Ice: here's the next chapter.
Sagey: it's mine!
Taffy: mine too!
Star and Ice: we have dates again…
Sagey: who now?
taffy: you two go through boyfriends way too fast.
Sagey: who is it????
George Weasley: Hey, Icey. What's up?
Icey: nothin' much. How's the joke shop doing?
George: pretty good.
Fred: who knew that so many people were pranksters like us?
Star: Hey, Fred.
Fred: Are you ladies ready to dance?
Star: Sure.
Ice: We're good to G.O.
George: all right, then. Hop in, ladies! (opens door to flying car)
Sage: YOU GET A RIDE IN THE FLYING CAR!?!
Icey: Yep! See ya later, girls!
(They drive/fly off into the distance)
Taffy: …on with the chapter, then.
Sage: Yups!
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-Will Rogers
Disclaimer: KYAH!!!!!!!!!!!!I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!!!!!!!STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
POTTERCAT WARZ
CHAPTER TWENTY
I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SUPERJUMP!
Bluemint was galloping through the forest. Her mind was whirling with Utela and Tiger's story.
No wonder those two are so easy to piss off, Bluemint thought to herself. As Amberpelt- Bluemint jumped slightly. Her sister had never been as horribly hyper as Bluemint was, but Amberpelt had always been a constant presence in Bluemint's life, and Bluemint had not yet adjusted to such a large hole in her heart.
"As Amberpelt would say," Bluemint whispered miserably to herself, "'Death may be a natural part of life, Bluemint, but the cats who get left behind sure as hell wish it weren't.'" A single tear trickled down Bluemint's petite face.
Bluemint might have sat there for hours howling her misery to the heavens if she had not heard the most peculiar sound.
What the fuck! Is that Yoda dude trying to sing again? Bluemint thought to herself as she edged closer to the source of the mysterious wailing noise.
Bluemint slipped through the undergrowth and peered through the bushes into a clearing, where the most bizarre scene imaginable met her eyes.
Steelfang, beloved warrior of ShadowClan, three-time winner of the "Sexiest Cat Alive" Award, and all around creep, was humming to himself as he gazed at his own reflection a clear pool of water. "Hello, beautiful!" he cooed to himself. "How are you feeling today, precious?"
My ears! My poor, beautiful ears! Bluemint thought to herself. He is such a narcissistic sicko! He may be a sexy narcissistic sicko, true, but he's still a sicko!
Then something happened that would scar Bluemint for life:
Steelfang began to sing.
"I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt, So sexy it hurts, And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan, And I'm too sexy for your party, Too sexy for your party, No way I'm disco dancing, I'm a model you know what I mean, And I do my little turn on the catwalk, Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk…"
O.M.G. He is not singing that…
"I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car, Too sexy by far, And I'm too sexy for my hat, Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that…" Steelfang wailed. His voice would have been fine if he weren't a-
HE'S A FREAKIN' SOPRANO VOICE! HE SOUNDS LIKE A GIRLY-GIRL! Bluemint thought to herself. Her sorrows were momentarily forgotten as she stared at Steelfang. An evil plot began to form in her mind.
Wow. He does look sexy. If only I knew what a 'shirt' was…oh well. He looks sexy enough, in fact, for me to do a-
"SUPERJUMP!" Bluemint yowled as she soared through the air and onto the back of an unsuspecting Steelfang, who was just finishing up the song by howling, "And I'm too sexy for this song-AIEE!"
Steelfang let out the most girly shriek to have been heard in the pine forest for a thousand years as Bluemint landed on his back with her claws outstretched. However, though Bluemint was having her fun at the moment, her joy at attacking Steelfang was short-lived, for not only was Steelfang's cry as high-pitched as a kit's, but it was also loud enough to shatter eardrums. Therefore, every ShadowClan cat came running to their beloved sexy cat's aid.
"Bluemint!" Tiger and Utela's shocked voices called as Russetstar dragged the rogue off of Steelfang.
"Rogue!" Russetstar spat. "How dare you attack my senior warrior? You have broken our pact."
Bluemint protested loudly at this. "You never said anything about me not attacking your Clan," she growled.
Russetstar's eyes flashed at Bluemint's words, and a growl rumbled in the Clan leader's throat.
"Well?" Bluemint prompted. "It's true, isn't it? You never mentioned anything about not harming your Clan members. You mentioned prey and sleeping quarters, but not once did you mention the safety of your Clan. How smart is that?"
