"And she says baby
It's 3am I must be lonely
When she says baby
Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
She says the rain's gonna wash away
I believe it "
- Matchbox 20 - "3 AM"
... Sixty-four ... Sixty-five ... Shuddering with effort he pulled himself up to his knees just one last time before falling back on the mat, his breath escaping in a tired rush. Squinting at the fluorescent lights overhead, he concentrated on the slow burning sensation along his arms and sides. Yeah, yeah that's it. I think I'm done. Without turning his head he blindly groped for his water bottle, letting out an exasperated groan as he brought it to his lips. Empty. He got up and went to the fountain on the far wall to splash water on his face. As he did so, the thoughts that he'd worked so hard to avoid began to spill back into consciousness. Why did I open my damn mouth about all this? He shook his head in exasperation, droplets of water flying off his chin to land on the floor. I hope she doesn't spread it around the ship. He furrowed his brow as he popped the cap on his water bottle and shoved it under the stream. Kelly won't spread it around. Right? Joker paused, the comforting thought a fleeting one. Nothing's private; anyone can find out about anything, he thought bitterly as a vision of Kelly rifling through documents to find his sealed psych eval files flashed into his mind. Sealed file, my ass. Still... what she said about figuring out what I want from Bailie made a lot of sense.
His thoughts, which had been abstract - more feeling than words - began to coalesce. So...what do I want from this? Thinking about a relationship hadn't exactly been a priority when he first found himself pressed against Bailie, all lips and exploring hands. He flushed, a combination of pleasure and mild embarrassment spreading through him at the memory of waking up to find her beside him. There had been no time to talk the next morning. Or maybe it was just that neither of us knew what to say. Anyway, I can't say I know for sure what she wants. She did imply there would be a 'next time,' but maybe she just intends to have a bit of harmless fun with me? Thrills and spills? He felt his heart sinking. The thought of being Bailie's bit of fun didn't sit right with him and to stop it he raised his freshly filled water bottle to his lips, downing most of it in one go. How do I bring this up though? 'Hey Bailie do you wanna do that thing again because it'd be totally awesome and not just because I want to drill you half to death!' 'Hey, you want to -'
The doors hissed open revealing the thin and heavily tattooed figure of a woman. She entered the room, looking at him with displeasure.
Jack. What the hell does she want? "Hey, I've still got ten minutes left. You can't be in here," he said, making no effort to hide his irritation.
Jack sneered, an expression somehow even more disdainful than the plaintive scowl she typically wore. "Fuck you, flyboy. I go where I want," she snarled.
Joker narrowed his eyes, unconsciously leaning away. "I was just leaving anyway."
"No. I've got something to ask you," she replied.
He snorted. "So you've got a favour to ask and the first words out of your mouth are fuck you flyboy? You know, I'd say I like your style, but you're interrupting my gym time right now. Kind of cancels things out."
"Whatever. I'm not interested in playing games. You and Shepard have a long history. I want some insight."
"Insight?" he echoed, raising an eyebrow as he downed the last of the water. "Insight about what?"
Jack began to pace, keeping her eyes fixed on his. "I want to know why Shepard would go through all the effort of bringing me out of cryo, convince me to park ass on this ship and take me on a mission only once! It makes no sense. I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs, bored as hell and when I'm bored, I start to think, and when I think I get mad. Right now I'm bored and mad."
"So let me get this straight. You've tracked me down because you're pissed you haven't been out with the ground team more often? Not my problem. Talk to Shepard," Joker said dismissively, reaching for a towel to dry his face. He glanced towards the door and began calculating possible escape routes.
"I'm trying to figure out what's going on with her before I go asking her a favour."
"You're all about favours today, aren't you?"
"Don't get smart with me," she snapped. Joker grinned derisively, shaking his head at her scowl. "And don't play dumb, either. I know you and Shepard are friendly. I've seen the two of you in the mess a bunch of times."
