You're probably going to hate me after this chapter and the next two, but keep in mind that there is going to be a happy ending, and that it's going to feel that much happier because all this pain I put you through. A big thank you for reading this even when it hurts; it means a lot to me that you trust me to make everything right again.
How do you deal with the fact that you only have one more night in the arms of your lover, your confidante, your best friend? Emma doesn't know. Emotions are hitting her from all sides and she doesn't know whether to cry, make love to him as many times as she can or keep telling him how much she loves him, so she ends up doing everything at once.
Killian is infinitely patient with her, and somehow, Emma makes herself calm down even though she's still painfully aware of time passing, the fact that they only have hours left like a thorn in her heart every time she moves.
Afterwards, he's sitting against the headboard of their bed and she's straddling his lap, her arms and legs wrapped around him, her head resting against his shoulder. She couldn't be closer to him even if she tried, and still it's not enough.
"Tell me a story", Emma whispers, her fingers going up and down his back, again and again, and the realization that this is the last time she's holding him like this cuts her like a knife. She had never experienced anything like this, and she takes a deep breath, inhaling the scent of his skin until the pain subsides, wondering if it's possible to actually die of a broken heart.
"What kind of story, love?" He asks her, kissing her shoulder, her neck, her hair, any part of her that's within the reach of his lips.
"A story with a happy ending", she says, and she can hear a smile in his voice when he starts telling her their story, from that first day in the Enchanted Forest, to Storybrooke, and finally this world.
"But then Emma had to leave Killian behind… again", he says, and even though his intention was to make light of their situation, Emma can't make her lips stretch into a smile.
"How is that a happy story?" She asks, pulling away to look at him, regretting every single time she had left him behind in the past because he had never deserved it, wishing she could turn back time and do everything different, starting from that day up on the beanstalk.
"Patience, lass", he says, and Emma finds it hard to meet his eyes without biting the inside of her cheek to keep her chin from trembling.
"It better be good", she says and turns around so that she's leaning against his chest, his arms wrapped around her waist. She loves how this feels, how he surrounds her on all sides, and she closes her eyes, trying to memorize every detail of this moment so she can find comfort in it when he's not there to hold her anymore.
"There's nothing that Emma wants more than to stay, but she doesn't because she needs to take care of her children and tell them all about the charming pirate whose heart is in her keeping."
Emma realizes that there are tears streaming down her face again and tries to turn to look at Killian, but his arms stay tightly wrapped around her, his lips pressing against her wet cheek. She gives up the fight and leans her head back against his shoulder, looking at Lily sleeping soundly in her bed and wishing she could be as oblivious as her baby girl is.
"Once he's left alone in their cabin, Killian packs the car and leaves, because he can't stand seeing Emma's and Lily's ghosts in the empty rooms. He travels down many roads and finally reaches the ocean, where he steals a ship and sails around the world until he finds a way to cross worlds again. It takes him years, but he never gives up, and he finds Emma again."
Emma listens to the sound of Killian's voice, his accent still sending shivers down her spine, seeing the future she can never have playing in her mind so clearly, like a dream that's so beautiful that your brain lets you remember it for days after you've woken up.
This time he lets her turn around and look at him, and there's such conviction in his blue eyes that she doesn't bother pointing out that this world is without magic.
"Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me? I will find a way to you", he tells her like he's reading her mind, wiping away her silent tears with his thumb and the back of his hand, and Emma nods, kissing him until she can't think about anything except the heat between them and the feel of him around her and inside her.
Snow and David arrive after breakfast, and Emma feels oddly distanced from herself and completely disconnected from the world around her. She packs Lily's clothes and toys while Killian sits with her on the bed and tells her that she and mommy are going on a trip to a better place.
"And Killy?" Lily asks, immediately catching on the fact that he never mentions himself going with them.
"Killy must stay here for a while, to make sure they are safe", he explains, and Lily frowns.
"We're not safe without you", she tells him seriously, and Emma races downstairs with the bag because when Cora was trying to pull her heart out of her chest it hurt less than this.
Snow looks up from the table and offers her a sad smile, but Emma moves past her and Charming, dropping the bag next to the door and going outside. She stands in the garden, well aware that she's wasting her last minutes with Killian, but unable to go back inside and face Lily.
"Emma", he comes out and she turns in surprise, expecting to see Lily in his arms.
"Where is she?"
"With your parents. She took it better than we expected", he tells her, slowly coming closer, looking at her like he expects her to fall apart any second now. She tells herself she won't, and only manages to keep it together because she'll be damned if one of his last memories of her is going to be a sniveling mess.
