The sound of light conversation was the first thing I heard. My body felt like it was on fire, and the sound was too faint to make out the voices. I would have used them as closure, I would have convinced myself I wasn't dead, but it was all too muffled to understand. I was forced to believe I splattered like a water droplet hitting the floor in a rainstorm.
And speaking of rain, it smelt heavily of it. The summer kind of rain, when any cement or asphalt was thick with the smell of wet dirt. I loved that smell; it reminded me of my beginner days as a pokemon trainer.
I fidgeted, trying my hardest to bring my eyelids up and look around at the new world I belonged to. I never knew if I should believe in Heaven or not, but I couldn't think of anything too terrible I ever did to keep me from going there. So if I awoke to find myself high above the clouds like many believed you would when you died, I knew I would never know what exactly happened back there…
Someone—no—two of the seven sages had thrown me out the broken window on the ninety eighth floor of the team plasma castle. It was the last thing I could remember.
They murdered me…
And for what?
For defending myself? For trying to protect N from his terrible, disgusting, scourge of a father? Or was it because I was simple who I was? I wasn't sure exactly what they were thinking at the time… all I knew was that it was all over.
But if this was Heaven—or wherever the afterlife took me—then why was I feeling so miserable?
Every piece of me felt twisted out of place. My joints were stiff, my sides were heaving and throbbing slightly, and my toes were twitching, trying to cope with the feeling of blood finally filling them. I couldn't open my eyes quite yet, I was trying to pick out the worst part of all this. I decided that if I could pinpoint the hell I might be able to stop it.
Stop it or dwell on it…
My heart was slow in my chest, my blood sluggish and it felt like there was something weighing me down on the inside. I realized with a start that it was this part of my that hurt the most…
If I was dead… I would never see N again. Something like tears tried to push their way out of my eyes but wouldn't break. I managed a shallow, scratching breath and my lips parted in a silent wail.
He thought he loved me… or… or did he love? Did it matter? I was dead… my hopes of ever being with him or loving him in return were gone. My heart was breaking as I thought of all the possibilities of living with myself now. Heaven or Hell or wherever I was, nothing could make me feel better.
Not even the smell of the rain. Even that felt like just another way to drown me. I was sinking further into the idea of fire being put out by the rain that I didn't even realize I was starting to be able to hear the muffled voices more clearly.
"What are you going to do now?" someone with a high pitched voice was saying. I fought with logic, trying to remember who the voice belonged to because I had definitely heard it before.
"I… I don't think there is much else I can do." Another frantic, but lower voice replied. This one was also familiar.
"You have to fix her!" the first voice came again, begging this time. I could hear tears in their eyes and I could suddenly feel a warm hand on mine.
This was much too dreary to be Heaven, and not painful enough—though still very painful—to be Hell. I decided that if I didn't open my eyes soon I never would be able to, and the familiarity was going to drive my crazy.
So I forced my mind through the depths of blackness and focused on where my face was, and what was happening around me.
"Can—can someone just… d—die from sho—shock?" a wheezing, pitiful voice seemed to grab me by the arm and yank me past the thick unconsciousness.
I wasn't dead!
My eyes flew open then and I gasped as if someone had scared me, as if my heart had been silent for a very long time. Everything was fuzzy for a second and I couldn't understand the spinning walls or the uncomfortable, hard thing beneath me. The warm hand on mine slipped away and found itself again on my face, touching my forehead like it was checking my fever.
"Bia—Bianca?" I croaked as my vision came back to me and huge gray-blue eyes where blistering with emotion.
"Touko!" She gasped and I went limp in the embrace of my mother, the first voice I had heard. Tears soaked my throat and I knew that I was home… Somehow, miraculously, I was home…
Not dead…
"Oh my baby!" my mother shrieked, crying into my sore and stiff shoulders. Her hands tightened in my hair. Bianca was clutching my wrist, looking down at me as if I was an alien from another planet, or had just been brought back from the dead.
"We—thought you—you were gone." She spluttered, tears dewing in the corners of her eyes.
