I groan as the alarm on my phone buzzes. For a few seconds, I feel disorientated, not remembering where I am. The room is clearly not mine. And then all comes to my mind again. The premiere, the after party, Paris. I'm in my hotel room and I know I'm going to have one of the biggest hangover ever. I immediately blame myself for the number of drinks I had last night or rather until early this morning.
It seems there's nobody in my bed this morning. I don't know if I came back to my room this morning alone or not, because I don't remember a goddamn thing about what happened yesterday when I started heavily drinking. I remembered we left the after party with Helen and our movie team in the middle of the night to pub-crawl. But after that? I remember nothing.
The only thing I remember in a vivid way is my encounter with Clary. At first, I was submerged with anger to see her there. We agreed it was a one-time thing and here she was. The first thought coming to my mind at the moment was that she was exactly like Kaelie. Clingy, annoying, childish fangirl. I was furious against her. But I was furious against myself as well. Because the second I saw her, I wanted her. I wanted to tear off that gorgeous black dress she was wearing and leave her only in these killer shoes she had. I wanted to have my way with her right here, right now.
When I decided to follow her in the bathroom, I wanted to confront her, and remind her what we agreed to. There was no way I would break my rules for her. And yet, I did break those fucking rules. The moment she snapped at me, telling me she didn't want to be there and see me, that she was aware it was a one-time thing, aroused me and hurt me at the same time. Even if I told her we wouldn't see each other again, I can't stand hearing her that. I had to show her what she was missing. And at the same time, the vulnerability she showed made me want to take her in my arms and keep her safe.
It's been months since I haven't had so many feelings running in my head, especially during my encounters with girls. It's usually pure sex, no emotions except for the physical feelings one can have during these moments. In a few seconds, she can make me angry and horny, protective and cocky. With her, both my bad and my good sides appear at the same time; my good side which has been lost since Aline broke me. In a perfect world, I know I could have fallen for Clary. In a perfect world, she would be my age, living in London, in my world, and free. And I would be open to another relationship. But it's not a perfect world. She is older than me, married, living too far away and I won't break my rules for anyone. Ever.
I yawn and grab my phone on the bedside table, getting up. My breakfast is already waiting for me in the suite, as well as my publicist, Hodge.
"Goddamn Hodge! Why are you already here? It's too early. Leave me alone," I moan, sitting at the table.
He laughs. "Morning to you too, Jace. You have a busy morning and I'm here to make sure you'll be ready on time, especially considering the late hour you came back to your room and your drunken condition."
"Great, that's what you're paid for. Now leave me eat in peace. Please," I answer, taking my throbbing head into my hands.
He throws a bottle of painkillers on the table. "You have one hour to get ready Wayland. In one hour, you're in front of your hotel, dressed, in your best mood and ready to go to the three interviews you have to do this morning. I should have send Helen to wake you up, maybe she could have put you in a better mood."
I chuckle. "Seriously?"
He points his finger at me in a menacing way. "Remember what we've talked about, Jace. Don't make me regret this."
I sigh. "No worries. You've been very clear about this."
xxxxxxxxxx
The lights in the room are too bright for my eyes and even with my sunglasses on, the headache I have is more painful as time flies. Luckily, we have already done two interviews and there's just one last one to go. After that, I'm just going to crawl back into bed and sleep.
"Are you okay, Hun?"
I look at Helen, who has just taken her place back next to me. It's been only a day since I kissed her and she's already given me pet names.
"I'm fine, thanks Helen. I just have a massive headache. Too many drinks last night, I guess."
She laughs, putting her manicured hand on my arm. "I know how you must be feeling considering that last night, you nearly passed out as soon as you touched your bed. I was hoping you would wake up at some point but you were snoring so loudly I went back to my room"
Okay, we haven't slept together last night. Good to know. I'd regret not remembering that.
The journalist sits in front of us and shakes our hands. A good looking man in his forties. That's good news, because maybe, for once, I won't have questions about my personal life. Every time the journalist is a woman, I have a question about whom I am currently dating or worse, about my break up with Aline. As we are two public persons, it made the headlines as soon as the word spread.
"Jace, Helen. Thanks for your time. It's going to be a quick one as I know you are in Paris just for two days and I don't want to deprive you of your quality time in our beautiful city. I wanted you to know that I absolutely loved your new movie. Can you tell me how you were approached for this part and what you felt during the filming?"
That is Helen's job. She loves doing this, telling the story behind the movie and other funny details. I look discreetly at my watch. It's nearly noon. I will have plenty of time to visit Paris until we come back to England tomorrow. Not the touristy things but art museums; I find in paintings something I didn't find in cinema or music. And while the rest of the cast will probably climb the Eiffel Tower, I will be at the musée d'Orsay.
"And sometimes, well you know, through working with someone, you get closer to him..."
Helen's linking her fingers with mine makes me come back to the conversation. I mentally facepalm myself. If I knew she would be so clingy, I wouldn't have kissed her yesterday. But I guess you can't say about your rules to the famous Helen Blackthorn, can you?
The journalist chuckles. "Well, we know you are a secretive man Jace, but we haven't expected that yesterday evening. You clearly exceeded press's expectations."
"You know, I can be full of surprises," I laugh, squeezing Helen's hand in mine. As much as I like that long lost skin contact, it doesn't feel right.
"Speaking of surprises, I heard you did a concert in London last month with your band. Is it a serious new occupation? Or is it just a way to relieve the stress from acting?"
