my side, with his own red lightsaber in hand. Our enemy does not speak, merely attacking. Blindly. Like an animal. We slash at the monster, and he swipes at us with clawed hands. He doesn't manage to get through my armored torso, but he slashes across my exposed face. Pain. Deep gouges in my cheek. Blood. Running down my face. Dripping onto the barren ground.

You will serve me. You will carry my name across the galaxy.

"I will not be a slave again," I hiss. "Never again!"

He almost seems to be ignoring Dak, who takes advantage of that fact to flank the enemy. Slashing with his lightsaber. He scores a few good hits, but it hardly seems to affect this monster.

Darkness. Crushing my will. Consuming me. I'm falling into the black hole all over again.

"No!" I scream, flailing about wildly with my lightsabers. I can't focus. I can't fight like this. I'm falling apart. I collapse onto my knees. Dropping my lightsabers. Clutching my head. My bleeding face.

Dak cuts down the creature from behind with his red lightsaber. The bleeding abruptly stops. My wound vanished in an instant when the enemy was vanquished. But I'm still shaking uncontrollably.

"Lexen, are you alright?" Dak says, stepping close to me and examining me.

The darkness will never leave my mind. It clings to me like an oily coating that won't wash off.

"I don't think I'll ever be alright again," I whisper.

"Lexen, relax," Dak says. "It wasn't real. It was a dreambeast. They take the form of whatever you most fear. It wasn't... whoever you thought you saw."

You will serve me, whether you wish to or not.

"Won't be... a slave..." I murmur. "Can't get him out of my mind... Bent me to his will... with the Dark Side... can't escape..."

"There's no one here," Dak says. "No one's going to hurt you. You're safe now."

"Nowhere is safe from him," I say.

Darkness is the natural state of the universe.

"Why don't you try and get some rest and calm down?" Dak says. "I'll keep watch. I won't let anything harm you."

Dak gathers up my forgotten lightsabers and guides me back into the spot just inside the tomb. I go along with him blindly, my mind still in a haze. Still lost in darkness.

The light is an aberration.

"Don't leave me alone in the dark..." I whisper.

"Don't worry," Dak says. "I won't. I promise."

Darkness consumes me...