okay, seeing as I've got a few comments, and I'm in a good mood because I've just gotten back from seeing The Hobbit (its amazing btw) I'll add again! :D
40 Dannys POV (again)
I gasped when I first saw Tom, having to do a double take just to make sure this was the right guy on the bed. "oh god Tom, what have you done?" Dougie whispered behind us, writhing into Harrys arms, making him hold him. I couldn't think of anything else to say to that, because what had Tom done?
Tom was laying on the hospital bed, breathing deep and ragged, 101 tubes coming out of his tiny little body, he was literally tiny, his baggy shirt (that used to look so nice on him) doing no favours of hiding his ribs. His clothes were ripped up, they were more like rags now, the right side to his glasses were cracked, and his shoes had holes in. But what worried me most, were the bandages running up his arms, all the way up to his elbows, securely being held down by tape, so you couldn't get them off. This wasn't how I imagined seeing Tom again, in my mind, I thought that finding him would be running into each others arms and kissing passionately. Not him laying in a hospital bed, in rags, being connected to so many tubes. "oh Tom." I whimpered, legs finally working and letting me run towards my little blonde, my sweet baby Tom.
I dropped to my knees next to his bed, grabbing his hand, starting to cry. "oh Tom, I've missed you so much! Freaking hell, I haven't seen you in a year and I can't believe your here! Your right in front of me, oh my god your here!" I cried, stroking his hair, kissing his hand. I completely ignored the advice Harry had given me a few weeks ago, just needing to be with Tom, see him, right in front of my eyes, feel his warm hand, see him breathing. Tom looked at me, and I could see in his eyes how weak he was, and that he had been given a sedative. He was trying to pull his hand out of my own, whimpering as his silent tears rolled around his face.
"hey, don't cry, please don't cry! Shhh Tom shhh, I'm here now, I'm here. We're all here now, shhh, calm down, you're safe now, you're coming home with us soon. Your gunna be alright." I whispered, tucking his long fringe behind his ears, feeling him writhe weakly, "oh, look who I brought! I brought you Sonic! Now wheres Mickey? I'll get him for you." I was reluctant to leave his side, but I had to if I wanted him to calm down and stop crying. Thats when everyone else stepped forward, kneeling down with me next to the bed, and Carrie took the bag she had been carrying off her shoulder. She took out Mickey Mouse from it, and we all gasped at the broken ear. "what the hell happened here then? Wheres Mickey's ear?" Carrie asked, rifling through the bag until she found the ear. "poor Mick, we'll have to get that fixed soon." I sighed, having a look at the torn toy.
"er, guys, visiting hours are over for the day." The doctor said from the door, making me jump. "what? No! We've only just got here!" Harry protested, and Dougie pouted next to him. "but Tom needs rest, as I'm sure you'll agree. You can come back tomorrow." The doctor had a point, unfortunately. "fine, come on Dan, home time." Harry gave in, standing up with Dougie and Carrie. "can't I stay please? Its been so long, and its good to have company...right?" I pleaded, I had only just got Tom back, I wasn't giving up that easily. Tom needed me, he may not have known it, but he needed me. "I'm sorry, your going to have to go, visiting hours are over." The doctor sighed, and I wanted to cry again. "fine, but I'll be back tomorrow, first thing. But..can I have 5 minutes? Say goodbye and all that." I asked, needing to have at least 5 minutes with my Tom to at least calm him a little.
"that'll be fine. Just be quick." The doctor walked out and I really started to want to cry. I didn't want to leave Tom by himself, in a big scary hospital on his own, he had spent way too much time on his own. "goodbye Tom, we'll see you in the morning, alright? We've missed you a load!" Harry kissed Tom on the head, ruffling his hair gently. "yeah, night Tom, see ya in the morning!" Dougie made his classic Chewbacca sound, giving him a hug before walking out with Harry. "night Tommy, I'm glad we found you, be good." Carrie teased, hugging Tom as well, before leaving, so I was the only one left.
"right, I'm going to have to go, or that doctor dude is gunna kill me! So erm, we're coming back in the morning, first thing. I'll bring you some clothes, alright? I'll bring you some PJ's, and maybe some books, and some new glasses. I've missed you Tom, so much, you have no idea how much I've missed you. And I swear, I'll be a better friend from now on, I sucked last time, I'll be better this time, alright? Night Tommy TomTom, see you in the morning, be good for me!" I cracked a watery smile, taking Toms old Disney blanket from my own bag and laying it on top of him, tucking him in properly. "oh want me to take Mickey and get him fixed, I recon Carrie can have him fixed by tomorrow morning! You'll have Sonic to cuddle, so it'll be fine. Night Tom, see you in the morning." I ran a hand down his quivering face, turning his head to face my own, being met with resistance. But I didn't give up until he was facing me, then gently kissed his head, before grabbing Mickey and walking out, heartbreaking as I could hear Tom sobbing.