Now Russetstar wasn't the only one growling. The whole Clan advanced on the blue-grey cat, with the exceptions of Utela and Tiger, who looked horrified by the scene that was unfolding in front of them, and Steelfang, who was still laying on the ground and occasionally muttering, "Me…sexy…" in an extremely high-pitched voice.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit… Bluemint thought to herself as she slowly backed away from the furious ShadowClan warriors. Think, Bluemint, think. There are two options. Choose one. Fight or flight?
"FLIGHT!" Bluemint shrieked as one of the warriors leapt towards her with a battle cry. She whirled around and bounded off through the pines.
For a while Bluemint was barely ahead of a snarling, shrieking Clan. Then, as suddenly as if Bluemint had gone completely deaf, the voices died away. Bluemint dared to pause to look back. ShadowClan was a few rabbit-hops behind her, but though they appeared as angry as ever, they did not make any move to attack Bluemint.
"HA! FEAR MY POWER!" Bluemint shrieked. A few of the ShadowClan cats snorted derisively as the Clan turned tail and padded back into the pines. Bluemint thought she heard one mew to another, "That idiot would know DeathClan from her own rear end."
DeathClan? Bluemint thought to herself. Then she noticed the stench. Retching, the young tabby glanced around at her surroundings and barely stifled a scream. I ran straight onto DeathClan territory!
The next moment, a voice behind Bluemint whispered, "Bluemint? Are you all right?"
This time, Bluemint really did scream. A warm, furry tail slapped over her mouth and a quiet voice by her ear whispered, "Hush. It's just me, Tiger."
"Tiger?" Bluemint mumbled over a mouthful of the cat's tail. The tail left her mouth as soon as she had spoken. Bluemint spat out mouthfuls of dark tabby fur as she mewed, "Why did you follow me?"
Tiger glanced at the ground as Bluemint whirled to face him. Bluemint couldn't really tell because of Tiger dark coloring and the dim lighting, but she could have sworn that her friend was blushing.
"Well, I-if you don't mind, I mean-of course, if you do mind, I'll go back home right away-"
Now it was Bluemint's turn to gently lay her tail over Tiger's mouth. He instantly quieted and met her bright green gaze. "Just say it," she said softly. Bluemint could have sworn that Tiger began to blush even more as he mumbled, "Is it all right if I come with you?"
Bluemint stared at him with shocked peridot eyes. "Of course it is," she mewed quietly. She dropped her gaze suddenly. Why must I feel this way now? I've never been anything more than friends with Tiger-right?
"Where will we go?" Tiger asked. His eyes scanned the desolate moors of the former WindClan territory.
"I don't know," Bluemint admitted. "I knew this territory well when WindClan lived here-" Bluemint stopped speaking abruptly and her fur stood on end as an electrifying idea hit her.
"What is it?" Tiger asked. His eyes clouded with concern.
"WindClan is it!" Bluemint exclaimed. "We'll live with WindClan! We'll find WindClan and bring them home, and we'll drive out those nasty DeathClan crow-food eaters while we're at it! Isn't it a brilliant idea?" Bluemint asked Tiger breathlessly.
"Do you think it will work?" inquired Tiger. He fixed Bluemint with a penetrating deep brown gaze.
"Yes," Bluemint whispered; she was even more breathless than before as she gazed into Tiger's eyes.
"Then I think it will work too," Tiger said gently. His deep voice was full of admiration and…love?
"Let's go," Bluemint whispered with a mischievous grin. "I'll race you to the top of the next hill!" she called over her shoulder as she scrambled ahead of Tiger.
"Hey! That's no fair! You got a head start!" Tiger laughed as he bounded after Bluemint.
Though the future was clouded, dark, and uncertain, Bluemint felt that this was one of the best days of her life.
One nasty, annoying thing about peace is that is never lasts very long.
Steelfang couldn't believe it. After all his criminal mastermind plots, after all his planning, he had still lost the she-cat of his dreams to his arch-rival.
I'll find that little bitch, he vowed as he stumbled through the dark pines. I'll find that Bluemint and her little bastard boyfriend, and when I do, they'll wish that they'd never been born.
Sagey: yay! I finished my chapter!
Icey: yay! My chapter's next!
Love y'all,
Icey