A/N: To all of my readers... if there are any left- I'm sorry about dropping off the map there, hopefully I can get back to my update a week now. To everyone who reviewed, thankyou, the encouragement is always helpfully. Also to anyone still reading, I'm sorry if this is a little flat, it's given me so much trouble and since I'm mostly happy with it, I'm going to post this and move on, before I start another 2 week re-write. Also to everyone reading Be My... another chapter shoulder be up in a day or so.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Go Your Way In Safety
I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer.
Collette
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs- looked over the folder bound transfer papers in his hand and considered truly how stupid he was.
Maybe its own fault- they're his rules, his rule 12- and typically he follows them to the letter. He didn't see it coming with Tony though. Isn't sure he would've seen that coming even if he had a type in men, because he's pretty damn sure that the guys he'd be interested in wouldn't be anything like DiNozzo.
Ironically- Kate- Kate he'd considered a risk, a possibility. She's almost exactly his type and even without the red hair, he could picture himself slipping up there. So her- he's been careful to keep at arms length.
He can't even pass it off as a stupid accident, some of it, yeah; their first botched kiss, that was a big accident. Or a stupid mistake or… it doesn't even matter anymore what it is or how the hell it happened. He wants it- or had wanted it. Which was so incredibly stupid and it's bitten him in the arse already.
…Idiot…
-.-.-
"Hey Kate."
"Tony it's too early- I don't wanna know- not even her name." Kate said, head going back to resting in her palm, elbow on her desk, after giving him a brief glance.
"You're usually more of a morning person Kate and there's no name today- I'm just happy." He said, dropping the bad from his shoulder.
"Not today Tony and if there's no name then why do you look like you spent all night in a brothel?" Her voice was flat, tired.
"I didn't say I didn't- have a nice time last night- we went our separate ways and I am smiling because I got- some self realisation out of the experience… not another name and number for my cell." He really has, almost feels a little stupid about it- since it was just sex. It didn't kill him- didn't change who he is in any way- which sounds so over-dramatic even to him, but it is what it is- it was what he'd expected. That it didn't is just about the weirdest thing on the planet for him right now- the second being that it did change everything at the same time.
Despite how hard it is to get his head around that concept though, all and all it feels like a weight off his chest.
Tony leant down and pulled his bag back up from behind his desk remembering the fresh sets of clothes he'd brought in… he'd lost some of his favourite outfits to this job…
"Where are you doing?" Kate asks, finally dragging herself from her desk.
"Extra clothes." He explains, dumping them on top of a few sets inside the filing cabinet that don't actually belong to him, probably Gibbs- maybe McGee, since the Probie had been making himself at home ever since he'd been hired full-time.
"Tony if you'd taken to moonlighting as a model you'd tell me right." In all likelihood, she was referring to the bright blue shirt in the stack, or maybe the red silk tie.
"You work as a federal agent, last week Gibbs made us crawl through a sewer drain." She said, perking up a little bit.
"It's the same principal as smiling Kate, never frown because you never know who might be falling in love with your smile- or something like that, I don't know I forget." He said, digging a set of gym clothes out of the bottom of his bag.
"It was- something my grandmother use to say I never really got it either." He added, when he turned to find Kate staring at him with her arms crossed that familiar frown in place.
"So a few overpriced shirts have come to unfortunate ends due to me working here, my clothes still work for me Kate- you get pissed off- you pull out your sketchbook- I pull on a fresh shirt, it's how I deal, feel free to make fun of that if you want."
"I would never date a guy who fell in love with something as superficial as my smile… or my clothes." She said, rumpling her nose- heading back to her desk.
"No neither would I." Tony mumbled absently after giving it a seconds thought while he closed the filing cabinet.
"Did you just say you'd date a guy… just so long as he was interested in something besides your clothes and smile?" She's teasing, has that tone of voice.
"It's too early Kate." He waves her off- heads for the lift, gym clothes in hand, hopes to dump them in his locker and get back before Gibbs gets in- which generally he was already in by this time.
"Hey Kate-" Tony turns on his heel sharply, as an odd urge presents itself.
"You're kind of like-" Yeah probably best not to actually mention their boss, he realises at the last minute.
"What'd you actually look for in a guy?" Okay so Kate isn't actually anything like Gibbs- but he's curious and Kate is probably the best substitute he has on hand at the moment. Since he's pretty sure, asking Gibbs that would get him punched in the face.
Kate makes a doubtful sounding noise and there's that frown again- like she's been made to swallow something sour. Actually, she's probably wondering what angle he's working.
"Honesty, loyalty… a sense of humour." She struggles with the words a little and shrugs.
"I don't have a chance do I?" Because mostly he treats his dates like amusement park attractions, or so he's been told.
Kate shrugs again, struggles with words and makes a little so-so gesture with her hand.
"You have very brief moments. Then typically you open your mouth and ruin it." She answered with an almost apologetic tone.
