Hello, hello, hello! I hope you know who this is, otherwise you're in the wrong story!
Alright, in regards to the anonymous reviews thing: I've decided, not to ban them, purely because he-whose-name-shall-not-be-said seems to thrive off of the attention given to him. Making other people suffer for what he enjoys would just be icing on the cake for him. So, I've decided to just delete all of the reviews sent by him. Out of sight, out of mind, eh? So everybody, just, don't talk about him at all, ever again! It works with elementary school bullies, it'll work with someone who ACTS like one! Just, give him no attention, and he'll wither away!
And a final parting comment to man-with-no-name, before he is forever forgotten: you remind me of a story that I was told by an acquaintance.
"I was in eighth grade, and there was this kid, with a hot girl. I wanted her, so you know what I did? I took his girl! Then, every day on the playground, he would come up to me and say, 'well, I say you're a nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger!' the kid would not shut up, for days on end! Well, until I fuckin' knocked his lights out!"
See who you are?
And I am going to anxiously wait for the day where your smart-ass comments get your heart ripped out and fed to you. And you know what? When that happens, I'm going to laugh my ass off! Because I know that you're going to mouth off to someone who isn't so appreciative, and they're going to fuckin' murder you! And I'm going to point to you and say, "I called it! I called it, and you didn't believe me!"
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Disclaimer: doing this every chapter is getting pretty depressing…
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
"Why is this taking so looooong!" Luffy whined as he hung upside down from the ship's head. Zoro yawned, Sanji gushed over Alvida, Alvida gave moony eyes at Luffy while tanning, Kuro people-watched, and Arlong played Mumblypeg with Gin. Nami frowned and swatted at Luffy's feet.
"It's only been one day! The grand line is still a few days off!"
"But…" Luffy stopped. 'After all, I can't really say that we got there during the storm in the future, can I?'
'Open mouth, insert foot much?' gold roger quipped. Luffy would have leaped up a good foot in the air, if he wasn't hanging upside down.
'Roger! Where the hell have you been! You nearly got me killed in loguetown when you didn't show up!'
'Don't ask me. You knocked me out while on Pervy Power!' Luffy quirked an eyebrow.
''Pervy power'? Is this some kind of joke, roger?'
'No, no, think about it! Sanji is one of the original Monster Three, right? Yet he's always sporting a bruise from Nami when he gets frisky! Why is that?' Luffy opened his mouth, yet stopped.
'y'know… that's a good question!'
'Because when men are on Pervy Power, women can attack the soul of a guy! Go straight for the jugular, they do!' Luffy snorted as a vision born of boredom and the conversation drifted through his mind. Sanji, in a small red cape, leaped up in the air.
"Da-da-da-DA! Da-DAHH! Pervy POWER!" dream-Sanji shouted. Luffy and gold roger stifled ill-concealed laughter.
'That's some of the most messed up stuff I have ever…' he trailed off. 'Did you hear that?'
'Hear what?'
'Hear somebody calling us.' Luffy looked around.
'Us? As in, straw hat, us, or you and me, us?'
'You and me, us. It sounded like…it's saying for us to go in the water.' Luffy shrugged.
'Whatever floats your boat!' he uncrossed his legs, and he broke the surface of the water without a sound. He looked about in the clear water. "Now, where's out mystery man…"
"Right here." Poseidon swirled into existence behind Luffy. He gave out an undignified yelp as he whirled about.
"God! Don't do that!" Poseidon laughed.
"Sorry. It's a habit."
"So, what do you want with us?" gold roger asked as he materialized.
"And more importantly, how are you here? I thought Kronos was the only god!" Poseidon chuckled.
"My friend, you are sadly mistaken if you think that there is only one god. He'd be so hard-pressed to manage every single aspect of the world, he would never have time to himself!" he stretched, yawning. "And as to your second question, dad woke me up. Though, if I had to thank someone, I would thank you!"
"Me! How could I wake a god!" Luffy pointed at himself.
"You were able to get lots of followers for dad. An entire village, I believe. That was enough power for him to give me a jumpstart! Now, I'm kind of leeching off of his power until I can get some believers of my own!"
"Cocoyashi village… of course…" Luffy murmured. He blinked. "Wait, dad? Kronos is your dad!" Poseidon laughed.
"Yep! He's my dad!"
"How long have you been awake?" gold roger ducked into the water, swimming back up again.
"Oh, since about Loguetown, I believe." His face grew dark. "Which reminds me. There's something I should tell you guys. Luffy, you know the thunderbolt that saved you from your execution by buggy?"
"Yeah. That happened before, too. What about it?"
"Well, we can't be sure about the first time, since dad wasn't up and running enough to pay attention to the world, but the second time was an assassination attempt on you."
"Eeeh!" Luffy screamed.
"But who would try and kill him! And who could do it with LIGHTNING, for god's sake?" Poseidon rubbed his brow.
"My brother, Zeus, curse him to Tartarus. He is the god of the sky, and the third king of the gods, after he dethroned dad, chopped him into mincemeat and threw him into hell." Gold roger whistled.
"Wow. One hell of a family you have."
"You haven't seen the half of it. Anyways, we have no clue at all how he's still alive, since he supposedly fell, along with the rest of us, in The Downfall. We also have no idea how strong he is right now, so keep your guard up. In the meantime, Luffy, try and get more followers, so that we can jumpstart more of the gods."
"Are they all related to you guys?" Luffy asked. Poseidon tapped his chin.
"Uhh… I think so, more or less. Our family tree is… REALLY weird. Though, more or less, we're all related." Luffy decided to give into his curiosity.
"How weird?" Poseidon chuckled.
