Chapter 21: You look as good as the day I met you
"This coffee only buys you a conversation." explained Lola.
Bucky carefully placed her Flat White down in front of her, and she glanced at it. The milk in her coffee was shaped like a loveheart, and whilst it certainly didn't escape her attention, she breezed over it, quickly taking a sip, scalding her tongue in the process.
God, he looks as breathtaking as ever.
That chiseled jaw and those soft-looking lips. One look into his soulful eyes and she knew there and then, there was no easy way out of this. She didn't hate him. She hated how he had ignored her. She hated how he hadn't called back or answered her texts. She hated that he never stood up for her. She hated that he had let Dottie win.
But, she had missed him. Dear God, had she missed him. She had missed his little texts of good morning, gorgeous and sweet dreams of me, sugar. She had missed the way he would slide his hand into the back pocket of her jeans in public, making her jump and blush. She had missed the way he would smile when she was talking, making her lose her train of thought every time.
She would give anything to be wrapped in his arms that very second.
"I'm hopin' that's all I need." Bucky said, taking the seat in front of her.
Nerves were tearing his insides apart. It was crazy that this one girl affected him so much. He was wrapped around her little finger and she didn't even know it. She was beautiful, smart as anything and sharp as a whip. He had never thought she would leave such a hole in his life. He knew that it was his fault, and he was desperate to set it right.
"For what?"
"For you to give me a second chance." he answered hopefully.
Lola crossed her arms and leant back in her seat, cocking an eyebrow to show him she was listening. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. She tried to keep her own face blank, void of any emotion, but, she could sense his nerves. A part of her wanted to reach forward and hug him. Despite everything that had happened, she knew deep down that this was no small feat for the him. But, there was another voice in her head, one that refused to succumb so easily.
"I'm sorry." he said in a small voice.
Lola remained silent, waiting for him to continue. She hoped there was more to his apology than just that.
"I screwed up. I screwed up real bad. And I am so sorry, doll, I was a real asshole."
"I thought the worst." she said softly. "I thought you believed that I really did those things."
" I didn't believe that bullshit 'bout you, not for one second." he replied firmly.
"Then why didn't you answer my calls? Or my texts?"
"I wanted to, sugar, I swear I did. But, Pierce. He made me- "
"You ignored me because Pierce told you to?" laughed Lola, feeling hot anger rise up her neck and face. "And you listen to everything he tells you, right?"
"You gotta understand, he was threatenin' my career!"
"And what about my career?" she retorted. "Did you really think I was the sort of person who would lie and scheme to get ahead in the world? After everything, is that really who you thought I was?"
"No, o' course not!" insisted Bucky earnestly. "The whole thing didn't make sense, you know? And then I heard Dot at that party- "
"Let me get this straight," said Lola, her voice quivering with anger. "You're only here, because you overheard me and her?"
"Lola- "
"No, don't you dare defend that! She ruined my career!"
"And she ruined my life!" yelled Bucky, sinking slightly in his seat as a few heads turned in their direction.
Lola pursed her lips, staring at him unwaveringly. She hated to admit it, but, she knew how he must have felt. Being betrayed by someone close was the most horrible feeling. Bucky knotted his fingers in his hair again, before opening his mouth again.
"What she did to you, was really shitty. And I made it clear to her where I stood." he explained quietly. "Don't you think it's killin' me, too? I thought I could trust her, I thought she was the one girl in my life who didn't have some ulterior motive. I feel like an idiot."
Bucky sighed and stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets. He lowered his eyes to meet hers, and offered a sad smile.
"I'm sorry." he said simply. "I'm not makin' excuses 'cause you're right. I'm real sorry, sugar. I know you don't owe me a dime, but, could you do me one thing?"
Lola nodded, blinking rapidly to hold back tears.
"Watch the game tonight. And if you want, come by the Arena after."
"What?"
"Just… trust me, okay? Please?"
Bucky leant down, hesitating for a slight moment, before placing a soft, chaste kiss to Lola's cheek. She closed her eyes at the touch, not daring herself to look at him for a second longer for fear that she really would burst into tears. When she finally opened her eyes, he was gone.
Lola wasn't ready to share what had happened with anyone yet, least of all Natasha. She tried to tell herself it was curiosity, when she holed herself up in her bedroom that night, the television switched on to the game. It was a lie. She missed him. Seeing him earlier that day, made her miss him even more. And although it made her heart ache and her stomach flip, she didn't want to do anything besides watch his soccer game.
