Chapter 21

To Hell And Back Again

She was lying on something cold and hard. She forced her eyelids to open and found herself staring at total darkness. She blinked and the area came into focus. She was on her back, one arm twisted underneath her body, the other askew on her torso.

She was alive. She blinked once again and realized two things: she was not in Faerun and she had no idea what was this place.

Unfamiliar panic gripped her heart this moment. The place was oddly familiar. She had seen it. Once. Not so long ago. Nauseated and scared, she twisted and climbed on her fours. She lifted her head and examined her surroundings.

It was a wasteland. The ground was of grey, hard stone. She blinked again and looked closely. It couldn't be a wasteland. Wastelands, no matter how terribly unpleasant, were nothing more a terrain formation. Therefore there had to be sky. This place, however, was skyless. Above her, there was only a black void specked with greenish lights. She stood up and for a heartbeat felt terribly dizzy. She blinked and rubbed her face trying to snap herself into full alertness.

'Hello godchild.' A voice both masculine and feminine rang out, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin. She turned around, raising her arm and ready to strike, only to realize she had no sword.

Upon seeing the stranger, her jaw dropped. She tried to swallow only to find out that her throat was perfectly dry.

It wasn't human. Humans didn't radiate like beacons and neither were they blue or had wings. The creature was about twelve feet tall, had blue skin and golden tresses. It was definitely feminine in form, yet its eyes were pools of melted gold. The whole apparition was both beautiful and frightening. Careful not to annoy it in any way, Laura took a step back and composed her face.

'Hello yourself.' She answered, praying her voice would remain friendly 'May I ask… who you are?'

'I am a Solar, sent by the Ao almighty.' It answered gently.

'Sent?' Laura repeated, her head spinning 'And what is this place?'

'This is Hell.' It said calmly 'Part of Bhaal's domain you molded upon killing Illasera.'

'Wait. What? How?' the words were spilling from her mouth without any control from her will 'How did I get here?'

'Upon killing Illasera, you devoured her essence, enhancing by doing so your own power. Now, you have become strong enough to have your own Pocket Plane. You are within Bhaal's realm, yet in here, you are able to shield yourself from its effects. You have unconsciously travelled here moments ago.'

'Am I trapped here?'

'Of course not. You can leave at any time.' The Solar shook its head with a genuine smile. 'Godchild, the gods have decided not to get involved with recent developments. The course of events in Faerun lies fully in the hands of Bhaalspawns now.'

'Why?' and then something else hit her, something else beside the constantly nagging pain: the question on whereabouts of her companions. She looked at the Solar with fear but the being just smiled.

'They are there.' The Solar, as if reading her mind, pointed 'They are fine.'

'Did I drag them in here?'

'Yes.' It nodded calmly 'Now, I must get to the matters at hand. As I said before, the gods will not become involved with what's happening. The Throne of Bhaal is standing empty, the Powers are unbalanced and Faerun may overflow with blood.'

'Why are you telling me this?' she demanded, anger pumping in her veins.

'Because, Laura, within your hands lies the resolution.'

'What do you mean?'

'Tell me' the Solar's eyes met her own and she felt disembodied, drowned and dissipated 'would you let Bhaal return to the world of the living? Or would you rather take his place upon on the Throne.'

'Neither.' She barked at the Solar and tore her gaze away 'I'm not interested in any option.'

'Would you, if you had the chance, stop the oncoming massacre.'

She bit her lip, hard enough to draw blood, and lowered her head. She was gazing at her boots, once again hyper aware of her surroundings. The air was dry and cool, but it smelled oddly fresh. Her heart was pounding in her chest, pushing blood into her veins, coursing through her body and carrying the oxygen she breathed in. She could feel her own skin, all the bruises and sore spots. She could feel the Solar's gaze. She inhaled, steadied herself and looked up.

'Yes.' The voice was much hoarser than she expected it to be.

'Each decision you make, carries different consequences, godchild. My job here is to show you who you really are. No decision, not as dire in consequences as are those you shall make, should be made without knowledge.' The Solar's voice was hollow yet gentle. Laura could feel the creature's age. It was ancient, timeless and immortal.

The Spheres had to be a place of great wonder, she realized with a start, feeling an odd longing awakening within her chest.

