WARNING: At last we have consenting adults doing what they do in private.

Chapter 21

"Partners…"

"Gotta love 'em…"

"Even when they do stuff you hate…"

Bobby leaned back on his couch. "Well, I have to confess…I would've called Eames at some point tonight…She…since…" Confused, he leaned forward and ran a hand through his hair. "We…We just let each other know…that…well, not necessarily that we're ok, 'cause we're not always ok…Particularly recently…but…just to let the other one know we're still breathing…And…uh…"

Olivia gently rubbed his back and decided to end some of his misery. "Alex told me how you help with each other's nightmares."

Bobby turned to face her. "You're remarkable…"

"I'm a cop," she answered simply. "I understand how these things happen."

"I guess…we have to accept that there're four people involved in this," Bobby said.

"Yea…"

"And one…Stabler…isn't thrilled about it…"

Olivia frowned. "He…He's very protective of me. Sometimes too much."

"I can't blame him," Bobby said. "Sometimes Alex introduces me to guys…I try to keep my mouth shut."

"Elliott hasn't learned that," Olivia said dryly. "Although, I have to admit…I don't introduce my dates to him…Not that there's been many of them lately…It's usually tough enough just to get past their fear or obsession with my being a cop." She smiled. "What does Alex think of your dates?"

"She…she doesn't say much." Bobby leaned back against the couch. Olivia's hand reached up to touch the back of his neck. "Truth is…like you…I try not to let my personal life get into my job life…Lately though…It's been hard…And there haven't been any…" He leaned forward again and held his head in his hands. "Oh, God…Olivia…I'm so scared…so tired."

"I've had more energy myself," Olivia said wryly. She wrapped her arms around him and gently pulled him down so that his head rested in her lap. His trust and lack of resistance thrilled her. Her hand wove through his curls.

"Oh, Olivia…I think…I think I love you." Her body muffled his voice. "I've never felt this way about anyone…I…I want to be with you…to make love with you…But…" He chuckled. "It ain't going to happen tonight…I'm sorry…"

Olivia brushed her lips across his curls. "I want to be with you, too," she said softly. "But I'm wiped out too. And I haven't been through nearly as much as you lately."

"You…Everyone…Have done plenty." He turned so that he looked up at Olivia. "You…you can have the bed…I'll stay here."

"Bobby, is your bed tiny or something?" she asked, torn between exasperation at his reticence and touched by his consideration.

"Uh…no…I just thought…"

She brushed an errant curl from his forehead. "You think I'll give you cooties."

He smiled. "I haven't believed in cooties since I was ten." He frowned. "But…I…You know I have bad dreams…"

"I have them, too," Olivia said. "Maybe we can keep them away…Or at least get each other through them."

He touched her chin. "Olivia…The thought that I could hurt you…"

"I know."

"I wasted so much energy when I was a kid," Bobby said wistfully. "C'mon…I'll get you something to sleep in." He rose.

Bobby remained in the main part of his apartment while Olivia readied for sleep. His shyness and thoughtfulness amused and touched her. He waited until she was comfortably and modestly under the covers before he scurried to the bathroom. Olivia rested her hands behind her head and fell back against the pillows as she waited for him. She looked around the small sleeping area. Like the rest of the apartment, it almost totally lacked personal photos or items. There were a few pictures on the shelves next to the bed. One showed Bobby and another young man in front of a handsome vintage car. Another showed a glowing Alex Eames and befuddled Bobby at some police function. Another, slightly frayed and cracked inside its frame, showed a beautiful young woman with curly black hair and large dark eyes with her arms wrapped around a laughing little boy with the same dark curls and eyes.

"Bobby," Olivia thought. "And his mother."

"Hey," Bobby said shyly. He stood awkwardly at the side of the bed. "Uh…are you sure about this? I can always go to the couch…"

Olivia moved to make room for him. "Yes, very sure."