"It would make your brain melt just thinking about it, in mortal terms."
"Try me."
"Well, mom was created out of chaos, then impregnated herself to give birth to Oranos, the earth and Pontus." Luffy blinked. 'That's… slightly impossible…' "Then, Oranos got frisky and started having kids with her-"
"WHOA!" Luffy shrieked, his face going a pasty white. "This ora-guy had kids with his MOM!" gold roger looked fairly green in the face. "How screwed up IS that guy!"
"Well, it's wrong only in morals, and in mortal terms. You don't know god genetics."
"Do I even WANT to know after hearing that!"
"It'll help with the disgust!" Poseidon offered. Luffy crossed his arms. "You know how when parents have a kid, they give their genes to the kid? Like, if the mom is X and the dad is Y, then the kid is XY?"
"Yeah…"
"Well, when gods have kids, it's a whole different story. If the mom is X and the dad is Y… then the kid is Z."
"...I'm not going to even think about the logistics of that."
"But seriously, how do you think we get so many different gods if that didn't happen? And that's not even the beginning! Sometimes, the mom, who was originally X, spontaneously becomes, I dunno, H or something, maybe P."
"… Do I even WANT to know?"
"Probably not. ANYWAYS! Oranos got frisky with her, and she had a crapload of kids with him, a good chunk of them monsters. There were also the titans, which dad is one of. Mom gave birth to these-"
"Wait, MOM! And Kronos is your dad! Then-" Poseidon waved his hands wildly.
"Oh, nononononono! No, they didn't get it on! She's just the mother of all of the gods, since she more or less gave birth to all of us indirectly, so we call her 'mom' as a general rule of thumb! Kronos actually IS her son, but more on that later. MOVING ON! Mom gave birth to these three monsters-"
"Why do you call them monsters? I mean, if they're born of gods, them aren't they gods too?" Luffy interrupted. Poseidon cast him a sharp look.
"Do you want me to tell the story or not?"
"I just want to know!" Poseidon sighed.
"Fine. We call them monsters because, well, they generally are. They come out… well, REALLY freaky. These three were called the hecatonchires, and they had one-hundred hands and fifty heads. See what I mean by monsters?" gold roger's eyes bugged out.
"Fifty heads! And a hundred arms! Is that even possible!"
"It is when you're a god. Anyways, Oranos was creeped out by them, so he threw them into Tartarus, the lowest pit of hell there is. Of course, Tartarus is 'inside' mom, since she's more or less the earth, so it was basically the same as shoving them back in the womb as soon as they came out." Luffy winced.
"OUCH! That's gotta hurt!" Poseidon nodded.
"No kidding. She had put up with him long enough and that was the final straw. She made a sickle out of… was is stone or metal? I can't remember…" he tapped his chin, before he shrugged. "Ah, well. Serves the same purposes. She made the sickle, and asked which of her children, the titans, would do the honors."
"Honors?" Luffy asked. "Honors of what?" Poseidon grinned bloodily.
"Why, the honor of cutting off Oranos' balls, of course!" Luffy and gold roger's hands immediately went to their crotches, as if protecting them from the talked-about sickle.
"Oh my god! That's horrible!"
"Try getting raped every night by your own son; see how charitable it makes you. Well, nobody was gutsy enough, until dad, the youngest of the titans, took the job."
"You mean Kronos cut off his dad's junk? Because his mom asked him to!" gold roger shouted, confused.
"Louder doesn't mean we understand you better, roger. Yes, he did cut off Oranos' balls. You don't understand the kind of devotion to Gaia Kronos has. If she asked him to jump off a cliff while not immortal, he would do it without hesitation. Anyways, he cut off the balls, and threw them into the sea, so that Oranos couldn't find them and put them back on. The balls hit the water, and Aphrodite, the goddess of love was born." Luffy snorted involuntarily.
"So, you're saying that the goddess of love can be created out of a god's severed junk?" Poseidon smirked.
"Yeah, we're crazy like that. Anyways, Gaia, as thanks to Kronos, gave him control over the titans, just like Oranos was. Oranos was pissed. He did a prediction that a son of his would overthrow him, just like Kronos overthrew him. That son turned out to be Zeus." Luffy's eyebrows shot up.
"You're shitting me…"
"I shit you not. There's a crapload more, but I don't think you really need to know our family history all that well. Anything else before I destroy this avatar?"
"Avatar?" Poseidon cracked his neck.
"What, you thought this was my real body? Naw, this is a creation of mine! All of the elemental gods can create avatars for earth fun; the rest usually possess someone. We used to have real bodies here, but we lost them." His eyes widened, and he snapped his fingers. "That's right! I forgot one thing!"
"What's that?" gold roger asked, flicking little air pockets lazily.
"If you find any of our bodies here on earth, let us know right away! They'll give us a power boost like you would not believe!" gold roger arched an eyebrow.
"What, you don't know where they are?"
"No! We had to become separate from them, become insubstantial to handle all of our power, otherwise we would have imploded! We left our bodies here to keep us alive. They're in a coma, per say."
"How do we know they're your bodies? We can't exactly go digging through all the graveyards in the world looking for them, you know." Poseidon laughed.
"Now, THAT, you won't have a problem with. Our bodies aren't exactly inconspicuous. They've probably adapted to the environment to hide themselves, hiding in our natural elements! Mine's probably hidden underwater somewhere, mom's is probably some sort of mountain range, and so forth." Luffy gaped.
"Wait, you guys are so big that your bodies can be mountain ranges!" Poseidon laughed yet again.
"Like I said, not exactly inconspicuous! That being said, is there anything else you need before I'm gone?" Luffy shook his head, before jerking his head down.
