Chapter 21: What I Learned In Prison

Andronicus flew to the front of the cell as we approached, she was in a terrible state till she saw Jack Thompson. Then a transformation took place that I would have given anything not to have witnessed. I watched her attempts at archness and flirtation with humiliation and was grateful to see humor flash in Jack's eyes. He must be used to having to deal with her, or her type.

The cell door clanked loudly behind me and the guards hurried off. Jack went back the direction we had just come from.

"How did it go up there?"

"I used everything you told me Andronicus. You were right about Agronak, I have never seen anything like it! I believe he would crawl through Oblivion on his knees if he thought he saw a Septim there. It's really odd though, I got the feeling he is up to something. He was acting like he didn't know basic Arena knowledge, stuff even I know."

"I started to tell you before they busted in and arrested us. He is up to something. Buying that expensive ring for you…"

"Oh he didn't buy that, at least not recently. It was in his mothers things. He said he bought it with his winnings when he became Grand Champion and gave it to his mother. She wished me to have something when she passed and that is what he chose.

"Well he is either lying to you or to the Courier."

"What?"

"I grabbed this out of Owyn's hands right before they burst through the door. Since I had peed all over myself they just threw me in the cell without stripping me down. I still had it in my hand. It comes in handy to have a loose bladder every now and then."

"If you say so."

"Look, it is a little tattered, but read the article."

"I scanned it at the Arcane."

"Quit running your mouth and look! Down here where Hassiri interviewed Ris Fralmoton. Read what Ris told them."

"Who is Ris Fralmoton?"

"Just read it."

I didn't scan the article this time, but really sat down and read it. "Why did Agronak give no comment? That is as much as confirming it is true! Hassiri says he gave him a coy smile, Hassiri has to be making that part up in his own mind, to make the story more interesting."

"Hassiri does not do that. If he wrote it, it happened. You should know that."

"It says Ris Fralmoton owns the Red Diamond Jewelers? Who is he? I thought Hamlof was the owner, that's who Agronak dealt with. I never heard of this other man."

"Ris owns the store, he and Hamlof are partners. Ris had to be there, or Hassiri wouldn't have been able to interview him. Are you sure Hamlof was the only one there?"

"Hamlof was alone. I didn't look upstairs, of course…" The words died in my throat as I remembered that day.

"Agronak said nature was calling and asked Hamlof if he could step upstairs and use his urn. He was up there a little while, long enough that I wondered if he was leaving one of his enormous gross Orc piles up there like he does in the Bloodworks. I can't even stand walking in that end of the room after he has used the urn."

"He was up there talking to Ris is what he was doing. Ris said he sold him the ring that same day, and witnessed him give you the deed to the house right afterward. Read it, he even describes the ring he sold him. Anyone reading that can see that ring on your finger and know it is the same one Agronak bought."

Fathis. Fathis would read this and see the ring and know it was the same one.

I couldn't say anything about Fathis aloud if I wanted peace to abound between Andronicus and I. She would go from friend to foe at the mention of his name.

"Why would Agronak lie to me about the ring?"

"Because you wouldn't take it if you thought it was just bought for you."

"Of course not! That would look like…"

"Now you're thinking."

I remembered Fathis's face that day, that was exactly what it had looked like to him. And if I had told Fathis that it was just a behest I would have looked like a liar to him when he read the Courier. Oh dear gods I am glad he refused to listen to me that day! He would have thought me a liar! Oh dear gods! Why would Agronak do that?

"Andronicus, why would he want to give me a ring in the first place? We are just friends. And how did you know he was pulling something?"

"He did this before, a long time ago. I can't remember what story he gave the girl to get her to take the ring, but it was the same. Right in front of the Jewelers and across from the Courier office. Ris sold him the ring then too. She liked a boy there at the Arena and Agronak set her up to look like she was choosing him over that boy. There was a big fight and that young boy knocked out both Gils and Agronak with his bare fists right there in the Bloodworks."

"He knocked out Agronak? How?"

"I shouldn't tell you this, but I doubt I'll be his manager anymore after this. Agronak has a glass jaw."

"You are kidding me! Agronak?"

"I think it is because he is a mixed race. His jaw is totally different than other Orc. Everyone knows there is no sense clopping an Orc in the jaw, they are like rock. Because of that no one has ever done it to Agronak, thinking it will be the same with him. But his jaw is delicate as a baby's. This guy found out about it somehow."

"Why did the boy knock out Gils?"

"Why else? Gils hasn't changed a bit since the day he joined the Arena. He was hitting on everything that walked then just like he does now. Gils and Agronak got in some terrible rows over that girl, shouting and threatening each other. I guess Gils was wanting to take a whack at her and Agronak was interested. Just like they have been doing lately over you. Must be something about Khajiit that drives men crazy."

"Was she Khajiit?"

"Yeah, I don't get what the big draw is. So you have fur, so what?"

"With Gils all you have to do is look halfway female and be new to the Arena. You could be a female mud crab or slaughter fish, he just wants to try out something new."

"BWAAAHAAA!"

"But Andronicus, Agronak couldn't be interested in her, just like he can't be interested in me or you. I don't understand why he would fight with Gils even. His [censored] don't work."

"Did you try him?"

"EW! NO! It's because he is an Orc mix, they can't you know. I learned that at the Arcane."

"You're lying!"

"No, there are even books written about it, research has been done. They can't… period. Not even with themselves."

"BWAAAHAAA! His jaw is crap, now his [censored] is broke! I wonder what else don't work on him?"

