Dead on the Inside
Chapter Twenty One: Bereavement
Sirius
Twelve Years Later
Times are tough, and with the war waging harder everyday, it's been getting difficult for friends and family to enter our lives again. Since the birth of our second son and a coming prophecy, Emma and the boys have been placed under a Fidelius Charm to keep them safe. James often says that in time if the charm is not broken by Molly, everyone will forget that they even existed. With the help of Dumbledore, Emma and I made sure the connection between me and my sons is never to be found out.
"Boys, come here please," Emma calls from the kitchen pulling me from my thoughts. I sit at my desk with a web of writing across a piece of parchment. I'm trying to find a connection between us and Voldemort, but the only one I can find is the Order. We've all taken high safety precautions, so we don't end up like Mad Eye Moody, as he's now called, or Frank and Alice Longbottom. I hear the boys thunder down the stairs to their mum. I poke my head out to see what the big deal is.
"Jediah, go change, you can't wear your Quidditch uniform over to your aunt and uncle's house." Emma said addressing our oldest son. "And Israel, what is all over your face?" She began scrubbing hard at his face much to his dislike. It was odd how both boys resembled their mother almost to a t. Hardly any of the Black family features stood out, save for the deep grey eyes. Each boy did not have the famous Potter Blue eyes. But both boys had a knack for mischief and Quidditch. After finishing his second year at Hogwarts Jediah had received a place as seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, along with his best friend Bill Weasley, who became keeper. Jediah came back down the stairs dressed in something other than his school uniform and we got ready to leave.
"Are we going by Floo Powder today mum?" Israel asks. Emma shakes her head and explains that after Jediah went to the neighbor's house last time we stirred up a few things so it was safer not to use Floo Powder. It was a convincing lie, and the boys believed it.
"Thank god, I hate Floo Powder," I said under my breath. Emma heard me and gave me the look. I was only encouraging the boys when I said things like that. Taking over to repent for my 'outburst' I explained to the boys how things would work.
"Okay boys here is the deal, we'll be going over to Cousin Harry's first birthday party, and we'll be apperating. Now I know you both don't like it, but it's quick and painless. Once we get there I need you both to be on your best behavior because we haven't seen your aunt and uncle in a while and mum and dad have a lot to discuss with them. Got it?" I told my sons. They nodded and we got ready to leave. Emma left with Israel first and then I followed her with Jediah. James and Lily's house in Godric's Hallow, was the perfect house for their small family. In the nice backyard they had set up stuff for the party. Lots of red headed children could be seen roaming about. James spots us first and greets me with a huge hug. Then he embraces his sister. Lily comes out and squeezes her best friend. I send the boys off to play. Jediah goes and plays with Bill and Israel goes to play Charlie and the twins Fred and George. Lily and Emma go sit in the shade where Molly is watching Harry play with one year old Ron. James and I go find Remus and we begin talking about Order stuff again. It seems funny to me that only twelve years ago we were in school. Often I stop and think about where the time went, and how we can make it slow down.
"Sirius, I asked you a question, are you listening?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, what was that?" I reply to Remus. He smiled weakly and then begins his question again. There had been talk about a prophecy concerning Harry's birth, and The Order is afraid that the twins will be under attack. Major planning has gone in to try and protect James and Lily and little Harry.
"Do you want to be the Secret Keeper when we place the Fidelius Charm on the house?" James restates for Remus. I think about it. If I become secret Keeper, that means endangering Emma and the boys. Besides, I'm the obvious choice. If we pick someone other than me, Lily and James might have a chance. This way we keep both the Potter siblings safe.
"I don't think that's a very good idea Remus, if we pick Sirius then the Dark Lord will go for him first. Who knows, he might find the Secret Keeper of their house and torture them into revealing. I suggest we pick someone who he would not guess."
"And who exactly would this person be Peter?" James replied chewing thoughtfully on the end of his new quill. We were hunched over the piece of parchment I had drawn up earlier, mapping out everything I could think of. I had the names of Death Eaters caught, those still out there, and those who were dead. I also had names of locations stuck, and the names of the muggles killed.
