Oh man, I had a huge smile on my face when I wrote this chapter, lol. Thanks everyone for waiting patiently for me to dish this out. It took awhile because I finally got a job =D. So I've been pretty busy with that. You can go to my profile to see new updates I added there. I also updated my blog and shop. Check those out!
Read and review! It's good to hear from you =).
I don't own Disney or Kingdom Hearts.
.
PART IV
252nd Day
IX.
.
"…waiting wasn't good enough."
.
Sora tries to chase the memory away, biting down on his knuckles.
.
~O~
.
Merlin grips his cap, flapping erratically in the wind as the gummiship lands in the Great Maw (1) of Radiant Garden,
the only place safe enough to land the aircraft without the city being alerted.
.
The gummiship touches the ground, the engine cuts off, and the land grows silent.
The hatch slides open and Aerith steps out, jumping gracefully from the platform. Kairi follows after, tucking a few hairs behind her ear.
She looks to the distance, mesmerized. The sky wears Radiant Garden like a piece of glowing jewelry on a purple neck, buildings illuminated by specks of soft blue and orange light.
.
How can such a city, seemingly peaceful at night, be in chaos? An odd sense of nostalgia tugs at Kairi's heart and shadows appear at the edges of her mind.
Some of the features are cast in a dull light and she sees gray hair and the tips of a purple dress.
She does not know of anyone wearing anything similar and wonders what her mind is trying to see.
.
"I hope you don't mind the discretion." Merlin approaches the pair. Aerith shakes her head.
The healer nods towards the pilot in thanks as he places their bags on the ground and prepares to leave.
.
"Not at all. It is good to see you." Aerith walks forward and gives the wizard an overdue hug.
He pats her back fondly and pulls away. He trains his gaze towards Kairi, who can't help but feel a bit stiff under the scrutiny. He approaches and bows.
.
"It's an honor to finally see you again Princess Kairi." Said redhead tilts her head, awkward with the formality.
.
"Um, hello. Please, I'm not a princess, just Kairi is fine." She answers. The wizard nods, adjusting his sleeves.
.
"Well of course you are. You're the Princess of Heart; you don't need to wear a crown to be recognized as such."
Merlin places lightly and smiles. "The radiance of your heart is most welcome. I'm sure it will place everyone at ease."
He fixes his glasses. "Dear me, I forget myself. I am Merlin of Radiant Garden. I do not know if you remember me from long ago. We only met briefly when you were young."
.
"You knew me as a child?" Kairi asks, picking up a bag to keep her antsy fingers busy.
.
"Only for a bit, but I knew there was something special about you." Merlin responds. Aerith places a hand on his shoulder.
Kairi tries to remember, but only laughter echoes in her head, a closed memory refusing to reveal itself.
.
"Maybe we should be going?" Aerith suggests.
.
"Ah yes, yes." Merlin coughs. The girls pick up the few bags they have with them. "I hope Aerith has explained the situation?"
.
"Yeah. She did." Kairi responds.
.
"Good. We will be headed to Ansem's castle. We have set our main headquarters there for precaution."
Merlin explains as they climb the stone steps to the Bailey. Kairi whispers Ansem in her mind, remembers his yellow glass eyes and platinum hair.
The memory shakes and in place is the real Ansem with a white beard and friendly gold irises. She does not remember having ever been in the sage-king's castle.
Then again, she doesn't remember much of her childhood.
.
253rd Day
X.
.
Roxas attempts to keep to himself during breakfast in a white walled dining hall. He had been sitting next to the queen, but she left earlier with King Mickey.
.
Axel sits beside Sora, pushing eggs around on his plate, absentmindedly tapping his finger on the table.
Roxas isn't sure how much longer he can take the strained silence. He chances a glance around the room and spots the partially opened doors to the balcony.
He grabs his cup of orange juice and strolls away, standing outside to observe the morning. The blonde leans against the glass door, eyes closing.
.
After a few moments, the blonde idly turns his head to peek through the glass door, noticing Axel's sudden absence from the room.
Sora slumps in his seat and stabs a piece of bacon with his fork. Roxas' gaze travels to Riku,
who stands behind the brunette at a table decorated with an assortment of fruit and bread.
For the first time, Roxas can say the silver haired teen looks relaxed, his expression somber as he stares intently at the brunette.
.
Roxas notices Riku's eyes linger with an unfamiliar emotion, like a shadow creeping against the underside of a door, hiding from the sun.
.
Roxas' half heart is awash with warmth and recognizes the gaze that his mind can't decipher.
He presses his hand against the glass and feels his exterior walls soften like cookies baking in an oven.
.
"What is this?" The blonde whispers, slowly bringing his free hand to his chest. His heart pulls again, responding to the added warmth of his hand.