"Oh Tony how lazy can you get." There was that distinct disgusted tone in her voice as he came back and dumped his gym clothes in the filing cabinet as well- deciding the locker room was too far at this time of morning.
"I'll take them later." He said, contemplating how unlike Kate and Gibbs actually were as he sat down behind his desk. Deciding that he didn't have the faintest clue as to whether or not that made his chances better or worse with Gibbs than they were with Kate. Before realising that, it didn't mater much either way, Gibbs was dating Abbey… or something- since the two were hardly trading spit just for laughs. They were probably a better match anyhow- which, selfishly he thought kind of sucked.
"Explain this to me." It's hardly the first time the mans crept up on him- yet it doesn't stop Tony from jumping, when Gibbs suddenly looms over his desk, tosses something down next to his computer keyboard.
Gibbs has that look on his face- that 'explain fast and make it good or else this is not going to end particularly well for you' glare that has Tony scrambling to pick up whatever the hell's been dropped onto his desk, whilst wondering frantically what he could possibly have done to piss the other off.
His first thought of course goes to Ari- but there's no way for Gibbs to know about that.
Tony's fingers closed over the- picture Gibbs had just about thrown at him and he flipped it over, looking at the coloured print. Oh.
Right there was no way for Gibbs to know unless he'd left the man alone in a room with a photo of the two of them on the counter. He'd tossed it out of his pocket with everything else and had forgotten it was even there.
Tony stared at the snapshot for a moment, finger tracing over the surface, wondering if it had actually been worth it.
"What do you… want me to say?" He asked, looking back up at Gibbs. Expects the other to shout at him, maybe even haul him across the table given how much he hates Ari.
Tony doesn't get either, doesn't get anything. Gibbs just stares at him, actually looks hurt, which is worse. Tony would actually prefer to get punched in the face.
…Idiot…
-.-.-
Amusingly- he's still actually surprised- he hadn't actually believed it, or else those damn transfer papers would be in the trash already. Wanted it to be something Abbey's put together for laughs. Wanted Tony to laugh at him- hell maybe even take a swing at him for bringing it up in the middle of NCIS- not that there are a hell of a lot of people in at this time of morning, McGee hadn't even arrived yet.
But it's not a joke- Tony's face gives him away, it's always has.
"It's not how it looks Boss." Tony says weakly when he turns his back on him.
"Well- maybe it is- now." Tony sounds genuinely confused but he's hardly in the mood to coddle him.
"You're seeing him." He catches Tony's wince as he turns on his heel, standing halfway between his and Tony's desks- can feel Kate suddenly very intently staring at the both of them. Doesn't care in the slightest, doesn't care that his voice is louder than he meant it to be, a sure sign that he's angrier than he's willing to admit to even himself.
Tony's face gives him away again.
"For how long? A week, a month, since he kidnapped you? After he broke in here?" He heads back to Tony's desk, places his hands on the tabletop
"Month or two." Tony says, frowning, as though he's not entirely sure himself.
"That's it. That's all you have to say. What the hell are you thinking Tony?" It pisses him off how flippant Tony is about it. He always has been like that, acts first, thinks later. Of course, later, when he's not so fixed on being angry, he'll realised that he's also a little pissed that the bastards managed to get so close to him so fast, when his and Tony's relationship is about thinking and rethinking- wondering if he's about to have another ex, if it'll even get that far.
"Well I'd apologise, but I think you'd smack me on the nose." Gibbs glares at him for a moment before turning away again, afraid he really might 'smack Tony on the nose' though punch is probably a better word.
"And I'm also not sorry… Boss." Ironically, he stops in pretty much the same place he did last time, only this time he can't bring himself to turn and face Tony, stands there instead with his back to him, and clenches his teeth hard enough for them to make a horrid grinding noise.
"Was he the one who fucked you last night?" Turns back and eyes the bruises on Tony's neck, can't believe what's just come out of his mouth. By the look on Tony's face he's having some trouble with it too, throws a look towards Kate who's now staring openly at them both, doesn't look like she has any plans on pretending she doing otherwise.
"Yeah he was… and I don't think my Boss would really give a fuck." Tony has that accusing tone in his voice now and his face looses its apologetic expression as he stands up.
"Don't even attempt to draw attention away from the fact that you've screwed up. Again."
"Who I see outside of work is none of your damn business. You're not my father- you don't get to inspect my damn dates."
"Is that it? Tony whatever the hell he's telling you is just to get into your pants- he's a lying bastard. He doesn't give a damn about anything but himself." His voice softens a little- the Boss that he is surfacing through the Jealous Lover that he isn't. He's been there himself- a lot, pretty face, cute arse... it was embarrassing how fast every scrap of common sense you'd ever had could go out the window.
The sympathy doesn't last long though, he doesn't have a lot as a general rule, and Tony snorts at him.
