Edwards's pov...
My weakened state caused the long journey home to be painful and torturous, I hadn't taken anything after fleeing, and the lack of money haltered me and meant that I had to complete a large majority of it by foot. I don't know what had convinced me going back to Forks was the best decision I could make, the onslaught of lectures and questions I would face was inevitable. Where else would I have gone though? Who else could help me other than my family!
Crossing the Washington border I could sense the closeness of home, the scent lingering in the air familiar and almost comforting to me. I had no desire to see Bella, she had barely crossed my mind since my departure, but now as I felt the prickle of human scent cling to my taste buds my mind drifted to her delicate warmth, the fragile state of need she projected. Shaking my head I pushed the images from my mind, my pace had slowed and I felt my frailty increasing every mile I travelled. I hadn't realised quite how dependant on human blood I had become over the past few weeks, and now without it...my body was screaming from within.
A faint rustle in a nearby bush caught my attention, stopping I held onto the sturdy worn pine tree to my left, my senses alert as the cracking of dry leaves sounded, it was a light footed animal, perhaps deer and although the thought of feeding on such a unsatisfactory source repulsed me, I couldn't afford to be picky. Crouching down low I waited, my many years of hunting alert prey paid off as the deer edged closer, sniffing against the damp ground in search of its own food. Unknown to my presence it stepped before me and only when my teeth sunk through the flesh against its thick neck did it allow a cry.
Dropping the lifeless, heavy body of the deer to the ground I resumed my journey and found myself basking in relief as I caught sight of a shard of light pouring through the trees, my bedroom window had always projected the most brilliant spectrum of colours when the sun caught at it this time of day. I could feel my body failing me as I stepped closer, reaching out I touched my fingertips against the solid glass of the front porch, my body relaxing instantly as the familiarity grasped me.
My unusually empty mind was suddenly abuzz with thoughts, Esme was tidying my room, for the second time that week, she felt closer to me in there, and it was the last room in the house where my scent still lingered. Carlisle was in his study, book open and frozen on the same page it had been on for the past 4 hours, he had been attempting to distract himself from guessing where I could possibly had gone, he'd already paid Tanya and her colony a visit, of course this had been fruitless.
Emmett and Rosalie were out hunting, Jasper was consoling Alice, she felt helpless my disappearing had driven her close to insanity and her thoughts a muddle of concern, distress and desperation. The guilt surged through me as I hesitated, unsure on whether to enter or turn and run, they'd get over the loss of me eventually, this was just a mourning process, something every human had to deal with, why not vampires too? But ours wasn't a usual situation.
Before I could debate my future any longer, I was in her arms, the warming scent of Alice engulfing me as she wept softly, hands laced about the back of my un kept hair as I allowed her strength to comfort me, the weight of my body collapsed against her as she stood firmly and soothed me.
"Edward it's ok, you came home to us and everything's going to be just fine, we'll take care of you brother, I'm never letting you go again"
I felt relief at having the closeness of another being, the only contact I had recently had been the cold harshness of Charisma, and that had been for only one pleasure; she gave no more than that. I couldn't include the warmth of our victims, nothing about that had been comforting, satisfying perhaps but nothing that induced a feeling of comfort.
Eseme and Carlisle quickly gathered behind Alice, Jasper halted at the top of the stairs, he was concerned about Alice's safety, He no longer trusted me, and I can't say that I blamed him. Esme was next to pull me into a firm embrace, her tears un-silent as they tumbled down her porcelain face.
"Oh Edward, my son, my dear, dear son, look at the state of you! Have you fed? When did you last feed? Oh Edward where have you been?"
Carlisle reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Esme's shoulder, his voice as calming and soothing as I remembered it.
"Esme, love give him space, you can see his distress and bombarding him with a million questions won't help right now"
I smiled toward him grateful for the interruption, his face softened with love and a deep routed concern, I noticed his eyes sweep over me, taking in my weakened state, I wasn't surprised over the look of shock on everyone's face when Esme finally released me and I stood unaided, my body to fragile to hold itself as I leaned against the doorframe.
Jasper's distrust instantly forgotten as I felt his body reaching forwards, supporting me, his arm held about my waist as I managed a weak smile. I couldn't concentrate on one thought alone, their heads were nothing but a flurry of questions and my mind wasn't functioning accurately enough to home in on any one particular thought. I allowed Jasper to guide me towards the lounge, he gently pushed me down onto the crisp white leather couch as Carlisle knelt before me, his hand rested over mine as I clasped them together, leaning forwards, my head dropped. He spoke slowly, not wanting to overload my buzzing mind.
"Edward, my son can you tell me where you've been?" I looked up and met with his gaze, running my tongue over my parched mouth as my words struggled free, I hardly recognised my voice as a throaty response left me.
"Alaska, I'm...I'm not even sure how long we were there for, I mean...how long have I been gone?"
I felt Alice sit beside me as the couch dropped, her hand rested on my thigh as she whispered lightly. "You've been gone for almost a month Edward, I tried to locate you, but I couldn't do it, I failed you and I hope that you can forgive me"
My eyes came alive now as I shifted to face her, placing my finger beneath her chin as I lifted her to face me, her sullen gaze sent a pained feeling through me.
"Alice you have never failed me, nor will you ever. If anything I failed you...all of you. I honestly don't know what happened to me, but I lost all control of myself, something darker took over and even now I'm not sure if there is much of the Edward you knew left"
It was Esme's turn now as I felt her hand touch against the back of my head, her fingers gently massaging against my neck.
"Edward you will always be our son, the man that we have grown to cherish, love and be proud of with every last part of our existence. No inner demon can ever take him away from us"
I looked about me, my family gathered around, the structures supporting me and I realised I hadn't needed Charisma after all; everything I had needed was here all along. As I prepared to request some privacy with Carlisle, the front door flew open and Rosalie pulled me into a tight hold, her hands clasped firmly across my back. Pulling away her eyes glared with passion towards me, her voice spoke with meaning.
"Don't you ever do that to us again! I'm not letting you out of my sight, do you hear me?"
I watched as Emmett pulled her back against his body, her frantic gaze softened as she felt his arms encase around her.
"She was worried brother, we all were"
Nodding understandingly I turned to Carlisle and for the first time since stepping foot back inside my home, allowed his thoughts to enter me.
"Edward we need to talk, come down to the study"
With that he swept from the room, leaving me to carry myself at a human pace behind him. Even though Carlisle's human years weren't much older than my own, I respected his need for privacy and knocked lightly on the solid rustic oak door.
"Come in son"
I pushed open the door and stepped inside; pulling out the brown leather chair in front of his desk I sat down and resisted the urge to slump back, his concern for me was strong enough without me displaying my weakness deliberately.
"Carlisle I don't know where to begin! Everything I've done, it's horrific"
"Start at the beginning Edward, take it slow and tell me everything"
I sucked in the taste of dank air as my eyes closed, opening them again slowly, I wasn't sure that I could admit everything to myself...How could I begin to tell the one person I owed my only scrap of decency to, that I had gone against everything he had spent so long installing into me. How could I tell him of the monster I had become?