Not Just another Jane Doe

Chapter 21: I'm not ready to grow up!

Warning: Subject matter of sexual situations with children.

"What's wrong?" asked Patrice as she hurried into Savannah's room and looked for the child.

"Where is she?" She looked down and found Sharon looking under the bed.

"I don't know!" Her suitcase is gone and so are her clothes and even her doll that you all gave her at the hospital. There is blood on the sheets in the hamper. She must be starting her period."

"With all the poking around the doctor did I'm honestly not surprised. Um, she couldn't have gone far."

Sharon stood up and tried to take a deep calming breath. She swung her hair away from her ear so she could use the phone that she had taken from her back pocket pressing Andy's picture in her speed dial directory. "Hey beautiful, what's up?"

"Andy, Savannah is gone!"

"What do you mean gone? Do you mean kidnapped or ran away or…"

"I mean most likely ran away. Her stuff is gone."

"How long?"

"About a half hour, 45 minutes at the most. We had lunch after we got home; she excused herself and went to her room. Patrice said she had a real rough time at the doctors office, so I expected to find her asleep, but she was gone."

"I'll put an APB out on her."

"That's a little extreme, Andy. Perhaps you could send some officers to canvas the neighborhood and the ones surrounding us. Send a couple of our detectives that she's familiar with Amy and Detective Sanchez. I'll be looking also and Ricky and Rusty when they get home. Patrice will stay with the baby."

"Don't leave to go look without me." Andy said.

"Andy…"

"I'm serious Sharon. Look, I'm five minutes away. Just wait five minutes please Sweetheart!"

"Alright Andy, but hurry!" Sharon hung up and put the phone back in her back pocket of her skinny jeans. Then she started looking through Savannah's bathroom to find clues about what was going on with middle daughter. She found the panties she'd been wearing, soaking in a sink of cold water. She found a package of sanitary pads opened, and the wrapping in the trash. So she had been listening when they had talked about her period and how to take care of things. Savannah had been very unenthusiastic about the conversation and Sharon had wondered how much she had absorbed of the steps she'd laid out for her. Sharon was glad she been listening, and that she had properly cared for herself like she had been told to.

Sharon was concerned; they lived pretty close to Griffith Park. What if she was missing overnight and she was in the park? There were Coyotes in the park that would smell the blood from her menses. Sharon's heart started beating double time, suddenly she felt as if she couldn't get enough air, she was gasping for breath and her vision was getting blurry. Suddenly she felt Andy's large warm hand on her back tracing circles, his voice gravelly, but soothing.

"Easy Sharon, everything's going to be okay. We'll find her, take deep breaths."

"Andy! She has her period, what if she's at Griffith Park? What if the coyotes get to her?"

"Sharon, just calm down okay? It won't help us find her if you have a panic attack, come on Beautiful, breathe." He hugged her.

"We can't just stand here! We've got to find her!"

"The LAPD is on it. Sharon, but if you insist we look, we'll do it. Where would you like to start?"

"Griffith Park, the part that's nearest here."

"Okay let's go."

"As they were leaving to go look, Rusty came home with Bo. Even weeks after Stroh was killed Rusty still took Bo with him to classes. He was a fixture, and much loved by the other students.

Rusty looked from Sharon to Andy. "What's going on? Is something wrong?"

" Savannah is missing. We are going to go find her."

"Can Bo and I help?"

"Yes, that would be great, um wait a minute..." Sharon went to Savannah's room and got an unwashed nightgown she'd left behind. She let Bo smell it, "find Savannah Bo."

Meanwhile, at Nicole and Deans house. Nicole was sitting in her glider in the nursery, nursing her baby daughter, when she realized that the boys were being way too quiet. She hadn't heard a peep from them in quite a while. That didn't usually bode well. Then she heard little feet tiptoeing across the floor in the kitchen, paper rattling and the refrigerator door opening.

"Ben and Ian I told you no more snacks, it's too close to dinner!" She heard more tiptoeing, the refrigerator door closing, something falls on the floor. "Ben, Ian did you hear me no more snacks?" Nicole stood up and carried Ellianna to the portable playpen in the living room and laid her down. Then went to the kitchen she found Ian her youngest boy trying to juggle a loaf of bread, a glass of milk and a jar of peanut butter, while he tried picking up an opened bag of cheese balls. "Ian David Adams what are you doing? Didn't I just say no more snacks?"

Ian's little body jerked in surprise, and he dropped everything in his arms. He started to shake and two big tears started to trickle down his chubby cheeks. His big blue eyes filled up again and again. "I'm sorry Mama, but you said no snacks for me and Ben, but they're not for Ben or me they are for her. She's hungry Mama."

"Her? Her who?"

"Van nah"

"Vannah?"

"Vannah. You know, Gramma Sharon and Grampaw Andy's um…. little girl?"

