"This is why guys are supposed to get around to saying these things first. But if I wait for that, hell will freeze over and Kasuka will actually develop a facial expression. Oh, I can also go the deadpan route. 'Namie. Love you. Long, long time.'"
It was one of Izaya's best qualities to be able to laugh at her misfortune. It was one of Izaya's worst faults that she was able to laugh at other people's misfortune just as much if not even more. Carrying a fake belly made her back hurt a bit and since she was not in the best of moods she had to call Kida.
"Masaomi, backrub."
Izaya stretched belly down on the sofa. Kida flailed.
"Orihara-san…?"
"Have you gone deaf? I want a backrub."
"That's a bit…"
"What are you blushing for? You used to give me backrubs all the times. What's the problem now?"
"But you were a man back then! Not a hot woman…it's embarrassing."
Izaya decided to be mean. It was something of a default attitude.
"Masaomi, could it be that you never actually a girl before?"
"I'll get to it now."
"Hmm…I see, you're a virgin! Oh dear!"
"Why do you always have to be such a troll."
"Said something?"
"Nothing."
"Thought so."
Kida could vent some of his anger on the back massage since Izaya liked his backrubs to be on the rougher side. It improved Izaya's state of mind considerably.
"I wonder if I should get a tan. But my strong point is this milky white skin of mine."
"Saki has been asking about you."
"Has she? Maybe I should pay her a visit."
"That'd be quite a shock…"
"Turn on the TV, they're re-running Project Runway."
As much as Kida hated to admit it, Izaya was fashionable through and through.
"That's Shizuo-san's brother, isn't it?"
On screen Kasuka was being asked if he had a girlfriend.
"Not yet. But am interested in someone. Not from showbiz. Kanra-chan."
Izaya jumped to her feet.
"The hell!"
Kida got the gist of it immediately.
"So you're dating Heiwajima junior? Way to go, Orihara-san! Fame, success, parties with pretty girls, feel free to invite me to the next movie gala!"
Izaya was highly annoyed at Kasuka's public faux pas but she was eager to turn this into an advantage.

So the next time Izaya saw Namie she decided to go for the jealousy angle.
"Namie, look, look. I met Kasuka- that's Hanejima Yuuhei- don't we look adorable together?"
Izaya showed him the cell phone picture. She had even printed it for greater resolution. Izaya did not believe in being half hearted about a strategy once she settled on it. She was already anticipating Namie wrapped her with his arms. Instead Namie glanced at the picture and said,
"If you engaged in sexual intercourse then I have a particular questionnaire I would like you to fill."
Izaya found herself gaping in uncharacteristic loss for words. She wanted to believe it was a joke but Namie's typical seriousness convinced her of the grim truth. Izaya snatched her purse with an angry gesture.
"Fine. Be that way! Since research data is more important than me. See if I care!"
Izaya stormed out of the room. There was a limit to how cold hearted one could be. Izaya felt genuinely hurt and offended. But she was in no hurry to throw herself at Kasuka. Apparently it'd be a waste of time anyway. Izaya might even kick at stuff with his Jimmy Choo shoes but not even that could appease her. Not even stomping on cell phones would do the trick.
She ended up at a bar, sitting across from a rather bewildered Kadota.
"And then- and then he said I could just sleep with Dead Eyes! Who would say such a thing? I'm so unloved."
"I think you should stop drinking now-"
"Shaddap. Namie is evil, just evil."
"I've been saying that for a while-"
"You can't say it, only I can! Wheee…!"
Izaya had not taken into consideration that as a woman she was more susceptible to alcohol. Kadota was becoming increasingly nervous as Izaya's intoxication became greater with each glass.
"Izaya, let's just take you home-"
"Men are pigs. Pigs, I'm telling you!"
Izaya nearly knocked down the bottle with a sudden sweeping gesture that took Kadota by surprise. Maybe he should call someone to help him put Izaya to bed, perhaps that blond kid that was always hanging around Izaya's place.