"Will you tell me what I'm feeling?" Roxas looks away, watches a bird settle on the stone rail. It lifts a wing and nips at it's feathers.
.
~O~
.
After excusing himself from breakfast, Roxas asks a guard, positioned at the end of the hallway, if they have a library.
The guard in question lifts an eyebrow and confirms one exists in the castle. He raises his finger, points to the stairs, and gives the blonde directions.
.
~O~
.
"…waiting wasn't good enough."
Sora turns around, sure that someone has whispered in his ear.
.
~O~
.
Aerith shifts a stack of books on the makeshift work desk. She opens the cover of the first book and flips through the pages, her eyes half attempting to read the sentences.
The healer glances towards the door to see Kairi carrying another stack of books.
.
"Just put it on that chair." Aerith instructs, pointing to said piece of furniture by the desk.
Kairi does so as the healer examines the space. A round wooden table is situated in the center, while the makeshift desk stands against the wall next to the door.
A few too many chairs litter the space, some fitted with white cushions. Aerith was told the room had been adjusted to a meeting space for the more exclusive members of the committee.
It used to be a bedroom, furnished with dust covered clothes and a broken bed post.
.
"What's with all these books anyway?" Kairi questions. She lifts a worn tomb and walks towards the open window.
The book is navy and trimmed in gold leaf, the title scratched off. She blows on the dust, watches it float through the air, and tickle her nose.
.
"It does not hurt to be informed." Aerith mumbles, walking towards the Princess of Heart. "Truthfully, I thought you may like them."
.
"Oh?" Kairi tilts her head to the side, somewhat overwhelmed by the amount of books.
.
"Do not worry; you do not have to read them all!" Aerith laughs. "They are about the history of Radiant Garden.
I even sneaked in a book of fairy tales by a writer who died during the Heartless invasion. I thought you might like to get a little reacquainted."
The healer explains. Kairi nods in thanks and shuffles the books around to distinguish the titles.
.
"Pssh, please, I should take her on a night on the town to get really acquainted to this place." A mischievous voice calls through the doorway.
They turn to find Yuffie leaning against the door frame, twirling a small four pointed shuriken in her hand, a toothy grin plastered on her face.
.
"Yuffie, good morning!" Aerith chirps ecstatically, walking across the room to give her friend a hug. Yuffie pulls away, a hand on her hip.
The healer notices a paper doll hugging the ninja's shoulder, head twisting as if to look at her without a face, its hands and legs crinkled. "What is this?"
.
"Huh?" Yuffie pats her shoulder as wrinkled paper touches her fingers. "Oh! This is Squall, a friend of mine."
.
"Squall?" Aerith lifts an eyebrow amusingly. The paper doll detaches itself and circles around Aerith, inspecting her.
.
"Yup, I like the name." Yuffie grins. "Anyway, the old wizard told us you're coming with company!"
The ninja says and walks over to Kairi, taking her hand and shaking it vigorously. "I'm Yuffie!"
.
"Kairi." The redhead responds and retracts her hand. She has heard about the ninja from Sora.
Yuffie's upbeat attitude is something hard to miss. The paper doll sits itself in Kairi's hair.
.
"So you're the one Sora's been crushing over. Don't you feel special?" Yuffie laughs playfully.
Kairi smiles weakly and rubs her shoulder. Aerith notes the awkwardness the princess suddenly exudes.
.
"It's nothing like that." The redhead mutters, earning a shrug from Yuffie.
.
"Ah, no need to be like that! I got Sora all figured out!" Yuffie squawks as a boot presses against her back and pushes her forward.
She yelps and crashes to the ground, becoming entangled in the wooden limps of a chair. She turns her gaze darkly to find Cid grinning, a toothpick in his mouth.
Yuffie glares at the back of the chair; sure it gives a conspiratorial wink to the engineer.
.
"It's too early in the damn morning to be badgering people." Cid quips while walking towards the table and pulling at a chair to place his feet on.
The paper doll flies in Cid's face. The engineer tries swatting it away.
.
"And it's not too early in the morning for abuse?" Yuffie hisses, rubbing her back as she carefully untangles herself
.
"Hell no." Cid answers, directing his gaze towards Kairi. "I'm Cid." He points to himself with his thumb. "I can make and fix anything."
.
"What kind of things do you fix old man?" Yuffie giggles, wiggling her eyebrows as a scandalized look crosses her face.
.
"Oh come now! What is this? You're being quite rude to our guest!" They collectively stare at Merlin, whose eyes are narrowed at the display.
Leon stands behind him, an eyebrow raised before walking past the wizard and positioning himself in front of Kairi.
