The Wolf's Bane
I am wrapped up in my bedclothes, my fire banked so the room is warm and a cup of mint and rosemary tea at my side, to soothe my stomach. Now Salazar is gone and dusk is approaching I felt safe enough to read my books and mark some of the work the students had done. I looked up, however, when there was a knock at the door and Rowena entered before I could call her in.
"Isaac told me you were unwell in the greenhouses." Rowena says, coming to my side. She hugs me closely and I grip on tightly to the comforting smell of her perfume and parchment. "Why didn't you tell me at breakfast?" she asks kindly when she lets me go.
"I didn't think I would actually be sick." I muttered. "Isaac was very kind."
Rowena smiles victoriously, as though she has convinced me at last.
"But I don't want to be with him, Rowena."
Her smile vanishes and she gets up, beginning to pace the room.
"Sorry, Ro. He seems very nice and gentle, but…"
"No." her voice is surprisingly clipped and forceful, "This is getting ridiculous Helga."
"Rowena, I can refuse a man if I want to."
"That's not what I'm talking about." she says, "I had hoped you would come to me, when we were girls we shared everything. I know you've been hiding something and it's not just Alys getting married or the children going home."
Rowena sat by my side again, carefully putting her hand over mine, "Please, Helga, won't you tell me? I don't like seeing you look so worried and frantic."
I clench my hands at my side, the same nauseating feeling crawling back into my gut. If I tell her the truth I will ruin everything, everything we had worked for or planned in the future. The school would crumble apart; we would go back to mismanaged classes, all ages and abilities in one small musty room, a constant atmosphere of terror, should we be found. I could not risk so much. But how could I continue on when I saw those dark eyes trace my steps, that mocking smile haunt my dreams? Would it be better if I left? Would he follow me or would he believe I would return? Would I return?
"Helga?" Rowena's soft voice made me glance up into her eyes.
I would only tell as much truth I could get away with, "I am scared of Salazar. He frightens me."
Rowena looked sad and gripped my hand in her own, "I think we all are, Helga. But banded together we shall fare well. Did Salazar do or say something to you or Isaac?"
I shake my head, "Not really, he just seemed to think Isaac was the cause of my sickness and got angry. I fear his anger."
Rowena came to my side and put her arm around my shoulders, "Salazar probably feels very protective towards you, as we all do, his is merely expressed in anger. I'm sure he would never actually do anything to Isaac."
I nodded and rested my head on her shoulder, hot tears burned my eyes and I blinked them away furiously.
"Can you stay? Can we sleep together as we did when we were girls?" I asked and Rowena smiled at me.
"Of course. I'll fetch my things and then be right back." She got up from the bed and skipped merrily from the room. I was surprised with her enthusiasm, but put in mind of Rowena's fourteen year old self, giggling and whispering in bed with me. Perhaps in many ways Rowena was still fourteen. I lay back down, glad my bed would not be left empty and inviting. But even as I felt sweet relief course through my veins, my eyes stung painfully and tears slipped down onto my pillow. I turned it over when I had stopped.
I was explaining the properties of wolfsbane to some fourth years, an ingredient that I knew was potent and sometimes dangerous if not placed in the correct quantities; when I heard Salazar give a low snigger to something a student from Slytherin house had said. I ignored it, though I saw several Hufflepuffs give nervous looks over to their Slytherin counterparts. It seemed Slytherin students took some delight in often mocking and bullying Hufflepuff students, I was forever handing out punishments. At first Salazar had taken my concerns seriously, before he had…when we could lie in bed and he stayed for a while afterwards, I had talked to him and he said belittling others was not part of being a Slytherin. Slytherins may be ambitious and know how to reach their aims, but it should be done with some pride and not finding delight in mocking others. After he tried to ravage me, he had taken no secret in scorning my ideas.
I tried to smile encouragingly at my students, but when I heard another murmured conversation and a few laughs from the table, I lost track in my sentence and felt a heated anger blaze inside me. I was tired, tired of being ridiculed by Salazar, of the way his students paid me little respect and heed. Something inside me snapped, I didn't want to be weak anymore, I hated it. I hated the way he played with my weaknesses and fears. I pointedly turned round and glared at Salazar.
