Have you ever had the feeling that something was about to go completely wrong? I didn't believe is fate or destiny or any of that crap, but for some reason as I was lying in bed tossing and turning I felt a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. My gut was telling me that something was wrong, but I just didn't know what. It was almost as if there was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. It had me in it's grasp and in an instant everything would be over.

Tick, tick, tick……

I could hear the countdown in my head, and I was waiting for the repercussions. The darkness engulfed me and kept me held close with the blanket of night. It was just after three A.M. and there was not a sound throughout my small apartment. I was alone tonight, and I wished with all of me that I wasn't. Tonight of all night's I just needed someone else.

Ryan and I had been apart for what seemed like ages. This trial and all of the media coverage was really getting to me. Even though I could barely see him alone, we were always together in the presence of others. Relentlessly trying to seal a moment of solitude that never seemed to work out. I sighed to myself and pulled the covers up to my chin, shivering with just the simple thought of Ryan. He was always on my brain, like some kind of drug that sucked you in and refused to let go. He was always a good high that I needed to make me feel alive again.

The one thing that made me smile was that the trial was about to be over. After tomorrow, or technically today, all we had left were the closing statements and then the jury weighs in. My job was done. The prosecution rested just two days ago, and with that I gained many confused looks from my co-workers and the defense attorney himself. I still wasn't really sure of why I did it. Even now, thinking back on it I am still confused. The sinking feeling rose to the surface again, and I relived the memory. Maybe I could search for the answer as to why I had changed my whole game plan, and why I had done something I never planned on in the first place.

~*********~

The crowd in the courtroom was restless today, and I could feel the buzz in my bones. I woke up today feeling good. I was ready to go through my final witnesses. hand over the evidence and let the jury decide. I just had to wait it out and let the defense try and make their case. Even though I didn't want to sound cocky, I knew they had no chance. I could feel that the jury already had sympathy for the victim, and no matter how many character witnesses they put on the stand for Nate Richardson that won't change.

The judge made his opening statements, and I barely listened. I was looking over my questioning for Jessica Turner's psychiatrist. This was the one witness that I knew could really seal this victory for me and the team, I didn't want to screw anything up. I glanced over at James and noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes and he looked like he'd forgotten to shave this morning. I knitted my brow together and tried to remember if I had ever seen him look so unpolished for court, and I was drawing blanks. I felt my mouth tug down into a frown and quickly averted my eyes. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I actually cared about him.

I mean, that couldn't be further from the truth…..Right?

Judge Collyer banged his gavel and brought me back to reality. I stood from my chair and threw a quick smile at the jury.

"The people call Justine Hartman to the stand," My voice rang throughout the now quiet room, and the doors in the back squeaked open.

I watched, along with the rest of the crowd, as the red-headed women made her way to the witness box. She was rather small for someone with all of the knowledge that she held. She stood just above five feet and had a small torso. He red hair was the most remarkable feature about her. It was a mess of curls and what she had tried to tame sat in a bun on the top of her head. The plain suit that she wore looked like it had been worn so many times that it was turning a strange shade of pale brown. She was sworn in and sat down in the chair. The glasses she had sitting on the tip of her nose looked as though they were about to fall off, and she quickly pushed them back with one small finger. She looked at me nervously, and I smiled at her in an attempt to calm her nerves.

I cleared my throat and began. "Ms. Hartman, can you please tell us your relationship with the victim Jessica Turner?"

"Of course," She replied in her voice that was just sweet enough, but still had a slight rasp to it. "She was one of my patients for about two years, I knew her quite well."

"And what was she seeing you for?"

"Well," She continued. "She had a lot of trouble sleeping, and she also saw me regularly for therapy."

"So," I said going along my line of questioning. "She was crazy then?"

"Oh no," She said adding a shock to her voice. "Anything but. She was such a sweet girl, and she really just needed someone to talk to. I was always there to help her out."

"Did she tell you the main reason she sought out your services?" I paced in front of the witness box.