He does not think to look at Aerith, he can deal with her later. The healer isn't sure what to make of him yet.
Yuffie calms down, knowing the pair just had an unspoken moment between them.
.
"Princess Kairi." Leon states firmly and bows, his tone crisp. "Welcome back to Radiant Garden."
.
"Kairi's just fine." The redhead reiterates. Leon nods and takes a seat at the table. Why were Merlin and Leon giving her so much respect?
.
"Now, let us go over the agenda before the other volunteers arrive for the day." Merlin states. "Yuffie?"
.
"Yeah?"
.
"Get off the floor."
.
~O~
.
Roxas stares at the stack of books lining the library walls, their spines turning stiff at his touch.
He hadn't expected the room to be this large, but then again, he is in a castle. Biting his lip, he is unsure of where to start.
.
~O~
.
"…waiting wasn't good enough."
Sora taps his fingers on the bench. He rubs his head, scratches the thought away.
.
~O~
.
After an hour of skimming the shelves, Roxas knows he has more things on his mind to worry about then what his heart is telling him.
He doesn't have time to search for something he doesn't understand. He throws a book on the sofa and walks out of the library.
.
~O~
.
The blonde finds Riku in the corridors of the inner garden instead of Sora. The older teen leans over the railing, with that same infuriating look that bothered Roxas' heart earlier.
He looks at what Riku gazes at and finds Sora sitting on a bench, deep in thought.
.
With every step Roxas takes, his stomach constricts. The blonde moves to shake the uncomfortable feeling.
.
"Why haven't you done anything yet?" He blurts out, walking down the steps to where Sora sits. The brunette looks up, moves his hand away from his chin.
.
"Hi Roxas." Sora smiles, patting the open space next to him. Roxas gives him a look, refusing the offer.
.
"Answer the question." The blonde teen asks, crossing his arms. He makes sure to look in Riku's direction and notices the boy missing. "You know, about us?" He points between them.
.
"I don't want to do anything rash." Sora answers, drumming his fingers against the stone. "I'm trying to think of something."
.
"Stop trying to do things for me." Roxas states sharply.
.
"Then let's work together." Sora suggests.
.
"Don't assume I'm on board with this." Roxas rolls his eyes, about to walk away.
.
"Let me prove it to you and if I do, you can't refuse my help!" Sora challenges.
.
"A deal? I thought you were against those." Roxas points out. Sora's enthusiasm dims.
.
"Your right, deals suck." Sora stands. "Especially when you use your life as a bargaining chip. Riku shouldn't have done that."
.
"Speaking of Riku, what's with him?"
.
"What do you mean?"
.
"He keeps staring at you. He usually looks angry, but when he looks at you, it's like…" Roxas tries to find a word that fits.
"Whatever, it's something I just noticed, probably hasn't even been happening for that long."
.
"Since when?"
.
"He was just over there, staring like he had nothing better to do." Roxas points to the spot he saw Riku in earlier.
Sora stands on his tippy toes, as if trying to get a better look. After seeing nothing but marble walls, he sighs dejectedly.
.
Roxas huffs, pointing accusingly at Sora. "That's exactly what he does. You have the same exact look he gives you."
Sora gasps and turns away. "Why won't you say anything? Is that look supposed to mean something? Some secret code you have between yourselves?"
.
"No!" Sora laughs awkwardly. He lifts his hands in front of his face, curling his thumbs and pointer fingers together to form a shape.
.
"A heart?" Roxas guesses. "What does that have to do with anything?"
.
"I…" Sora breaks the heart apart and drops his hands to his sides. "It's complicated."
.
"Oh yeah? Was what Queen Minnie said wrong?" Roxas is looking for a flaw in Sora's neatly placed smile.
.
"What did she say?"
.
"You're trying to show me what's worth living for." Roxas doesn't know why he says it, but he needs to know more.
He wants to find something faulty in Sora's life filled with blindly optimistic, upside down logic. He wants Sora to be wrong.
.
"Fine then." Sora snatches the bait. "How about a life lesson?" He forms a heart with his fingers again. "I have feelings for Riku."
.
Inside Roxas, the statement triggers a memory awash in a sunset scented with spices. "Feelings?"
.
"Yeah, something more-" Sora tries to form a coherent explanation. "Kind of like a step above friendship, but without there being actual steps."
.
Roxas fishes the memory out and finds the words similar.
.
Roxas: Axel, I need to ask you something.
.
Axel: What's up? Did something happen?
.
Roxas: Nah, it's just... This is gonna sound stupid. Do you know what love is?
.
Axel: 'Scuse me?
.
Roxas: I found out about love on today's mission-that it's something powerful.
.