"I would have assumed, Professor Slytherin, you would have taught the students better manners than that."
Salazar shifted from the table, where two students were sat. A boy, bulky and with sharp eyes, and a girl I knew as Myrabella Rosier, a beautiful girl with dark hair and blue-grey eyes. Some said she was akin to a younger Rowena, but I had known that younger Rowena. Myrabella was nothing like Rowena; clever, yes, and beautiful, but Rowena had never been so cold.
"Perhaps you would care to speak of something more interesting then, Madame Hufflepuff?"
The Slytherins sniggered nastily and I felt my mouth drop open with surprise at his disrespect. Myrabella smirked at Salazar and cast her eyes appreciatively over him as he got up and walked towards me. My throat tightened and I felt nothing but pity for Myrabella, if she so desired this man.
"Excuse me?" I said.
"I think we have done enough herbology for today, let's get on with some potions. I know of some students who could use the extra time." He glared at the Hufflepuff side of the classroom, some of my students already looking embarrassed or nervous. Salazar walked around me, he flicked his wand at the board, where the chalk markings disappeared, my diagrams and notes on wolfsbane vanishing. He picked up a book and I slammed my hand down on the top, I would not be disrespected in front of my students, nor have them embarrassed.
"No." I said, "This is my classroom, as much as yours. I have an half an hour in here. As do you, I have not finished."
Salazar smirked at me, then walked round the desk, "Cauldrons out." He said to the students, the Slytherins obeying at once; my Hufflepuff students looking confused and worried, some half bringing out their cauldrons, some looking at me. I opened and closed my mouth helplessly, as Salazar lazily flicked his wand at the board where I had drawn all my neat diagrams of the plant. Basic instructions began to fill their place.
"Cauldrons out." Salazar snapped at the Hufflepuffs who had yet to bring their cauldrons to their desks.
"May I speak to you in private?" I asked him.
Salazar sighed irritably, but he walked towards the door and called over his shoulder, "Continue with your work, if I find anyone slacking or making mistakes I can assure you the punishment will be severe."
As I followed him, smiling at my students, hoping they would feel a little braver, I spotted Myrabella talking with her friends. A devious smile was on her lips and I heard her friends giggling and elbowing her. My stomach clenched and I felt a wave of bile wash up in my throat, burning the back of my mouth. I continued walking, head held high, foot sure.
I closed the door behind me and turned to face Salazar, his dark eyes taking in my form and the glint in them making me feel nervous. I had tried to forget everything he had done, but he rarely came to my bed anymore and I avoided him as much as I could.
"Well Helga?" he sneered.
"I want to know why you were so disrespectful, why did you show me up like that in front of my students and yours?"
He had the nerve to shrug, "I was teaching you something."
"Teaching me what?"
His hands swiftly came either side of my face and my throat tightened, my right hand instinctively sought out my belt where my wand was held. Salazar's smile kept my eyes level with his face. I felt like a mouse cornered by a cobra, waiting for him to strike and bite me.
"Teaching you your place. Think of it as a reminder, my love." I blinked at the endearment, it sounded false on his tongue and I knew I was anything but his love.
"My place?" I said faintly.
His smirk grew wider, "Yes, of course, I won't have my pretty bird flying away." His hand trailed down my neck and I felt my whole body seize up in fear, except my hand, which instinctively tightened around my wand.
"I'll never let you go, Helga."
I was never certain if it was my wand that brought the magic forth or whether it was some power beyond myself. I had not been thinking of any spell, only wishing he could leave me and never look on me again. How my friends and family would be disappointed with me and all the choices I had made, I could not see how they would understand the path I had taken. Then as he pressed near me a blinding flash of yellow light pushed him away from me and pounded through the corridor, I shut my eyes; when the glare of the light had subsided I cautiously opened my eyes. He was lying against the opposite wall, a stunned look in his eyes.
"I'm not yours, not anymore." I said. I walked up the corridor and began to climb the stairs, I knew I was in trouble now, but I would sooner face Godric's wroth and Rowena's impatience, than Salazar's hatred. It burned so fiercely and coldly. I ran from the school, through the stone archways, the fountain near the entrance hall, down the rough path, along the winding forest trail and up the small hills till I reached the lake. I dropped down by the trees, pressing my head against the bark and my hands into the cool earth. The air smelt sweet here, pine and heather honey, the cold freshness of the lake. I shut my eyes.