"It's not like that." He says almost casually, shrug thrown in and all- like Gibbs is making something out of nothing. Like it doesn't matter.
"I'm not-" Tony steps around the table, bringing them face to face- nothing between them and whatever it is that he's 'not' Gibbs will never know.
"What is it like then Tony? Does he leave money beside the bed after?" It's out of line, he's pretty sure it's as out of line as he can get, knows this before he says it, but just goes right ahead and spits it out anyway. Maybe he wants Tony angry enough to hit him- maybe he just wants a reason to hit him back.
"Fuck you Boss." Tony actually glares at him, first time ever, Gibbs can see the anger in his eyes, then his gaze drops, with his shoulders, and the sentence comes out in a kind of flat way. He's disappointed, Gibbs realises when Tony meets his gaze again, disappointed that he would sink low enough to say something like that to him- good, at least their both in the same boat now.
Funny thing is, is that he feels guilty about it too, isn't even sure how that works when he still angry enough to seriously consider taking a swing at Tony.
"He is beneath you Tony."
"Not last night he wasn't." It's the flippant tone that gets him- or maybe it's something else entirely and for all his actual consideration on hitting Tony, ironically he doesn't even realise he's going to slap him until he does. Has no clue why he does it right then- over some stupid dig, he'd said worse himself not seconds before.
"Jesus Tony I-" He actually almost says that thing that he doesn't ever say- unfortunately he's forgotten who he's dealing with. Gibbs vaguely notes Tony's shoulder shifting before he pulls his arm back and clocks him square across the jaw, it's so unexpected that he actually stumbles and winds up on his arse on the floor- fair enough really since he hit Tony first, though he'd hardly been aiming to hurt, which Tony so clearly was.
"What the hells wrong with you two?" Good question… Kate almost tips her chair over in her hurry to get up and around the desk, which is pointless really, since there isn't anything she can stop. It's done already and she stands at Tony side instead, at a loss. Tony's lip's split, small line of blood sliding down towards his chin. By the feel of it, his nose is bleeding as well; warm trickle above his mouth and Tony looks as shocked as he feels.
"Boss I-" Tony actually leans down to help him up.
"Get out." Gibbs has no clue what he means exactly, but Tony takes it as out of the building- doesn't even grab his bag before he leaves.
"Get back to work." He pulls himself up off the floor and snaps at Kate- for no reason in particular, she's just there. His desk and chair wind up as outlets as well… and those papers.
Stupid fucking papers.
It's almost funny.
Interdepartmental transfer papers- with his name across the top. He'd wanted it. Had wanted Tony enough to give up his team- maybe even his job. Has never misjudged something so badly before in his entire life.
It's almost funny.
Gibbs tears the folder in half across the middle before tossing it in the trash.
…So fucking stupid…
-.-.-
Tony looks at the slips of paper in the folder in his hand and wishes he'd thought about it longer.
Sits on his lounge, bare feet up on the upholstery, half-empty beer bottle in his other hand and he brings it up to his mouth and drains the dregs. Closes the folder the sets it aside before leaning back and pressing the cold glass against his eyelids, wishes Morrow hadn't caught him in the lift when he had. Then realises how stupid that is- he'd punched Gibbs in the face, he'd pretty much been fired before ever seeing Morrow anyway.
He'd punched Gibbs in the face… he was probably very lucky he still had all his body parts.
Bastard had hit him first…
Raw nerves rubbed yet again and Tony threw the bottle at the wall, sparks of anger snuffed out abruptly when he heard it shatter- realised he'd have to clean it up. Perfect end to a perfect day.
Tony pulled himself off the couch with a sigh, heading to bed, realising that really he should've been happier, hadn't he been considering a new job just a few months ago... Until Gibbs had pinned him against a wall and threatened his life for considering it- no chance of that happening this time.
Tony sighed and hauled his shirt off over his head, kicked his shorts off before sliding under the covers, took a few seconds to straighten them out enough for sleep. Since he had yet to change them, they still smelt like Ari- like sex.
Tony winced, shifting, hand digging around under the sheets as something cold brushed his back. Came up with a silver bracelet that wasn't his, thick links catching the light spilling in through the open bedroom door, bathroom light still on.
For a half second he wanted to throw it at the wall, wanted it to shatter like the bottle. Since it was metal though and not glass, he had a better chance of putting a hole in the wall and after taking the time to think over that ugly fact, he had to face another. What had happened wasn't Ari's fault and even it had been, tossing a bit of jewellery at a wall wasn't going to hurt him at all.
Tony slid the chain around his wrist and fastened the lock before tucking his arm back under his head. He wasn't sorry for it, had meant it when he'd told Gibbs so. He liked Ari, hated some of things he done, but liked him regardless. Tony felt the cold metal around his wrist, inhaled the scent of cologne on his sheets, the faint feel of hands on his hips, he frowned in annoyance, he was starting to miss the man already.
He missed Gibbs already.
…So fucking stupid…
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