"After a while, Jessica told me it had to do with her boyfriend," She cleared her throat. "She was terrified of him."

"And who was her boyfriend?" I already knew the answer, and so did everyone else.

"Nate Richardson."

"Is he present today?" I paused. "In this room?"

She nodded. "Yes, he's sitting right there."

"Will the record please show that Ms. Hartman identified the defendant Nate Richardson," I looked at the judge and he nodded. I smiled to myself. "Can you tell us why she was so afraid of him?"

"She would show up to my office all the time with bruises, and she was always crying about how he would never let her go out," She explained. "She wanted to leave, but she was so scared. I tried to help her many times too. She came to me once with a black eye and a broken wrist and when I brought her to the hospital she refused to tell anyone what happened. We all knew it was abuse."

I held up a piece of paper in my hands. "This is the hospital record of the injuries, exhibit E." I handed to paper to the bailiff and it was given to Judge Collyer. He read it over and nodded to me to continue.

"Ms. Hartman," I looked up at her. "Did Jessica tell you that she was pregnant?"

She sighed. "She did, and she was so upset by it. She told me that she refused to have his child. There were many times when she would burst into tears wondering how she could protect him from hitting a baby. She said she couldn't even take care of herself with him around, how could she help a child."

"And what did you know of the abortion?"

"She thought at first," She started. "It would be a good idea, but after a while she knew she couldn't go through with it. I begged her to run away and on our last session she said she had good news."

"Can you tell the court of this news?" I gestured broadly.

"She told me that she was going to tell Nate that night that she was leaving. She wanted him to know that she didn't want to be with him anymore, and she was done. She was so happy about starting her new life over, and I was happy for her too."

I smiled slightly. "When was your last session?"

There were tears beginning to form in her eyes. "It was the night she died. I didn't think anything would happen, and I wish I would have known. I wish I could have helped her more."

"It's ok," I tried to comfort her. "I have no further questions."

I made my way back to my seat and watched as Justine Hartman tried to pull herself together for the cross examination. James was sitting in his chair staring at her, and he just continued to stare.

Collyer cleared his throat. "Your witness Mr. Pine."

James nodded and looked like he was about to stand up. As he did, Ms. Hartman let out a small sob and dabbed her eyes with tissue. I saw him sigh and turn his head. He looked deflated.

He sat back down and put up his hands slightly. "No questions Your Honor."

Judge Collyer nodded and glanced at Ms. Hartman. "You may step down."

I smiled at the small victory. That had gone very well, and now all I had was one more witness. I looked down at the paper in my hands and looked at the name I had written. I already knew it backwards and forwards, but I stared anyways.

It shone out in beautiful letters and a smile continued to creep across my face. After all, it belonged to the one person I loved. How could I not know it so well? I was about to call Ryan to the stand when I happened to take a small look over at James. He was sitting in his chair looking very small, and for a moment I felt awful. He seemed so down today. Even yesterday he seemed to be losing all of the flare and passion he used to have.

I remembered the strange conversation we had yesterday and tried to think of why he asked the question he did. He said that he didn't even know. I sighed and wrestled with myself for a moment. I knew that there was no going back after I did this. It would be final.

I glanced at James again.

Sometimes, you have to throw someone a bone. So, that is what I did.

The name before me was waiting to be called and I just looked at it. I picked up my pen and crossed a line through it. If he really wanted to call him, then he could. I stood up from my chair and looked right at the judge. The restless crowd grew hushed and I could feel every pair of eyes on me.

I stood there silently.

Collyer sighed. "Are you going to call your witness counselor?"

"No," I said calmly. "I am not."

"Would you care to explain this rationale?" He glanced down at me.

I didn't say anything for a moment and James stood up from his chair.

"You Honor," He said with a heavy tone. "I'm not sure what the point of this is."

"Neither am I Mr. Pine," Collyer looked at me. "Sidebar."

James and I exchanged a look and made our way up to the judges stand. We stood there and waited until Collyer had something to say.

