Chapter 21

Sleeping Corridor

September 3rd, 4:00am

Natalia woke as the faint sound of her alarm clock rang in her ears. She reached over and fumbled for the 'off' switch and knocked the clock off the desk.

She groaned and rolled over to pick up the clock. Her head felt heavy as she stared at the bright red display numbers on the face of the clock. It took her a good 30 seconds for the numbers to sharpen into focus. Narrowing her eyes, she switched the sound off and slowly stood up from the bed.

She stood for about two seconds before falling back onto the bed. Her head swam and her vision threatened to go black as a wave of nausea overtook her. Her brain felt like it was slowly but forcefully closing in on itself and she took a deep breath to steady it. She held her head down between her knees until the swimming sensation subsided before attempting to stand again.

She swayed, but kept her balance and stumbled over to the bathroom. She turned on the faucet and flipped it to the cold setting. Cupping her hands, she splashed the icy water across her face and instantly her brain lit up, startled by the cold. She shut off the water and turned to leave, but froze at her own reflection.

She had a large welt under her right eye that had turned half her face a sickeningly dark purple. Wide eyed, she reached up to touch the welt. She flinched, expecting it to hurt, but was surprised to feel nothing at all. She lightly pressed on it, and her brain sparked, registering pain that she still couldn't feel.

"What the hell..." she started but suddenly was overtaken by the Winter Soldier punching her violently in the face. She flinched at the memory, startled by its sudden appearance. She felt a constricting fear grasp onto her heart and she bolted out of her room.

Natalia took off running down the corridor, ignoring the dizziness that threatened to knock her off her feet. Her mind raced, switching from thought to thought before she could've even register what she was thinking about. All she knew was that she had two emotions flowing through her. Relief, and fear.

The Winter Soldier was awake. That's what her memory told her. That's what yesterday meant. She thought back to the doctor she had spoken to earlier, and how he had implied that the Soldier may not wake up. That they did all they could, but his mind wouldn't let him come out of the coma. But now he had.

But she was also afraid... he had attacked her. She couldn't even get him to tell her why. What was worse, is that he didn't even seem to know his own name anymore. James.

The name sent shivers down her spine and she rounded the corner and pushed through the doors into the hospital wing. She still wasn't sure what she felt for him. But she did know one thing; she cared for him. She wasn't sure all of what HYDRA had done to him, but his past seemed to be a lot more complicated than she had initially thought when she first met him.

His name was James Barnes. He was an American from Brooklyn, NY. And the weirdest thing... was that he was a Sergeant in the United States Army...

What was he doing with HYDRA? Why couldn't he remember who he was? Did it have something to do with that strange torture device she had seen him in that one night? They were erasing his memories, that much she had figured out. But why? Was it purely torture? Or was there something specific they didn't want him to know? If he was American, why were they using an American to do their dirty work?

Whatever it was, it had to be horrible enough for James not to want wake up when he was unconscious. Was his mind that broken that it was merely trying to self preserve itself?

A lump formed in her throat and she quickened to pace, eyes scanning for his room number. She recognized his room in an instant and burst into the room and froze. For there, laying as if he has never moved, was the Winter Soldier. He was unconscious still. The breathing tube was snaked up his nose, and he lay there peacefully with the steady beeping of his heart monitor droning on in the background.

"What...?" She blinked in confusion and was taking a step towards him when the door behind her swung open.

She whirled around to find Karpov had entered the room. Lukin was behind him, followed by Matthias. Her eyes darted sround between the three of them. She almost glanced back at James but caught herself. Instead, she dipped her head to Karpov.

"Sir," she said, making a note not to look at Matthias.

"Natalia," came Karpov's curt response. She subtly swallowed another lump that had begun to form in her throat.

"Is there a problem?" She glanced at Matthias and her stomach flip flopped at the look he was giving her. It was pure sadism and she could almost see a hint of a smile as he looked at her like a hungry wolf that had finally cornered its prey.

Karpov cleared his throat. He looked at the soldier, and then back at Natalia. He turned to Matthias and waved a beckoning finger in his direction. Matthias stepped foreword to stand beside Karpov.

"I fear you're right, Matthias," he addressed him, ignoring her question.

Matthias nodded. "As suspected. She has a grown obsession with the Winter Soldier. Enough so to constantly breaks curfew just to visit him."

Natalia's eyes widened.

"What?" She glanced at the soldier and then back at Karpov. "No! I–"

He held up a hand, cutting her off. "Then explain what you're doing here." He waved he hand at the soldier. "If not to visit him, then why?"

She opened her mouth the answer, but faltered slightly.

"I've noticed her behavior," Matthias cut in. "I've noted it here." He withdrew a small notebook from what appeared to be from nowhere and handed it over to Karpov.

Karpov took the notebook and began to leaf through it.