"Deep breaths." I rasped with a very faint smile. It was exactly what I used to tell her when she was having one of her episodes. It seemed like suddenly that month—give or take a week or so—spent with team Plasma was nothing now. It was almost like it had never happened.
Tears of joy flooded me as lightening flashed in the small window above my head. It was so dark out because of the storm I couldn't be sure if it was nighttime or daytime. I brought my shaky hands up to wrap them around my mothers neck and moaned as I did so. My thigh, ribs, and lower back throbbed with a lingering pain. I didn't have to look to see there would be large bruises from where they had injected me with lightening.
"Is she awake?" Professor Juniper's voice rung out loud and clear as she ran up my stairs to the second story of my house. She threw herself through my doorway and raced to my bedside. "Oh, Touko!" her eyes were relieved and watery.
"Go get Tate." My mother finally pulled away from me and brushed my messy hair back around me ear. I could tell it was feeling somewhat greasy from not being washed in some time, which made me wonder how long I had been here.
And more importantly, how had I survived?
"Tate?" I looked around, expecting to see a pair of silver eyes boring back at me. Was he still mad? Why was he here? What had he told my family? How did he know…?
"Touko!" his naturally smooth voice filled the room like music and made me close my eyes. I tried to take a deep breath but my lungs screamed with pain halfway there.
"Tate?" I turned my head to the left and looked past my mother. He stood mouth slightly open with an expression on his face I had never seen before. It was relief, just like everyone else had, but much more pained. Tate wasn't he kind of person to show emotions like that and it surprised me.
He squeezed himself between my mother and Bianca at my side and leaned over the bed tours me. I watched the expression fade and turn into a playful smirk. He blinked once. "I thought maybe I wasn't a very good servant."
I didn't know what he was talking about.
"You nearly died." He huffed a humorless laugh and then swallowed. "I thought I would lose my job."
I could tell he was trying to cover up with sarcasm and distaste. He was trying to hide the real feelings in him. His eyes betrayed him though, and I could see the tears trying to swell.
"Oh, Tate." I whispered and brought my hand up to brush his thick hair back behind his ear.
He sniffed and wiped his hand across his face. "I'm glad your alive." He muttered.
"What… what happened?" I looked around at the wondering faces, all waiting for their chance to ask me a million questions. My mother was clutching at he collar of her shirt, still trying to get a grasp on this whole thing. Her makeup was running and her hair was pulled up lazily.
Professor Juniper looked shaken, like she had never known what sort of emotions could come from almost losing a child. She never had kids so she would never fully understand that… fear, I suppose, but her sensitivity tours others was making her soft. Her lip was quivering.
Bianca looked so confused even I didn't know what to make of that.
"Team Plasma…" Tate gritted his teeth together. "A couple Sages decided to throw you out a window…"
"I know… that's not what I meant. I mean… how am I alive?"
Tate couldn't force a smile on his face this time. He flinched, though I didn't know why. "I caught you."
"What?" even I know that was ridicules.
"Well… me and Gengar caught you." he specified. "I guess you could say we teleported in air with you, and though it didn't break the fall, it slowed you down enough not to get too hurt."
"I don't feel like I was thrown out a window." I agreed. "I feel like I have been lying in a bed for a week."
"That's because you have been." Bianca chirped, her pale eyes darting back and fourth between me and Tate. "You've been asleep for a long time."
I looked at my mother, fighting more tears, and Professor Juniper shaking her head slightly.
"Touko you went into shock… And then a coma." She whispered.
My eyebrows came down together and I fought with that. A coma? I didn't want to believe that this was possible. Didn't people get messed up from comas and not remember things, or have brain problems, or other serious problems? I wasn't sure…
I decided it didn't matter what had happened to me for the past week, I was just happy to be alive. I was happy that Tate saved me life… actually, I was thrilled. And I didn't have brain damage, for the first time in what felt like years, I actually felt normal… back to myself.
I was free…
"I thought I had lost you." My mother choked and squeezed my hand tightly. "I was so afraid."
"I'm sorry mom…" I said, though of course none of this was my fault at all.
Tate was staring down at me with pleading eyes. I knew he was waiting, waiting for his moment to interrogate me and demand what we do next. The look on his face proved that he hadn't given my friends and family the whole story. I wondered what he did tell them.
