New Seed
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19 February 2015
This is a FFVIII fic by klepto_maniac0. I own no concepts and no characters except the ones you've never heard of, which means they're ones I've made. I freely admit I will take liberties with the FFVIII canon because this is an alternate universe fic. That's why some details are different, some events are ignored, and some people don't exist or act in a different capacity. Ain't fanfic fun?
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"Rinoa is a girl's name..."
"We're going up to her room to party!"
"It's...personal."
"Hey, Qu."
"What?"
"Pull over. I'm driving."
"Why?"
"Because I'd like to make it to the Garden in one piece and you look like you're going to murder someone. Keys. Now."
Quistis grumbled, but it was true that she wasn't exactly concentrating on the road; she'd nearly hit a swarm of Bite Bugs in the first few miles and in the back Squall and Selphie were very quiet, probably sensing she was in a bad mood. So Quistis pulled the wheel over and got out, slamming the door and then getting annoyed that she was so visibly, publicly irritated. As she crossed around the front of the car to swap seats with Xu, Xu caught her by the arm.
"Control yourself," said Xu firmly, looking into her eyes. "It's just a crush."
It wasn't just a crush, but she couldn't say that. "I don't know what's going on with me," said Quistis instead. "I... I've never felt like this before."
"Exactly. So calm down." Xu paused. "And you know... Maybe it's not a bad thing if it doesn't work out."
Her words felt like a knife in the heart. "Xu!"
"Get in," said Xu, climbing into the car. When they were inside, Xu turned on the radio and changed the speakers so they pumped exclusively into the back of the vehicle. Pitching her voice so only Quistis could hear, she said, "You know, your first boyfriend should be one who isn't a jackass."
"He's not a jackass," said Quistis, completely missing how Xu had already decided that she and Seifer were an item. For her part, Xu's brows only rose.
"You're the one who started calling him a jackass when he came back from Galbadia."
Quistis floundered. "Well... That's not the same!"
"People don't change overnight, no matter how shiny they get," said Xu as she started driving. "Look, I'll be happy for you because this is a new development and it's exciting. But let me tell you, the instant I think he isn't treating you well, I'm kicking his ass all over the Garden and I don't care who sees me. And I'm not talking about if he hits you or what, I'm talking about if he talks down to you, if he makes you feel bad about yourself, if he tells you that you're lucky you have him, or that he'll break up with you if you don't do what he says. That's not a good relationship."
Every point that Xu brought up hit Quistis like a stone in the heart. Guiltily she remembered doing some variant of all of those things to Seifer, usually accidentally. Xu was so worried about Seifer not being a good boyfriend that it never occurred to her that perhaps Quistis would be a bad girlfriend.
Xu kept on going, saying, "And don't buy his bullshit if he tries to dog around on you either."
"Dog?"
"Cheating," said Xu succinctly, making Quistis think about the mysterious and unwelcome Rinoa. "Sometimes guys will come up with these perfectly reasonable excuses, like 'she's just a friend from out of town' or 'it wasn't anything serious', but I'm telling you now that if he isn't committed 100%, there's no reason for you to be there. You can't keep waiting around for him to get his head out of his ass and change his mind."
"But what if he is just confused?" Quistis asked, curious more than doubtful.
"There's a difference between confused and using confusion as an excuse to behave badly," said Xu. "And the difference is how sorry he is. If he's actually sorry? Me, personally, I'd let him slide. But just once and depending on what he did, I wouldn't look at him the same. But if he's not sorry, he's gonna make excuses and try to talk you into believing that it's not such a big deal, and if you buy it, he's gonna do it again and again. Don't put yourself through that, Qu." Xu pursed her lips. "Actually, any time you find yourself making excuses for him, take a step back and ask yourself, 'if I were seeing this in a friend, would I be suspicious?' And if you would be, that's it. Don't treat yourself worse than you'd treat your friends."
Quistis folded her arms and looked out of the window. She had read enough magazines and dating advice columns, both out of boredom and for research for her submissions (shit, the next one was due in two days) that she knew how women were supposed to conduct themselves in relationships. But it was different hearing things from Xu, who dated frequently and—
"No," thought Quistis suddenly. "Xu doesn't date. She hooks up. She has one-night stands. She...may not be the best source for relationship advice."