"Look," he said, rolling his eyes. "I don't know why Shepard doesn't take you with her but obviously you're not going to go away, so here's my opinion. Maybe Shepard hasn't taken you with her on an assignment because she requires someone with a little more restraint. It won't be because of something personal. That's not how Shepard operates. As for why she picked you up, that's simple. We need all the help we can get. And maybe she thought you didn't deserve to sit in an ice brick forever. You know, you might want to try thanking her for that. If it was up to me I'd have left you - and the body count attached to you - in the cooler. Satisfied?"
"Wait, so you think Shepard got me out because of some kind of bullshit desire to save me?" Jack recoiled, a sarcastic smile sliding across her lips as her expression shifted, becoming skeptical.
"Seems the thawing process was flawed, though."
"What? What are you getting at?" she snarled.
Joker grinned. "I don't think it managed to thaw out that chunk of ice you call a heart. You might want words with the cryo company or something." Joker turned and picked up his towel as Jack growled with fury behind him.
"Screw you," she snapped. "You and Shepard!"
"Hey, hey. Insult me all you want - I couldn't give less of a damn but don't insult the Commander. She's done nothing but favours for you." He paused, feeling his blood begin to boil with anger. Settle down, she doesn't know any better.
"Yeah? Well maybe I don't feel like having to stick my neck out on the line for a bunch of fucking colonists. That doesn't sound like a favour to me."
"I thought you said you'd only been on the ground once? Isn't that why you're pissed off?"
"I'm pissed off because I didn't have a choice," she hissed.
"You've always had a choice. Don't try to blame this on her. You chose to do whatever it is you did to get landed in prison, you chose to come with us when she offered, and you continue to choose to be an asshole to everyone. So don't give me that crap, Jack" He cocked an eyebrow at her. "We done here?"
"Oh, yeah, fine choice she gave me, flyboy. Only way out of prison is onto a Cerberus vessel and into a suicide mission. Why the hell are you talking about choice? What kind of a choice is that?" Jack paced, waving her hand dismissively.
"I don't know if you noticed but she's not too thrilled about being involved with Cerberus, either," he grumbled in reply.
"So why doesn't she choose to leave then, instead of being Cerberus' little pet?" she spat mockingly at him, her eyes narrowing.
He felt his shoulders tense. "She doesn't just fly off into the sunset because there's bigger things at stake here than pride. The Reapers are going to -"
"Yeah, I don't know about that. I read all the reports from the Citadel. They say the Reapers don't even exist," Jack said, looking at him askance. "They say that Spectre – Saren - acted all on his own and used the Reapers to get the geth to come along for the ride. All the proof we have of him being an agent of the Reapers is based on some vision in Shepard's head, right?"
"I'm not even talking about this," he said.
Jack's eyes lit up as she stepped towards him. "Ever think Shepard might be fuckin' crazy?"
"She's not crazy!" he snapped. Jack smiled.
"Oh, struck a nerve?" she breathed, smiling wider as he turned and tapped the red panel on the door sharply. "I hear you gave the ship over to the computer today," she continued. "So, what's the problem, flyboy? Can't handle things by yourself anymore?"
Joker paused, placing his hand on the wall for balance as he looked back at her over his shoulder. Jack crossed her arms and smirked back at him. He shook his head, a string of insults on the tip of his tongue but he knew better than to play her games.
"I've got nothing to prove to you," he muttered. "If you want to bother Shepard about something, I'm sure she'll listen. She listens to everybody, even to assholes like you." He didn't wait for her response instead heading out the door.
He stalked down the hall as rapidly as he could. Why did I let her get to me? Looking back he reassured himself that she wasn't following him before stabbing the call button, tapping his fingers against the wall as he waited. Jack was just trying to piss me off. I know she was. The elevator arrived, its warning chime echoing in the hallway. He stepped inside, glancing back towards the the gym. Bailie isn't crazy.
He leaned back against the wall as he recalled the first staff meeting after she'd been given command of the SR1. He could still see her, standing in the middle of the SR1's conference room, talking calmly enough although her body betrayed her tension. That's when she told us what really happened on Eden Prime. He'd known she'd been carried on board unconscious but Captain Anderson had kept the details quiet, insistent on returning to the Citadel immediately.