He sat tentatively on the bed, and Olivia placed a reassuring hand on his back. His T-shirt's worn cotton felt soft against her palm. "It's ok," she said. "I don't feel like I'm in any danger…And I wouldn't mind if I were…"

His body smiled. He turned off the bedside light and slipped beneath the covers. Olivia nested on his chest, and his arms wrapped around her.

"I read this article once," he said softly. "The author argued that the sexual act wasn't the most intimate moment between two human beings. He wrote that sleeping together was. We're at our most vulnerable when we sleep. To fall asleep with another person is the ultimate act of trust."

"Even when you're exhausted?" Olivia murmured against his chest.

"Maybe especially when you're exhausted…"

"I think we may be about to prove that," she murmured.

The warm, rich smell of coffee woke her. Olivia blinked, stretched, and yawned. For a moment, she looked around her in confusion, and then she remembered she was in Bobby's bed. She smiled as she realized she'd slept—really slept—for several hours. It'd been a long time since she'd slept so well for so long. She reluctantly threw the covers back and rose from the bed. There was just enough of a chill in the air to make the short trip to the bathroom slightly uncomfortable, but the room still held the warm steam of a recent shower.

"I hope," Olivia thought as she splashed water on her face. "That Bobby slept as well as I did." She stepped from the bathroom to discover Bobby sitting on the bed. He sipped from a cup of coffee; another sat on the bedside table. He smiled at Olivia, and she felt a warm glow flow through her.

"I couldn't remember," he said shyly. "How you took your coffee. It's black, but I can get you some sugar. No milk, I'm afraid…"

"Black," she said. "Is just fine." She took a long drink of coffee and sat next to him.

"Uh…uh…Bertelli is being arraigned today," he stuttered. "We…we should be there…"

"Do we have to?" She sat her coffee on the table and her fingers began to play with the buttons on Bobby's shirt.

"Olivia," Bobby murmured. He sat his coffee next to hers. "I want…I want our first time…to be special…to last…not…"

She smiled. "Bobby, you may have noticed that we're not getting much time. If we wait for the perfect time, there's never going to be a perfect time." She kissed him on the nose.

He gently turned her back on the bed. "You're right," he murmured and kissed her deeply and warmly. One of his large hands slipped beneath her T-shirt to softly touch her breasts as he rained kisses on her face and neck. He stopped abruptly, and Olivia cried softly at the loss of contact. Bobby stood at the side of the bed and quickly shed his shirt. Olivia reached for his belt and released it. Bobby's pants and socks joined his shirt on the floor. Wearing his boxers and T-shirt, he draped his body over Olivia's.

"You're sure?" his voice rumbled in her ear.

"Bobby," she replied as she pulled the shirt over his head. "I think I've been ready since the first time I saw you."

Much to her disappointment, he ceased his gentle assault on her body. "You mean," he said, looking down at her in amazement. "That…that first…day…hmph!"

She finally freed him from the T-shirt, and tenderly brushed the fine, soft hair on his chest.

"I…I'm sorry," he said shyly. "I'm not in the best shape…It's…it's been…"

"Hey…" Olivia held his face in her hands. "No one…nothing…else is allowed in her. Only you and me…"

"Ok," he whispered and reached for the bottom of her T-shirt.

The demons and nightmares in Bobby's mind cowered in a tiny corner of his mind, banished there by Olivia's courage and love. All of his named and unnamed fears fled from her. He gazed reverently at her as she slipped off her underwear and added them to the pile of clothes on the floor.

"I'm not in the best shape of my life either," she said wryly.

"You're…you're beautiful," Bobby murmured. "You're the most beautiful, wonderful thing I've ever seen." He rapidly shed his boxers.

"You're beautiful, too," she whispered. She sat up and for several moments they held each other, neither quite believing they were at last together.

"I…I don't want to hurt you," Bobby finally said. "I…I love you, Olivia…I…I can't give you anything…anything but me…and…and that's…"

"Everything," she said and touched his chest.

