A/N: This is going to be another villain-centric chapter. I hope you don't mind, because I've been planning this part of the story for a very long time, and I'm glad that I finally got to post it.
When big egos clash, the result is never pretty. Dr. Akira Kamikazi, like Bjorn Bjornson, had an enormous ego. Naturally, he hated having to wait for an appointment to see the brat, no matter how much this brat was in charge of the operation. When he - along with his Constantine, of course - was finally given a chance to speak with Bjornson in private, he entered a large room that was mostly bare, except for a few chairs and some kind of multimedia system with a large screen.
Bjorn was sitting in an armchair in front of the screen, with his back turned on Kamikazi and Constantine. To Kamikazi's added annoyance, he didn't even turn the chair around as they entered the room.
"If I understood you correctly, you wanted to issue a complaint, doctor?" he said calmly.
"Damn straight!" the evil genius bellowed, "Constantine informs me that my formulas and blueprints have been removed from my living quarters!"
"And you think that perhaps it is I who have taken them?"
"I can't be sure, but..."
Bjorn turned his chair around and faced his guest. "Well, I have. I need them."
Kamikazi roared. "Now listen here, punk! I agreed to help you out, but I never agreed to give you free access to my works!"
"Then maybe you should take better care of them, doctor. You've been careless with your secrets before."
"What do you mean?"
"Tell me, doctor... All those cameras you hid all over the Bay Area – You must've made thousands of hours of footage over the years."
"What's your point?"
"What happened to the footage after Kaziland was raided?"
Kamikazi shrugged. "Meh, the FBI took all of it. But what can you do?"
"The authorities doesn't have those recordings, Kamikazi, I do. "
The mad scientist was startled.
"Furthermore, I was the one who tipped them off - After I had snuck into Kaziland to steal your recordings."
"Y…y…you expect me to believe in that?" Kamikazi yelled at him, hoping against hope that young Bjornson was bluffing.
"We'll see soon enough", Bjorn picked a memory pin out of his pocket and waved it nonchalantly. "This contains copies of some of the more memorable moments. Let's start with this interesting little conversation…" He inserted the pin, and the familiar face of a silicon-lipped blonde turned up on the screen.
- Yes, very good, agent Klashnikov. That will be all!
- Ooh, I love it when you're blunt. You know I would do anything to please you. For my only desire is to make you happy. Very, very happy!
Bjorn froze the frame and turned around. "Now, I have reason to believe that if Sussi was to see this recording, she would be thinking: When did I ever say that? When was I ever flirting with Dr. Kamikazi? And flirting so shamelessly, at that? And she'd probably be no less puzzled by this next piece of footage:"
- You may think you have won. But you'll never defeat Dr. Kamikazi! Never! He loves me, you know. We're going to get married.
I'm pretty sure, Akira -" Bjorn said with the voice of someone who's calling a man by his first name to mock him, not to be friendly, "- that Sussi Klashnikov cannot remember ever having expressed a desire to marry you!"
Dr. Kamikazi was trying to stay calm, but it was becoming less and less convincing by the second.
"Ahem, well…love makes you do strange things." He said weakly.
"So does chemistry! Bjorn snapped, triumphantly holding up a bottle. "My robot double has just informed me that even after your job was done over at the Turnbull's, Constantine spend several minutes going through Tommy's belongings. Perhaps you had told him to look for this?
When Kamikazi realized what this bottle was, he gave up all pretensions of acting calm.
"GAAHH! It…that…you…you little…!"
"So you did make an actual love potion. Now I haven't actually had time to test it, and it's not like I need that kind of stuff for myself anyway, but Constantine assured me it's most effective."
"CONSTANTINE!"
"What? That's a lie!" the large henchman assured him. "I never –"
"Remember that hangover you had back at my cabin?"
Constantine paused and thought back. He got a terrified look in his eyes.
"GAH!"
"That's right, Doctor. Your minion can't hold his liqueur. Nor his tongue."
With a mix of schadenfreude and annoyance, Bjorn observed how the sobbing Constantine was already grovelling and suggesting punishments for himself while Kamikazi yelled at him. After listening to them carrying on for a few minutes, he fired a shot into the air to get their attention, temporarily forgetting that he was inside.
"Oh well", he remarked, looking at the hole he'd just made in the ceiling. "I wanted a window there anyway. And at least it got your attention. Now listen up, gentlemen, because I'm not finished, not by a long shot. You, Kamikazi, have no reason to throw stones. Do you realize how much footage you've recorded of your own actions over the year? How much evidence that could be used against you? Your obsession with putting cameras everywhere and recording everything might become your downfall."
Bjorn sat down again and turned his attention to the screen.
"We've both met Mrs. Adhabu," he continued, "And we know how protective she can be of her daughter. Now, imagine how she would react if she knew some of the perils you've gotten young Lola into…"
Bjorn typed something on the screen, and a file map simply entitled "Lola" turned up. For a minute or so he quickly went through some old film clips.
"Hmm, here's one of Lola locked in a gigantic birdcage inside Kaziland…." He muttered. "Here's one of you with Lola hogtied in a Tunnel of Love boat…but that's trivial stuff, really. Ah! Here's where it's starting to get interesting…This is one of you in a hotel room…and you've got Tommy and his little friends – including Lola - tied up, again. What's the deal with you and bondage? And this is where you say your classic line:
- Show me how to activate Robotboy, or Constantine will turn you all into tapas!
Constantine screamed with surprise.
