Chap 21

"Well. I don't know, but I can't help but worry. Walter is only five. I don't remember much from that age. He probably won't remember me at all when he's grown up," Ianto said softly as Jack ground his teeth.

"I mean, Jack will remarry and I'll just be a photo on the wall, then the dresser, then the drawer, and then just someone in an album." Ianto looked up and his eyes were brimming. "Walter doesn't really need me. Doesn't want cuddles or kisses from the zombie Tad. Not when he has Daddy to play with."

"So you feel replaced as a parent and will be replaced as a memory?" She reached out and placed a hand on Jack's arm as he went to speak, silencing him.

"Walter looks to Jack for everything. It's not his fault, or Jack's." Ianto gasped as he rushed to reassure Jack, "It's just what has happened. I hate to think what would have happened if Jack weren't in my life. Who will love my baby?"

"So that's how you see it? Jack's job is to take your place in Walter's life and heart?" She let go of Jack's arm as Jack began to relax again.

"What about what I want?" Jack said to Ianto, who looked up with surprise.

"What you want? You want it over. You want to have your life back," Ianto huffed.

"I want you. Better, well, healthy, safe, warm, mine." Jack moved to the edge of his chair and reached for Ianto's hand. "I want to take back those words I said when I was tired and so unbelievably stupid."

"But you left me. I was all alone and I fell and …" Ianto began to argue.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was so tired and I thought the monitor was on. I will never forgive myself for leaving you that night. God, I still get so bloody angry at myself when I think of you on that cold floor all alone." Jack knew he was crying but didn't care. "I love you tiger."

"Jack. Stop. It's OK. I was the one who thought I could make it to the toilet in the dark when I had needed your help for weeks." Ianto sighed.

"Is he always this forgiving?" she asked Jack.

"Bloody too much. Sometimes I wish he would just yell or scream or something. Hit me even. He just forgives and forgives and forgives some more. God, my brother is an undercover cop and he got himself and Walter kidnapped. This one?" Jack cocked a thumb at Ianto. "Didn't even blink!"

"Actually, I threatened to disappear him, cariad," Ianto sighed with an eye roll.

"What?" Jack gaped.

"I told him that if he ever placed my family under threat again I'd have him disappeared in a nearby construction site!" Ianto snorted.

"Well, colourful analogy!" Dr Frazier laughed.

"My dead brother's husband is head of the Hoodlums. I have fought under the mantle of the Hoodlum Clan and I have counted crow on our enemies. I wasn't being artful. I was stating fact." Ianto now fixed her with the Jones stare and her smile faded as his mask fell away. "Anyone ever hurts my baby and I will flay them alive."

"And I will mop up the blood." Jack smiled at Ianto as he saw his husband for the first time in months. "I love you baby. God, I've missed you."

Ianto exhaled as Jack slid to the floor and buried his face in Ianto's chest. Ianto placed his arms around Jack's shaking shoulders and hugged him as tightly as he could. "Oh cariad. I'm sorry. I've already left you, haven't I?"