Axel: That's true. It is. But I'll never get to experience it.
.
Roxas: Nobodies can't love?
.
Axel: You need a heart, man.
.
Roxas: Right...
.
Axel: Love is what happens if there's something really special between two people.
.
Roxas: You mean, like, if they're best friends?
.
Axel: Well, you can care about your friends, I guess, but that's not what I'm talking about.
.
Roxas: So then...love is like a step above friends?
.
Axel: Yes... Well, no. There aren't "steps."
.
Roxas: I don't get it.
.
Axel: What does it matter? We'll never know the difference.
.
Roxas: If I had a heart, you think I could love somebody?
.
Axel: Once Kingdom Hearts is complete; you'll be able to do all kinds of things. (2)
.
"Is this about love?" Roxas inquires.
.
Sora rubs his arms and laughs. "You know what love is?"
.
"Heard about it." Roxas mumbles.
.
"I know Riku feels something for me." Sora explains, remembering kitchen kisses and misunderstandings draining down a sink.
"But I don't know how far his feelings go. He backed away for Kairi and me." The memories fog his vision as he sits down again.
.
"…waiting wasn't good enough."
.
"You and Kairi?" Roxas is confused.
.
"Kairi left because of me. She told me she loved me, but I don't feel that way for her."
.
"Did you..?"
.
"I did…" Sora says, annoyed by the almost formed question.
.
"I don't see how this is a life lesson."
.
"Protecting what you love is one of the most important things you can do." Sora clarifies, gazing at the grass mixing with pebble paths.
"Protecting it from things that would harm it…like distrust, or anger."
.
"Emotions come and go though." Roxas asks, waving his hand dismissively. "There's got to be something more than that."
.
"I'm protecting Riku from me." Sora admits. "At least until all this is over…"
.
"How?"
.
"What if we don't make it out of this? We're dying." They both remain silent. No one has ever expressed the word of death until now.
To hear it makes the situation more realistic, easier to touch. "I won't stop fighting for us until I know we exhausted every possibility.
It feels like I haven't been trying hard enough." Sora grips the bench harshly. "Even though I love Riku, I don't want to get too close like before."
.
"Before?"
.
"I don't want to be with Riku and know I'll be gone forever later. I don't want him to cry over me like some lost love or something sappy like that."
Sora's laugh is hollow. "I want to say it so bad sometimes to get it over with. In the end, I have to think about Riku's feelings too.
It will hurt him if I'm gone, but I bet it'll hurt more to know he can't love me forever if he knew."
.
Roxas isn't sure how to process Sora's words, but can at least detect the underlying tones of bitterness in his voice.
He doesn't understand the concept of love. He just knows the basics to get by.
.
"Can love really do that to a person? Ruin them?" Roxas whispers, eyes furrow in thought.
.
"I think it can. Love is the strongest emotion anyone can feel. It can change us. It's what creates bonds between people; it's what makes believing in something strong." Sora answers.
.
Strongest emotion? Roxas isn't sure what to make of it. He decides to head back to the library, knowing what to look for this time.
.
~O~
.
"You'll be staying in here." Yuffie opens the door decorated with metal bolt heads.
Kairi steps through and notices a queen sized bed in the corner of a large room as a red rug covers the floor. A desk sits on a wall across from a fireplace.
.
"Thanks." Kairi says, placing her bag on the bed.
.
"You know." Yuffie begins poking at the stack of wood next to the fireplace, it's surface rough on her palm. "This is the biggest bedroom in the castle."
.
"Oh yeah?"
.
"It used to be Ansem's room." Yuffie states. Kairi's eyes grow wide. "Yeah I know, I would have expected gold furniture or something.
Merlin said Ansem was a simple man. He only surrounded himself with things he needed. I made sure to add a few touches to make the place look cozier."
Yuffie elaborates. Kairi spots a blue vase filled with pink flowers on a cherry red nightstand. She touches a petal, shaped like a lilac with shriveled tips,
and shivers as a little girl with red hair appears in her mind, picking flowers in a garden in front of a castle.
.
"Merlin said these were your favorites, so I bribed one of the volunteers to buy some in the market.
They don't grow around much as they used to. These flowers are pretty rare to find." Yuffie whispers conspiratorially, throwing some logs into the fireplace.
.
"My favorite?" Kairi asks, pulling her hand away. The scent is familiar, honey mixed with sunflowers, but not the flowers themselves, despite their delicate beauty. "Thanks."
.
"No prob." Yuffie grins as she stands. "Aerith's busy with Merlin, but I can give you a tour of the place."
.
"Sure…" Kairi says. "By the way, where's Squall?" She walks towards the ninja.
.