'Learn them of yourself. This place is destined to help you with self-knowledge. Your will had shaped it into a wasteland. It's not its true form. There are tests in here, waiting for you to take them.'

'And you're saying I created it?' she felt truly bewildered and overwhelmed.

'Your sub-conscience did. It yearns for answers. Listen to yourself. Reveal the Plane's true form, Laura.'

'How?'

The Solar's gaze once again met hers and this time she was immediately smitten. Bottled-up emotions began flowing freely within her, old memories rose from their graves and then, there was only a primitive howl left. She breathed it and then gave into herself. The world was shifting. Out of nothingness, walls rose, turning the previous wasteland into a gigantic chamber with monstrous arch on one wall, adorned will the too-familiar tears of Bhaal. The ground was shaking. Laura fell to her knees, both inside and outside herself.

She was herself, Laura with no last name and many memories, and yet she was someone else, a being of great power and great knowledge, a deity that walked the Spheres and commanded elements.

She was a deity, yet she was no Bhaal.

He was screaming within her, fighting for command.

She was a deity, a Bhaalspawn, but she was herself.

And then the sensation was gone. She was lying on the stone floor and panting with the effort of creation.

'Good job, godchild. Now, someone else is approaching. I must take me leave.' Saying those words, the Solar disappeared.

Groggily, Laura pushed herself up and wiped her sweaty brow. Whatever was coming, she was as ready, as she could be.

A humanoid creature walked through the arch. It was blurry and not solid, yet Laura felt she knew its true nature.

'Hello sister.' The booming voice. The cold, booming voice that haunted her nightmares years ago. Over six feet tall. Intimidating and demonical.

'Sarevok!' her fists balled in an instant 'Haven't I killed you enough times?'

'I couldn't miss such a chance. I-'the creature broke off, its voice suddenly less imperious and menacing 'You have defeated me twice, though the second fight was against my will. You have summoned me to hell.'

'I most certainly haven't.' she spat at him and the, without any logical reason, she felt a twinge of pity.

He had been intimidating, all those years ago. A demon clad in an armor of nightmare. Now he was nothing more than a broken specter.

'I miss life!' Sarevok's booming voice broke 'I made the worst mistake by crossing your path. I-I wasn't strong enough. Or wise enough.'

'What do you want?' she repeated, feeling flabbergasted and slightly embarrassed.

'I want to live again!' the specter exclaimed and there was such pain in his voice, that she narrowed her eyes. 'I want to be able to feel the sunlight on my skin once again. And besides…' he broke off, his voice once again cold and booming 'Only I can provide you with information you require if you wish to live.'

'So share it with me.' She said cautiously, uncertain whether he was trying to lure her in some kind of a trap.

'I will help you if you help me.'

'How?'

'Give me a bit of your soul.'

She opened her mouth and then closed it.

Preposterous.

Hadn't she defeated him twice already?

Hadn't he deprived her of home and childhood?

She stared at him defiantly.

'No.' she said, her voice choked with emotion she couldn't name.

'I shall help you. I will serve you. And I swear to you, I will give you all the information you require, Laura. Do not underestimate my knowledge.'

'I'll find my own solutions.' She said, feeling irritated.

'You don't even know how to leave this place.' He snapped at her, taking one step forward.

And right he was.

She took a deep breath and looked behind. Her companions were still unconscious. There was no hope of getting any assistance from them. She looked back at him. She had already managed to kill him. Twice. Should things go the wrong way, she would be able to do it again.

'How do I do it?' she asked through clenched teeth.

'Search yourself. You have the power and the knowledge how to unlock it.' He said almost instantly. Laura realized he was just as stressed as she was.

'Fine. Do something unwanted, I shall end your life once again.' She warned him and searched inside.

A Bhaalspawn is many things. Bloodlust and anger, madness and hatred. But it is also divine. She clung to that unearthly, reaching beyond time sensation of something else within her. And then its nature manifested itself physically. Her own soul split and she fell, as if pushed by an invisible force, on her back.

She lied there for uncountable amount of time. Eons could have passed before she rose from the ground, feeling sick and weak. What she saw, made her take another step back with involuntary alarm.

Sarevok in flesh was standing few feet away from her.