"I will not let you waste time in my courtroom Miss. Southwood," He said looking at me.

"I do not intend to waste any time," I explained. "I simply have no more witnesses."

"I have one more on the sheet you have given," The judge said reading the papers in front of him.

"Yes," I replied. "But Mr. Pine has shown an interest in calling that particular witness, and as it is not essential to my case I have decided to grant him that."

Collyer raised his eyebrow and looked at James. "And you are ok with this?"

James glanced at me quickly. "Yes, I believe I am."

"Alright then," The judge dismissed us and I walked back to my table. On my way I caught the eye of a few of the team members and they all looked very confused as to what was going on. I shook my head at them and tried to assure them that all was well. I knew what I was doing. There was nothing to worry about. I faced the judge again and was ready to utter the words that would end this part of the case for me.

"You Honor," I said strongly. "The prosecution rests."

~*********~

The answer was still unclear, even after everything. I still had no concise reason as to why I didn't call Ryan that day in court. I turned to my side and wrapped my body in a cocoon of blankets. James had been pretty straight forward with his case. Mostly he presented character witnesses and one expert to try and show that Jessica was just depressed. I was able to keep my cool with everything and none of his witnesses had proven to be difficult for me.

He only had one witness left and for some reason he saved him for last.

I was utterly confused as to why he would do this, but I guess there was really no reason for me to be. The only thing that was bad about this whole switching witnesses thing was that Ryan was pissed he had to keep waiting in the witness room. He wasn't allowed to see the trial when he was testifying. Every time I would see him for a moment he would try to pick up what was going on, but I couldn't tell him. There was nothing left that I could do but wait until he was on the stand.

I hated waiting.

I dreamt in and out for a few hours, mostly about the trial or about random things, and when my alarm clock rang I shot out of bed. I dressed slowly and did all of my morning routine slowly. My body was tired from the lack of sleep that I'd had and I knew that I had to try and be awake for today. It wasn't quite the circus I thought, but the courtroom was packed when I walked inside. It seemed like only seconds until we were ready to start for today and I was caught off guard by the sound of Collyer opening the proceedings. I looked around and saw the tired jury members. They were just as ready for this trial to be over as I was. As my mind wandered, James was preparing.

And when he finally spoke, the words pulled me out of the trance like state I was in. "I would like to call CSI Ryan Wolfe to the stand."

My heart accelerated and I felt my body jolt to life at the sound of his name being spoken. I watched as he made his way down the aisle wearing a charcoal jacket, pink shirt and pants. I smiled at him as he walked by and I felt like I was floating on air again. Ryan and I were locked in a gaze while he was sworn in and when he sat down. He didn't move his eyes from me once.

This was something that James was quick to notice. He walked right up to Ryan and blocked his view of me as he stared with his questions.

"Mr. Wolfe," He was doing his best not to sound condescending, but I knew better. "What can you tell us about the scene of this particular crime?"

"Well," Ryan answered back clearly annoyed with this question. "She was lying at the bottom of the steps, and it was clear that she had bled to death. There was also no sign of forced entry."

"Right," James nodded. "Lieutenant Caine already filled us in with those facts. Can you tell me about you opinion of the victim?"

"I knew she was murdered," Ryan simply said. "And once we found the print and DNA I was positive that your client was the one how had done it."

Things were not really going the way that James was hoping. Ryan was very seasoned at this and he knew exactly what he was doing. The questions weren't going to fluster him.

"Ok," James said still thinking. "And why didn't you believe that Nate Richardson was only trying to help the one thing that he loved? He was trying to save his unborn child."

"If that's the story he's going with ok," Ryan snorted. "I don't believe it."

James paced in front of the witness stand feeling frustrated. He kept looking up and wringing his hands together searching for an answer. And then with a great passion, he turned back to Ryan. I knew this look well, he had an idea and the pleasure was written all over his face.

