Kitty propped the pillows against the headboard of her bed and slid her weary body under the blanket. She reached over and grabbed the book off the nightstand but held it in her hands for a moment. She looked around the room and her thoughts were filled with memories of bassinets, crying babies, and the love of her life beside her. It was now the beginning of October and still no word on Matt. The winter was setting in up north so the search would be postponed yet again until spring. She had hoped that Matt would have been home for the holidays this year but if she was honest with herself no one cared any longer but her. She looked at the empty space beside her as her hand lightly ran over the pillow. She smiled when she remembered how he loved her which made it all the more puzzling to think he could just walk away. She could feel her eyes slowly closing and her body begging for sleep. She returned the book to the nightstand and turned off the light. She moved into her side sleep position and with any luck, before long, she would be making love to the man who had always held her heart.
Matt was shifting his long frame to find a comfortable position on the hardwood cabin floor. Even though he had been away from civilization for so long his body still ached to be in a soft mattress with the woman who had captured his heart almost twenty five years ago. He hadn't been able to sleep very well since he heard the news days ago that Bart was killed. The thought that his message never reached Kitty and the fear that his desertion had caused irreparable harm to his family was not easy to live with. He still had dreams of unimaginable passion but they always ended the same with her leaving to go home to her husband and children. If only he could turn back the hands of time he would do so much more with his second chance but for now he gave no thought to the future. He was grateful that this family had taken him in so he wouldn't have to be alone. He wasn't quite sure why he thought living alone was part of the fabric of his very being for now solitude was a cloak he was no longer willing to wear.
Kitty had risen early after a restless night's sleep. She was starting breakfast when Maggie came down the stairs in a chipper mood. Kitty turned and watched her good friend, "you are in an exceptionally good mood this morning Maggie."
Maggie smiled, "I most certainly am."
"That all you're going to say?"
Maggie was almost giggly, "usually I read Galen's letters as soon as Dr. John gives them to me but yesterday…" she waved her hand, "oh…I don't know…I was busy so I stuck it in my pocket to read before I went to bed."
"And?"
Maggie took a deep breath, "oh…I hope this is true."
"Oh for goodness sake Maggie what is it?"
"Galen thinks he may have found someone to take his place in Dodge. He said that he would give us all the details when he saw us this Thanksgiving."
Kitty walked over and hugged her friend, "Maggie that is great news. If it wasn't seven thirty in the morning I'd offer you a drink to celebrate."
Maggie looked at Kitty, "I'll settle for a nice hot cup of coffee now. I'll start the pot." She looked back at Kitty, "we can celebrate later." She winked and smiled.
As she walked toward the stove Kitty's lifted spirits sagged. The thought of Doc finally living here permanently was great news but the most important piece of her family all together puzzle was still very much missing.
On their return from dinner at Antoine's John and Kitty walked in silence to the house. Kitty had been unusually quiet during dinner and he sensed something was on her mind. As they approached the house John looked at Kitty, arms wrapped around his, and smiled. "Something wrong Kitty?"
She smiled and dismissed his question, "no…not really."
"You were very quiet at dinner tonight. You're not feeling ill…are you?"
She shook her head, "no, doctor I'm in the pink of health." John knew her sarcastic tone very well but there wasn't much he could do until she was ready to talk. They were walking up the path to the house when Kitty turned to him. "I've been thinking a lot about Matt lately." John turned toward her, "We were having a very nice dinner and I didn't want to turn it into a whole evening of discussing my wayward husband."
John smiled, "Kitty, it would surprise me if you weren't thinking about Matt." He took her by the arms, "from the first moment I met you I've known how much you love him and how much he loves you."
"Then why did he leave John?"
John rubbed his hands up and down her arms. "I wish I knew so you could stop torturing yourself." He took her by the hands, "someday we'll get a chance to ask him."
"I keep thinking I rushed him into this marriage, this life, this whole family situation. That he just wasn't ready."