"Ah, probably bothering with the real thing." Yuffie brushes off the comment as the redhead looks at her in confusion.
.
~O~
.
"Roxas!" Said blonde turns around to find Axel jogging towards him. Roxas cringes and looks away. The last person he wants to see is him.
.
"What do you want?" Roxas asks, his voice absent of the hurt he feels.
.
"Can we talk?" Axel questions, standing a few feet away from the blonde. Roxas eyes him carefully.
.
"What's there to talk about? You made it clear you want nothing to do with me."
.
"I'm sorry." Axel exclaims, rubbing his head uneasily. Roxas fully turns to face him, hands in fists.
"I didn't mean what I said before. I was really angry, I jumped to conclusions." Axel shoves his hands into his pockets.
.
"Yeah, you did." Roxas states, crossing his arms, and itching to leave. "How do I know you didn't mean it?"
.
"I'm still trying to understand, trying to remember how my heart works."
Axel bites his lips, refusing to look away from Roxas' blue eyes, warmer then he remembers.
"My heart doesn't feel that way. I don't hate you."
.
"You're lucky to have one."
.
"You have one too." Axel counters.
.
"Not really." Roxas answers, avoiding Axel's stare. "I have something burrowed."
.
"Sora doesn't see it that way."
.
"Screw what Sora thinks, my opinion matters too!" Roxas retaliates, turning on his heel.
He suddenly stumbles back as a hand grabs his wrist and spins him around. Roxas can't escape Axel's gaze, eyes crackling acid fireworks, his jaw tight.
The blonde is surprised to feel his heart thumpthumpthumping at the close proximity.
.
"I know it matters." Axel whispers, tightening his grip on Roxas' wrist. "I really am sorry about before. I said stupid shit because I was jealous."
.
"Jealous?" Roxas echoes, another emotion he isn't familiar with.
.
"I thought there was something more between you and Sora." Axel explains. "More than some type of friendly bond."
.
"One step more than friendship?" Roxas questions. Axel's eyes flicker, seeming to remember the line. "I don't get it."
.
"Never mind." Axel releases his grip, unsure of how to explain what he means without revealing what he feels.
.
"What the hell? You can't just drop something and expect me to forgive you if I don't know the whole story!"
Roxas shouts. "What do you mean you were jealous? What's that suppose to mean?"
.
"I wanted to be in Sora's place when he kissed you!" Axel's heart blurts the thought out, thuds quicker at the realization of what it's done.
.
Roxas lifts an eyebrow and tilts his head. "What?"
.
Axel huffs in frustration, seeing his point not getting across. There is so much Roxas doesn't understand because he never had the experience.
Axel grabs Roxas' wrist again and pulls him forward.
.
The blonde isn't sure what to do when his lips receive pressure.
He isn't growing tense, but can feel the kiss kneading his lips like dough in flour caked hands.
Axel's arm encircles his waist, pressing their bodies together while Roxas stands on the tips of his shoes.
The blonde keyblade wielder's stomach fills with bees, buzzing against fleshy walls, stinging his muscles, and vibrating his heart.
This certainly feels different from a kiss to the forehead. He places his hands on Axel's shoulders, fingers spread apart as he pushes the redhead away.
Roxas is afraid the kiss will leave him immobile and wonders if kisses have magical spells he is unaware of.
Axel opens his eyes; cheeks smeared oh my god pink. He doesn't remove his arm from Roxas' waist.
.
"If this is about love, don't expect me to understand." Roxas whispers and thinks his heart is a clock, waiting for the alarm to go off. His head is ringing with a headache.
.
Axel's eyes widen in surprise, letting the blonde create distance.
.
254th Day
XI.
.
"I'm surprised." Yuffie throws a shuriken at a piece of ply wood nailed clumsily to a wall in Leon's temporary bedroom.
The paper doll lies on the nightstand, wagging its thin legs. The gunblade wielder sits on the floor, head against the mattress, legs bent.
"You haven't bit off Aerith's head yet." Yuffie finishes, twirling another shuriken in her hand, Leon narrows his eyes. "Maybe you've grown with reason?"
.
"Cut it out Yuffie." He comments.
.
"I'm being serious." The ninja pouts, throwing the four pointed weapon at the wood.
"I would have expected you to come running with your sword blazing! But then again, you've had some time to think…"
Like I did, Yuffie finishes in her head, suddenly bored. She throws herself on Leon's bed, stretches out, and places her hands behind her head.
"We're gonna see those representatives soon. I don't feel like dragging your ass out of the meeting because you're getting nasty."
Yuffie sing-songs. The paper doll stands to attention, flying over to the ninja's shoulder.
.
"Why are you so concerned with me about Aerith?" Leon inquires. "You ask about her a lot, almost every day. It's annoying."