Bucky looked like a man on a mission. He might have held the position of striker, but, he raced up and down the field, doing everything he possibly could. He slid into tackles, jumped to head the ball away when the opposition tried to score, he raced tirelessly up and down the field, passing the ball and creating as many chances he could. Despite his efforts, the first half ended without any goals. Not that it deterred him at all. He was the last to disappear down the tunnel when the whistle blew, and the first to be back on the pitch, bouncing on the balls of his feet as the rest of the team slowly joined him.
Lola knew that look. It was the kind that made his blue eyes shine brighter than usual; his brows furrowed in determination and the tip of his tongue was just visible, poking out between his lips from the sheer concentration of what he was doing. It was obvious he wanted to win this game; but, that didn't explain why he wanted her to watch it. He wanted to win every game; what about this particular game was so special?
The clock was ticking; Bucky's ninety minutes were almost up and he knew it, too, glancing at the big red timer that was nearing its end. He began running, and Lola sat up a little straighter. He dribbled past one player, then another and Lola's heart thumped emphatically against her ribcage. A defender slid towards him, but, he dodged past him neatly and Lola's hands clenched into fists. He was one-on-one with the goalkeeper and Lola's breath caught in her throat, as he pulled back his foot.
The ball landed neatly in the bottom right of the net, and Lola shoved a fist into her mouth to hold back her scream of joy. Bucky's team swarmed towards him, but, he swatted them away and ran straight for the camera, where he lifted up his jersey. Lola's heart stopped.
Bucky had a t-shirt on underneath. It had a picture of sixteen-year-old him, with platinum blonde hair, next to that god awful photograph of her with those cursed pink braces. And scrawled on haphazardly with a black marker pen that must have been running out, he had written I love you.
Lola jumped off her bed, just as Natasha came barrelling through the door, her red curls bouncing and her breath coming out audibly as she looked at her best friend pulling her boots on with a wild look in her eyes.
"You…"
"Yeah."
"Nat…"
"Go with your heart." said Natasha with a smile, patting Lola's cheek.
Why is there so much traffic?
Lola sighed and gripped the steering wheel so tight, her knuckles turned white. In retrospect, she should have taken the subway. In fact, she probably could have sprinted there faster. But, her brain was in overdrive.
Does he mean it?
And God, that photo. She wanted to punch him for showing her pink braces to the whole wide world, but, she had to admit, sixteen-year-old Bucky with platinum blonde hair was so ridiculous it was hilarious. She bit back a smile. He remembered and made good on the promise he had made her back on Thanksgiving. God, that was such a simpler time. Why did things have to get so complicated?
Lola cursed the New York traffic, as she parked several blocks away from the Red Bulls Arena, pushing past the departing fans as she fought her way through them. The players' entrance loomed in front of her, and she stopped in her tracks, legs feeling like wobbly jelly all of a sudden.
"Hey."
Steve was standing by the door, arms crossed and his holdall by his feet. He had an amused smile on his lips, and she approached him wearily.
"Are you the first line of his defence?" she asked, only half-jokily.
"He got himself into this mess. He can get himself out of it." shrugged Steve simply.
Lola studied him, fiddling with the zip on her jacket. Steve studied her for a minute, as they stood in silence.
"Are you going in?"
"Do you think I should?" she asked, eyes pleading for Steve's advice.
"I think you should hear what he has to say." he replied fairly, and she snorted.
"I thought you weren't defending him."
"I'm not." reasoned Steve. "I just happen to know he's better with his feet than with his mouth."
Lola clapped both her hands to her mouth, erupting into a peal of giggles as Steve flushed a violent shade of crimson.
"That's not what I meant!" he cried. "I just meant he's not good with words! Or feelings!"
"It's okay, Steve. You can tell me if you've been with him, I won't get jealous."
"Just for that, I'm glad he showed everyone your pink braces." mumbled Steve, swinging his bag over his shoulder.
Lola giggled to herself as she stepped inside the arena, her boots clacking against the polished floor of the hallway. Apart from the janitor, there was no-one else here, giving the the arena a most eerie feel. She hurried her movements until she was jogging out on the open pitch.
Bucky.
Illuminated by floodlights, Bucky was standing by the goal at the far end, a row of soccer balls laid out on the grass. He stepped back a few metres, before taking a run, and kicking the next ball. It landed in the back of the net with aplomb. His hair was wet, and she approached him quietly, the scent of his damned cologne released a fresh set of butterflies in the pit of her stomach.
