Dear Diary
Chapter 21: I feel it in the way you touch

XXX

A/N: The third 'arc'- the third song. Same singer, three songs. C'mon people, figure it out ;)
(I'll not post the answer until the final chapter – and the lord only knows when that'll be xD)
Hey Yengirl, I posted right before the weekend, just for you ;) (And all you other lovely (weekend) readers, of course)

Marina, thank you for another amazing Beta. Daisuki!

I do not own Naruto. I only own my own creativity (Though my mother would have you believe that is actually hers… Don't believe everything you hear, folks)

XXX

Dear Diary,

I love Gai so much… He's the most amazing person EVER, you know that? He's sweet, and understanding and thoughtful and gentle and – I should stop now, right? Right. You've already heard me list all of Gai's amazing qualities too many times. I can't really blame you for getting a little tired of it, Diary…

I really wish I didn't have to leave the Memorial Stone yesterday, though… I've still got to tell Minato-sensei, and Obito and Rin. And I sort of feel like I should tell the others there as well, Diary. After all, they've all been there for me for so many years, right? Right. It'd feel wrong not to tell everyone. Like I'm lying to them. They're not around anymore to just see it happening like everyone else. I should go and tell them.

But at the same time, I can't stop thinking about Gai. About seeing him, touching him, kissing him. He's SO addicting, Diary… Like, so addicting. You don't even know how addicting Gai is. I mean, I could fill these pages, and tell you all about it and you still wouldn't be able to grasp just how addicting Gai really is.

I love him so much…

K.

XXX

I'm laying on my back on Gai's couch, he's on top of me. I don't really remember how this happened, but I'm seriously liking the situation, so I decide not to bother with the details too much. He's kissing me, fingers running through my hair like my own are running through his. Yeah, I'm so liking this.

But then Gai shifts a little. And all of the sudden, I'm not so sure if I'm liking where this is headed anymore. Not that I mind that his leg is touching me. Or maybe I do. I'm just really not sure at this point, and I can feel how something is stirring down in my pants and that's just downright humiliating. I swallow, my hands almost automatically lifting his hips just a little, "Gai… Please…"

He blinks down at me, clearly confused. I swallow once more, "That's… I mean… Your leg was…" A deep breath, "Touching me, Gai. Really private touching and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet…" Scared, I look up at him. Hoping to god that he's not going to get offended.

Gai smiles at me, a soft smile, before pushing himself up. Sitting down next to me, he gives me a serious look, "I did not intend to make you uncomfortable, Kakashi."

I swallow, "I know," Sitting back up, "It's just… I mean, I don't really… Have any objections, I guess. But…"

His smile somehow turns reassuring, "I am not sure if I am ready for that either. And I honestly did not realize what I was apparently doing until you stopped me."

Swallowing again, I nod, "I know it's not on purpose, Gai. I realized that much immediately, but…" I don't dare look up, "It's not like I never… You know, thought about it…"

He chuckles lightly, leaning over so he can look me in the eye, "As did I. However…"

"Yeah…" Awkwardly, I bite my lip, "This is only the second time we're…" A chuckle forces its way out of my throat, "I guess we can't really call this a date, now can we?" I look up at Gai, he's blushing. Blushing Gai is so cute, it makes me want to crash my lips against his again. But I hold back, my gaze drifting away a little.

"Do we need to, Kakashi?" He sounds just a little insecure, "Do we need to go on dates to be together? I know I don't… Know much about this stuff, but…"

"No, we don't. It doesn't always have to be a date, Gai. No way, because that would mean I wouldn't be able to see you as much and I want to see you as much as I possibly can and –" I suddenly realize I'm rambling, biting my tongue to keep from saying more. But he chuckles again, seemingly relieved.

"I want to be with you as much as I can too, my love," His tone is soft, but there's a sparkle in Gai's eyes.

I swallow against the lump in my throat, "I love you so much, Gai…"

Smiling, he leans over once more, recapturing my lips. I can hear myself moan, can feel his strong hands on my shoulders, pushing me on my back once more. Gai's being careful though, careful not to touch where he touched me before. I'm grateful for that, but at the same time… I'm not. Really, this whole thing has been dragging on for so long and I'm honestly not sure how much longer I can hold out. I want him to touch me, but I'm not sure if I'd like everything that would surround that. Like the fact that this totally sweet and relatively innocent relationship would instantly turn into something a little more… Mature. Like the fact that, if he touches me, he'd likely expect me to return the favor. Not that I'm against that, I just don't know if I'm for that yet, either.