"No- wait! There is something!" he scrabbled with his belt, before pulling out the saber at his side. "This did something really freaky at the sword shop in Loguetown, when the demon in Zoro's sword tried to cheat! These little wispy things came out, and there was chanting, and chains appeared around Zoro's sword…" Poseidon's eyes widened.
"What! Are you sure!" Luffy nodded. The god leaned forward eagerly. "The chanting, what did it say? Did it keep repeating, 'hasshoudou' over and over?" Luffy jerked back in shock.
"Yeah! How did you know?" the king of the sea snatched the sword out of Luffy's grip and unsheathed it, staring at it in wonder.
"Incredible… after all this time, it's still survived…"
"Sounds like that isn't your regular blade." Roger commented. Poseidon broke from his reverie and nodded.
"You'd be right. This is an ancient blade, aptly called Hasshoudou. It was created by holy monks, under the combined guidance of Gaia and Hephaestus, god of the forge. Sealed inside of it are eight holy will-o'-the-wisps, designed for the sole purpose of demon hunting. It was sprinkled with the essence of a star, so it will never dull, and never break. I thought we had lost it…" Luffy stared at the blade, sparkles in his eyes.
"A-awesome… such a cool sword…"
"A thing like that, made by the gods? Doesn't look like much…" gold roger stared at the naked steel. "Would've thought it'd be a lot more… I don't know, impressive?"
"The monks were very chaste. Hey did not want to seem grand and spendy in the eyes of their gods." Poseidon shrugged and handed the blade back. "I don't know where you got that blade, but for the love of the gods, don't lose it! It's one of a kind!"
"Yeah… but why would a mountain bandit like Higuma the bear have such a rare sword as this?" Luffy resheathed Hasshoudou. "Thank you, Poseidon. You've been more than helpful. Though I have to say, you're a lot more relaxed than Kronos." Poseidon gave him a two-finger salute.
"Don't mention it, kid. And what can I say? I'm a beach bum at heart!" and with those final words, Poseidon dissolved into a spray of mist. Luffy looked at roger. Roger shrugged.
"What? Gods can be eccentric too, can't they?"
"I dunno… a beach bum god? A little edgy, if you ask me." Gold roger melted away as Luffy shot upwards. He sprang onto the deck of the ship and grinned. "I'm back! What'd I miss?"
"You were gone?" Arlong asked as he lazily tossed a throwing dagger at gin's foot. The knife missed and scraped past the man's crotch. He yelped.
"Watch it! I didn't ruin your ship yet!" Arlong blinked.
"Oops! Sorry, my aim slipped!"
"My aim'll slip on your face!" gin roared as he pulled out his tonfa, swinging them wildly at Arlong. The merman laughed as he ran around the ship as Luffy whooped.
"Looks like I showed up at the right time! FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FI-" THWACK!
"Can't you calm down at all!" Nami shouted as Luffy nursed the new bruise on his head. Alvida pulled out her mace and pointed it threateningly at Nami.
"Don't touch Luffy, or you'll get more than just a bruise!" Nami blinked and scowled at the newcomer.
"What? It doesn't hurt him! He's made out of rubber!"
"Oweee… that hurt…" Luffy whined. Alvida gave Nami a sharp look.
"What was that you were saying? Stay away from my Luffy, or I'll kick your ass, navigator or not!"
"Alvida-chwan is so beautiful when she's forceful~~!"
"FINE! You navigate the ship! I'm done!" Nami threw her arms up in the air and stormed away. Luffy stared after her, confused.
"Did I miss something?" Alvida stood and draped herself over Luffy.
"Never mind her… captain. Are you hungry? I could get Sanji to make you some food… some tasty food…" Luffy perked up immediately.
"YEAH!" Alvida smirked and clapped. The 'pervy-cook' snapped to attention.
"Sanji!"
"Yes, Alvida-chwaaan!"
"Make Luffy some food! The best you can!" Sanji noodle-wiggled away, hearts streaming out his head. "There you go, Luffy-kun…" Alvida purred, tracing a circle on his chest. "Anything else you might need that I can… help you with?"
"Psst!" gold roger hissed, soft enough so that only Luffy could hear. Luffy jerked out of Alvida's grip, casting her an apologetic look.
"Sorry, I just remembered I had an idea for Usopp! I'll go get it from my room!" he ran into the captain's quarters, closing the door behind him. "Okay, roger, what's up?" roger materialized, a massive blush on his face.
"Do you even REALIZE what she was trying to do to you?" Luffy tiled his head to the side.
"What? She was doing something to me?" gold roger shifted his pants.
"God, of all the people for all the hot chicks to fall for, it has to be the guy with absolutely no libido!" Luffy could practically feel the question mark form above his head.
"Huh? Whaddaya mean? Speak English, roger!" roger sighed.
"Never mind. You don't get it. Just… if she asks you to go to a secluded place, if you value your innocence, DO NOT GO! Now, get out of here, I've got to take care of a… problem." Luffy arched an eyebrow.
"What kind of problem would a dead guy have? And why the hell are you ordering me out of my room, on my ship?"
"Just get out!" roger shouted.
"Okay, okay, sheesh! Touchy…" Luffy slammed the door shut behind him. Sanji walked out of the kitchen, balancing multiple plates on various assorted appendages.
"Oi, Luffy. Your food." Luffy looked at it and blinked.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, that… I, uh, wasn't really all that hungry in the first place, could you, I dunno, put it in the fridge or something?" Sanji bristled.
"So you made me waste food for nothing!"
"Hey, I didn't make the suggestion, Alvida did! I know you don't like wasting food, but I'll eat it later!" Sanji, still fuming, stomped back into the kitchen. Luffy scratched his head. "Jeez, everybody's on pins and needles today…" he walked out onto the figurehead of the going merry, sitting Indian-style on her head. "You're not angry, are you merry?"