She'd wanted so badly to convince them that her experience was real. He knew that most of the officers, other than the two who'd been with her on the planet, hadn't believed the story of her interaction with the beacon - at least until she'd mind-melded with the asari, Liara. There's no way she's nuts. Not after that. The elevator lurched into motion and he found himself staring up in the direction of her quarters.
"EDI, where's the Commander?"
"The Commander is in her quarters. She completed reports several hours ago and then spent spent seven minutes and forty nine seconds tapping rhythmical patterns on the edge of her desk with pencils. She is currently sleeping."
"Uh... Thanks?"
"Is there a problem Mr Moreau?"
"Uh, no," he replied hesitantly. "I only asked where she was."
"Yes, I know. I believed the addendum would be of interest to you as you often engage in a similar activity."
"Right," he said simultaneously smiling and shaking his head as he stepped out onto the crew deck to head for his bunk.
The lights were dim in the bunk room and he stifled a yawn as he approached his bed. Patel isn't snoring for a change, he thought to himself with some relief as he carefully sat down on the creaky mattress, unzipping the thick vinyl chestplate on the front of his uniform and sloughing it off. Maybe I'll get some shut-eye. He lazily pushed his clothing down to the foot of the bed and stretched out, closing his eyes and waiting for the warm feeling of sleep to creep over him, muting his thoughts. But nothing happened. He lay quietly still hoping to fall asleep but suddenly his undershirt felt itchy and he scratched his chest, only to become aware of a lump in the mattress jutting into his ribs. He shifted, trying to find a comfortable position just as Patel started to snore.
Joker rolled over to face the wall and pulled the blanket over his head. The thin cover did little to muffle whistling, snorting noises coming from his crewmate's bunk however and he sighed in irritation as a brief fantasy of violently shoving a balled-up shirt down the other man's throat floated through his mind. After a few minutes he began to twitch, moving restlessly under the warm and suddenly stuffy covers. Maybe my pillow will work better,he thought grumpily and pulled it over his head. The soft blinking of his omnitool port glowed under his skin. Oh, must've forgotten to turn non-essentials off. Knowing the blinking light would keep him awake, he ducked back under the cover intending to tap his arm and shut it off but as he squinted at it, he felt a sudden compulsion to check his messages. There was one. Marked personal and non-urgent, the message was from Bailie.
'i figure you are asleep by now, so you will probably get this in the morning. i'm sorry i didn't get the chance to talk to you today. i'll let you know as soon as i get a few minutes to myself.' He looked at the minutes old.
'Yeah, no problem.' He typed rapidly. 'Awake again? You should really try to sleep more.'
'physician, heal thyself!' Came the response almost immediately, and he smiled.
'Bailie, Queen of Owls.'
'unpleasant dreams actually.'
'Well okay if you insist, but Bailie, Queen of Unpleasant Dreams doesn't have the same ring to it.'
'haha :) how was gym time?'
'Interrupted. Jack came in. Was asking questions about you. I told her to talk to you.'
'yes i got the time request. you going to be up long, do you think?'
'I was just going to lie here with my pillow over my head and hope I pass out eventually. So if I stop lying to myself, then yeah I'm gonna be awake a while.'
'sounds a lot like me at the minute,' she replied rapidly and he smiled.
'You curled up in bed too?' he asked, seeing her in his mind's eye lying on the edge of the mattress, slowly scrolling through the messages with one finger.
'yeah.'
'I like that image,' he typed, blinking heavily as he found himself staring at the words with unfocussed eyes, envisioning Bailie's bed; so warm and roomy. He thought about the empty space beside her and pictured himself there, running his hands down her arm. Best bed ever, he thought, grinning to himself as he recalled sprawling out in the sheets. Whatever they were made of was ridiculously smooth and soft, unlike the stiff, starched excuses draped on the bunks. Still better than Alliance beds. He opened his eyes to see Bailie had responded.
'haha :) well if i'm awake, and you're awake, i guess that means we have some time spare. if you're sure you're going to be awake for a while, do you want to get a cup of tea or something?'
'Maybe this is why you're up so late into the night? You're always downing tea. That has caffeine in it you know."
'not this tea. :)'
'Alright. I'll see you in ten.'