"I've added the liberty of recording all her secret visits to the soldier," Matthias continued. "Along with all the times she has asked about him during our training sessions."

Natalia stared at him in disbelief. She knew that he was aware of her interest in the Soldier, but she had no idea that he was physically documenting it. She would've been way more careful if she had even thought that his threats were serious. She was knew with HYDRA. But she guessed she should've known. They were backstabbers. All of them.

"Sir," she took a deep breath to stop her voice from shaking. "I can explain."

Karpov closed the notebook and handed it back to Matthias. He clasped his hands in front of him and blinked at her expectantly.

When he didn't say anything, she proceeded slowly, with caution. "I was merely interested in the status of my trainer. That's all. I am training with a man," she began carefully, "that I do not believe understands my training requirements."

Matthias' eyes went cold. But she continued with more confidence.

"I find it difficult to be trained by a man who does not see my full potential. He trains me hard, that much I know. But I fear he does not cover all the areas of my training with the equal force as some of the others. He trains me hard physically, but tactically and mentally, I fear he lacks the tactics to keep up with me." She shrugged. "I fear he is not smart enough to be my trainer," she said flatly. She made confident eye contact with Karpov. "So I am merely eager to be working with someone I feel can truly keep up with me. Someone I feel I can actually learn from. That is all, sir."

Natalia started to sweat with nerves. But luckily it didn't show. She hoped to death that Karpov believed her story, or things could, and would, get very bad.

"Really..." Karpov said as he eyed her skeptically.

Her heart felt like it dropped into her stomach. He didn't believe her... she felt her pulse quicken and she quickly racked her brain for another response.

"Sir," she began firmly, "you know my loyalty is to you. 100%"

"Is it?" Karpov cut in. "Because I distinctly remember you and the soldier executing an unsanctioned mission to our file room. In a restricted corridor. Reading restricted files."

She glanced at Matthias, who was looking at her like she was a scrap of meat that he was hungrily waiting for permission to devour. She flicked her eyes back to Karpov. She couldn't look at him. She felt sick.

"Whatever I have to do to prove myself to you," she bowed her head to him, "I will do."

"What if you were ordered to kill the soldier?" Matthias cut in. Her eyes snapped up to him as he drew his gun from his hip, holding it out to her. "Would you do it?"

What?

Karpov turned to Matthias fast as a snake. "You do NOT give the orders around here," he snapped. "Not when I am present. Am I understood?"

Matthias lowered the gun. "Yes, sir." He shot daggers at Natalia and she felt relief flood her veins.

Karpov's eyes danced between looking at Natalia, the soldier, and Matthias. They lingered on the soldier before settling on her.

"But..." he reached for Matthias' gun, who was almost too eager to give it to him, and held it out to Natalia.

"Would you?"

Her heart sank as she looked at the gun. What was she supposed to do? Kill James? She couldn't. But if she didn't... they'd kill her for sure. They couldn't have loyalties divided. They needed someone who was going to put the cause before anything else. They needed someone who didn't feel, and so far, she sucked at that. And they noticed. What was the alternative? They'd kill her, and they'd go right back to torturing him. But if she killed him... wouldn't she be doing him a favor?

She felt like vomiting. Her brain was going a million miles an hour and her heart felt like it was collapsing in on itself. How the hell was she supposed to decide what to do in the next two seconds?

Before she even knew what she was doing, she felt the rough texture of the grip slide into her hand. She felt horrified with herself, but she could hardly think. Her mind fell blank and she could feel the sweat run down her back.

She slowly walked over to the bed and stood on the soldier's right side. She slowly raised the gun and pressed the steel against his temple.

She could feel all the eyes on her. Karpov's, which were filled with curiosity. Matthias', which were filled with hunger and triumph. And even Lukin, who had been watching in silence by Karpov's side, was looking on her with a strange fascination.

She thought back to all that had happened over the last month. She had snuck into a restricted file room and found out the identity of the famous Winter Soldier. He was an American. An American soldier. Who somehow got mixed up with HYDRA. She witnessed them scrambling his brain as some sort of mind control when he stood up for her and tried to protect her. She'd been raped. She'd been pushed to the absolute limit both physically and mentally by a man whom she loathed probably more than anyone she'd ever met. And she dealt with James' insane spells. Where he was himself one minute, and a machine the next. Where he was confused and hallucinated. Where he kept talking about a mysterious blonde man who kept following him. How she had promised him he was safe and that everything would be alright.

But he wasn't safe here. And things were definitely not alright. They tortured him. Repeatedly. They brainwashed him and put him through so much torment that his body literally shut down on itself as self preservation. Who was he before? Who was this James Barnes? Who was the blonde man that he kept rambling on about? He wasn't stable. And she started to wonder if he ever was? Or if the only times he was stable was when he was a mindless killing machine controlled by the ones who kept torturing him...?

She pulled the trigger.