Nicole was shocked. "Savannah's here? Where is she?" It did not escape Nicole's notice that the waterworks had stopped when the focus had switched from Ian's misdeeds to Savannah's whereabouts. She bit her lip to keep her amusement from showing. Ian pointed outside at the tree house. Nicole nodded and said "Ian, Honey pick everything up, and put it on the table. Clean up the cheese curls and throw them in the trash. Charlie might get them and they are not good for dogs. "Okay?"

"But she's hungry Mama."

"I know, you mentioned that. I'm going to go get her, and bring her in here to eat. Where is your brother, is he with her?" Ian nodded yes. His ebony curls bobbing, Nicole bent down and kissed his forehead, "you be a good boy and do what I asked, okay." He nodded again.

As Nicole approached the tree house, she heard her older son talking to Savannah. "Vannah! Stop! Mama won't like me doin this. We're too young to be married and have a honeymoon."

Nicole hurried up the steps as Savannah said, "okay, be a baby then. You lied to me Ben you said you liked me. You said you thought I was pretty. You said you wanted to marry me! So we said the words to be married to each other. This is what married people do!" Savannah was seated next to Ben on the floor of the tree house. She had her hand over his guiding it over her still rather flat chest, her other hand was about to touch his groin area.

"Hold it right there, Savannah. Ben, you go in the house right now. Sit in the living room with Ellie and use my phone to call Grandpa Andy. Tell him Savannah's here. Go, now!"

Savannah had a scared mutinous expression on her face. "Savannah, sit down and talk to me. What's going on? What are you doing here?"

"I came to play with Ben and Ian. We played married and we were going on our honeymoon."

"How did you get here? Your parents live all the way on the other side of Griffith Park! Sharon will be beside herself."

"I rode my bike. I found your address on my GPS on my phone. Why are you so upset Nicole? Ben and I were just being on our honeymoon."

"Savannah, Ben is only 8. He may be tall for his age, but he's only a little boy. He has no real idea what being married means between a man and a woman, let alone the honeymoon part. It didn't look like you were playing to me. You are older then him by 4 years and you've had experiences that you should never have had at such a young age. Do you realize that what you were trying to do was sexually molest Ben? It's the same as what that horrible man did to you. Did you want to do that to Ben?"

"No! I didn't want to hurt him! I love Ben, I just wanted him to feel good like when Walter touched me and I...wanted to feel good again." She ducked her head and wiped her eyes.

"It felt good to you, Savannah?"

"Not the first time. The first time it hurt like a bi…" Savannah amended her statement after catching Nicole's expression, which was stern. "Um sorry, it really really hurt. It felt like I was being split in two! But afterwards and after we'd done it a few times it felt good, Nicole. I'm sorry, please don't hate me. I didn't know girls could hurt boys, I thought only boys could hurt girls. I was Ben's age when Walter started touching me while he thought I was sleeping."

"I thought you said you were ten?"

"I get mixed up sometimes about time, you know? It seemed real important to Dr. Beverly that I say I was 12 when we did it, but I was younger, a lot younger. All I know for absolute sure was that he started touching me way before Alicia found out, years before. I was little like Ben maybe even younger, I don't know. Any way by the time Alicia found out, I liked him to touch me so when Alicia traded herself for me I was angry and jealous and when she left, I was glad." Tears ran down her cheeks. "She was only trying to help me, but I didn't know that. I thought she wanted him all to herself." Savannah swallowed.

Nicole was perplexed. "You are missing your sister?" Nicole said trying to sort through what the exact problem was.

"And my other Mama but that's only part of it. I don't know why I tried to do that to Ben. I feel so mixed up inside. I knew he was too young but I just felt so confused and… bad inside and I wanted to feel good again." She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

"What made you feel so bad inside, Savannah?"

"Well, for starters Mama and Daddy made Aunt Patrice take me to that horrible Doctor Carter! He pinched my boobies, and stuck things in me down there, " she pointed to her own groin area. "He kept poking his fingers in me and then he made the nurse take me in another room, where she had someone hold me down while she dug stuff out of me and then she sent water up there. Then he started poking in there again, put needles in my butt, stuck me to take blood from me and when we got home, I Found out I had my period! My first Mama, Mama Sharon and Alicia told me it meant I was a woman! When I saw it all I could think about was that Walter wouldn't love me any more like he did when I was a little girl and I don't even know anymore if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"If Walter only liked having sex with you because you were a little girl, it sounds like a good thing to me." Savannah nodded. "What Walter did to you was not love, Savannah. It was perversion. Mama Sharon and Daddy Andy's kind of love is real love."

Out of the corner of her eye, Nicole noticed Andy and Sharon coming towards the tree house Savannah was facing the back corner of the tree house so she didn't see them. She raised her finger to her lips, and they nodded. "If they love me so much why did they lie to me?"

"What do you mean? How did they lie to you?"