"Mr. Wolfe," James started sounding a little too pleased with himself. "Have you ever done anything to protect someone you love?"

Ryan's eyes flickered to my face and his jaw tightened. "Yes."

"And did this person know?" James walked closer and Ryan's face fell slightly.

I needed to stop this. "Objection your Honor." I stood up and glared at James. "Relevance?"

"I'm getting to it," James rebutted. "Just give me a moment."

Judge Collyer sighed and looked down through the glasses perched on his nose. "I'll allow it."

James smiled and turned his attention back to Ryan's conflicted face. "Well?"

"No," Ryan said tightly. "She didn't know?"

"So," James pressed on. "You are saying that you did something very much like my client did, without that person's knowledge you tried to protect them?"

"There's a difference," Ryan stated coldly at the smirking defense attorney. "I didn't kill her."

A few people gasped and the rest were mostly quiet for the time. The tension in the room was unbearable and you could easily see that these two did not like each other. This was a very bad idea.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling the stress beginning to mount. I needed a release.

This was not going well.

"Well, can you describe for us all your different situation then?" James said the light bouncing around his blue eyes.

"Objection," I'd had just about enough of this. "You Honor please this is pathetic, he is trying to make something out of nothing."

"Noted," The judge looked at me nodding. "But I want to see where this is going." He looked at Ryan. "Please answer the question."

Ryan looked flustered and I could tell that he didn't know what to say.

"Perhaps, you need a way to get started," James provided. "What exactly was this situation? What did you do?"

"Well," Ryan said sounding smaller than before. "I tried to keep this women away from someone."

"And how did you go about this?"

"I used a connection at an old job," Ryan said looking down. "She helped me." Ryan seemed to sense the next question that James was going to ask. "I used to work at a television station."

James moved out of the way so that I could see Ryan more clearly, and when he did he shot me a look that I didn't quite know what to make of. He raised his eyebrows and I looked up to meet Ryan in the eyes. It took me a moment, but I realized that this whole time they were talking about me. I was the person he kept something from. The sinking feeling in my stomach returned as I heard the small words from the conversation replay in my head.

Television, love her, away from someone.

"And what happened?" James just continued to look at me and Ryan.

"I told a reporter about her and they did a story," Ryan looked at me. "I just wanted some way to keep her away from what I knew wasn't good for her. I didn't really help I guess though."

I could feel the tears beginning to well up in my eyes. The pieces to the puzzle I had been trying to figure out were falling into place. Ryan was the one all along who went to Erika. He told her all of my deepest secrets and then let her share them with the whole world. He stood right by my side while I blamed James, and continued to tell me how much he loved me. All this time he betrayed me, he held my hand and it was all him. He knew how much I hated to be on T.V. and he tried to use it against me. So what? I would stay away from James? All the secret looks between him and Erika, it all started to add up. I few tears escaped down my cheek. He wanted me to trust him, and I told him I did.

Tick, tick, tick……

"So you lied to the women you love?"

"What choice did I have?" Ryan yelled. "She was so wrapped up in everything else and I just didn't want to loose her." He got really quiet and James backed down seeing the look on my face. "No more questions."

He went to go and sit back down by his client and I just stared at Ryan for a moment before standing up. I paced in front of him trying to collect myself for just another minute.

I looked him straight in the eye, I only had one question. "Was it worth it?" My voice broke slightly.

Tick, tick…

He looked down into his hands and kept trying to search my face for answers. He could see the hurt in my eyes, and I knew that he could see the tears as well. There was nothing I could do to hide it anymore, they were flowing freely.

"No," He said shaking his head. "Not at all."

Boom.

~*********~

Do you remember when you were young how we used to pluck the petals from flowers to tell if someone loves you or not?

He loves me, pluck.

He loves me not, pluck.

There was always that time when you knew that you were going to end up with him not loving you, so you would cheat and try to change it around. Smiling to yourself, you would make sure that the boy would always love you too. The flower would bloom, and then the petals would fall to the ground. As wide eyed children we would play this game, and as we grew up we learned from our mistakes.