"Kitty I never saw a man more ready to take on a wife and child then Matt was that day. We had a wonderful chat over breakfast that morning and he couldn't wait to be your husband."
Kitty took a deep breath, "seems like ages ago, doesn't it?"
John wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "We're going to get him back Kitty…I promise."
She leaned back and looked into his eyes. "I really don't know where I would be without you."
John smiled, "you can't fool me Kitty Russell. There is nothing you can't do and that includes raising a passel of children on your own. You would have managed just fine."
"I don't know if the children would agree with you there." John laughed, "thank you John for everything."
"Kitty I keep trying to tell you I really haven't done very much."
"No, you've just been a father to my children and spoil them rotten."
"What's an uncle for anyway?"
She searched his eyes, "and to make me feel good again…to know that someone loves…" Kitty raised her hands, "oh John, forgive me…I shouldn't have said…I mean…to say…"
John pressed his two fingers over her lips. "It's all right. I'm very happy to hear I make you feel that way."
"But John it wasn't right for me to presume that your feelings toward me were…" John leaned over and gently kissed her lips.
As the kiss deepened John slowly pulled away. "Kitty I know one day Matt will come home because I refuse to believe that he was crazy enough to leave such a beautiful, loving, caring woman like you. You are everything a man could ever want in life." He ran his finger down her face, "I will be here for you and the children whenever you need me. I can't imagine anything more wonderful in life than that." Kitty smiled and kissed his lips. She pulled him tighter and it took every ounce of self control to break from her embrace. "What do you say we go inside before Matthew comes looking for me? I believe I have some reading to do." Kitty closed her eyes and took a deep breath. They climbed the four steps to the porch arm in arm then John ushered her through the doors into the house.
Kitty and Maggie circled Doc from the moment he entered the foyer. They were both so excited to hear the details of his impending move to the Crescent City. "All right now...let me breathe a little here and I'll tell you." They all sat on the sofa, "well…you see…Newly has been corresponding with his family back east since he came to Dodge so they are aware of how much he likes being in Dodge and how successful he is. In his last letter, Newly mentioned that I was looking to retire and although I taught him much about medicine he couldn't do it all on his own. A younger colleague of his deceased uncle wrote Newly and said he would like to come, look the town over, and that he might be interested in the job. The young man came about a month or so ago and I have to say," Doc tugged on his ear, "it's probably the first time I'm optimistic that someone is going to stay."
Maggie laid her head on Doc's shoulder, "then I would have something to be thankful for this year."
Doc kissed her on top of her head, "me too Maggie, me too."
They had been to the trading post before the first snows and filled the cabin with all the provisions they would need to get them through another winter. While Matt mulled over where he would eventually settle he had decided that living among the Indians would do for now. Little Fawn prepared the meal as the men discussed expanding the cabin this coming spring. She called them to dinner and they ate in silence until Matt spoke, "best antelope stew I ever ate Little Fawn."
"You ate before?"
"Well…let's just say it was on the menu. Most days it was a little hard to get down."
"Where you live Dillon?"
"Yes…when I lived in Dodge."
"You want more Dillon?"
Matt leaned back in his chair and ran his hands across his stomach, "no, that helping was filling as it is. I don't think I could have another bite." Little Fawn rose to clear his dish but Matt held the dish and stood, "here let me help you."
"No need Dillon," she stood and moved toward the pail of water. Matt looked over at Running Fox and Brave Bear who were staring at him. Matt smiled as he sat back down and they continued eating in silence. Unless having something specific to talk about the men didn't speak much and Matt was dreading the winter. Without a deck of cards, a checker board, or companions to challenge him this was going to be a very long few months. He watched Little Fawn cleaning the dishes in a house full of silence and thought this living arrangement might not be his best choice long term. He had made a commitment to help the men enlarge the cabin and maybe with a private space of his own he might think differently but for now his thought was to move on after the project was completed.