"Why not Peter be the Secret Keeper? We'll tell everyone it's me, and let info leak out. He'll go after me, but I won't really be the right person," I chimed in. Remus seemed to like the fact, but James wasn't convinced. He was still concerned for his sister's protection.
"James, you've trusted me this far with protecting her life, can you trust me a little more? I promise you nothing will touch Emma or the boys," I told my best looking him in the eye. He nodded and reached over the table and shook my hand. I think back to the days of school where the worries of Voldemort were simpler and death wasn't as high of an occurrence. Emma often went out onto the field to heal Aurors wounded in battle. I'm just glad she's never had to go out to heal me or her brother.
"Has anyone heard anything of Lucius? Last I heard he had killed a large muggle family in a raid then just vanished."
"Well, the word is that he's staying at home for a bit. A few months back your cousin gave birth to a boy, and Lucius is training the infant to be a cold blooded killer, just like him," James replied, spitting on the ground with disgust. I didn't like the sounds of that. We ended up talking until the moon rose and Emma told me that we had two very grumpy boys to put into bed. We bid our farewells and Emma promised Lily that they would keep in touch.
"We've made a plan to protect Lily and James," I tell Emma as we crawl into bed after the boys fell asleep. She waits for an answer, her head resting gently in her hand. I tell her the plan and she seems fairly pleased with it. She's not happy that her brother's life lies in the hand of Peter, but she says it makes the most sense. We couldn't use her parents, they had passed a way a few years after Jediah was born, and our family was a dead give away. Molly and Arthur were already Secret Keepers, and Hagrid would be to far away to help much. Dumbledore refused the position saying that he also was an obvious choice. That left Peter as the only one that wasn't too apparent.
"Well, as long as they stay safe, I guess I'm okay with it. Just don't get your self killed by proclaiming you're the Secret Keeper when you are really not," Emma said before falling asleep. That day reminded forever in my head, even as the months and the weeks wore on. After a long day at work, doing some over time I came home to a sight I never wanted to see. The house was dark and cold, and Emma was sitting on next to the boys and Albus Dumbledore. Emma is crying, along with the boys. A small tear glistens in the corner of the great Headmaster's eye. I rush to my wife, and begin to comfort her.
"Emma, honey, what's wrong?"
"That monster Peter sold them to him. He sold my brother to him! Because of that scum, James and Lily are…are…" Emma can't seem to get the words out. She chokes up, and falls to the floor into my arms. Her body shakes and trembles as she cries. I look up at my friend and former Headmaster for the answer.
"What did he do?"
"Peter Pettigrew betrayed Lily and James to Lord Voldemort, allowing him to slaughter them like pigs."
"What about Harry? Is Harry okay?" I asked stroking Emma's hair. She's quieted down a bit, but tears are still running down her face. I'm still in shock. I can't believe that my best friend is really gone. Soon Jediah joins his mother on the floor in my arms. Israel lies down on the couch, gently sobbing. This is too much for a twelve year old and an eight year old to bear. After Dumbledore explains to them that Harry is okay I send them to bed, telling them that they may sleep in our bed tonight.
"Hagrid came by and got your bike so that he could take Harry to the Dursley's."
"No! We can raise Harry here, in a good wizarding home!" I yell in protest. Emma let's out a muffled wail. I hug her close, rocking her back in forth. This isn't happening this just isn't happening. I saw James when he left work at five. This isn't happening.
"No Sirius, your family is in enough danger already. We don't know if Voldemort is dead, but if he isn't and he find out that you've got Harry with you….the results will be the same as tonight's. I'm relocating you near St. Mungo's so that Emma my continue working. You'll also be closer to the ministry. Your Secret Keeper will now be Remus, so that Molly doesn't have to worry as much. Everything is going to be okay," Albus tells us. He helps Emma to her feet and gives her a hug. Then he turns to me and shakes my hand. Emma wipes at her tear stained face, and pulls her sweater closer around her. Again Dumbledore addresses us trying to show his sympathies. Nothing can really be said at this time though and he smiles and leaves.
"Everything is going to be okay."
Somehow I just don't believe him.