Just because you wanted him to love you didn't mean that he would. Even if the flowers said so, it wasn't always true. With time, you learned that the flowers were beautiful from afar, but up close they had thorns. Sharp, hurtful thorns that could cut through your heart with so much pain. The red petals would lie on the ground, discarded. Nothing they said could be true anymore. If they had foretold of this then maybe you would have listened.

But you jumped in head first, and fell head over heals.

And now, as I sat watching the withered petals from my own childhood fly away I wished that I had known better. You can love someone blindly, but still be cut by their lies. The jagged thorns cut me deep. Now all that was left was a once beautiful flower, withered and wasting away. My petals that spoke of eternal love were now forgotten and being swept away with the wind.

~*********~

I sat in a secluded corner of the courthouse trying to stop the sobs that were continually racking through my body. As soon as a recess was called, I bolted out of the room so quickly that I'm sure I left skid marks. Everything I had every thought was wrong. How could this man who loved me so much lie to me the way he had? I didn't know what to think anymore and I just needed time to sort it all through. My whole inside felt like it was put through a vengeful storm. I wasn't bleeding, but I was more hurt than I had ever been. My life had been thrown upside down in a matter of minutes. I cried harder and felt my head pound with all of the thoughts that were going through my brain.

I just wanted to leave and get away.

This was why I tried to numb myself from things like love. Just when you think you have everything all figured out it comes back and makes your life a living hell. That feeling in my gut was right. Everything was going all wrong. Just when I thought I had it all, it slipped through my fingers. It seems like every time I fall in love I become another causality to its games. No matter how badly I wanted to win, I always seemed to lose.

I heard foot steps behind me and I wanted to shout at whoever it was to go away, but I felt so weak. I didn't have an ounce of fight left in. He sat down silently and he didn't need to say anything because I already knew what he was thinking. So he just waited until I was ready.

I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt and looked up at him with red eyes. There was no expression on his face and I just stared at him for a moment. I bit my lip and tried to stop another round of tears, but it was no use. I tried to turn my head away, but he was too quick. He held out his arms and I wrapped myself up in his familiar smell and warmth. I cried into his chest for as long as the tears came and he was just there.

He would smooth my hair and when I needed him he would soothe me quietly by telling me that it was ok. There was nothing more in the world that I needed in that instant. Just the presence of someone was enough to make me feel like I was still alive. It was enough to make me see that my heart was still beating, and that blood still ran through my veins.

But I had so many questions, I couldn't stop my thoughts from thrashing around my head. After a while, I finally lifted my head. I needed him to tell me. I took a few shallow breaths and attempted to control the flood of tears. I needed to be strong now.

My face turned up to his and caught his endless blue eyes in my honey brown ones. "H-how did you…?"

I trailed off as he brought his hand up to caress my cheek. "I tried to tell you."

As soon as he said this I thought back to the night he showed up at my door. The night he hit Ryan that had to have been when he found out. I gasped slightly and he lifted my chin so that I was looking at him again.

"You remember then?" He spoke so softly and lovingly. I felt as though my heart was going to split in two.

I nodded, unable to find any words.

He sighed ready to tell me the whole story. "I just," He ran his hand through my hair. "When I found out Ren, I couldn't believe it and I just lashed out at him. I hated him more in that moment than I ever hated anyone. The fact that he would hurt you like that just to serve some self-serving need to keep you away from me, I couldn't take it." He paused and tried to read the expression on my face, but I wasn't giving anything away. "I knew that you would be angry, so I thought maybe if I told you it would make a difference." He laughed bitterly at the thought and I remembered the night with him. "You were angry with me because I hit him, and you wouldn't let me tell you the whole story. No matter how hard I tried you would just shut me down."

I blinked a few times, trying to take it all in. "I-I didn't know. I thought you were angry because I was with him, and you were trying to….." I rubbed my temples, I couldn't find the words. "Hell, I don't even know."

