Takeshi didn't understand.
He didn't understand when Yuri refused to speak as they made their way back to the nest and refused to answer when he was asked questions.
He didn't understand when Yuri ignored his invite to share a meal and shut himself away in his cave instead after they arrived at their cluster.
He didn't understand when Yuri decided to miss all his appointment the following day.
And he didn't understand when he was woken in the middle of the following night by a low sorrowful cry.
At first he thought it was his girls, but he found them sleeping soundly in their room, unbothered by the noise.
"It's coming from one of the other caves," Yuko said with slight alarm. "Maybe it's Guang-Hong." She dashed towards the center of the cluster and made her way to the adjoining caves. Takeshi followed close behind. Leo's cave was quiet. They were also undisturbed by the sound.
"It's Yuri," Takeshi said. Yuko turned towards him, her eyes widening slightly. This was a cry she was familiar with.
She swam even faster than before and by the time Takeshi caught up, she was already sitting by Yuri's side. Her face twisted with concern. "He's in distress," she hissed.
Yuri moaned mournfully at the sound of her voice. His entire body was curled into a ball, his breathing coming in shallow gasps.
"These are symptoms of losing someone, this level of distress…" Yuko's voice tinged with concern.
"But he wasn't bonded. You checked on him before we left."
She bit her lip and looked at her mate. "What happened yesterday? He was fine before you left. Did you meet the natare he was bonding with?"
Takeshi gritted his teeth. "I met him."
"And?" She pushed. "Did you notice any signs of an aman bonding?"
"He said it was… but I don't think so. It would be impossible."
Yuko's brow furrowed. "Aman's are different, our knowledge is limited. Short of that their bond is strong and are likely to die without each other, we know nothing."
"But they still didn't mate," he repeated as if would make a difference. "Even if it was his aman, the bond never happened. He's not going to die is he?" He swam next to Yuri, touched his shoulder. The younger natare shook away from the touch and cried in pain.
"We have to take him to the nursing caves," Yuko said. "I can treat him better there."
"No!" Takeshi snapped. "If we take him there, the others will start asking questions." He ran a hand over his hair. "Maybe if I take him back to the island."
"He won't survive in the open," Yuko said. "A natare in distress is nothing more than free lunch for the predators." She pressed her palm against Yuri's brow. He still resisted, but didn't fight her touch. "Go find his mate." Her eyes locked with Takeshi's. "I know you know who it is and where to find them. Bring him here."
"I can't." Takeshi's voice was powerless.
"I'll convince the elders. They have to let him in the nest. I'll—"
"I can't," Takeshi repeated. Teeth grinding. Hands closed into fists. He regretted everything. "It's a human. Yuri's mate is a human… He called him Victor."
At the sound of the name Yuri's body shook, curling further into a ball. The name of his aman escaping like a cry from his lips.
Yuko watched. Her features twisting like a thousand thoughts were running through her head. "The stories..." she whispered.
Yuri cried out again. His hands pressing against his stomach.
"Bring the girls. All of them. Now." Yuko ordered.
Takeshi wasted no time rushing to their cave and picking up his girls one by one. They burrowed sleepily against his chest for the short journey, seeking the warmth of their parent. They didn't wake as Yuko took each one carefully into her arms and settled them against Yuri. Axel against his chest. Lutz against his back and neck. Loop atop his tail.
The three fry nuzzled close to Yuri in their sleep. Instinctively searching for the warmth of a mater, even if it wasn't their parent.
Yuri's body became rigid at first from the strange new warmth, his fingers reaching for things that weren't there, until they found little warm heads to pat. Little warm bundles to hold. It took a few minutes, but eventually he settled and his breathing calmed.
Yuko released a breath she'd been holding and moved quietly, grabbing Takeshi's hand and pulling him out of the cave and back to theirs. Her fingers squeezed her mate's hand as they crossed the threshold. "Tell me everything," she demanded.
Takeshi sat on a rock in their common room. "Is he going to die?" he asked again.