.
"Uh, well!" Yuffie sputters, shifting to face the wall, hiding her face. "I'll stop asking then."
.
Leon doesn't like where the discussion cuts off, but says nothing. His eyes slide to the gunblade sitting on the desk.
.
"I mean." Yuffie starts, curling her legs into herself. "During the time, you couldn't seem to stop thinking about her.
I know you're super mad at her, but everything you do seems something more then angry actions. I don't know, maybe its your whole I-can't-protect-anything complex.
You keep training, like she's your motivati-"
.
"What?" Leon asks, quickly standing up to look at Yuffie, her back to him. She knows she is rambling, she shouldn't have said anything.
When the ninja doesn't reply, he reaches out to her arm, turning her over. Her expression is guarded as she stares at the ceiling.
.
"What're you talking about?" Yuffie usually repeats a question over and over to annoy him,
but this time feels different, as if her questions about Aerith mean more then he knows. He searches for an answer, but her cloudy gray eyes are unrelenting.
.
255th Day
XII.
.
"…waiting wasn't good enough."
.
Sora gasps awake and sees Kairi's hand fade in the darkness, white and broken.
.
256th Day
XIII.
.
"…waiting…"
.
Sora doesn't bother to sleep. He lets the fragmented thought seep into his skull. Why is this bothering him so much?
.
"…wasn't GOOD-"
.
He gasps, the Kingdom Key appearing in his hand. The weapon comforts him as he grips the metal.
.
"Enough." He whispers.
.
~O~
.
Sora cloaks himself in purple clouds.
He lies on the grass beyond the castle walls, occupying his previous spot by the pond.
His gloves are discarded and the scent of leaves perfume his clothes. His eyes borrow the sky, irises dotted with stardust.
.
He wonders where Kairi is amongst the clutter of stars. Was the rejection too much to handle?
Sora never felt himself that significant in affecting one's life when it came to personal matters.
Without the title of Keyblade Master, he isn't much of a big deal. There are other people with better character, not someone as clumsy as he is.
Thinking further, he did kind of lead her on.
.
"No." Sora shakes his head. At the time, he did have feelings for her. Honestly. He isn't sure where along the time line it changed.
Maybe when he saw her again after saving the world? Maybe when they returned home all those months ago?
.
A memory forms and he sees
Riku, cloaked in black. Sora holds his hand, crying, sinking to the floor, relieved.
.
The keyblade master huffs again and turns on his side in the grass. He averts his gaze from the sky. What can he offer Riku with a half heart?
.
"Be selfish for once!" Kairi shouted.
.
He isn't sure about agreeing with her opinion on the matter. After all, Sora did throw everyone under the bus when he changed himself into a Heartless.
.
"Sora?" Said keyblade master lies on his back and gazes sideways.
Riku stands a few feet away. Silver strands ride the wind, covering parts of his face like a tattered curtain.
His shoulders are relaxed, hands loose of emotions. His skin is painted pale white.
The moon thinks to paint it in a second coat, seeing as it doesn't accentuate the plains of his muscles enough.
Riku's eyes glow as if limestone at the bottom of a lake.
.
Riku is the last person he thinks to see tonight.
.
The silver haired teen strides forward, taking a spot on the grass next to Sora. He rests his arms on his bent knees, staring at the sky. They sit in silence
.
"Sorry for snapping at you. You didn't deserve that." Sora says.
.
"It's ok. I shouldn't have yelled at you either." Riku clasps his hands together. The silence continues for a while longer.
The brunette's fingers pull on blades of grass, not hard enough to rip them from the ground.
.
"Kairi told you she loves you, didn't she?" Riku whispers.
.
The question startles Sora and he holds his breath. "…How do you know?"
.
"Of course, silly!" Kairi chirped happily. She wrapped her arms around Riku in a sudden embrace.
.
"Don't let him break your heart too." The redhead whispered in his ear.
.
The silver haired teen stilled, eyes widening as he let go. She slapped his chest. "Don't get into too much trouble." She said fondly.
.
Riku comments, "She seemed more upset than usual. I wasn't sure at first, but you just proved me right."
.
"I've known about her feelings for awhile." Sora responds. The keyblade wielder returns his gaze to the brunette, who avoids his eyes.
"I mean, I liked being around her. We did things together. She was one of my main reasons to fight when we first started this whole adventure!"
He laughs gloomily, spreading his arms out. "If something like that wasn't love, I don't know what it should have been." He curls and unfurls his hands like the sails of a ship.
.
"You don't love her?" Riku is confused.
.
"I did." Sora mummers and is reminded of his earlier response. "Is that surprising?"
.