He stood up quickly and ran his hands over his hair. "I know what you thought, you were very quick to tell me." His mouth turned up at the corners into a small smile. "But I didn't do it because you were with him."

"You didn't?"

"Well," He was agitated for a moment. "I was jealous, and I really couldn't stand seeing you with him, but…."

He paused and I walked over to him slowly. "But?"

"I love you, and…and I just couldn't stand that he would intentionally hurt you."

I opened my eyes widely and struggled with words. "James…"

"I know!" He threw his hands up and walked away from me. "You don't feel the same, and you are in love with this guy. There is nothing I can do about it, but I can't change how I feel now can I?"

"I'm not sure what to say," I looked down at my hands, unable to look him in the eyes.

He sighed and walked closer to me. "You never know what to say."

We stood there silently, just inches away from each other. I could feel the heat radiating off of his skin and it made me feel like I was on fire. My blood was boiling and my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. I had never felt like this with James before. He was always so…comfortable, and now I wasn't sure how to act. I looked away from his penetrating gaze and tried to make the blush leave my cheeks.

"Lauren…" He pulled my chin up and I closed my eyes. I let myself go, and I just let him and I be. I could feel the space between us rapidly closing and even though I was unsure, I didn't stop him. Just as his lips were about to press down onto mine I heard a familiar voice call out my name.

I whipped my head around and saw Ryan standing behind me. He looked terrible, but when I saw him my heart fell out of my chest. I pulled myself out of James' arms, feeling unsure as to how they became wrapped around me in the first place. I walked slowly over to where Ryan was standing and looked at him.

There were so many times that I had memorized his face that I was sure it was permanently ingrained into my mind. There were so many things that I loved about him. The brightness that would light up his eyes, and the way they would ever so slightly change color; the different smiles that would creep across his face; the way the sun would shine off of his auburn hair.

There were so many things, but not just the physical attributes that I came to fall for first. His laughter was like bright wind chimes, and the way his voice sounded like honey whenever he spoke loving words. The touch of his hands, the smell of him; it all made me realize just how much I really did love him.

Not just those things, but everything. He was under my skin and there was no way to let go of him.

I met his eyes and saw just how conflicted he was. I felt a few tears fall down my cheek, and brought my hand up to slowly to meet his face. I touched him gently and he closed his eyes to the touch. Everything that I every wanted was standing right before me, and I knew that. I closed my eyes too and memorized this moment. This one I would keep with me. I would carry it and bring it out when I felt like I couldn't move on anymore.

I released his face from my grasp and saw him slowly open his eyes. He stared at me in disbelief. For a split second I thought that maybe I was wrong, but I knew it had to be done.

I walked away from him without another glance back, and just like that, the flower that was our love faded and withered away. The love I always dreamt of as a child was watching me as I walked away, leaving it all behind.

~*********~

I've plucked all of my petals, and they have all fallen away slowly.

Your lies, like thorns so sharp, cut me deeply.

Confused, I walk away from the pain you caused me.

Our love, so sweet like a rose, is now gone.

When all is said and done will we both be able to move on?

My heart, all our dreams and hopes, shattered.

When we were together that was all that mattered.

You've made your way to my soul, and you're under my skin.

I fell, and now I have to wait for the ache of missing you to begin.

You could make me shiver with just one touch.

And your eyes always made me yearn for you too much.

So here I sit, withered and still in love with you.

I pray for these scars to fade, and for my petals to once again bloom.

~*********~

*Sighs*

I know, I know….just take a moment and let it sink in.

I hope you can calm down enough to leave me your thoughts on this chapter, because I do love to hear them. Fear not though, this is not the end. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve. In case you all haven't noticed by this chapter….I am big on metaphors lol :)

I love you all and special thanks to my awesome reviews: Meatball42, Vanillastar, Luf100, Sammy Lynn234, and Lov3good.

I wish I could give you all a cookie!

Love ya!

Lulu