"That was his words, not mine!" he cried. "I would never actually…"
"…Cut those kids into little pieces? Well, my dear Constantine, you might have a better case if you weren't grinning madly at the time." Bjorn quipped dryly, freezing the frame. As Constantine saw himself on the screen, he broke down sobbing.
"But I was…I was…"
"…Actually making tapas at the time, I know. But I – eh hehe - accidentally erased that part."
He picked up the remote. "But we can't dwell too much on each clip. There's still plenty to go. Ooh, here's one from some tropical island…"
Dr. Kamikazi let out a yelp.
"Ah, you know this is going to be a good one, don't you, Doctor?" Bjorn commented and turned his head slowly for a few seconds before he turned his attention back to the screen.
"Is that supposed to be you posing as professor Moshimo there? Robotboy I can believe, but did you really fool Tommy with that cheesy disguise? Guess not, since you had to throw your genetically engineered ape army at them. What are they doing to Tommy and his friends - Including Lola? I can't see them over all those gorilla bodies…ah, there they are – tied up again – and sitting on some sort of plateau…Robotboy got them loose, I see but…oh dear, they were nearly all eaten alive by some great, hulking ape beast there…a beast that you, dear Doctor, created and controlled, I believe."
This time, Kamikazi just groaned. He knew where this was going, or at least so he believed.
"And there Robotboy goes and saves the day again.", Bjorn continued. "Of course, the day wouldn't have to be saved in the first place if it wasn't for him, but I digress. The point is, Lola certainly has been put through a lot thanks to you, but there's still one more clip I wanted to show you…ah, here it is…" for a few minutes, the trio watched the edited clip in silence until Bjorn exclaimed. "Well, that might have been your finest moment yet, doctor! You nearly killed Lola from old age! Again I say: Imagine if Mrs. Adhabu were to see this…"
"Enough! Enough!" Dr, Kamikazi bellowed. "I know where you are heading with this, Bjornson! You want to extort me in return for not showing these videos to Klashnikov or Adhabu? Fine! Tell me what you want!"
Bjorn chuckled. "My dear Kamikazi, you misunderstand. I am not going to show these video clips to Klashnikov or Adhabu…"
"Ah, okay then…"
"No, I am not going to show these video clips to Klashnikov or Adhabu. I have shown them the video clips already!"
Kamikazi paled. This time, he didn't even bother trying to convince himself that Bjornson was bluffing. It was clear from the young man's facial expression that he wasn't.
"You…you planned this all along, didn't you?" Kamikazi screamed accusingly.
Bjorn shrugged nonchalantly. "Got it right this time.". As you old-school villains would say: You've outlived your usefulness, Kamikazi. I have your formulas and your blueprints. I don't need you anymore. And this way, I can get rid of you without getting blood on my own hands!" He picked up a cell phone-like device, called a number and said just one sentence: "He is here."
"Fine, but if I'm going down, I'm taking you with me! Constantine!", he barked, "Kill that brat with your bare hands! Now!"
Constantine hesitated, as he was clearly not used to being ordered to commit outright murder.
"In a few seconds, your henchman will have different priorities." Bjorn commented, unfazed. "Like making desperate attempts at protecting your life."
As on cue, the door was blown open by a figure that turned out to be a very angry and very heavily armed Sussi Klashnikov. Following right behind her was a surprisingly calm-looking Y. Miriam Adhabu.
"Kamikazi!" she yelled, pointing a rifle at the doctor's forehead. "You disgusting old man! What else did you do to me while I was under the influence of that perverted potion of yours?"
"Well, I-"
"No matter!", she interrupted him. "I am going to kill you anyway, just to be safe!"
"Agent Klashnikov, wait!" Kamkiazi tried, "Ambassador Kingsley Mbola has offered a 100 000 dollar reward to whoever brings me in alive."
The Russian mercenary seemed to be pondering at this offer for a moment. Then she pointed her rifle towards Kamikazi again. "I never thought I'd say this, but there are some things in life that are more important than money. ", she snarled. "I'm feeling generous today. Ambassador Mbola can have your corpse – for free!"
But at this moment, Constantine did what Bjorn had suggested he should be doing – He protected his master's life, by throwing himself at Klashnikov. He only managed to stall her for a few seconds before she turned him over – judging form Constantine's cries of pains and his position, Klashnikov had probably kicked him hard in the unmentionables – but it was enough for Dr. Kamikazi to get a head start. He ran up out of the room and up a staircase. Klashnikov tried to aim at him, but was stopped by Y. Miriam Adhabu.
"Not so fast." She said calmly.
"How can you defend that monster, Yolanda, after having seen the crimes he has committed against your daughter?" Klashnikov demanded to know.
"You misunderstand, Sussi.", the African woman replied, still calm. "When I ask you not to act so fast, it is only because I don't want you to kill Kamikazi too quickly. Don't you want him to suffer first?"
Klashnikov gritted her teeth as she answered: "Intensely!"
"The let's do this my way. Here's the plan…" Mrs. Adhabu whispered the rest into the ear of Klashnikov, who turned pale as she got to know the details. For a moment, she looked as if she was about to throw up, but she pulled herself together.
"Yolanda", she said in astonishment "You are a very sick woman!" She then paused and smiled. "I like it!"
TBC
A/N: I usually don't list the Robotboy episodes I'm referring to, but there were so many direct references this time that I thought it might be useful. The events that Bjorn is talking about are taken from (in order of appearance): The Babysitter (quoted), Constantine Rising, Valentine's Day, Kamikazi Nightmare (quoted), The Homecoming, and Zap! You're Old