"No, I am quite content today. The sea is calm, not at all like the storm yesterday." Luffy sighed.
"That's good…" he closed his eyes, and took a nap.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
"…ffy! Luffy! Wake up! Wake up Luffy!" he jostled around roughly as the voice shouted. "Luffy, get up!" the captain snapped an eye open and stared at the offender.
"This better be good, Gin. I was having a good dream." Gin shrugged.
"Sorry. It's just, there's a marine ship closing in." Luffy jerked up.
"What! How? We haven't even painted our flag yet! How could they know we're pirates!" gin shrugged.
"Well, they're getting closer to us, but they're not coming AT us, per say. They seem to be heading for a large flock of seagulls." Luffy stood and peered out across the expanse of ocean. Sure enough, there was an entire fleet of marine ships bearing down on a flock of seagulls.
"There's not a seagull in the world interesting enough to attract a marine fleet… and marines flock around flotsam…" Luffy muttered. "Mizu Mizu sonar." He muttered as he closed his eyes, and stomped on the deck. A circular pulse of water shot out from the ship. Luffy opened his eyes. "They're flocking around something in the water! A lifeboat!" he waved his hands, and a waved rolled into existence. It caught the rowboat and flowed it into the side of the going merry. Luffy leaped down into it and stared at the contents. Gin looked over the rail and gaped.
"It's a girl!" Luffy threw the unconscious girl over his shoulder and leaped back up onto the ship. "Maybe it's a mermaid!" Gin laughed. Arlong gave gin a sharp look.
"Earth to Gin, how the hell does she look like me? Where's the tail?" Luffy ignored the two and paced to the deck.
"Get Sanji to get the food I didn't eat. This girl looks like she could use a good meal. Get him to clear out a bed in the kitchen too." He frowned, and snapped his fingers. "Arlong!"
"Yes, captain?" the merman said as he ran to his side.
"Swim to the Queen and alert your boys. Tell them to tack full sail to reverse mountain, then to wait for us at the entrance. Don't get near enough to be pulled into the current, but close enough to pull out once we get there. Once that's done, swim back. We're going to try and get rid of these marines." Arlong nodded.
"Yes, sir!" he leaped over the side and was gone. The straw hat captain paced quickly into the kitchen and laid the girl out on a cot. He straightened out as he quickly looked around. "Where's Nami?"
"I don't know. I'd try the women's quarters!" Zoro responded as he ran back out. Luffy swung around the door and pushed open the door. Nami jerked up, an annoyed scowl on her face.
"What!" she snarled. Luffy scowled at her.
"We've got marines, so stop being pissy at whatever you're ticked off about and get out here." Nami dropped the pen she was holding as she stood.
"Really!" she ran out and leaned over the rail. Her face dropped all color. "What's a fleet of that size doing out here!"
"I have an idea. They were bearing down on a lifeboat with a girl in it. We've picked up the girl, so they'll probably hunt us now. Whoever she is, she's got somebody high up interested." The lead ship fired a triplet of cannons, the iron balls landing near the ship.
"Sailors! Return the girl! Those were your warning shots! The next will not miss!" a man, presumably the captain, shouted across the water. Luffy looked at Usopp, the sniper trembling in his boots.
"Usopp. Did you get paint in Loguetown?" Usopp looked at Luffy.
"Uh… yeah, but-"
"Give them to me!" Luffy ordered. Usopp reached into his shoulder bag and pulled out three cans of different colored paint. Luffy raised an eyebrow. "That bag's deeper than it looks."
"What're you going to do with them?" gin asked as Luffy pried the tops off. He grinned.
"I'm running up the colors!" he closed his eyes, and breathed. 'Concentrate… form the image in the mind's eye…' Luffy thought, an image of the straw hat Jolly Roger forming in front of him. 'Concentrate… concentrate…'
"wow." Alvida gasped. Luffy opened his eyes and smirked.
"Mission, success." Emblazoned on the white sails, was the straw hat emblem, exactly as he remembered it. "Let them know EXACTLY where we stand. Gin, get me a cannonball." Gin ran into the hold, returning quickly with the said cannonball. Luffy picked it up and swallowed it.
"HUH!" Alvida screamed, having turned around to witness the swallowing. Luffy flexed his arm, and it hollowed itself out.
"Mizu Mizu BOMBER!" he shouted as the impromptu cannon fired. The mast on the second-leading ship toppled, crippling the ship. Luffy sniffed and rubbed his nose. "Not bad for my first aim!"
"What the hell was that!" Arlong shouted as he pulled himself over the rail. Luffy flicked his cannon-arm, and it returned to normal.
"That would be me. Letting them know we mean business." Arlong shook his head ruefully.
"I don't want to know." He stared at the distant crippled ship. "But nice aim. That's going to cost them a pretty penny to fix…"
"Like they're going to stop to fix it!" the triplet of cannons fired again. Luffy stomped the ship, and massive hands reached out of the sea. The water hands snatched the iron destroyers and threw them like a baseball at the marine fleet. They all missed the lead ship, but three other ships were effectively crippled. "And it's a triple play!"
"idiot." Sanji muttered. Luffy cocked his head, frowning.
"There's a wind coming… to the south. Huge. Get the sails ready! We'll ride it out of the marine's range!" the crew stood around, doing nothing. "What are you waiting for, Christmas! GET TO IT!" the group leaped up before rushing off. Nami, frowning, walked to Luffy's side.
"How do you know there's a wind coming?" Luffy merely licked his finger and held it up in the air.
