"…So what day is this? The third? Fourth?" Sakura stared expectantly at Naruto, who was lying down on the stone bed next to the river that Sakura was using to catch their dinner. The obnoxious ninja scratched his belly.

"How should I know?" His answer was, honestly, slightly better than she had expected from her infamously dumb teammate.

"I should have brought a calendar," Sakura griped. It probably would have been more helpful than the calculator she had packed.

"Well, maybe if you had brought some food instead of all that useless clothing, we wouldn't need to try catching fish, now would we?" Naruto jeered at her. Sakura flushed, because of course he was right; most of her clothing had been ruined during the whole experience, and her various hairbrushes and scrunchies were useless now that she had cut her hair in a moment of characterization.

"Yeah, well…why didn't you bring anything?" Naruto hemmed and hummed for a bit, stalling as he mentally prepared for his reply.

"I forgot." Sakura wished that she could ask Sasuke, but the more dependable ninja had gone off to collect firewood, and besides, he had grown even more emo after the incident where he basically tortured an enemy ninja.

The two spent the next half an hour in silence, hoping that a fish would magically jump into their arms. No such thing happened, although a hawk did swoop down into the water to snatch a guppy. Sakura wished that she had talons.

"I'm booooored," Naruto groaned, stretching out the last word to like five syllables. Then he sat up, reaching inside his backpack until he pulled out the scroll. "I know; let's unwrap it! It might give us a clue to the scroll we need. Also, it might have some dirty pictures!"

As if he had an alarm set to ring whenever Naruto did something stupid, Sasuke suddenly appeared with his hand stretched out in a "stop" motion.

"Don't!" Sasuke breathed heavy. "Remember the warning we were given? We're to never open it, lest some evil befall us!" Naruto and Sakura glanced at each other. They couldn't remember any such warnings.

"Screw you," Naruto said gleefully as he ripped open the scroll. There was a huge explosion, and the unmistakable smell of fresh money. Naruto gasped, and when he dared to open his eyes again, he saw the one person he never expected to see again – Kabuto!

"Oh wow! Are you a genie?" A million possibilities raced through Naruto's mind. Kabuto pushed his glasses up his nose using his middle finger.

"Of course not, you idiot. I'm just a simple trading card seller, and speaking of, care to buy anything?" Sakura looked confused.

"According to Sasuke, there was some stupid warning about an evil coming out of the scroll. Why did you come out?" Kabuto paused, and then began to laugh in a very obvious and non-subtle way.

"Me? Evil? H-heh heh. Nah! Probably some mistake!" After his sudden laughing fit finally subsided, he offered to walk them to the finish line. Naruto crossed his arms.

"We're not little kids that have to hold the adult's hands when they cross the street, you know." Kabuto offered Naruto a lollipop. "Heck yeah!" Naruto snatched the lollipop away, and the three ninja began to follow the four-eyed card-seller.

They had been walking in the forest for hours, and the sun had begun to settle down for the night. Naruto's feet hurt from all the walking, and not for the tenth time that week, wondered why ninja never wore socks.

"Kabuto, are you sure we aren't lost?" Sasuke stepped in front of Kabuto, forcing the man to stop his brisk pace.

"Lost? Nah, of course not. That said, maybe it would be best if I put my glasses back on." Kabuto slipped the glasses back on, and then gasped. "We seem to be going in the wrong direction. Too bad we didn't drop any bread crumbs, huh?" No one laughed.

They turned around and spent the next few hours heading down what was presumably the right path. Naruto's feet had gone numb long ago. Finally, they could see the tip of the tower over the top of the trees.

"Whoo, we're almost there!" Naruto's loud howl attracted some thugs, who quickly surrounded the group.

"Wait a minute, I thought that only teams of three were allowed?" Sakura glared at the thugs self-righteously. "You guys can't just gather ten friends to do as you please!" One of the thugs, dressed in black, shrugged.

"You say that, but your squad seems to have four members." Sakura blushed; she had forgotten about Kabuto, and now she looked like a total hypocrite.

Naruto had ambled over to the thugs. "You losers wouldn't happen to have a scroll, would you?" One of the thugs foolishly nodded. Naruto grinned, and even Sasuke gave a rare smile. A few minutes later, and all the thugs had been brutally murdered.

Naruto jumped up and down in excitement! Now that the group had both scrolls, they could enter the final round of the Chunin Exams!