But right now, he's kissing me. And that's amazing enough in itself so I decide to just focus on that for now. Everything else can wait. It's not like I haven't been waiting forever, right? Right.

XXX

At some point – I don't really remember when – we fell of the couch together. Gai has a nice, thick carpet though, so it didn't hurt too much. And we just continued making out on the floor. We´re rolling over the moss green carpet, sometimes he´s on top, sometimes I am. The couch is basically on the other side of the room by now, and to avoid running into the wall, I pull Gai back up top of me and over the other side. He´s somehow caught on to the fact that hands are an almost equally important part of making out, and his are currently wandering all over my chest. It´s a rather new feeling – usually when I feel hands touching my chest, they're about half as small and not nearly as strong. But this feels… Absolutely amazing. This is the way it's supposed to be.

Another soft moan escapes my throat, I've been moaning for a good while now, as has Gai. But this time it causes him to chuckle a little, and he places a quick kiss on my lips before letting his head fall back on the soft carpet.

"Kakashi… How on earth did we end up here?"

I frown a little in confusion. 'Here' as in, on the floor? Or 'here' as in, making out with each other? Or maybe he means 'here' as in, two shinobi, two jounin. Maybe he means to say how far we've come. I honestly don't have a clue what he means, there could be so many things…

But his gentle voice continues as if he hasn't seen my hesitation, "After all those years… I never thought any of this would ever come to pass. But here we are, Kakashi. And we are together in a way that sounded so impossible for so long. So far beyond belief that I did not even dare hold on to the slightest hope. I love you so much, I always have. My only regret is that I did not say something sooner…"

"Yeah," My voice is throaty, tears starting to blur my vision, "Me too, Gai. I can't believe what an idiot I've been for all these years… I don't ever want to let you go again, Gai. Never. I just…" Unsure how to say what's on my mind, I simply rest my head on his shoulder, unable to resist placing a small kiss just below his ear.

"Kakashi… We have basically been inside a cocoon for the past two days. We have been sneaking around in hopes of not encountering anyone, and I am still not sure if I even want to see any of them again, but…"

"I know… We can't hide forever… Just…" I lift my head a little to look him in the eye, "I've been thinking about this, last night when I couldn't sleep. I thought… We could… I mean, it's not like we owe anyone an announcement or something, right? Right, so… I figure we just go about our own lives the way we want to. And if that means that somebody sees us together, and draws their conclusion from that, that'll be fine with me. Which is why I was okay with waiting for you at the gate this morning. Because I honestly don't care about what other people think anymore. I got the greatest prize of my entire life. They can say whatever they want, I only want you."

For a few seconds, Gai doesn't reply. There's a thoughtful look on his face and his arms around me hug me maybe just a little too tight. But I can still sort of breathe, so I don't want to make a big deal out of it. After a little while, Gai nods.

"You are right. They can assume whatever it is that they want to assume. However, I feel like I must ask you for one exception…"

"Lee?" I know the boy is closer to him than anyone – well, maybe except for me. Of course he'd want to tell him! And I won't stand in his way.

"Yes. Although I was actually thinking of Neji and Tenten as well. And Sakura."

"Gaaai…" I groan, pushing myself off of him and sitting back on my knees beside him. Gai also sits up, regarding me with a curious look, "Listen… Sakura already thinks I'm this big ol' perv. And you know, she's right but…"

"You are worried what she is going to say?"

Ashamed, I nod. My fingers absentmindedly running through the long fibers of Gai's carpet.

"What did Minato-sensei say?"

Gai's tone is incredibly soft, and I have to swallow before admitting that I didn't tell him. I'm not sure if I should tell him about Jiraiya as well, so I don't. Maybe later…

"Why not? Are you afraid he will get angry with you?"

A sad smile spreads across my face. Gai really is the only person in the world that understands how important my deceased loved ones still are to me. The only person in the world that would never ridicule me for caring about their opinions, for my almost desperate need to talk to them. I sigh softly, "I told my father first. And I asked him to tell mom, because I was a little scared to do it myself, you know I never really knew her," I look up briefly, relieved at the understanding in his eyes. Returning my gaze to the floor, I continue, "I was just about to tell Minato-sensei next, but… I got interrupted," Swallowing, I look up once more, "Jiraiya was there. He said that Minato-sensei and Kushina would've been okay with it, and that he was too. But then he got a little too…" I look away again, my cheeks burning, "Personal. So… I left. I haven't gone back there yet…"

"I see. Do you want to go back together?"

"What?!" My head shoots up at the unexpected offer. I'm surprised, but also… Thankful. Happy, "I… Yes, Gai. Please. I would like that very much."