"There's moisture hanging in the air. I can feel the wind coming." A single cannon fired from the marines. Luffy lifted his foot to 'catch' it…
…before a gust of wind filled the sails, jerking the Going Merry harmlessly out of the weapon's trajectory. The captain laughed and pumped his fist.
"Who called it! Who! Me! I called it!" Usopp ran to the stern, staring back.
"Haha! We're losing them! They can't catch up! We're getting away!" Luffy smirked.
"Well! Now that we've got that mess out of the way, let's see if our little houseguest is awake yet!" he pushed open the door to the kitchen and tromped over to the bedside. "She's still not awake yet?"
"She hasn't moved once." Sanji took a drag on his cigarette.
"Not once? Not even to breathe, or anything?" Luffy poked her forehead. "Is she dead or something?" Sanji smashed his foot down on Luffy's head.
"Don't disrespect a lady like that!" Luffy puffed his straw hat back to its original position, completely unharmed.
"Oi, oi! Don't touch the hat, or I'll kick your ass!"
"Is she awake?" Nami asked as she strolled in, the rest of the crew riding on her heels. Luffy shook his head. "Well, when she does, we've got some questions for her!"
"Like why she's got an entire fleet of marines on her tail." Kuro pushed his glasses up his nose. "Even back in my heyday, I never had such numbers hounding me."
"And why she's got such weird clothes!" Gin piped up. Nami gave him a sharp look, and he withered. "What? I've never seen a hat like that…"
"I don't think her state of attire is a real concern right now." Kuro leaned over the girl. She murmured and sat up suddenly, beaning him right in the nose. Kuro yelped painfully and fell backwards, nursing his nose and his pride. "AGH! My glasses!"
"OUCH!" she cried, rubbing her head. Luffy laughed uproariously.
"Well, that's one hell of a wake-up call! I like your style, kid!" Kuro was rolling around on the floor, trying not to cry out girlishly.
"You hurt anywhere?" Nami asked, looking up from her newspaper.
"I'll bet you're hungry. I'm reheating some stuff that an idiot didn't even touch." Sanji added as he flipped a skillet.
"Hey, I wasn't in charge of that! And you're the one who gave in to Alvida on that!"
"I'll give in to anything for Alvida-chwaaaaan!"
"Not going to even comment on how many ways that sounded wrong." Arlong muttered. "So, what's your name, kid?" the girl turned to him, only to freeze and turn an ugly shade of purple. "What'sa matter? Cat got your tongue?"
"FISHMAN!" she screamed shrilly. Arlong's face turned dark as he took a slow step forward.
"You want to repeat that, human?" Luffy stuck out a hand, blocking his progression.
"Arlong, drop it. It's not worth it." Arlong stepped back, but fumed silently. Luffy turned a critical eye on the girl. "And you!" she shrank down into the blanket, hiding from his gaze. "I don't tolerate racists on my ship. You say anything like that again, and I'm booting you off, to hell with the marines chasing you."
"WHAT! They found me!" she screamed.
"Yes, they did. Why were they chasing you?" she turned away, a stubborn pout on her face. "Fine, then. Not going to tell us, eh? Got something to hide?" Nami smashed the captain over the head with her fist.
"Stop pestering her! She's tired, and hungry, and surrounded by strangers, of course she's not going to tell us!"
"Owowowowowowoww…" Luffy moaned as he nursed his wounded pride. "But I have a responsibility as captain! If she's getting marines on our tail, then I want to know the hell why!" Nami raised her fist again, and he crumpled. "Stingy Nami…"
"You don't even know the meaning of responsibility!" ("Meanie…") Nami turned to the girl and smiled. "Ignore the idiot there. What's your name?" the girl turned away, clutching the blanket tighter.
"When you ask someone's name, you're supposed to give yours first." She replied snootily. Nami blinked, before giggling and smiling warmly.
"Okay, then. My name is Nami. The one who's cooking is Sanji." Sanji turned to wave. "The one with the bellyband and mean face is Zoro."
"Shut up."
"The one being a baby rolling around on the floor is Kuro."
"That's not funny! Damn, you've got a thick head! Oww!"
"The merman is Arlong." Arlong scowled and looked away. Nami frowned at him and continued. "The guy with the huge nose is Usopp."
"Hey! My nose isn't that big!"
"The sickly-looking guy is Gin." Gin gave a start and looked in the small wall-mounted mirror.
"What! I don't look sickly… do I?" he pulled at the bags under his eyes. "I look a little sleepy, granted, but… do I really look sickly?"
"The skank with the bra is Alvida." Alvida whipped her mace around, intent on smashing her head. Luffy absently grabbed her wrist.
"Down, girl."
"Yes, captain."
"And this guy…" Nami turned and pointed to Luffy.
"Luffy." He nodded and let go of Alvida. "The captain of this ship."
"My name is Apis."
"Apis, eh? Interesting name. From a rural island, I would guess." He arched his fingers and placed his head upon them. "Now, straight to the million-beli question: what the hell are we going to do with you?" Apis opened her mouth, only to pause. Luffy frowned. "What?"
"I… hear something…" she muttered. Luffy cocked his head and listened. After a few seconds, his eyes hardened.
"Nami… how far south do you estimate that wind has taken us?" Nami's eyes widened in horror. Arlong went deathly pale.
"Oh my god… you're shitting me… please tell me you're shitting me, captain…" Luffy stood abruptly.