"Well, I guess I'll be going now," Kabuto said after an awkward pause consisting of him just watching Naruto celebrate. No one bothered to answer him, and the saddened card-seller trudged away, leaves crackling under his feet.

It was a few minutes later that found Naruto and his semi-excited comrades at the meet-up tower, where they were supposed to open both scrolls at the same time. The trio nodded at each other, before ripping the scrolls open.

There was the usual puff of helium smoke, and suddenly Iruka appeared. Naruto scowled in disgust. "Where the heck is Kakashi?" Iruka mumbled something, and Naruto glared at him.

"Um, he was really busy and stuff, but I'm sure he wanted to come."

Kakashi was at the strip club, watching as two of the finest kunoichi in Konoha gyrated around a pole. He tossed money at them. "Work it, work it!" The music drowned out his words, but the women knew what he wanted. Asuma, who was also enjoying the show, leaned in next to Kakashi.

"Man, I feel like we're missing something," Asuma drawled as he blew smoke into Kakashi's face. Coughing, Kakashi shoved Asuma back. He was pretty sure that he hadn't forgotten anything. Anyways, if it had been important, he wouldn't have forgotten in the first place. Besides, what could top this, aside from maybe a midnight release of the next Make-Out Paradise book!

"Anyways," Iruka shrugged, "You have me now. Ta-da!" Only Sakura half-smiled. Sasuke looked sullen (maybe moreso than usual) and Naruto was stomping the ground like a small child.

"Kakashi must be the worst sensei ever if he can't even be bothered to show up for the pep talk portion of the exam. I call BS!"

"Language, Naruto," Iruka said automatically, forgetting that they weren't back in class. Still, as he surveyed his three worn-out and bruised students, he couldn't help but admire how much they had grown.

Sakura, hokage be praised, actually looked battered and beat up, as if she had actually done some ninja fighting. Even her hair had been cut. The Sakura that Iruka had known would have preferred death over a haircut, so this impressed him.

Sasuke, while seemingly the same on the outside, now harbored an intense aura, as if he had been through hell, but had returned alive. There was a hickey on his neck, but Iruka chose to ignore it.

And finally Naruto, who…actually, Naruto looked exactly the same. Iruka, darn it, couldn't find a single thing different about Naruto. He still seemed like the same loud, obnoxious, and odorous ninja from the school days.

Even so, Iruka felt the tears and sentimentality and senility begin to flood his eyes. Embarrassed, he turned around, his ears turning scarlet at the sound of some snickers. It wouldn't do to burst into tears or lose his temper in front of the students, so Iruka decided to cut the visit short.

"Remember kids, always believe in yourselves, and you can achieve anything." He turned back around, hoping to see the students with a shine in their eyes. Instead, they were all scribbling on their ninja handbooks. Sobbing, Iruka made the teleportation handsign and vanished in a puff of smoke. None of the three noticed, and they walked away to the main waiting room.

The tower where Kabuto's team had to open the scrolls was a bit further on. The bespectacled ninja slinked his way in, before two stealthy ninja grabbed him from behind. "Lemme go!" Kabuto struggled, but the attackers had arms of steely muscle.

"Kabuto, was it necessary to have dawdled so?" Kabuto ceased his struggled. He knew that voice – the voice of his boss, Orochimaru!

"Well, ma'am, you did ask me to keep those three ninja busy, and to trick them into thinking that I was some weak card salesman. I did my part, and in a very convincing way." Orochimaru stepped out of the shadows, his long black hair flying in the wind.

"Kabuto, I'm a dude right now." Kabuto paled; Orochimaru changed bodies so often that Kabuto always got the gender mixed up! Frustrated, Kabuto vented on his two teammates; with a snap of his fingers, they fell on the floor. Closer inspection would show that they were snoring very loudly.

"Is it time to put our plan into motion?" Orochimaru nodded, before adding the unfortunate final detail.

"Yes. Sadly for you, it involves being a giant wuss." Kabuto groaned.

"What else is new?"

Next Time: Now that the boooooring stuff is over, the tournament can start.

Author's Notes:

Remember the simple days when Kabuto was a sub-villain, and Orochimaru was the main villain? Feels like forever ago, ha ha. I always thought those last two Forest of Death episodes were the worst ones, so I did my best to skip past most of it.