"Bury The Castle" – part 20

Summary and additional notes in prologue chapter.

Author's Note: This chapter fills out the back story between Adam and Fiona's romance, which was briefly detailed in "Lion's Den" chapters 2 & 3. It's heavy, monologue prose – yes, it's all in their head, lol.

FYI, this story not related to my other Fadam series. (It's not part of the timeline stories. View my Author's Profile for details.)

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Degrassi!

-oOo-

Adam was nervous. Really nervous. The first time he told her that he loved her, she had said it first. He hadn't known her that well but he swore he was in love. That feeling deepened while he waited for her to return from rehab and with the time they spent together afterward. The note Holly J had given him let him know that he wasn't alone in how he felt. However, it was all based on a lie. She didn't really love him. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to date guys. When she said those words she was scared of being alone. To say he was crushed would be an understatement. He had been devastated. If it wasn't for his brother and best friends he wasn't sure how he would have pulled through.

However, several days later when he was through with the worst of his grieving, he reached out to Fiona and offered his friendship. The love he felt for her made it impossible for him to abandon her. He cared too much about her and even if they couldn't be a couple he wanted to be there for her. He knew she had few people that she could count on. Ironically, once they were no longer dating he felt like he truly got to know her as a person. He wasn't viewing her through the lens of idealized crush. Despite the disappointment of their brief romance, he found it easy to be her friend. He liked being around her. They had fun in the most mundane activities, such as channel surfing or walking around downtown Toronto.

When things shifted between them again, he was initially angry. He had just gotten used to their friendship and she wanted to complicate it by admitting she had romantic feelings for him. When they kissed he couldn't deny that there was something between them. The unlikely path they travelled led them to a much stronger place then they had been at the outset of their relationship.

Right now in this moment, the love he felt for her burned brighter than ever, but he wished he hadn't clued her in. He didn't want to face the possibility of being lied to again. He wanted to trust that he and Fiona had come much further than that, but he couldn't escape the fear that 'love' would tear them apart again.

Fiona was nervous too, but for a different reason. Lying to Adam about loving him was one of her biggest regrets. She would do anything to take it back because she knew how deeply it hurt him. When she said it, she was desperate. Everything was slipping away from her and he was the only one in her corner. She liked the way he looked at her. In his eyes she was a beautiful and kind princess who was worthy of only the best. Not broken, defective, and flawed like she viewed herself and how she thought her loved ones viewed her. She met him at a low point in her life, and as Holly J accused her of this morning, at the time she had used him to prop herself up.

When she returned from rehab she was wracked with guilt. Adam was a sweet, goodhearted person who welcomed her back with open arms. He was also hopelessly in love with her and thought she felt the same way about him. At first she went along with it, hoping that eventually she would. But the lies caught up with her and she finally acknowledged she was in over her head. She wasn't sure what she wanted and it wasn't fair to pretend otherwise. He took it hard, which came as no surprise. She thought Adam would never speak her again and felt she wholly deserved his disdain. She never expected him to extend an olive branch. She was hesitant at first, but once she realized he was serious about being friends she readily accepted his offer.

As she got to know him better, her appreciation of him grew in spades. She became fully aware that he was an amazing person with a big heart and was happy to have him in her life. He supported her when she decided to test the waters with dating girls. She went on two dates. The first was a blind date that Holly J set up for her with an attractive co-worker. It had gone well. The two had fun walking along the boardwalk and they even shared a kiss at the end, but there was no spark between them. The next day she gave a post-date run down to her friends. She noted that Adam had sounded more encouraging than Holly J. She wasn't sure why that bothered her, but it did.

Despite her conflicting feelings she quickly lined up another date. The second girl was a fellow Degrassi senior and was even prettier than the first. However, they didn't have as much in common as Fiona thought they would, given their shared love of fashion. Her friends urged her to stay positive about dating, but she realized her heart wasn't in it. It already belonged to someone else.

After her crush on Holly J, Fiona realized she was open to dating other girls. She had only recently come to terms with it when suddenly she found herself falling for a guy. She liked Adam for who he was as a person. Her attraction and desire to pursue a relationship with him seemed to grow from that. Given their complicated past, she wasn't sure what to do. She mulled it over for a few days before finally asking her best friend for advice.

Holly J insisted that telling Adam about her feelings for him was an unequivocally bad idea. Fiona initially agreed, but with every passing day it got harder to be around him and keep it all in. When she finally broke, Adam reacted exactly like Holly J predicted. He had angrily walked away from her, leaving her convinced that she had truly lost him this time. He went out of his way to avoid her for next three days. When she finally got him alone she was determined to make him listen. One kiss changed everything. The attraction between them was evident and she knew that her feelings weren't one sided. Adam told her he wanted to be with her too and they agreed to take things slow. Fiona promised herself she would never hurt him again, which brought her back to this moment.

As they sat here at the table, time seemed to move in slow motion. She looked into his eyes and could feel his uncertainty. She opened her mouth to speak, but then he did something she didn't expect.

.

tbc

A/N: As a wise old guy once wrote, "The course of true love never did run smooth." Especially in this case (no wonder their friends and fam are a bit confused…)

Next chapter picks up at the dinner!

On a side note, I went through quite a few drafts of this. I kept revising Fiona's POV but each time the monologues worked out to more than 1000 words, so I figured it was best to separate this section as its own chapter.

Reviews are cool! :D