"ALL HANDS ON DECK!" he roared. "ROW LIKE HELL! WE'RE IN THE CALM BELT!" the knowledgeable crewmen, I.E., Kuro, Gin, Arlong, Alvida and Nami screamed in unadulterated terror. "ZORO! SANJI! USOPP! GET YOUR ASSES OUT THERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN ALIVE!" that tidbit of info spurred the remainder into action. Luffy ran out onto the deck and peered into the water, swearing. "Dammit, dammit, dammit! I'm not getting eaten again! WHERE ARE MY OARS!"
The water frothed and churned, exploding up into towers. Sea monsters of all shapes and (monstrous) sizes rose from the sea. The ship itself was perched precariously on the nose of a black-and-white striped sea king, seemingly the size of a pebble in comparison. "Oh my damn… nobody… say… anything… Usopp, if you scream, I'll rip your heart out and feed it to you…" Usopp snapped his mouth shut, rabid-like foam leaking out the hinges.
"'Ribbit!' Crater, I'm bored! Want to mate?" an enormously sized frog monster croaked. A strange anaconda-like monster with googly eyes wobbled its head.
"We just did that two hours ago! I want to do something else!" Luffy blinked. 'This wasn't exactly the thought process I would have expected from sea kings the size of mountains…"
"But why the hell are they so lazy? This wasn't the case at all before!" gold roger whispered, so as not to disturb them.
"Oh, and I'm sure you knew exactly how motivated sea kings were EIGHT HUNDRED YEARS AGO!" Luffy hissed quietly.
"I think I would know, seeing as how they were under my dominion!" gold roger retorted. "They were the ultimate weapons, the big guns, the buster call of the undersea army! Why the hell are they like this now!" the monster-frog shifted its bulk and stared at the ship.
"Waver! You've got 'ribbit!' Something on your nose!" the orca-patterned sea king rolled its eyes to see the pest.
"Huh! You're right! When did that get there?"
"Can I eat it? 'Ribbit!' can I?" Luffy did NOT like the way the conversation was turning.
"I dunno… is it edible?" orca-monster replied.
"We can find out! Let 'ribbit!' me try it!" frog-monster hopped once, causing tidal waves to rush.
"Luffy! Try talking to them!"
"What! Are you crazy! They'll chew us up and spit us out!" Luffy hissed. 'God, how did I get out of this before?'
"Sea Kings have almost indefinite lifespans! They won't die unless it's from a bodily wound! It's highly likely one of them will know me!" gold roger answered, hope creeping into his voice. Luffy growled.
"I swear to Kronos, Poseidon and however other many gods there are, roger, if we die because of you, I'm gonna kick your ass!" he took in a deep, steadying breath, and began to shout.
"OI! YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT US!" the crew screamed.
"LUFFY YOU IDIOT!" frog-monster blinked once and stared (up? Down?) At the ship.
"Hey! It talks! That's new!"
"ARE ANY OF YOU OVER EIGHT HUNDRED YEARS OLD!" Luffy shouted. Orca-monster shuddered. "ACK! DON'T DO THAT!"
"Waver, keep 'ribbit!' still! You'll send the pebble flying!" frog-monster ordered. Orca-monster stilled. "Eight hundred years? 'Ribbit!' I think the chief is that old… let me 'ribbit!' check!" frog monster sank beneath the surface of the sea. Luffy breathed a sigh of relief.
"Roger, you get to keep your balls. It worked." He turned around to the crew plus Apis, a relieved grin on his face. "Well, looks like we're out of hot water for now."
"HOW! We're stuck in the biggest breeding ground for sea kings in the WORLD, where there is absolutely NO wind or currents to get us out! HOW are we out of hot water!" Usopp screamed. Luffy flicked his hat.
"Well, we're not going to be eaten. That's a start." Luffy turned to the first mate. "Zoro! You're in charge while I'm gone!"
"You're going somewhere!" Nami shouted. Zoro quirked an eyebrow.
"This has to do with the secret thing, right? The thing you told me at cocoyashi?" Luffy nodded. The swordsman smirked. "Aye aye, captain."
"Thank you! And Apis!" the girl flinched. "I'm not done with you yet! When I get back, you're going to tell me why those marines were after you!" he backflipped over the side and slammed his arms to the side. A fountain of water sprouted up and smashed into the side of the going merry, sending the ship flying through the sky, back to east blue sea. Luffy cracked his neck and landed on top of the water.
"I feel like a midget right now." Gold roger laughed.
"Join the club, we've got jackets! It's times like these that the shapeshift technique really helps!" Luffy scratched his head.
"But you never taught me that! You showed me in cocoyashi, but you didn't show me how!"
"It's easy! Just imagine yourself in your mind's eye." Luffy closed his eyes, and an image of himself formed. "Now, picture that you slowly transforming into something else. It could be a dog, it could be one of the sea kings, it could be you but giant-sized! Focus on that image of transformation, and believe that that is truly you."
"Sounds like something you hear in mental therapy." Luffy quipped, but did as he was told. In his mind's eye, Luffy bubbled and shifted, rising higher, and higher, and higher into the air. A gust of wind smashed into Luffy's face, and his hand instinctively snatched at his hat. The image faded away. "Dammit! Lost it!"
"You sure about that?" roger asked dryly. Luffy opened his eyes, and was staring at an even level with the frog-monster.
"Whoaribbit! You got big!" it croaked. Luffy blinked and stared down. The surface of the water was miles below.
"Well, whaddaya know… it worked." Frog-monster shifted in place.
"The chief is old enough, so we'll 'ribbit!' take you to see him. You can dive, right?" Luffy nodded. "Follow me!" it leaped upwards, diving with a massive splash into the water. Luffy slid underneath without a ripple.
"Well, I'll say one thing about these guys. They can book it!" Luffy swam alongside the frog-monster, feeling the slight strain on his powers in his attempt to keep pace. The distance was spent in silence, before frog-monster pulled up.