Yuko bit her lip. "If the human really is his aman he could. His body was getting ready for mating season, for fry. I think the girls will trick his body into believing they are the fry he would have had with his aman. Hopefully it will be enough to bring him out of his distress. If he doesn't come out of it, he will die, but he's done it before. He's strong."
Takeshi stared at the floor. "I remember the last time he was in distress. Nuzzling against his father only to find him cold when he woke. I remember his cries and tears. We bundled together to keep him warm. Us and Leo." The memory flickered in and out. "I remember all this and I still…" Yuko pulled her troubled mate close. "I just couldn't believe the stories were real. I was just thinking about our girls. Our nest. If humans discover we're more than a fairytale—" He pressed his forehead against hers. "We're already dying in alarming numbers without them knowing. How would we survive if they do? What kind of life would that be for our girls?"
"It's not your fault."
"But it is," his voice broke. "I chose not to believe him. I chose to think that the stories were just stories. I gave him no choice and took away his life and love. I can't take him back to the island. I can't bring his human here. I can't do nothing but hope he survives. Did you see how he recoiled from my touch? How even in distress he knows I was the one who hurt him…"
"It's not your fault," Yuko repeated in tears. Arms around her mate's neck, nose nuzzling against his neck. "It's not your fault."
Takeshi clung to her. To her warmth. They may not be an aman pair, but it didn't mean their bond was any less strong. She and their girls were his world. His everything. He had only been trying to protect them.
If Yuri survived they could apologize and try to make it up to him. If he survived… Yuko squeezes her mate's hand. They exchange a mournful look. "Tell me everything, from the beginning."
Yuri didn't want to open his eyes. There was something pleasant about floating in the dark where he didn't have to remember.
It wasn't just that Victor was out of hands reach. It was knowing that he would never see him again that made him feel like suffocating. Like he would drown even if he could breathe in the water.
This was what it was like to lose your aman.
But Yuri didn't get lost in the dark. He was surrounded by warmth. Little bundles clung to him. He could feel tiny hands pressing against his skin. Their little fins wagging happily. Part of him wanted their warmth. The warmth of fry that needed him to survive. Part of him resented it because it wasn't the same as Victor's.
He would never feel Victor's warmth again and the little dark thoughts still floating inside his head hoped that the loss would kill him.
Someone sneezed. Yuri opened one eye to see one of Takeshi's daughters nuzzling like a ball against his chest. Another was curled around his tail, the third latched on to his back.
The feeling was familiar. The feeling from a long time ago when he'd lost his family and he woke to find Takeshi, Yuko, and Leo clinging to him.
Seeing the small fry clutched at his heart. These weren't his fry. He would never have fry with Victor. Would never hold a new life that resembled the human.
"Glad to see you're all right," Yuko's smile was halfhearted. Takeshi stood by her, waiting.
Yuri patted one of the girls head as his heart filled with heartache. "Please take them," he couldn't hide the sorrow in his voice. "Please take them."
Yuko and Takeshi moved quickly, picking up their fry. Yuko insisted in taking all three and without another word took them back to their cave. Takeshi remained.
Yuri sat up sluggishly. His stomach rumbling and demanding food, but he wasn't hungry yet. Not yet.
"I'm sorry," Takeshi spoke.
Yuri felt his heart tug. "Are you apologizing because I almost died?" he couldn't hide the rancor he felt.
"I thought you hadn't bonded. I thought I could save you."
"Save me?" Yuri felt angry tears well behind his eyes. "From being wanted by someone? From being happy?" he snapped. "My entire life I have been shunned by this nest. I was always the orphan. Deserving of pity. Deserving of loneliness. It was never bad when you, Yuko, and Leo were with me. I had a happy life in this cluster because you were there. But after you and Yuko mated. After Leo found Guang-Hong. You started forgetting about me. And none of you noticed me sitting here alone day after day, grabbing dead shrimp from an almost empty barrel. None of you noticed!"
Yuri gasped for air. The words and feelings he'd been thinking for so long finally out and heard. His aman was gone. He had nothing left to lose.
It remained quiet for a while. Takeshi sat defeated close by. "I was trying to save you from the stories."