He paid her no heed. Mesmerized, she watched him examine himself.

His large hands were roaming his chest.

What made her breath hitch, however, were his eyes.

There were tears in his eyes.

The nightmare of her childhood dreams was standing and crying in front of her.

He looked up, embarrassed and uncertain of what to do next.

'Thank you.' His voice was broken, quavering, filled with emotions neither could name.

'You're welcome.' Her response was only mechanical, as no words could truly convey what was happening.

They stood facing each other for a long time.

'It's time for me to fulfill my part of the bargain.' He said finally, his tone much business-like now 'As you probably know, Saradush is besieged. The government had fallen some time before the siege, however, and the city fell into Gromnir Il-Khan's hands. He's a Bhaalspawn, commanding an army of his own. Another Bhaalspawn, Yaga Shura, is the one who's leading the attack. It's impossible to enter the city.'

'Why's the attack?'

'The Bhaalspawns have organized themselves somehow. I don't know how or why. All I know is that there are few hundreds of other Spawns within the city walls. If it falls, they will be slaughtered and the attackers will-'

'Grow even more powerful' she concluded 'Do you think it would be possible to enter the city from-from here?' she hesitated, not really wanting to reveal how much she didn't know.

He ignored the hesitation, massive hands now rubbing his bald head.

'Yes. Pocket Plane enables one planeswalking. To a small degree, that is.'

'Fine.' She nodded, unsure what to say next. 'What about you?'

'Let me join you.' He said swiftly 'I will swear a fealty to serve you no matter what.'

'Why?' she gasped in surprise 'You and I, we haven't got much in common.'

'I-' he broke off and concentrated on the rubbing.

Leave him unchecked? Laura bit her lip and looked away. It was not wise.

Sarevok on loose. Everything was possible. Taking him along, however, was pretty crazy.

He was the archenemy.

She gazed at him, trying to evaluate the threat he could bring.

He was still rubbing his head, his gaze fixed on the floor.

Like a huge, bald child.

She sighed.

'Will you swear your loyalty?' she asked in a small voice.

'On my name.' he said simply, lifting his gaze to meet hers.

'Be careful. No promise made in hell can be easily broken.'

'I know.' He said calmly 'But I swear, nonetheless. I owe you my life.' He added with a hint of grunt.

'I'll rouse the others. Trust me, those who know you, won't like it.'

'Oh, I can bet my head.' He smirked humorlessly.

XXX

It took her quite an amount of time to explained what had happened. Upon hearing that Sarevok was to join them, Edwin started screaming and waving his hands manically.

'He'll butcher us in our sleep!' he yelled finally and stood up 'This is it! I've had enough! I'm leaving!' with that the mage stalked off in a huff.

'He'll be back in no time.' Coran muttered, his eyes glued to Laura and his expression very serious 'Do you honestly trust him?' he asked in a low, worried voice.

'He swore an oath. Here in hell.' She said, not really knowing whether this would suffice.

'Indeed. As much as I dislike him' Viconia pointed at Sarevok with his chin 'I know that he can't break his word.'

'How do you know that?' a very pale and very sweaty Richard asked in a troubled voice.

She could see it in his eyes. The situation was too much for him.

Suddenly she started fearing for his mental well-being. He was a good man.

His eyes were scanning the surroundings with such a terror, that it broke her heart.

A very sulky Cara was also watching him with obvious discomfort.

Kahlan was staring at her own hands.

'I'm a priest.' Viconia answered haughtily and stood up 'You should not' her eyes moved to Laura 'display such uncertainty.'

Laura concealed a smile. It was Viconia's way of saying that she trusted her.

'He'll join us. At least for now.' She decided finally. 'Tomorrow…well' she scratched her head 'in few hours' time, once we've rested for a bit, we'll try to enter Saradush.'

'Using the gate?' Eldoth piped in, looking somehow excited.

She like it about him. He had an uncanny ability of looking at things from a totally different perspective. Despite being a terrible womanizer and a dowry-hunter, he was first and foremost a poet. Every aspect of reality had something magical in it, something only Eldoth could see.

She smiled at him.

'Yes.'

XXX

They had lied down to rest near the gate. Together they decided that keeping watch was unnecessary since they were alone in the Pocket Plane.