Riku is at a loss for words. He attempts to not look completely baffled by the brunette's confession.
Kairi is Sora's friend,
his princess,
his light,
his everything,
isn't she?
.
How can he possibly-
"You turned her down?" Riku questions cautiously, an eyebrow raised. What the hell happened?
.
"…Yeah." Sora blinks…
.
.
.
…realizes he's crying. Riku is startled by the tears, wet with frowns.
.
.
.
"Everyone was expecting us to get together." Sora's voice is watery with bitterness, but he doesn't bother to wipe the tears away.
Screw dignity. "Donald and Goofy would tease me about her all the time. I'd fantasize the journey being over so we could finally be together and when it happens,
we can't because I don't feel anything anymore." Sora folds his arms in front of his face, blocking out the nosiness of his thoughts, the silence of the night, and the startled eyes of Riku.
.
"It's not like I didn't try either! I really did. I thought maybe I was tired from the damn adventures.
I tried being with her, holding her hand, listening to her stories, going to places she wanted to go. Nothing worked…nothing freaking worked!"
His tone rises, borders hysteria. "Here comes the keyblade master, having saved the world and ready to take his princess away!
What the hell was everyone expecting, a fairy tale ending?" Sora shouts, his body trembling.
"Everyone has these high standards for me because I'm the stupid keyblade master.
Sometimes I hate the responsibility! Sometimes I just want to hide."
Riku can see Sora's knuckles dull in the moon light from fisting his hands too hard, as if trying to snap his vulnerability in half.
His throat is tight; his voice hitches, breathing erratically.
."I just want to go to bed and shut the world out…"
.
"Why are you crying?" Riku mutters softly. He reaches for Sora's hand and pulls it away, uncovering a face caked in tears.
The brunette's irises are glassy like prisms bending the light blue, thin jagged ribbons of pink streaking across the white expanse of his eyes.
Riku sees an emotional waterfall tumbling hurt, frustration, hopelessness, anger, and wonders how Sora can hold so much in for so long. "Why are you crying?" He repeats.
.
"What?" Sora chokes, slowly becoming exhausted by the steady stream of tears, a dull ache in the back of his head.
.
"Is it because you wish you could love her?" Riku has to ask, wants to pinpoint the problem, and massage it away. He settles for rubbing his thumb across his friend's hand.
.
"No…" Sora mutters, his breathing returns to normal while sniffling.
"I couldn't see how hurt she was because of her heart, but I could feel it. I never wanted to harm her.
She's already messed up and I screwed her up even more." Sora bites his lip. "Now I can't be there for her like she was for me."
.
Riku digests the words. Sometimes Sora can be selfish without thinking, but overall, he really is a selfless person.
He has to be, especially with his role as the keyblade master. The older teen lies himself on the grass, grabbing the brunette's other hand.
Sora is forced to turn to his side and stare at the aqua lanterns of his friend's eyes, his hands trapped between Riku's own and his chest.
.
"Anything else?" Riku asks, leaning his head against the dirt. Sora stares at him incredulously.
"I think I heard a bit about responsibilities and hide and seek?" Sora unintentionally laughs, the tears beginning to subside.
.
"I thought you were mad at me." The brunette mumbles, lids lowered.
.
"I still am." Riku snaps. "Now isn't the time. It can wait."
.
"…waiting wasn't good enough."
.
"No, we should talk-"
.
"…waiting wasn't good enough."
.
"It can wait." Riku states firmly, squeezing Sora's hand.
.
"…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good enough." "…waiting wasn't good…enough."
.
Sora swallows, unable to handle his emotions, rung tight from stress. He pulls his hands out of Riku's grasp forcefully and clutches his shirt.
.
"I don't want you to wait anymore!" He shouts, pulling Riku into a harsh kiss.
.
Startled, Riku regains his composure after a few jaw numbing seconds, Sora's lips unbuckling the seat-belt that kept his feelings safe and in control.
He straddles Sora's hips, asking with his lips to make the kiss drive deeper into the tunnel running through his heart.
Riku's hands steer pass the folds of Sora's shirt until he reaches the hem. They glide beneath the fabric, caressing skin chilled by the cold breath of night.
Riku forgets his heart pounds too fast as he places his hands on Sora's back and hoists him forward, allowing the brunette to sit in his lap.
The younger teen shivers as Riku lifts his shirt higher.
.
"I need…" Riku breathes, pulling on Sora's hair gently to tilt his head back. His lips ghost over Sora's skin, trailing upward. "…to know." He whispers into the younger boy's ear.
.
Sora's eyes snap open and slowly focus.
.
"Say it." Riku demands, roughly taking Sora's chin in his hand, forcing him to gaze into his sea glass eyes.