Quistis glanced sidelong at her friend, who at times functioned like a mother and a big sister all rolled into one. Obviously Xu wanted Quistis to be happy, but it occurred to Quistis that Xu did not have all the answers and maybe didn't need to be listened to...
...especially when it came to Seifer. Her bias was well known.
It was around 10pm by the time they got back to the Garden and Selphie and Squall were dozing lightly in the back. As they climbed out, Xu reminded them of their debriefing tomorrow at 9am. Quistis grimaced. As one of the administering SeeDs, she would need to be debriefed too, but hers would be even earlier at 8am. No time to do anything but sleep tonight, apparently.
As she picked up a late-night snack from the Cafeteria and went up to her room, Quistis pulled the CD out of her pocket and studied it. The note was still inside. Since Seifer was nowhere around, she pulled the paper out of the case and opened it. There was a strange shakiness in the script that wasn't in any of samples of his writing she had ever seen. As Quistis read the words, it was like she could hear Seifer's voice in her ear.
Quistis,
If I don't make it, I want you to know that you made me want to be better. You deserve the best.
Seifer
Quistis pressed the note to her lips, not to kiss it but to push against the sob-like noise that was struggling in her throat. She couldn't help but wonder how he could write this and yet be in Balamb with Fujin and Raijin and a girl who she was pretty sure was an ex-girlfriend...
"Is that better for Seifer?" She thought sourly and then wondered seriously, "Is it?"
Surely he'd be better off with someone smaller...cuter...more demure... He was obviously used to handling women like they were delicate, considering the way he was so gentle with her, constantly checking to make sure she was alright. It didn't seem like Seifer took romance lightly. Was that better or worse, then, knowing that he was spending the night with a girl he'd used to know? Because if she'd come all the way from Galbadia to this tiny island, then they hadn't had a mere fling. It was...probably...
"Love," thought Quistis and felt a hideous squeeze in her chest. Ugh. She hit herself lightly in the breastbone as she exited the elevator and went to her room, trying not to feel so stupidly upset. All the logic in the world was like a sandbag against a tide of emotion that made her feel sick. What was happening to her?
"He can't stop thinking about me. He said so himself. I'm going to believe that."
So Quistis put her music player in the bathroom, drew a bath, and when the tub was full, put in the CD that Seifer gave her. She hesitated only a second before hitting play, not sure what to expect. This wasn't actually the first mix CD she'd ever gotten, though this was the only one that she'd actually been happy to receive. Her fanclub could be...weird.
The first twangy notes of a jaunty guitar utterly bewildered her and she listened closely, feeling that the song was vaguely familiar. Unconsciously she started nodding along to the music as she undressed and climbed into the tub, hissing a bit at the temperature.
"Hey! Hey! What's the matter with your head, baby? Yeah!"
Wordlessly she stared at the CD player. Really?
"Hey! Hey! What's the matter with your mind and your sighin' and your ooh-oh-oh
Hey, hey, nothing's the matter with your head, baby, find it
Come on and find it
Hell with it, baby, 'cause you're fine and you're mine and you
Look so divine
"Come and get your love!"
Quistis burst out laughing and could not stop. It was such a ridiculous song that she could not take it seriously and somehow that made her take Seifer more seriously. This song at least seemed to indicate that he was very interested but not creepily attached. And since she was still figuring herself out, that was the best thing she could have hoped for.
The rest of the CD was a peculiar mix of upbeat fluff and surprising melancholy, with several tracks that made Quistis blush with their unrestrained sensuality. Two tracks were instrumental, which forced her to think about what Seifer had had in mind when he'd included them, and after listening to them both twice she still had no idea. Quistis listened to the entire CD twice before the water chilled and she decided it was time to sleep. It was around eleven, which would give her plenty of time to rest before the debriefing. Quistis ate her snack/dinner and went to bed thinking of how nice it would be to have Seifer in bed with her, sleeping alongside her after they were both exhausted...
...after he passed his test.
"He'd better pass the field test," she thought as she drifted off. "Or else."
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a/n: I have 8Tracks playlists up if you want to hear some of the music that inspired this fic. The link is available in my author profile, or here: / kleptocom-560/ new-seed. Enjoy!
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