Russell's was filled to capacity again this New Year's Eve. John had been delayed at the hospital so Kitty was the substitute reader for the evening. With the children tucked snuggly in their beds she made her way downstairs to join Doc, Maggie, Festus, and Sam. She tried hard to focus on the conversation but her attention was centered on the front door. What she wouldn't give to see Matt walk through that door now. That thought spawned remembrances of New Year's past when Matt was there and how happy she was. She sat smiling as those scenes ran playfully through her mind and although she seemed to be enjoying the evening her mind was so far away. As it neared midnight, Sam returned with a two bottles of champagne and as the countdown began distributed the bubbly liquid to all at the table. As the shouts of Happy New Year rang throughout the restaurant, Kitty kissed her friends and threw down her drink. She watched the couples welcoming the New Year and she closed her eyes imagining Matt's arms around her again. She leaned into Maggie, "I'm going to go upstairs and check on the children."
"Everything all right Miss Kitty?"
Kitty dismissed her concern, "oh sure everything is fine," as her eyes began to water. "I just need to get away for a moment." She turned to leave and walked right into John's open arms.
"Is it too late to wish you a Happy New Year?"
She smiled as her mood brightened, "not too late at all."
John pulled her into a lengthy kiss, "Happy New Year Kitty. I sincerely hope that this year will be the best for you."
She cupped his face with her hands, "for both of us John."
He smiled, "were you on your way somewhere?"
"I was just going to check in on the children."
"Mind if I join you?"
She smiled, "I'd like that."
When they entered the apartment Kitty suggested he make himself comfortable as she walked toward the bedrooms. She smiled as she checked each child and kissed them lightly on the forehead. She first poured John a drink then entered the living room only to find him stretched out on the sofa asleep. She smiled as she went into the bedroom, grabbed a pillow and blanket, and made him a little more comfortable. She stood over him staring for a moment as she recalled their conversation earlier in the evening. He had quickly stopped by regrettably informing her that he was needed at the hospital and the chance of his return before midnight was slim…but here he was. She ran her hand through his hair and kissed him goodnight. She took a deep breath then made her way to bed.
Matt was lying by the fireplace wide awake finding it hard to sleep. Days passed without note and it seemed since he was shot he lost track of landmark days. He was sure if he asked one of the Indians they would be able to pinpoint the day but being precise no longer mattered to him. He put his hands behind his head as his mind wandered to Kitty and the last time they were in the apartment above the restaurant and how happy they were. He closed his eyes as visions of them together elicited a physical reaction that he hadn't experienced in quite awhile. He wanted and needed to be in her arms again begging for forgiveness but then fear set in and the thought that she would be unwilling to give him another chance froze him into inaction.
It was going to be another successful Valentine's Day at Russell's. Kitty's plan was to stay home snuggled in bed with a good book. The thought of seeing so many celebrating couples would only depress her further and remind her how much she missed Matt. Maggie had decided she was going to cook for Doc this year so staying up in her room would keep Kitty out from under foot. John was scheduled to be at the hospital and although she had hoped he would have had time to be with her she had to remind herself that he had other responsibilities besides being her constant companion. She was standing at the French doors of her bedroom, arms folded, looking out at the night, when she made the decision to get dressed and head for the restaurant.
Kitty smiled at the hostess as she surveyed the room, "looks like it's another good night Annie."
"That it is Miss Kitty. It's been busy but steady, not too overwhelming."
She patted the woman's arm, "I'll be in my office if you need me."
Kitty tried to concentrate on the books but the joyous noise from the next room flooded her mind with so many memories. She leaned back in her chair and wondered if Matt could still be alive. The more she thought about her life without him the sadder she became. She quickly closed the books and decided she shouldn't have deviated from her original plan. She grabbed her wrap and made her way to the front door to head home. As she walked onto the street there stood John, carriage waiting, long stemmed roses in hand. "Your carriage awaits…my lady"
"John…how…I mean…I thought…"
John smiled, "that's what I wanted you to think."
Kitty walked toward him, "how did you know I would be down here?"