"Touko…" Bianca's small voice brought me away from my thoughts.
I looked at her, seeing now that despite her relief for me, she was still very troubled.
"Touko… they still have Cheren, don't they?"
I didn't have to look at Tate to know the answer. I nodded, guilt clawing at my chest for not having demanded his release while I was there. Maybe N would have given in… maybe Cheren wouldn't be in prison right now…
N…
A tremble rolled up my spine as I tried to imagine what happened after I was thrown out that window. N had been so afraid… he had tried to stop them from hurting me. Did I know I was alive? Did he still have my pokemon? Did he protect Crypt? I felt sick with all the questions.
"And Touko…" Bianca's eyes narrowed with remorse. "They took my pokemon from me."
"What?" Professor Juniper turned to her in shock. "When!"
"A long time ago… right after the big battle." She looked ready to cry. "Touko I thought maybe they were with you… wherever you were, but they weren't, were they?"
I wished I could lie to her and tell her that they were back at the team Plasma castle… but I had never seen them and I doubted anyone would have kept them.
I shook my head and watched the tears roll from her eyes. Professor Juniper put her hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently, trying to comfort her in any way possible as she entered a flurry of gasps.
I felt like I had the world sitting on my shoulders and everything that was happening and had already happened was my fault. Cheren being in prison, Bianca losing her pokemon, all the sorrow and pain and Tate's secret sorrow, it all seemed to be crushing me.
If a panic attack and a coma couldn't kill me then surely this would.
Unable to lie any longer I gathered my strength and sat up. My mother wanted me to stay put but I insisted that I had to stretch. I looked out the gloomy, rain covered window of my familiar room and felt a lump rise in my throat.
Where was N right now? Was he ok?
"Oh." Tate seemed to remember something then. He reached for his pocket and pulled out a familiar pokeball.
My mother looked repulsed as he handed it to me.
"You saved Crypt?" I took it quickly and dropped it on the old wooden floor. It erupted and gathered in a mass in front of me. I held my hand out to him and my favorite ghost type pokemon raced into my arms, feeling more solid that he ever had before. He made that strange purring noise he always did and I felt slightly more at ease.
My mother on the other hand…
"No!" she curled her hands up into fists. "No more pokemon!"
"Cheryl." Professor Juniper cautioned, reaching for my mothers hand.
"No!" she repeated desperately. "Team Plasma has already ruined so much I won't let them have a reason to come here again!"
"They never came here." I said softly. "Mom… you're just going to give them what they want?"
"Touko, I will NOT take the chance of losing you again over a pokemon."
"Crypt isn't just a pokemon!" I couldn't believe my ears! My mother, who had been a trainer once herself, who had a pokemon of her own at one point, was all of sudden going to let team Plasma win?
"He is part of my team…"
"Your Mienshao died, Touko!" My mother was fighting her own fears and beliefs. "You are going to risk another pokemons life?"
I glared, suddenly furious with her cheap shot. I knew she just wanted to protect me, but she had to realize I wasn't just going to give up everyone I believed in because I was back in her house and back from a coma. Pokemon or not I knew what I had to do.
"You can't take her pokemon from her." Tate said smoothly, only it sounded like a challenge in my mothers ears.
"Stay out of this." she didn't look at him, but waited for my response.
"Mom… I know this isn't what you want to here, but…" I swallowed hard, thinking of N and the promise I made him.
More importantly than getting my pokemon back, or getting Cheren out, or stopping the liberation altogether… I had to keep that promise to N. He loved me… He was the only person that had loved me in that dreadful place. He had made it bearable and tried to protect me and make me happy even when our ideals where different. He made me sane.
I promised him I would protect him and I was determined to keep that promise.
All the eyes in the room were turned to me, even Crypt's which were filled with fear of having to leave me, were waiting for what I had to say. Tate looked hopeful, Bianca looked pleading, my mother looked absolutely terrified, and Professor Juniper looked like she was going to side with me no matter what. I took a deep breath and spoke with more authority than I expected.
"I have to go back."