Laura couldn't sleep. Lying on her back with closed eyes, she kept seeing Valen's mutilated body. Every time she nearly dozed off, another image entered her mind. She kept reliving what had happened. If only she had been faster.

And now, because she hadn't been, Valen was dead.

Definitely dead.

Dead and gone.

She opened her eyes with a sigh and then heard footsteps. Warily, she turned her head. It was Cara.

'Yes?' she mumbled at the woman, who scowled.

'I need a word with you.' The woman demanded, cocking her head defiantly.

'Of course.' She stood up and gestured towards the gate 'Let's go.'

'Listen' Cara said after a short walk 'I know this is important for you.'

'Yeah.' She scratched her cheek absentmindedly.

'The lord Rahl's life is too precious. I want out of this mess.' Cara demanded somehow aggressively 'I don't give a damn about your world, Bhaalspawn. They are' she nodded her head in the direction of the slumbering party 'too soft-hearted to admit it. But they're going to get themselves killed in that quest of yours.'

'I don't know if it's possible to split ways here and now.' she lowered her head.

Guilt was flooding her.

Of course this had been the worst idea ever to allow them to join.

Valen was the proof.

'Once we're in Saradush…' she started and realized she didn't know what to say next 'Look, I don't see a way out now. Trust me' she raised her head and stared at the mord sith 'I don't want them hurt-'

'I don't care about what you want.' Cara cut in sharply 'You got them into this mess, you help them out.'

'I will.' She nodded.

'I just need to know how.' She added admittedly 'I'm at loss.'

'You should control your emotions better.' The blond woman remarked graciously 'It will help you to focus.'

'Thank you for your advice. Now, let's head back, shall we?'

XXX

Valen was dead.

Laura rose from her blanket and marched away from the makeshift camp.

There was no day nor night in the Pocket Plane. Only eternal gloom.

The Solar had said that the place would show her the truth about what she really was. She both longed for it and feared it.

The chamber had another passageway out. It was a much smaller archway that led to a flight of stairs. Laura returned to the camp and pulled her sword from underneath her blanket. Slowly and carefully, she stalked towards the second archway. Holding her breath and waiting for something to happen, she stepped through it only to find herself in another chamber. It was much smaller than the previous and adorned with disfigured statues. Some of them resembled human bodies, only that they possessed additional arms. None had a face. Instead of any features, the heads were blank. Laura felt a chill wander down her spine.

There were whispers. There were voices whispering things to her. She couldn't make out any words.

And then the voices grew stronger.

'No action goes without any consequences' she heard and froze, holding her breath, waiting for more.

'For each death there is a retribution.'

'No crime goes unpunished.'

'We have' this was another voice, more human, a man's 'paid for our murders. I killed because I had to. They caught me. They punished me with their wrath and retribution.'

'Will you survive the wrath and the retribution?'

'Or will you fall?'

The voices were gone, leaving Laura shivering with anticipation.

And then something shifted.

An arrow flew past her, missing her by inches. She heard a very familiar battle cry, high-pitched and inhuman. Then a howl. A band of kobolds was standing few feet away from her. She lifted her sword, unsure whether what she was attacking was real or just an illusion, and charged. She felled the first kobold and blood flowed freely.

For each she killed, another appeared. They were swarming her, surrounding from every side, jabbing their short swords and barking. She was forced to dodge all the time and strike blind blows. Soon there would be too many of them.

She flung herself on her back, made a wild slash and beheaded one of the kobolds. Then, using instantaneous chaos, she rolled under the feet of another and made another slash, this time cutting the beast in half. Rolling further, she broke the circle of attackers and stood up, ready to attack or retreat.

She took a step back and walked into something warm and solid.

'Fighting on your own?' a deep voice boomed behind her.

'What are you doing here?' she breathed out in amazement.

'Couldn't sleep. It's not the best' Sarevok moved from behind her and cut with one stroke three kobolds down 'time for catching up, though.'

She lost track of time. They were hacking those kobolds for what felt like ages. And then, when she had thought the fight was about to end, new adversaries appeared.

She knew them too well. She tore through their city, leaving them dead and afraid. She knew and loathed their black skins, sharp features and sharp voices.

A dozen of drows.

