A/N: Thank you for the reviews they are really appreciated. Apologies for the mediocre writing and grammar mistakes.

CHAPTER 21

THE morning sun peaked through the curtains, causing Shay, who was lying on her side, to slowly stir awake. Last night was the first night, in a very long time, where she had actually slept, and she had felt better for it. The cool sheets had felt nice on her bare skin, and she just wanted to take a moment to savor the feeling.

Shay's eyes suddenly flew open in a panic, her body stiffening as she recalled the events that had happened last night which lead her to be naked. She, Leslie Elizabeth Shay, had slept with Allison Rafferty.

Various thoughts were racing through her mind, such as: 'What if Rafferty regretted what happened last night?' and, 'What if she can't look and speak to me anymore?' as well as, 'What the hell did I get myself into?'

Shay didn't want to risk turning around to see if Rafferty was still in bed. At least with her back turned, she could pretend to still be sleeping, and that would buy her some time to think of a rational explanation as to what had happened last night. Thinking back to the car ride, this moment had now officially topped her parents catching her with her father's Playboys as the most embarrassing story.

It also wasn't as if Shay personally regretted what happened last night either. She would be lying to herself if she denied she didn't have feelings for Rafferty. It wasn't evident at first, but the more time she spent with Rafferty and in between their exchanged silly banter, the harder she fell for her replacement partner. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she was indeed heartbroken when Rafferty was placed on suspension. Still, a part of her knew that nothing would come of them, and she accepted that—the struggles of a lesbian—and went her separate way.

Until, of course, last night. In a million and ten years, Shay would have never imagined that she would ever kiss Rafferty, let alone sleep with her. Even though she had slept with women in the past, sleeping with Rafferty was a new experience for her. On one hand, it was the same raw, almost animal-like sex she had with Devon, where they hungered for each other with such intensity that they couldn't keep their hands or lips off one another. On the other hand, it was the soft and slow lovemaking that she had with Clarice, where they took the time to explore each other's bodies. Never had she experienced both with one woman in one night.

"I know you are awake," Came Rafferty's voice as she caressed Shay's back. "God, you are tense."

Shay felt her heart flutter. She wasn't ready to face Rafferty. She hadn't even come up with the right words to say.

"Leslie," Rafferty said. "Look at me."

It took a minute before Shay reluctantly turned over to face Rafferty. Her heart was pounding—and she still hadn't come up with the right words.

Rafferty looked into Shay's eyes. She had a feeling in regards to what Shay was probably thinking. She wanted to assure Shay that what had happened last night was consensual, and that she had no regrets at all.

"Talk to me," Rafferty finally said. "Is this about last night?"

"Is what about last night?" Shay answered back, but the lump in her throat was evident.

"Us. Sleeping together. You, being so…tense…"

"Oh," Shay answered back.

"Because if it is, I want you to know that last night was"—

Shay could feel the dread of what Rafferty was going to say next build up in her heart. Her mind was already filling in the word for her. 'A mistake.'

"—amazing. At least for me, anyway. "

The dread Shay had felt dissipated. "It was incredible for me too."

Rafferty blushed which caused her to coyly smile, and it melted Shay's heart.

A piece of blonde hair fell in front of Shay's face, and Rafferty lovingly tucked it behind Shay's ear.

Rafferty stared into Shay's eyes. "When my fiancé died, I was certain I was never going to find someone that would make me feel like he made me feel. And I can't even begin to tell you how many of my friends and family have set me up on blind dates with men that were just so…boring. When the dates never worked out, I would tell them that I was just not over my fiancé. That was partially true. They just told me I was extremely picky."

Rafferty paused. "I used to get angry at happy couples for no other reason than the fact that I was frustrated. You were probably the first person I took it out on the most, and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am on how I treated you when I first arrived at 51."

"You don't have to apologize," Shay said. "I understand. I knew you didn't mean it."

"Still," Rafferty said. "It wasn't right. You know, it was kind of funny. During my suspension, the only thing I could think about was you. I was trying to pinpoint the exact moment I had started to fall for you, and I realized it was an accumulation of all the tiny things—mostly the banter."

Shay laughed. "I think we would be the first people to fall for each other over banter."

"When I saw you in that alley, not sure if you were going to make it, or not, the only thing I could think about was that I wasn't able to tell you how important you are to me; how strong I had feelings for you."

Shay moved her hand down Rafferty's arm until their hands met and entwined. "I want you to know that the feeling isn't one-sided. I feel the same about you."

Rafferty squeezed Shay's hand. "I know you are going through a lot right now. And this is probably not the right time or place to say this, but…I don't want this to be a one time thing."