"Helga?"
I jolted awake gasping, my dreams had been full of Salazar and what I had done, what he was saying to Rowena and Godric, my imminent dismissal from the school. I thought perhaps it would be Rowena waking me, to tell me I was to leave and never come back. Instead I looked up into soft brown eyes and a worried expression.
"Isaac?" I murmured.
"Here." He unclasped his cloak and draped it around my shoulders. "It's cold here, you shouldn't be sitting on the ground."
"Thank you." I huddled in the cloak, then glanced up at him, "What are you doing here?"
"I was fishing," he nodded to a line fishing rod and basket, "But then I saw you and I wondered what you were doing here."
I bite my lip nervously and Isaac gently lifts my chin up.
"Won't you tell me, Helga? I am worried for you. I care not that I am not courting you, I care for you as a person. It pains me to think of you being hurt."
I feel tears well up in my eyes and I savagely bite my lip to stop me from weeping. His arm comes round my shoulders and pulls me in tightly towards him, I thought I would run from him, fight away from his arms as I had done with Salazar. I look into his eyes and it is as though he understands everything.
"Cry." he says and, though I am puzzled momentarily by the strange command, I do. Gulping at air, my eyes streaming, the hot anger and pain I felt melting away to nothingness, till I am resting by his side and my eyes are sore. He digs out a handkerchief from his pocket and I feel strange when I realise it should belong to a woman.
"Will you tell me?" he asks.
I nod, "You know when you asked me if there had been a man in my life?"
Isaac nods, his hand still softly rubbing my shoulder.
"I lied, well…I sort of lied. There is still a man in my life and he won't ever…he punished me for speaking to you." I clasp my hands tightly in my lap, I'm scared if I let everything overcome me I will end up speaking too hastily and Isaac will not understand me. I calm my breathing and I notice Isaac looking ahead of us, his eyes narrowed as though thinking.
"It is Salazar, isn't it?"
I almost jump away from Isaac and he puts his hand out in gesture begging me not to flee.
"How…?"
"From what you have said and how he behaved around you when I brought you up to the castle. I dismissed it as him being protective over you and perhaps even having some affection for you. I should have recognised it for what it was. I'm sorry, Helga."
I shake my head, "You have nothing to be sorry for, I am to be blamed for…"
He grasps my hands in his, almost painful, but when I let out a little cry of surprise he loosens his grip.
"My apologies, Helga. I did not mean to scare you. But you must never blame yourself for what he has done. You must speak to the other two about this."
I glance down at his hand, still holding mine and I find the gesture oddly welcoming, warm and sweet.
"I'm scared they won't listen to me."
"I'll stay with you, I know you wouldn't lie about this."
"It's not that…I accidentally…I attacked Salazar, I don't know how. He was standing close to me, backing me against the wall and I was…I was afraid. I was holding my wand, but it wasn't pointed at him and I didn't have any spell in mind…it just happened, it threw him backwards and the students probably heard and if he tells Rowena and Godric I will be dismissed and…"
His other hand reaches up to my lips and he presses his thumb against my mouth, "Shh, I care not whether you threw him seven foot. You may have done it so swiftly, you barely thought about it. You may have summoned a protective spell without realising. Listen to me, Helga. Godric and Rowena will want to know, they know you are not easy to anger and use your magic sparingly, least of all when someone aggravates you. You shall not be dismissed instantly."
His words calm me, "And you will be with me?"
Isaac nods firmly, "Whenever you have need of me, I will be there."
He helps me to my feet and when I go to remove the cloak, he shakes his head and pulls it more firmly round my shoulders. I reach up and embrace him, breathing in his warmth and the comforting smell of his leather jerkin, the woollen tunic underneath.
"Thank you, Isaac."
His hands stay around my back, but he tucks me under his chin and I feel his head nearly bow down to give me a kiss, the breath lingering on my forehead. Something unsaid between us and I wish to give him more, but I cannot. At least, not yet.
A/N: Hopefully back to posting again, did have a bit of a writer's block with this fanfiction. Sorry for the delay and I hope you're all well :) Seasons greetings!