The first one she killed only managed to unsheathe his sword. The next one was cut down by Sarevok. And then the element of surprise wore itself off. The drows were advancing in pairs, trying to surround them.

They stood back to back, protecting each other and slaying opponents.

It felt oddly right. She was covered with blood and sweat.

Her own blood and her own soul was moving inches from her.

She could tell where he'd move and guard his other side.

It felt oddly right, fighting back to back with a brother.

And then the drows were gone.

The chamber was shifting once again. The statutes had disappeared and the walls turned crimson red. Whatever magical energy had been present in the room, was now gone, as if discharged.

Something else shifted, deep within her. She felt dizzy and let go off the sword. It fell to the ground with a dull thud. Someone grabbed her by her forearm and stabilized.

'Are you hurt?' a deep voice boomed from somewhere above.

'No.' she shook her head, trying her best not throw up.

'A Bhaal thing?' it was more of a statement than a question, yet she nodded her head slightly.

'Yeah.'

'Can you walk?'

'Yeah. You can let go now.' She mumbled and crouched down to pick up the sword. Its blade was strangely matt now.

XXX

Then sneaked back to the camp. Sarevok nodded his head in a brief good-night and walked off to his own blanket. Laura sat down on the ground, cross-legged, and closed her eyes.

It had been a shit of a day.

She felt terribly exhausted, yet couldn't sleep.

She heard another footsteps approach. She recognized the scent. It was Kahlan. Not even bothering to open her eyes, she mumbled.

'Why aren't you asleep?'

'I could ask the same' the woman began lightly and then inhaled sharply 'Spirits, you're covered in blood!'

'Am I?' she opened her eyes and looked at a very pale confessor 'Oh, maybe. It's not mine.'

'What happened? Have we been attacked?' Kahlan asked sharply, brows crumpled anxiously.

'No. It was' she licked her lips trying to find the right words 'one of the tests.'

'The tests? This is insane.' Kahlan sat down beside her an looked down bitterly 'I never thought I'd say that but… this is' she lifted her gaze back at Laura 'this is too much. I cannot comprehend what's going on. When we set out' she broke off and took a deep breath 'I never knew it would be so… so… beyond my understanding.'

'I know. I'm really sorry.' Weariness was really holding her sway over her now 'Listen. Once we get to Saradush… I mean once we get there and figure out what's going on… Find a normal way out… You know what I mean…' she couldn't find the right words so she stopped speaking 'The first chance we get, I'll send you back, ok? And by back I mean to Athkatla. I'm sure your friend and Ithinia have already figured a lot out.'

'Thank you.' The black haired woman said softly 'I hate doing this, but it's really too much. I feel like my sanity…' she broke off with an embarrassed smile 'Back in our world, things are much simple.'

'Then I am glad it so.' She smiled back at her despite feeling as if her face muscles had all gone stiff with weariness.

'I'm sorry.' Kahlan repeated, this time something quite different gleaming in her eyes.

'Yeah?' she asked stupidly, suddenly unsure whether she wanted to hear the rest.

'About Valen.' Confessor whispered in a small, sad voice 'I saw you suffer' she stopped speaking and ran her hand through her hair 'She was important for you?'

'I-' Laura chewed on her lip, looking at the ground, admiring the stones, fighting something else back 'I guess.' She finished lamely, praying that Kahlan would understand the cue and leave.

'I'm sorry.'

The words escaped her mouth before she managed to bite her tongue.

'People die because of me – people I care about most in the world.'

There was a long silence. If she could feel anything besides the numbness, she would have felt ashamed.

Something small and warm.

She nearly jumped out of her skin, when Kahlan placed an unsteady hand on her shoulder.

She wasn't sure whether she wanted to push the confessor's hand off or to hug the woman.

In the end, she never moved.

Her scent was drowning everything else.

Despite herself, she relaxed her back and slowly, unwillingly, pushed herself backwards, sort of sinking into the other woman.

And then there she was, resting against the other woman's body, drowning in her warmth and scent.

Slowly and cautiously, Kahlan's arms encircled Laura's waist and pulled her even closer, into an odd half-embrace.

'I wish I could fix you.' Kahlan breathed against her neck.

She couldn't help but shiver.

Time went slowly by.