Shay didn't want this to be a one-time thing either. After everything that had happened to her in the last two years, she had realized how short and precious life really was.

Shay wanted to articulate the exact sentiments she was thinking, but instead what came out of her mouth was, "We are complete opposites."

Rafferty chuckled. "We are," She agreed. "Total opposites. I bet you would be surprised to know that my fiancé was not a male version of me."

Shay raised her eyebrows. This was a surprise.

"But that is the magic of it all. I don't want to be with someone who is exactly like me. I want to be with someone who challenges me, who makes me want to be a better person, who listens and can take a joke, or two."

Rafferty went quiet, her eyes no longer focusing on Shay's eyes, but on their entwined hands. "I am willing to give it a try, to give it my all, if you are."

Shay had wanted to hear those words coming from Rafferty since she came to 51. "You have it."

Rafferty looked back up at Shay, both matching each other's smiles. They moved in closer, their legs now entwined and embracing each other. Skin-on-skin had felt so good, and they just stayed wrapped together for one moment too many.

"Are you ready for today?" Rafferty asked, breaking the blissful silence that had filled the room.

"I'm nervous," Shay said. "But I need to do this. And you being here helps more than you will ever know."

"We should get ready then," Rafferty said. "We have to check out soon."

IT took less than four hours to arrive at the address Newhouse provided for Shay.

"This is it?" Rafferty asked as she pulled along side the house and turned off the car. The home looked slightly run down with broken lawn chairs, and old newspapers littering the property.

"Apparently," Shay said. A part of her began to feel bad for Devon, realizing this was probably how she had grown up as a child with an alcoholic father and abusive mother.

Rafferty grabbed Shay's hand and squeezed it. "You ready?"

Shay nodded her head. She had come too far to back out now. As she got out of the car and made her way up the porch steps, she was thinking about all the things she was going to say to Devon's father.

She quickly exchanged a look with Rafferty before she knocked on the door. It only took a minute before the door swung open and a Korean man, who looked disheveled, tired, but surprisingly not drunk (she had seen her fair share of drunks on shift to know), answered.

"Mr. Jay Park?" Shay finally asked as the man looked at her.

The man was quiet for a moment, and Shay was worried that maybe this was the wrong house.

"You must be Leslie Shay," Jay finally said. His eyes turned toward Rafferty. "I'm afraid I don't know who you are."

"Allison Rafferty," Rafferty responded, and Jay just nodded his head.

"Please, come in." Jay stepped aside to allow both women to enter.

The inside of the house was surprisingly cleaner than the outside. There were no traces of empty alcohol bottles in the living room, just an open box sitting on the coffee table.

"Have a seat," Jay said as he pointed to the couch. "I'm sorry if I startled you Leslie—in knowing who you are, but Devon had shown me pictures and spoke very fondly of you."

"I am sorry to just come unannounced," Shay spoke. "I just wanted to pay my respects to Devon."

"Don't be sorry. I kind of expected you to come," Jay said. "I wasn't the greatest father to Devon. The last time she was here, I got an earful from her when she bailed me out. I think I have you and your roommates to thank for that. When I got the news she had died—I couldn't believe it. And when her ashes"—he pointed to the open box on the table—"came in the mail, I realized that I had let her down so much."

Jay grabbed the box and pulled out a smaller container from it. "These are her ashes. They have been sitting here since I got them because I don't know my own daughter. I can't afford to give her a proper burial site, and even if I did, I knew for a fact that she hated this city."

Shay didn't know what to say. "I'm sure Devon knew you tried your hardest."

Jay chuckled, but than it turned into a small sob. "It's kind of funny that it took her death for me to get sober."

"I think that's what she always wanted for you," Shay answered back. "I think, no. I know, she would be very proud."

"Here," Jay suddenly said as he passed the container to Shay. "I want you to have her ashes."

Rafferty looked over at Shay, who looked completely shocked.

"You probably knew her better than I ever will. And every time I see her ashes, I am tempted to drink. I know you would be able to give her a proper send off."

Shay swallowed hard, and both Jay and Rafferty could see the apprehension in Shay's face. Rafferty knew this wasn't exactly what Shay had envisioned.

"Please," Jay said. "She deserves to be at peace. I could never give her that in life; I won't be able to do that in her death. Please."

Rafferty's heart broke for Jay's father. She didn't know Devon personally, but Shay did, and whatever decision Shay would make, she would support her 100 percent.

"Okay," Shay finally said, and the smile that spread across Jay's face spoke volumes. "I'll take her ashes and give her a proper send off."

"Thank you, Leslie. Thank you very much. I know Devon would want this."