"First lie, they said they would find my mothers body and they would bury her and Alicia together, they didn't do it. Second lie, they said they would never let anybody hurt me again and that Doctor sure as hell hurt me! Third lie, they said they would always love me, but they don't love me they only love Sophia!" Sharon's face looked stricken and pale. Andy's eyes became wide.

"How do you figure they don't love you Savannah? They treat you like their daughter; they took you in and adopted you when you showed up out of the blue eight months pregnant. Not many people would have done that."

"That's true, but since I gave them that baby they are always hugging and kissing her. Mama Sharon is always nursing her or carrying her around. With me it's follow the rules, practice the piano, make the bed, and don't get paint on the carpet."

"Sounds like you are having a pity party. Think about it Savannah, think real hard. Do...they...never hug or kiss you? Do they never tell you they love you? Do they never listen to you read or help you learn a new song on the piano or put your latest painting in a frame and hang it up? "

"Well...Yeah…they do that! In the morning mama hugs and kisses me like she hasn't seen me in a long time, and on Sunday she makes me chocolate chip pancakes. If he's home Daddy tweaks my nose and calls me, Punkin. Sometimes we all say together, "I love you once I love you twice, I love you more than beans and rice." Then we all laugh and mama starts snort laughing and Daddy gets so tickled tears run down his face," Savannah's smiles at these memories.

"Sounds like Love to me. You know Savannah, what you are describing to me is the good kind of love. What Walter did, was not love. It may have made you feel physically good for a few moments, but it's a feeling you never should have experienced until you were old enough to tell the difference between that and real love. You've got real love with Sharon and Andy. As far as being jealous of the baby, Savannah when you're a baby you can't reason, you can't understand what people are saying. You are unable to communicate with anyone, hugs, kisses, being held, having your diaper changed, and being fed spells love. Having their needs met is what babies need to help them feel love."

Nicole gave the girl a minute to think on what she just told her then continued. "Babies are a lot work! I'm sure Sharon would be devastated to know that you feel neglected. It's been a long time since she's had a baby to take care of, and had to juggle the needs of two children. Savannah, sometimes I get so caught up with Ellianna's needs that it takes Ben or Ian climbing into my lap for a story and a cuddle saying Mommy give Ellie to daddy, I want to cuddle with you! To remind me they need my attention too. When you are older, parents tend to think you want to be shown love in different ways then they did when you were younger. But since you are older, you are capable of telling your parents when you feel like you need to be held or cuddled. They are human, and they can't read minds."

Savannah's eyes lit up when's she realized what Nicole was saying was true. Then they dimmed. "I'm really in trouble aren't I?"

Nicole shook her head at the change in mood, and subject. "I don't really know about your parents. I think that they will just be happy that you are safe. I'm sure there will be consequences for your actions, though. I'm pretty sure you are not allowed to be this far away from home without permission; the streets you had to cross were dangerous. As for me, I'll be cautious about allowing you to play with Ben and Ian unsupervised, for a while. I understand that you were in emotional pain, but I have to protect my children. Do you understand? You may come over and play with the boys, as long as there is an adult to supervise."

Savannah nodded. "Can I stay here for awhile and think?"

"No, Ian is in the kitchen making you a sandwich, he was very concerned that you were hungry. I realize that you probably sent him in the kitchen to get him out of the way, but he took you very seriously and went to a lot of trouble and mess to make you that sandwich, you are going to choke it down, if it kills you. Do you understand me? Plus I believe your parents will be wanting to have a word with you."

"They are here?" Nicole nodded, using her hand behind her back to wave them into the house.

"By the way, before you go to the kitchen you need to take care of yourself. I have supplies under the sink in the bathrooms."

Savannah groaned, "I haven't even had it one whole day and already it's becoming a pain. Nicole, why did this have to happen now? Why can't it go away and come back in a couple of years when I'm older and ready to grow up? I'm not ready yet!"

"I know you've had your childhood stolen from you and you want to be a kid for a while longer. I'm sure your parents won't be expecting you to get a job and make your own living quite yet but you are going to have to make up your mind about what is it you really want. It seems like you are very confused about how you want to be treated. You seem to want your cake and eat it too. You want to be a baby to be hugged and cuddled like Sophia is but then you want to be an adult and do what adults do. For right now I think you need to enjoy being a kid, and leave adult behavior to the adults."

"Growing up is really scary, Nicole. Sometimes I wish time would just stop and let me catch up."

"Time doesn't work that way Honey, it marches on and waits for nobody. You know, I'm not your biological sister, but when you get adopted we will be adopted sisters so you can call me anytime and we can talk if Sharon or my dad are at work or too busy."

"Really?" Nicole nodded. "You forgive me for what I did to Ben?"

"Yes, I forgive you. The restrictions still stand, but I do forgive you."

"Thank you, I guess I'd better go face the music."