"The 'ribbit!' chief will see you!" Luffy nodded his oversized head.
"Alright then." He stepped forward into the murky water. "Where is he? I can't see a thing…"
"He's 'ribbit!' right in front of you!" Luffy frowned and swirled his hand. The water cleared, and his heart nearly gave out.
"Gaia, mother of Kronos…" he breathed.
"Oh, sweet ever-loving…" gold roger echoed. "t-that's… impossible…" the sea BEHEMOTH rolled a single gargantuan eye to stare at him.
"Who are you?"
"S-squid…" Luffy stuttered.
Even in his hugely enhanced form, the giant sea squid dwarfed him easily. The bloody red skin rippled and rolled with massive muscles. The murky water beneath it concealed the hornet's nest of suction-cupped tentacles that could rip a lesser sea king in two.
"Do you have a problem with squid, HUMAN?" the massive kraken growled. Luffy backpedaled.
"I-uh, no! Nononononono! It's just, uh, I've never seen, um…"
"You've never seen a kraken." It finished. Luffy gulped audibly. He was one man that every person in the world could call absolutely fearless in the face of death. But this wasn't death. This was a force of NATURE. "Speak now, or stop wasting my time."
"I, uh…" Luffy found himself stunned into silence. Gold roger formed, staring with shock at the kraken.
"Krusher? Krusher, is that you?" the sea monster gave a start.
"Roger? Gol D. Roger! How…! I thought you were dead!" gold roger grinned.
"I cheated! By hell! Krusher! I thought you bit it with the purges!" Krusher waggled around, a stray tentacle floating in front of Luffy's face.
"We sea kings were masters of these waters far before the mermen were even an idea of evolution. If we don't want to be found, then nobody short of Poseidon himself could find us in the sea!" his beady eye rolled to Luffy. "I suppose he was the second?"
"You suppose right. Monkey D. Luffy, my successor in all but blood." His happy grin faded. "Why did you break off connections with us, Krusher? I thought it was because you were killed, and the tribe was is chaos, but… you're alive! Why?" Krusher sagged.
"Roger… I have been a fool. I am not the beast I was before. I've allowed the tribe to disintegrate into every king for himself, fighting and killing and mating with whoever they please. I'm surprised they even listen to me at all anymore."
"It's the virtue of your position, Krusher! They'd be bloody fools to ignore you!" Luffy shook his head, thoroughly lost.
"Okay, I give. What are you guys talking about?" gold roger turned to Luffy.
"The sea kings are creatures of power, and fiercely territorial. There are thousands of patches of sea kings spread across the world, each led by the strongest of the leading breed. The only thing uniting all of the breeding grounds is the tribe chief, which is the strongest sea king out of all the strongest sea kings. Krusher, here, is that chief." Luffy nodded.
"Alright, I think I get it. It's sorta like a hierarchy, but instead of the kings being related by birth, it's the strongest guy at any time! Sort of makes sense… would stop problems like the tenryuubito showing up…" gold roger shook his head.
"Not the case. You saw the huge variety of breeds here in the calm belt?" Luffy nodded. "This is one of the only mixed-breed gathering grounds for sea kings. Of the breeds, there are some that are held in the highest regard, regardless of their position of power. Those would be the kraken. Krusher is one of them." Luffy nodded.
"Okay, then… but they can still be ousted if somebody else is stronger? They just get a ton of respect, even if they aren't in the hierarchy?" roger nodded.
"In a nutshell, yes."
"I got one question, though." Luffy turned to the squid. "Mr. Krusher-"
"Call me Krusher. Mr. makes me feel old… er that I already am."
"Alright, then. No offense, Krusher, but if you were such a great leader, then why are you a washed-up has-been now?" Krusher sighed.
"No offense taken. It's true, I am a washed-up has-been. We were a force to be reckoned with, back in the golden age, when we were all united under one banner. Now, the hierarchy is all but dead." a tentacle came up and pulled at his face. "It… it was my son."
Your son? You had a son, Krusher, you sly dog!" gold roger grinned. "What's his name?"
"What WAS his name, you mean." Krusher corrected. Gold roger's face slipped.
"Oh, god… I'm so sorry… what happened?" Krusher angrily smashed at the water, and Luffy felt a tidal wave rise on the surface.
"Oathbreakers! Honor-deserters! Spawn of hell!" he ranted as he whirled around. Luffy saw dead fish floating up as angry spurts of ink gushed from the squid. "They kidnapped him! They said that if I did not surrender my power, they would kill him!" gold roger gaped.
"Holy hell… ignoring the succession rules… did they have a death wish?"
He was not three weeks old! I slaughtered them all myself but they never intended to keep their deal! They consumed him whole!" gold roger turned white as a sheet. Luffy blanched.
"That's horrible…" krusher writhed and ranted for many minutes more, before finally grounding to a halt, all energy spent.
"He was my only child… Thrasher… his mother was wounded when she laid the egg, and was killed by another faction of rebels…"
"You were left a broken man." Luffy finished. "the people in your life that you loved, that you truly cared for more than you cared for yourself were all gone. You had nothing left to live for." Luffy did not need the bob of the sea monster's head to know it was the case. He felt the waves of despair, of utter hopelessness. The waves of feelings that he felt at Raftel, the only survivor of the straw hat massacre.
"Krusher, I know that it must have been hard for you, but it's been eight hundred years! Surely you could have moved on by then!" roger cajoled. Luffy stared with resentment at roger.
"Shut the hell up, roger. You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what it's like, losing your entire life."
"He's right, roger. You know nothing. She was to be my life-mate." Krusher slumped. Gold roger gasped.
