Ethan had a plan. He only Lily would agree to it.
"I've been thinking," he began nervously.
"Always dangerous. Should I take cover now, or later?" she joked. He raised his eyebrows and adjusted his glasses. He'd never been in this situation before and didn't have any idea how it would pan out. He was only sure of one thing: he was doing the right thing.
"Not yet, hear me out first. It's not long now until you can go home. And I know your flat is beautiful, like you, and you love it, but it's on the first floor."
"Don't remind me. It would be okay if the lift ever worked, and if the doors weren't so narrow," she said wistfully.
"Oh come off it Lily. As things stand you can't look after yourself right now, and what's more I think you know that too."
Lily sighed. Everything he had said was true, but there were no real solutions, not that she could see, anyway. Ethan tapped his fingertips on his leg, controlling his breathing.
"Move in with me," he said quickly.
"What?" Lily said in disbelief. "Are you sure?"
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
"Ethan, I don't think you understand quite what that would entail. I honestly can't do anything for myself at the moment and I don't want all of that burden on you. You deserve so much more than this."
"I promise you, with all of my heart, if I didn't know what I was letting myself in for I never would have offered. I really, really love you Lily, and it would be an honour to take care of you, for as long as you need me." He kissed her and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. She put a hand on the back of his neck, stroking the back of his hair.
"If it's truly what you want, then my answer is an unequivocal yes. Thank you doesn't even brush the surface."
He pushed her wheelchair out to the Peace Garden that afternoon. The sound of birdsong overlapped in stark contrast to the echoes of ambulance sirens from the front of the hospital. They didn't have to speak to appreciate each other's company. Lily intertwined her fingers in Ethan's and closed her eyes, blissfully aware of a slight breeze and the scent of freshly mown grass mingling with petrol fumes. Road noise used to drive Ethan mad, but he would rather be deafened with it forever and sit beside Lily, than never hear it again and have to live without her. His pager buzzed and he groaned.
"Damn. Do you need me to push you back?"
"No, just help me back into the chair and I'll be fine."
"But -"
"But nothing," Lily said. "You need to go and it can't be that hard to wheel myself." She squealed and laughed as he lifted her up into the air from the bench, having expected him to help her hop over to the chair. She kissed the side of his neck as he set her down.
In truth, Lily was just eager to prove to herself that she could do something alone, without help. Of course she was grateful to everyone for their help, but she really wanted to be independent for a little while. After a few minutes she regretted her decision. Wheeling herself through the gravel paths of the Peace Garden was exhausting, and she really hadn't anticipated, or ever noticed, how steep the ramp to the door was. She battled halfway up, then without thinking, she took her hands off the wheels for less than a second to brush her hair behind her ears. She rolled backwards down the ramp and hit the wall at the bottom. Tears spilled down her face. She felt so useless, so pathetic. Her head in her hands, she didn't see Charlie approaching. His fatherly hand on her back made her jump and look up with a start.
"It's okay, I didn't mean to scare you," he said gently. "Let's go back inside, yeah?" Lily nodded, gratefully accepting the tissue he held out for her. Charlie pushed the wheelchair smoothly through the hospital, calmly dismissing people who tried to crowd around and ask if Lily was okay.
"She's fine," he said firmly to each of them.
Back in the safety of the room, with the door closed, Lily cried herself out and eventually calmed down.
"I feel so useless," she said simply.
"You won't be like this forever, I'm sure of it Lily."
"And what if I am? I hate being dependent on everybody, and I know they care but I hate knowing everyone is so worried about me all the time." There was a pause. Then Charlie spoke, in the tone Lily recognised from the way he spoke to concerned relatives, the ones who had no hope left.
"You know how I know you won't be like this forever?" Charlie said. "Because you hid appendicitis from us for weeks! Do you have any idea how long people usually hold out with that? About three days, maximum. No-one with that much determination, and utter stubbornness at times, would ever accept this as the way things will always be. You've got to be one of the strongest people in this hospital." Lily blushed scarlet. Deciding what to say next, Charlie helped Lily back into bed. "What I really can't understand though, is how you could end up so shy. When you arrived here you were so outgoing, and even now you waltz effortlessly into cubicles with six foot hooded teenage yobs! Why couldn't you tell any of us that there was something wrong?"
"I don't know," Lily said honestly.
It wasn't as if she'd ever been afraid of any of her colleagues (Connie definitely didn't count here.) None of them had ever given her a reason to be shy of them: not once had she received the reactions she'd imagined. They would never laugh in her face or try to make her feel small. With the exception of Dylan their response wouldn't be riddled with sarcasm, but even he probably didn't mean it anymore. And yet there was still something that had stopped her reaching out to any of them. An invisible barrier holding in her words, keeping her lips tightly shut and stopping the words on the journey from her brain to her mouth.
"You look shattered, make sure you get some rest," Charlie said. He checked his watch and his jaw dropped. "Rita will have my guts for dog food, I'm so late! I'll see you soon Lily."