As soon as he finishes his question, I know that he has just become my most favorite journalist of all time. It's the first time someone asked me something my music. And it makes me excited at once.
"Ah God… bless you and your awesome question. No, it's not just a means to relieve the stress from acting. It's serious and we've been approached by a producer to record an album very soon. I love acting, but I love singing and playing music too and I can't be complete if I don't have both sides in my life. So basically, what I'm doing now is trying to be on both sides at the same time but I know that in a near future I'm going to concentrate a bit more on music, while doing the album."
I glance towards Hodge, behind the journalist. If he could kill me right now, he would do it. His face is white with anger and his fists clenched. I know he's not happy about all of that. I'm his golden boy. If I withdraw from the movie industry for a bit, I won't need him anymore. And it might be for the best. Although he is one of the best publicists in London, his behavior begins to profoundly irritate me and I don't like the way he talks to me. Whereas his ideas were rather good for my carrier at the beginning, they tend to be dangerous and even ridiculous nowadays. Especially the last one.
"Great news Jace, good luck for this! You can be sure I will be the first to buy and listen to that album."
"Thank you so much, you won't be disappointed I promise... but my publicist is telling me that the interview is over," I reply, looking at Hodge coming closer to us.
We shake hands and noticing Hodge's angry face, the man quickly gets out.
"Really Jace? Are you fucking kidding me? You could have even told him you're quitting the industry right now. IT WILL BE IN THE PAPERS TOMORROW MORNING for fuck's sake! What happens to you, are you crazy or stupid?" He yells at me.
This reaction is what I've expected from him. But what I wasn't expecting was to feel him grab my arm and violently shake it.
"Hodge, Let me go."
"You are throwing your career away, boy, trust me."
I deeply breathe. "Let go of my arm. Hodge. And don't call me boy."
He laughs, releasing me. "What do you want me to call you? You're a kid, a boy. You don't know how to behave like an adult. You aren't capable of thinking; you just act how it pleases you. Your life? If I wasn't here, you would be on front page of tabloids. Your music? It won't work. People want to see you on a screen, not on a stage. You being good as an actor doesn't mean you're good as a musician. Play with your friends in a basement or a pub if you want but as long as I'm in charge of you, you won't throw everything for music!»
"Keep on speaking to me like that and you won't be in charge of me anymore. Never. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to have a smoke. Or drink. But anything to avoid seeing your fucking face..."
Luckily, the room we're in has a balcony. I open the window and get out, immediately lightning a cigarette. All this is going too far, I think, rubbing my face. His way of handling my contracts and my career doesn't suit me anymore because he wants me to be someone else. He can't understand I need music in my life to feel complete because he feels threatened of losing his easy money. And he has begun to interfere a bit too much in my private life. His last idea? Pure bullshit. And yet, I agree.
The window behind me opens with a crack. I knew who it was as soon as I smelled her perfume. She comes closer to me and puts her hand on my shoulder.
"What do you want, Helen? I'm not in the mood for talking."
"I just want to see if you are alright. It was pretty intense back there. Hodge isn't allowed to speak to you like that... even if I agree with him."
I shrug her hand that is still on my shoulder and face her.
"What? You do think my music is shit? That it won't be a success? Well, thanks for the support, Princess," I snap. I know she doesn't like this nickname press gave her a long time ago.
"Hey, you don't have to talk to me with this tone. I'm not your enemy Jace, I'm not against you. I don't think your music isn't good. I only agree with Hodge when he says it will make the headlines tomorrow. Don't be on the defensive."
Tossing my cigarette away, I sigh.
"Sorry Helen... I'm a bit tired and nervous and maybe slightly still hungover."
"I know babe, it will get better once we're back in London."
I cringe at her choice of pet name. At least with Clary, I don't get that sort of thing. Clary, Clary, what could she be possibly doing today? Maybe if I text her... I mentally slap me. Rules. Never seeing her again. But on the other hand, yesterday was so good. It was a thing to have her on many countertops but I know it would be explosive to have her under me in a bed. Or on top of me. I chuckle. Dammit Wayland, stop your musings. It won't be reasonable to call and see her again. But who says I'm reasonable?
I swear it's like I have two voices in my head. One that commands me to follow my rules, not call her, not see her. But the other one, which is more and more present, which urges me to call her and make her my friend with benefits. But who would agree to this? Not someone with all her senses. Especially when she has a lot to lose. Except if... I shake my head, chasing this idea from my mind.
"Should we go back to our hotel and spend time in your room? Or do you want to go for shopping?"
I look at Helen. She doesn't know me. Because she should have known that I loathe shopping. And that all I want to do when I'm in such a beautiful city is just getting lost in art.
"Don't take offense but I need time alone. I will see you tonight," I reply while kissing her on the forehead. It's the gesture she has been waiting for to know it is safe to approach me. Because as soon as my lips leave her skin, she grabs my neck and crushes her mouth on mine. I'm surprised at first by her boldness. Yesterday evening, she seemed almost shy under my kisses and let me lead the way. But now, she invades me as soon as she touches me. And while her kiss is pleasant, it feels so wrong. The dance our tongues are doing is awkward and nothing close to the perfection of Clary and mine. Peppering light kisses on her mouth, I untie her arms from my shoulders and gently push her back.
"See you tonight, Helen. I'll let you know when I'm at the hotel. Maybe you could come to my room later, okay?"
The sparkles in her eyes tell me she has understood what that means. She is like a little girl before Christmas, waiting for her big present to get unwrapped. I can't help the smirk appearing on my face. She won't be disappointed.