Bobby rested his head against her shoulder, and then kissed it. "Well, for what it's worth," he said, his mouth creating tiny flames on her skin. "You have me." He gently pushed her back on the bed.

Olivia Benson wasn't an inexperienced girl. In her life, she had occasionally and almost always regretfully sought the comfort and oblivion of sex. Most of her bed partners had been serious ones, however, and she sensed that Bobby Goren wasn't casual about his relationships either. The fact that he was concerned as much if not more about her pleasure as his own spoke of that. But she was stunned by his care and gentleness, by the passion and tenderness in his touch. He set her body on fire with one hand and kiss, and then soothed and comforted it with the other hand and another kiss.

"My God," Olivia thought just before she lost the ability to form a coherent thought. "If he can do this to me now, he may kill me when I come…and I don't care…"

Bobby's thoughts were equally fevered and confused. "She's so beautiful…so wonderful…Don't let me hurt her…Please…Oh, God…Olivia…Olivia…" He chanted her name as he worshipped her body.

"Bobby…Bobby…" she answered as she clung to him.

He entered her as gently as he could, but she seized his body and pulled him to her. "Yes," she gasped. "Yes." He raised his dark eyes to meet her lighter ones, and the love he saw there shook him to the center of his being. He wanted to scream in joy, but his voice was lost.

He lay spent and exhausted across her body. She was warm and soft, and Bobby felt safe and loved. "Love," he thought. "She loves me. Someone loves me. And I love her." Tears filled his eyes.

"Bobby?" Olivia asked gently. "Are you all right?" Her voice shook. "My beautiful, brave Bobby…"

He struggled to find his voice. Olivia tenderly kissed his curls, and his fragile self control collapsed. He wept with joy and relief as she held and soothed him. After several minutes, he gingerly raised his body and looked at her.

"I…I'm sorry," he said as he touched her cheek. "It…It was so wonderful…You were so wonderful…"

Olivia tenderly wiped the tears from his face. "You were pretty wonderful too."

Bobby shifted so that she could rest on him. "I…I didn't hurt you?"

"No." She curled against him. "You're nice and warm."

He smiled. "That…that was worth the wait."

"Yea, but I'm glad we don't have to wait any more. And I hope we don't have to wait too long for another…"

Bobby's smile became a wicked grin. "I think I can promise you that."

She lay happy and content in his arms, and they drifted, not quite asleep but certainly not awake. It had been a long time since Olivia had been with anyone, and she had never been with anyone quite like Bobby. As she dozed, she listened to the comforting sound of his breathing and the soft, regular beating of his heart.

"You know," he whispered apologetically. "We should at least call in…"

"Do you always spoil the mood?" she teased.

"Hey, I can be pretty good at setting the mood." His lips brushed against her hair. "We should at least make an appearance…and then I'll buy you breakfast…or lunch…or something…"

"All right," Olivia smiled. "But we need to stop by my place so I can change…I don't want to feed the rumor mill too much…"

"Ok." Bobby rose from the bed, and Olivia enjoyed the sight of his back muscles. "But I'm afraid one look at me will get the rumors going…" He turned and smiled at her.

It was mid-morning when they traveled in a cab to Olivia's apartment. They sat holding hands and ignoring the driver's smile. Olivia had showered, dressed, and was adjusting an earring when her cell phone rang. She frowned at the sight of Elliott's number on the display.

"He better not be checking up on me," she thought, and heard the distant ring of Bobby's cell. She answered hers with a growing sense of dread.

"'Liv." Elliott's voice was strained.

"Elliott…What is it?"

"Look…I'm not snooping…It's none of my business…But it's important…Are you with Goren?" Elliott sounded so genuinely apologetic and upset that her spark of anger was easily quenched.

"Yes."

"Ok." Elliott took a deep breath. "Eames is calling him right now. The guards at Rykers…They found Bertelli this morning…He hung himself…"

Her blood turned to ice in her veins.

END CHAPTER 21