"A life-mate! God, you were considering something like that and I heard nothing! God…" gold roger then caught up to the conversation and paled. "Oh my god… you lost a life-mate and a child…"
"I take it life-mate means something big."
"It's the ultimate term of love in the Tribe. Sea Kings live indefinitely, and as such, they generally mate many times with many different Kings. A life-mating, however, means that the two sea kings are forever bound to each other, physically and spiritually. To woo a life-mate of another in the sea king world gets you killed, no questions asked. To lose a life-mate, after they have bonded with you on such a primal level… is like losing half of your soul. Many sea kings fear that power, so they avoid it like the plague. Those that did have a life-mate, only to lose them in battle… it drives them mad with grief. They charge haphazardly into battle, wishing for death."
"A pair of songbirds…"
"Aye. Exactly the story of a pair of songbirds. If one dies, the other withers away to join it."
"There have been countless days, months, even years on end where I wish I could do the same, to join them once again. But to kill yourself, whether through starvation, wounds or what have you, is the worst form of dishonor. And I cannot go off to fight others, as that would leave the Tribe leaderless, however much of a figurehead position it is now. And so, I have struggled onwards." Luffy bowed deeply.
"You shoulder a great burden, Krusher. One that I myself have felt, though certainly not to your degree. You possess willpower that could not possibly muster in a thousand years."
"Your words gladden me, if only a little." Luffy opened his mouth, only to pause.
"Hang on… hold the mushi…"
"Something wrong, Luffy?" gold roger asked. Luffy waved him away dismissively, stroking his chin.
"It could… now that I think of it… the timeline doesn't match up…" Luffy whirled around to face the pirate king. "Roger! How long have the disappearances in the Florian Triangle been happening?" roger cocked his head.
"Uh… I dunno. They were happening while I was in the grand line, had been for a while. Why?"
"And how long was Thriller Bark in the Florian Triangle?" roger's eyes lit up.
"About ten years! The timetables don't match up! Something else was causing the disappearances!" Krusher floated about, spurting out an occasional cloud of ink.
"I fail to see how this is important…" Luffy whirled on the kraken.
"Did you ever find your family's bodies?" Krusher bristled.
"Thank you for bringing up such a painful subject! Why not throw fresh water in the wound!"
"Just answer the question!"
"Yes, I found my wife's body! And my son was already being digested by the honorless monsters that took him!"
"But you never found his body, did you? You just had their word for it!" Luffy prodded.
"Yes! Enough with this interrogation!"
"Where did you confront the kidnappers?"
"Far into the grand line, I think… close to what you humans call 'the new world'… is there a point to all of this?" Luffy thumped his oversized fist into his palm.
"That clinches it! Your son might just be alive!"
Silence.
Krusher quivered. Luffy could see after a moment that it was from barely controlled anger.
"If this is a cruel joke of yours, straw hat, I swear to Poseidon that I will tear you limb from limb…" Luffy waved his hands wildly, the terror from the start of the meeting beginning to seep back into his bones.
"Nononono! I'm not joking! Listen, there's this stretch of sea, called the Florian Triangle in the grand line! There's been a bunch of disappearances in there, with absolutely no explanations. We got lost there once, and we found this floating island called Thriller Bark, and this guy was stealing shadows of powerful people and sticking them into corpses, making zombies! That'd been going on for about ten years or so, but the disappearances had been going on for decades before that! It's close to the new world, where you found the kidnappers. And when we were leaving, I got this really weird vibe from the fog of the place, kinda like what you give out, only bite-sized! So, I'm suggesting that maybe your son somehow got away from them and fled into the Florian Triangle, and has hid out there for the past millennia!" Luffy finished. Krusher was silent. "Uhh… Krusher?"
"My son… alive…?" the kraken whispered, although with his booming voice, Luffy could hear it without any trouble. "Thrasher…he's alive…" a single thick, oily tear welled up in his eye, sinking down into the deep. "He's alive…my son is alive!" he trembled, a deep rumbling sounding out. "He's alive! He's ALIVE! HAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed out, showing more life than he had the entire time Luffy had seen him. "HE'S ALIVE!"
"You sound happy again!" gold roger grinned. "I'm glad we could help!" Krusher refocused on them.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my soul! Whatever it is you want, speak and it shall be yours!" Luffy grinned.
"Well, then, whip your troops into shape! You said that the chief position has become little more than a figurehead. Well, then un-become it! Get ready to fight!" Krusher waggled his tentacles wildly.
"A war, is it? I like it! Nothing better than a little violence to motivate us monsters! I take it that the treaty between the mermen and us is renewed?"
"When did it ever stop?" gold roger grinned. Krusher laughed.
"Well said! Give me a target, and we'll raise some hell!"
"First get the status quo back in order. It won't work for the general to be motivated, only for there to be no captains to execute his orders. But when you're all ready…" Luffy smirked.
"Raise some hell on the world government!"
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Hooray for explanatory chapters! Boring, plot-moving, and completely necessary for where this is going!
Before I get any reviews on this, yes, I did spell it Krusher instead of Crusher on purpose. One, it looks a lot cooler as a name, and two, it's a bit of an Easter egg for a video game I own. Cookies to anybody who figures out which one.
A little Greek mythology for you. I find the convoluted ways of the gods to be endlessly fascinating, so I decided to throw my own little spin on conventional wisdom.
And the fur is flying between Alvida and Nami! God, I am SO trying to work out a cat-fight scene between the two and keeping it in tune with the story. It would be an EPIC WIN. If nothing else, expect an omake of that sometime soon!
Five reviews gets me to start working on the next chapter, ten reviews gets my ass in high gear!
Review. You know you want to.