41 Toms POV
I curled up underneath the blanket and sobbed, sobbed like I had just been told I was dying. Even though I wasn't, it felt like I was, I had failed, I had completely failed at my mission to stay away from everyone, and now they were here! They were here, and they were back to pretending that I was their best friend, like they werent all happily together, and I just brought them down. I had ruined my one opportunity to stay away and keep their lives happy, I was never getting away now.
The nurses walked in and out of my room soundlessly, checking on whatever they had to before walking straight back out again, ignoring my heart break completely. It made me feel a little better, they werent wasting that much time on me, when they should have been helping someone else who was worth it. I wasn't worth it, nowhere near worth it, I was a worthless failure, who couldn't even run away from his 18 year old sister without having a coughing fit and having to give up. Why was I so f*cking stupid I couldn't run away and stay away? Why was it always me who made other people waste their time, when they should have been helping someone who actually needed it?
"go away!" I moaned when a nurse came in to do some sort of check. "no, its my job to look after you. I'm here to take you to that bathroom over there, because you need to clean up." She refused, trying to help me up, I just made my body heavy, so she couldn't move me. "go help someone else, who actually needs it." I also refused, staying curled up on the bed. "you need help too, don't be brave here, its alright to need help. You've had a tough year, your weak, I'm just helping until you've got your strength back." The nurse explained, still pulling me, I still refused to move. "no! I don't need any help! I'm not f*cking worth it, go help someone who actually needs it!" I pulled myself backwards, hitting the wall and crying even more, why wasn't she going away yet?
"okay, I get it, you ran away for a year and haven't had proper human contact for a while, so you're not used to it. So how about this, you can get yourself up and you can try to walk on your own, but if you fall, I'm gunna have to support you. You can wash yourself and stuff, and bring this toy with you if you want." She suggested, and I eventually gave in, I felt filthy after only being able to wash in the river next to where my car was parked, but that was two weeks ago, and now I was disgusting.
I managed to slide out of bed and walk over to the bathroom, still a little shaky from whatever they had given me to calm me down, but I still had the strength and sense of balance to walk. "there we go, wasn't so hard now was it?" the nurse smiled encouragingly, giving me some clothes out of the bag Danny had brought with him. "whatever." I muttered under my breath, getting annoyed by all the unwanted and unneeded attention I was getting. It was pointless giving me all this attention, so what I had been living out of a car and on the streets for a year? So freaking what? That did not mean I needed all these people fussing over me and checking on me every 2 seconds! I wasn't stupid enough to try and escape...yet. the minute I got home and was left alone, I was out of there again, no matter what anyone lied to me about, I was getting out again and letting Danny have his good life with Harry and Dougie. They would easily find a new guitarist/singer/song writer for the band, maybe James Bourne would do it, he wanted to be in a band again, and was friends with all of us, he would do it! McFLY would be even better with him there anyway, he was better looking, skinnier, and had better song writing/singing/instrument playing skills than I did anyway, he would be a perfect replacement for me.
As I showered, I planned it all in my head, knowing that whenever I was allowed to finally go home, that I would be dropped off in my house and would be left to it. At nightfall, I would go, and this time not be so conspicuous about it, I would just run on foot, with as little luggage as possible, so I was lighter myself. If I was found again, I would do the same thing, over and over until someone realised that I was doing the right thing, or if I died from being run over, or cutting too much.
I looked at my wrist now, having had the bandage taken off so I could shower, looking at all the lines I had created. They looked perfect on my skin, a perfect reminder of what happened when I was being pathetic, or when I did something wrong. As soon as I could, I was going to take a scalpel to my wrist again to punish myself for being caught like I had been. For now, all I could do was pick at the scabs, make them bleed again.
Sliding down the wall, I sat down on the floor and stared, hard, at my wrist, thankful the nurse was waiting outside. I had been caught, and made Danny pretend to cry, made him kiss me and promise to come back. That was 4 wrongs, so 4 scabs were coming off. It wasn't hard to get them off, it took me seconds to get the first one off, feeling that hypnotic rush of pain flood through me, the red liquid falling down my wrist and into the plug hole, swirling in the clear water. I should paint a picture of that, try and match its beauty, I could look at the sight of my blood mixing with water all day.
A minute later, all 4 scabs were off, and blood was dripping out of me nicely, flowing down the drain, my punishment was over for now. I had to watch for a few more seconds, then set about stopping the blood, and finishing showering. I dressed back into my untorn clothes and stepped out the bathroom, not paying attention when the nurse went mental because I had picked my scabs off. It was worth it, for punishment, and for the beauty of it, it was so, so worth it.