The brunette tries to pull away, reminded of a dream, and realizes the situation he's placed himself in. Riku stays calm, grabbing Sora's wrists gently. "Say it."
.
Sora is unable to move. He wants to yell what Riku wants to hear from his throat, but knows he shouldn't.
.
Annoyed by the silence, Riku forces Sora, who protests vehemently, to his feet and drags him into the castle, uncaring of the dirt they track in on the marble.
.
~O~
.
Riku opens the door to his room, shoving Sora inside.
The brunette stumbles and catches himself before he crashes into the bed, palms sinking into plush blue blankets.
He turns, watching Riku approach him with eyes rimmed black in determination.
.
"I have to stop this. I can't let it get this far." Sora thinks as the older teen places his hands on either side of him.
.
"You can't say something cryptic and leave things unfinished." Riku hisses, a hint of annoyance rubbing itself into his vocal cords.
He wonders about the panic in the brunette's eyes before leaning in and placing a light kiss on Sora's neck.
The younger boy is stiff as cardboard beneath him. "Be honest with me." Riku's famished kisses ask to eat Sora's shoulders, his neck, his cheeks, and then his mouth.
.
The brunette's brain becomes drowsy,
his eyes shut down,
and his body begins to numb.
.
"Riku, this-" Sora can only move his fingers, threading themselves through Riku's hair like a needle, using the strands to embroider I love you into his scalp.
.
Riku mutters incoherently against Sora's mouth, pushing both of their bodies further into the bed. He interlaces his fingers with Sora, raising their hands above their heads.
.
"Listen to me-" As soon as Sora speaks, Riku suffocates him again with his lips and the searing heat of his body crushes his. He releases a hand to take off Sora's shirt.
.
"Oh god." Sora gasps inwardly when Riku's knee massages the growing arousal between his legs, telling Riku exactly what he wants.
The brunette fights down a moan and squeezes Riku's hand hard. Gathering his strength, he unlaces their fingers, and tears his lips away, readying for a struggle. "RIKU!"
.
"I love you."
The silver haired teen mutters breathlessly, holding himself up by his hands. Sora is frozen, the rise and fall of his chest steadily increasing.
.
Thought
ceases.
.
With no response, Riku removes Sora's shirt completely, his body tan, thin and somewhat lean.
With both hands, Riku traces Sora's collarbone, his chest, his stomach as if playing a crossword puzzle, crossing out every part touched with his fingers. His eyes soften.
.
"I love you." This time, Riku whispers into Sora's stomach, placing a gentle kiss on his belly button.
.
"I love you." This time, Riku whispers while placing a kiss over Sora's heart.
.
This time, he hovers over Sora's lips, waiting for an objection, waiting for anything to happen.
.
The brunette loves the feel of Riku's silver hair tickling his face,
his pale lips parted as if to challenge him to a race,
the way his skin reminds him of a white winter he's never seen at home,
the way his eyes resemble a flavor darker than sea salt ice cream, more bitter than sweet.
.
"I love you, Sora." Riku says after a few minutes pass, his voice faltering. He sighs and pulls away, avoidin-
.
The brunette bends forward, wrapping his arms around Riku's waist quickly.
The older teen finds himself startled for a second time as they fall back on the bed, Sora hugging him tightly.
.
"Sor-"
.
"Stay here with me." Sora says. The older teen isn't sure what to make of this.
.
"Let go." Riku says, refusing to sound weak.
.
"No." Sora says, refusing to let go.
.
"Let go of me." Riku hisses.
.
"N-"
.
"Don't fuck with me anymore!"
.
"Riku!"
.
Don't hold on to me if you don't fucking love me!" Riku shouts. His anger simmers, but he takes no action to move.
Sora cringes, his grip loosening. It hurts him to hear Riku say that, but knows it must have hurt Riku more to say it.
.
Refocusing, Sora forces the older teen forward, eyes prickling with tears.
.
"Then I won't let go."
.
(1): The Great Maw is where Sora fought the Battle of the 1,000 Heartless in KH2.
(2): Scene taken from KH 358/2 Days after Roxas' mission to Beast's Castle.
=D awwwww. It took me ten minutes to stop squeeing like a yaoi fan girl when it came to writing SoraxRiku. I had to slap myself silly to finish this chapter. Aside from the job, it also to me long to write because I wanted the scene with Riku and Sora to be and feel right with me, so I did a lot of editing and deleting until I was happy =D. Yey, I'm so happy to have written it. GOODNESS, 20 chapters in and we finally got some love in the love department XD Well, aside from Axel and Roxas D=! What's going to happen next! Will Sora finally sort through his mixed feelings and leave with a final decision?
-EggPan