"If you use the side of your toes, you'll get better aim." she called, stopping a short distance away.
Bucky whipped around, an eyebrow raised amusedly.
"You know that for a fact?" he challenged, blue eyes twinkling.
"I do." she answered. "A soccer player taught me that."
Bucky pondered over her words, before nodding and taking a run at the next ball in the line-up. He hit it with the side of his big toe, just as she had said, and the ball curled neatly into the top right corner of the goal. With a small smile on his face, he turned around to face her.
"You came." he said, the gratitude evident in his voice.
"I did." she said, peering at him.
"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.
"I'm trying to imagine what you look like with platinum blonde hair."
Bucky burst out laughing and swept his hair behind his ears.
"Told ya it was worse than your pink braces."
Lola rolled her eyes and Bucky chuckled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. The tension was almost unbearable, thick and uncomfortable, until Bucky cleared his throat noisily.
"I'm sorry." he said genially, his eyes shining with remorse.
"Me, too."
"For what? You ain't got a thing to be sorry for, doll."
"I do. Earlier today… it's really hypocritical of me to lecture you about the value of my career and then ask you to put yours on the line. I don't expect you to jeopardise your career for me, that's not fair."
"I still shoulda answered your calls." he smiled sadly.
"Yeah, you should have."
"I know sorry ain't enough. It won't change things and I know it don't sound like much, but, Jesus Christ, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how hard it was for you, and I shoulda- "
"Bucky, I wasn't expecting you to hold a press conference and defend my honour." she interrupted. "All I wanted was you to be on my side. To be by my side, and you weren't there."
"I know, I know." he said miserably. "It kills me, doll, it really does. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but, God, I love you and I'll spend every single damn makin' it up to you, 'cause I'm so sorry."
"I love you, too." she replied softly, and Bucky's eyes widened with hope. "I know you're sorry and I accept your apology."
Bucky held his arms out towards her, but, she took a step back.
"I'm not ready to forget this and get back together with you." she explained gently.
Tears threatened her eyes when she saw Bucky's face drop. He looked like his heart was breaking and she had to fight herself from reaching out to him.
"I want you to make it up to me, and I will let you." she promised, and his eyes grew hopeful again. "But, not yet."
Not daring to open his mouth, Bucky looked at her questioningly.
"I'm putting myself first, Bucky. I know that's selfish, but, I've spent my whole life living in my father's shadow. I've always been his daughter and now, I have a chance to really build a career I love and be known as my own person."
"But, you can still do that." he insisted, but, she shook her head.
"I love you. But, I love me more." she smiled, hoping he would understand. "I want to do this for me. When I broke up with Pietro I said I was going to put my career first, and then I met you. This wonderful, funny, attractive man."
Bucky grinned at her.
"I want to be with you. But, I have to learn that on my own, I'm enough, too. Right now, I just need some space. Can you understand that?"
"You sure this ain't payback for me ignorin' you?" he cheeked, delighting when she giggled.
"After Dot, I think I'm done with the whole revenge thing."
"I love you."
"I know." she winked, spinning on her heel.
Lola had barely made it ten metres when her phone rang. Fishing it out of her pocket, her eyes narrowed as she hit the green button.
"I just told you I needed space."
"I know, doll." he said, his face all scrunched up and his nose wrinkled.
"What have you done, Bucky Barnes?" she asked suspiciously.
"Did you bump into Steve outside?"
"Yeah…"
"Well, I mighta agreed to answer his fan mail for six months if he filled your apartment with the two hundred red roses I bought."
"Bucky!"
"I love you?"
A/N: Hello, readers. It's been a while. This was the final chapter of this story. At first, I wanted to leave it at the previous chapter, and let you all make up your mind about whether she should forgive him or not. But, then I decided to leave it at this. In a way it's still up to you, but, there's still a happy ending if you look hard enough. As much as I love a good happy ending, I wanted this story to end a little differently. Happy endings aren't always a result of a relationship working out perfectly, and that's okay. Sometimes, the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves, and it's important that we are happy just being in our own company before we let someone else into our lives. Girls, your careers and your lives are valid. No boy is worth giving them up for- not even Bucky Barnes.
Thank you to all of you who have read this story, and and even bigger thanks to those of you who have left reviews. I can't tell you how grateful I am to read your thoughts and see what you make of my writing.