"Does anything else matter?"

"BWAAAHAAA!"

"School children have rhymes they say about it, here is one…'Mix an Orc with any blood, but their get will be a dud'."

"BWAAAHAAAA!"

"Breed an Orc with anyone, but their kids will have no fun."

"BWAAAAHA…All right now, stop!"

"His jaw is crap, his [censored] is broke, now the women get no poke."

"BWAAHA…Quit! I mean it, damn you! Ah, crap! …You made me wet myself with your stupid rhymes!"

"Don't mix Orc you stupid jerk, if you do their [censored] won't work!"

"BWAAHAA! You [censored], I told you to quit! Ah hell, it's too late now. SHRIEK! BWAAAHAGA..CA..CA…SHRIEK! BWAAAHAAAG..CA..CA!"

"Are you okay Andronicus? Are you choking? Should I hit your back for you?"

She was dancing in circles; trying to point at her back and catch her breath, all while trailing a stream of puddles. Tears were streaming down her face. When she caught her breath she couldn't stop laughing. I pounded her back for her and knocked her down, I guess it was a little too hard since she didn't have her balance. I picked her back up again.

"I'm going to kill you! When I say stop, I mean it! Now shut up for a second and let me catch my breath!…BWAAAHAAAA! Oh, my stomach hurts…BWAAAHAAA! Shut up Maxical!…oh, my stomach!…BWAAAAHAAA."

I could have come up with a million more, but I was afraid Andronicus would choke to death. I learned at the Arcane that I had a gift of being able to come up with dirty limericks at the drop of a hat.

"I think you're the cause of half my bladder problems, you [censored]!"

"Sorry Andronicus, I was holding back all the good ones 'cause I know you're a lightweight."

"Like what?"

"Oooh nooo, I won't tell you any more. You will just cuss me again, and who knows what else you may release."

"Come on, just one more but make it a good one."

"His jaw don't work so he can't suck, his [censored] don't work so he can't [censored]."

"SHRIEK! BWAAAHAGA..CA..CA…SHRIEK! BWAAAHAAAG..CA..CA! SHRIEK! BWAAAHAGA..CA..CA…SHRIEK! BWAAAHAAAG..CA..CA!"

"Are you okay Andronicus? Are you choking? Should I hit your back for you again?"

"I'm going to kill you! Shut up! BWAAAAAHAAAA! Let me catch my breath!…BWAAAHAAAA! Oh, my stomach hurts…BWAAAHAAA! Shut up Maxical!…oh, my stomach!…BWAAAAHAAA."

The guard walked up and pounded his rod against the bars of the cell door. "Shut up in there!"

"BWAAAHAAAHAAA!"

"Shut up I say!"

"Sir, she is having a seizure. Send for the healers please, if you don't mind."

"BWAAAHAAAHAAA!…seizure…BWAAAAHAAAA…healers…BWAAAHAA!"

"Hurry please!" I hoped I could get Andronicus to quit laughing before he arrived.

The guard scurried away.

In some unbelievably bad timed twist of fate the healer was already down in the dungeons for another prisoner.

"This woman appears to be hysterical, this is no seizure. What kind of a game are you pulling here?"

"None sir. She may have become hysterical from fear."

"BWAAAHAAA…fear…BUUUWAAAHAAA"

"Can't you give her something to calm her down, the guard is threatening violence to her if she doesn't quiet."

"BWAAAAHAAA! …Violence….Stop it, CA CA! …You're killing me! BUWAAAHAA"

"This better be the last time I am called to this cell!" He cast a spell on Andronicus from the door of the cell."

"Buwa…buwa…oooooh that feels really good. Aaahhh… SNORE KA SNORE KA"

"She can't help the snoring sir, please tell the guards it is not her fault."

I felt alone and afraid after Andronicus was knocked out. I thought hard about Agronak doing that to me, it had to be deliberate if he did it before. I had thought he was just dumb like me…what could all this mean? Was it connected to the arrest?

When Andronicus finally awoke a couple hours later I was really afraid to make her laugh again.

"Andronicus, did that boy that hit Agronak die in the Arena? I mean, why isn't he the Grand Champion?"

"He was supposed to be. He was Owyn's Champion. He beat the Yellow team Champion and used the winnings to buy the girls contract off Owyn so she could leave. He grabbed that girl and left before making the challenge and hasn't been back since."

"He quit the Arena?"

"They both did."

"I can't imagine Agronak as a Pit Dog."

"He wasn't for long. Agronak worked his way up quick, quicker than I've ever seen anyone do. Gils was almost as good as Agronak, but he moved really slow, he never wanted to be the same level as Agronak so he would never have to fight him. Once Gils made Gladiator you could barely push him into the Arena for a bout."

"Why?"

"Why do you think? If he makes Champion he will have to fight his best friend. And he would make Champion if he was out there, he is good."

"You are kidding! The only time I've ever seen him make a fist since I've been here is…you know."

"BWAAAHAAAA!"

"Don't start laughing again, that guard was wanting to hurt you. Andronicus I am scared, will you stay awake and talk to me? I've heard they come in the night and take beast species to torture chambers. If they come for me, I want you to tell Jack what happened."

"It's no lie, we got an Argonian from the Leyawiin jail that was in such bad shape we couldn't sign him. And Skingrad, prisoners don't come out of there alive. If they try to take you I will kill them with my bare hands!"

"Don't do that Andronicus. That guard was already wanting to come in and beat you with that rod of his, and you are an Imperial. I don't want you hurt on my account."