"She's always been tough", Emma says because it's easier like this, talking about Lily and pretending that they are fine.
"As were you", he tells her, and she laughs bitterly because she hadn't been tough for a long long time.
"Tell me that your story won't be just a fairytale. Tell me you're coming after us. Make me believe", Emma says, wrapping her arms around his neck and looking at him, taking in the lines on his face that weren't there before all this, realizing she doesn't have a single picture to remember him by.
"We're meant to be, Emma. I was supposed to die two hundred and fifty years ago, and I've crossed worlds to come to the one you were in", he says, nudging her nose with his. "We are going to see each other again."
Hope takes root in her soul and when he kisses her, she lets herself believe, if only for a moment, if only until his lips leave hers and she is once more reminded how hard it is to breathe without him.
Lily insists on giving Killian her favorite elephant, and no amount of blinking can stop Emma from crying. Snow and Charming finish putting most of their provisions into the Trans Am and then get into the truck as Emma watches Killian settle Lily in, kissing the top of her head and carefully closing the door. He turns to Emma with the elephant in the crook of his left arm and she shakes her head, feeling like she's standing on the edge of a precipice, wishing this could just be over.
It's horrible, but she wants to get into that truck and get away from his eyes, from his hand reaching for hers for the last time. Still, she knows that she's going to regret it the second he disappears from her sight, so she entwines her fingers with his and tells him that she loves him more than she had ever thought she could love anybody.
"I love you more, my darling princess", he says and brushes his lips against her knuckles. Emma swallows and turns her back on him, making three steps around the truck before she's unable to go on. She goes back and wraps her arms around him, pressing her nose against his neck and letting him hold her like he's never going to let her go.
"Don't make me wait too long", she tells him and pulls away, watching a solitary tears spill down his stubbled cheek.
"Never", he tells her firmly and she nods, catching that tear with her thumb before he walks her around the truck and opens the door for her. She climbs in next to Lily and pulls her close, the sound of his goodbye ringing in her ears as both of them wave at him long after he's nothing but a little speck in their rearview window.
It's only then that Emma realizes he hasn't kissed her goodbye.
The ride to the city is eerily silent; Charming is focusing on the road and the map he had drawn on the way here, Snow keeps throwing worried glances toward the back seat but can't find any comforting words and Lily is sleeping in Emma's arms, lulled by the moving of the truck.
Emma is staring out the window feeling her throat tighten every time they pass by some landmark she remembers from coming this way with Killian; there seems to be a staggering amount of those, and she can't take it anymore, so she closes her eyes and tries to think about nothing at all.
It's not working because she can still hear his voice in her ear telling her their story and giving it a happy ending, and his scent is caught on both hers and Lily's clothes, making her feel like she's being repeatedly hit in the chest every time she inhales.
They reach the street with the dormant portal with an hour to spare before sundown, and Snow and Charming go out to clear the street of the zombies. Emma stays in the car because Lily is scared as it is, even though she's really in the mood to shoot some arrows in zombie's faces.
Despite Emma telling her that nobody's going to hurt her, all the moaning coming from outside the truck makes Lily start crying, and she wraps her arms around Emma's neck and hides her face in Emma's shoulder.
"Make it stop", she veils, and Emma rubs her back and tells her that soon they're going to be safe. "Just a little while and all this will be gone", she says, and wipes her own tears away because when all this is gone, so is the hope of seeing Killian again.
"I want Killy", Lily chokes out, and Emma welcomes this pain and vows that she's going to do everything in her power to stop her from forgetting Killian the way she had forgotten her father.
"I want him too", Emma says, watching through the window as Snow blows the magic words from the paper, drawing Lily's attention to the gently swirling portal opening in the street.
"What's that?" Lily asks, her tears drying instantly as she scrambles over Emma's lap and presses her nose against the window.
"It's the way home", Emma explains as Snow and Charming get back into the truck.
"Ready?" Charming asks with a smile that falls when he meets Emma's haunted eyes.
"Let's just go", Emma says, her entire body poised for flight.
Snow turns in her seat and grabs Emma's hand, giving her support and at the same time stopping her from jumping out of the car at the last possible second, which is the only thing she can think about right now.
Ten seconds later it's all over, and they are driving away from Storybrooke, toward Henry and a future without Killian.
Emma holds onto Lily and Snow's hand, feeling so numb and cold that she begins to wonder if this is what dying feels like.
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