"What stories?" Yuri snapped, the anger still close to his heart.
"The stories the elders reveal to the chiefs. The warnings about humans. The reason behind our vow."
We must not save humans. We must not contact humans. If a human ever discovers us, they have to die.
"It's to protect the nest," Yuri said.
"Yes," Takeshi acknowledged. "And to protect ourselves," he paused. "We kill humans on sight as to not fall under their spell."
The words triggered a memory of a ship in the dark. The sounds of glee. The dance of silver and feet.
"The stories tell of how natare feel compelled to bond with humans. Even when they don't want to. Human warmth triggers something inside us. An impulse that can't be controlled or resisted. Leaving us no choice but to bond with them."
Yuri remembered diving into the water to save Victor. Letting the human touch his tail. The warmth spreading like wildfire. The matching of lips he couldn't resist.
"To be used by them," Takeshi finished.
Yuri bit his lip until he drew blood. So what if it had been a spell. What if he had been trapped from the moment he laid eyes on that dancing form? It didn't matter. It didn't matter how or why it had happened anymore.
"Even if it was something I couldn't control." Yuri's voice shuddered. "Even if I didn't know what was happening… Even then I still wanted to be with him!" he cried. "He tried to follow me. He wanted me too!"
"I saw. I'm sorry." Takeshi looked down, guilt and regret written all over his face. "I don't know if it's possible, but if I can I'll—"
A howl echoed through the cave. Takeshi immediately turned to the sound and swam to its direction. Yuri followed and when they reached the center of the cluster saw the cause of the commotion.
Three watchers stood near the entrance to their cluster. Guang-Hong sat next to one while Leo was kept at a distance by a second.
"Are you mater Yuri?" The third of the watchers asked, his hazel eyes reflecting no kindness. He held a long staff in one hand. He was the leader.
"Yes," Yuri hesitated, the urge to lie heavy on his tongue, but there was no lying here.
The hazel-eyed watcher approached close to enough to be at arm's length. A nonverbal warning. "All mater's are to be taken to the nursing caves prior to the mater assembly." Yuri flinched and instinctively retreated a few paces. The watcher grabbed his arm to pull him back. "Elders orders. For your safety."
"The assembly isn't scheduled for another few months." Takeshi said.
"It's been moved by elder rule," the watcher responded. "The nest will be informed in the morning to protect the remaining maters."
"He's my aman," Leo cut in, trying to push past the heavy watcher keeping him away from Guang-Hong. "I demand to stay by his side as per nest law."
The smallest watcher next to Guang-Hong spoke. "You are not his official mate. We will take him like all the others."
"He just recovered from an illness." Leo growled. The hazel-eyed watcher held his staff a little tighter. "If something happens to him. If he falls ill again I'll—"
"I'll be fine, Leo," Guang-Hong swam around the watchers, they didn't stop him. The fingerling's voice was soft, reassuring his aman, preventing him from doing something that could get him hurt. Leo wrapped his arms protectively around the younger natare, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. Yuri could tell he was resisting with all his might taking Guang-Hong back to their cave and hiding him away. "I'll be fine," the young mater repeated. "This is a good thing. It means I get to choose you for real."
"Yeah…" Leo whispered. "And then no one can separate us."
Guang-Hong smiled and kissed Leo's lips softly. "You just have to be patient for a little longer."
"When is the assembly taking place?" Takeshi asked. His eyes meeting Yuri's briefly.
Yuri held his breath. How much time he had left until it was too late? How long did he have to try and run away? Takeshi hadn't said it out loud, but this time he would help Yuri escape. This time he would help Yuri be with Victor forever.
"Tomorrow," came the answer.
Yuri felt the air leave his lungs. He had no time at all.
Notes:
Even if I had to split the chapter it somehow ended long still. Hope you enjoyed.
As always I love your theories.
Visit me over at Tumblr (myka-writes) to chat, chapter sneak peaks and progress updates!
P.S. I had to do research on aquatic breathing for this chapter, so in theory it's possible Yuri has air in his lungs even if he's underwater.