John shrugged, "I thought I knew you well enough to know you couldn't keep away from your place of business tonight." She was happy to see him but couldn't help but think how much happier she would be if Matt were standing there. John closely studied her face as she looked on the verge of tears. He took her by the arms, "is everything all right, Kitty?"
She hugged him, "oh John, I don't know what kind of company I'll be tonight."
He ran his hands up and down her back, "you let me worry about that…besides you need to eat and from what I've heard Maggie and Galen are having their own celebration at the house. We wouldn't want to walk in on anything…would we?"
She leaned back slightly to see his face and smiled, "I guess they do deserve some time together. Well, doctor, if you can stand my company this evening I'll be more than happy to have dinner with you."
As he helped her into the carriage he chuckled. "Could you be any worse than you normally are?"
She turned and shot him a look then laughed as she hit his chest lightly, "oh, you!" John took his place next to her and she laid her head on his shoulder, "John…thank you. I was feeling pretty low inside and then there you were."
He placed his two fingers under her chin and brought her face up to his, "I'll always be here for you Kitty…I hope you know that." She smiled as their kiss turned passionate. She laid her head back on his shoulder and he held her tight as the carriage turned down St. Louis Street.
Doc and Maggie walked arm in arm to the sofa. Doc put his arm around her and she laid her head on his shoulder. "That was the best meal I ever ate Maggie."
"Galen, now, you've eaten my cooking before."
Doc shook his head, "I know I have but for some reason it was particularly good tonight."
Doc ran his hand up and down her arm as they sat in silence enjoying their time together. "Is everything all right Galen?"
Doc smiled, "nothing could be better. I'm here with you in my arms, my grandchildren are upstairs sleeping, and my dearest friends are here with me, well, almost all anyway."
Maggie held him closer, "do you think Matt can still be alive?"
Doc ran his hand over his moustache, "well, for Kitty's sake I hope he is. You saw her tonight putting on a brave face as if nothing is wrong but I know the holidays are pretty rough for her...especially romantic ones."
Maggie nodded, "I know but Dr. John…"
"Maggie, I know Kitty cares about him and he is very good company for her now but I'm equally as sure there's not a day goes by that she doesn't think about Matt or wish he was here." Doc shook his head, "I don't want to think he's dead but I believe it would hurt her more if it turns out he wanted to be alone more than be here to love her."
"If it turns out Matt is dead do you think she will marry Dr. John? I know he loves her very much."
Doc tugged on his ear, "well…if Matt were dead she might. I know Kitty wouldn't react the way she does to John's overtures if she didn't really have some affection for him. The good thing about John is he knows her history with Matt and fully understands that even if she becomes his wife he would never have all of her. There would always be a part of her heart that would belong to Matt." Doc shook his head, "Yep, our Dr. Chapman is a rare man indeed." He looked over at Maggie, "I don't know why but every time we are together the conversation always takes a turn toward Kitty's love life when we should be talking about our own."
Maggie rubbed his chest, "she's very important to both of us Galen…I don't mind."
"Well…I do." Doc released Maggie from his embrace and began to move off the sofa. Maggie watched Doc stand wondering what she said that would make him want to leave. Doc saw the worried look on her face and knew he better make his move quickly or the mood would be broken. "I hope I'll be able to do this Maggie." Doc slowly knelt on one knee and reached into his pocket. The tears began to form in Maggie's eyes. "Maggie, I want you to be my wife." He opened the box holding the ring, "would you do me the honor of marrying me?"
She cupped his face with her hands, "oh Galen…yes…a hundred times yes."
He placed the ring on her shaking finger and smiled, "now, if you don't mind, I need a little assistance here." Maggie rose quickly and helped him stand. "I love you Maggie O'Leary."
"Oh, Galen Adams…I love you."
John and Kitty were coming up the walk. When they reached the porch Kitty turned to him. "John I want to thank you for a wonderful evening. It didn't start out that way but you certainly brightened my night."
John smiled, "I do what I can."
Kitty chuckled, "I know you do. I just hope the evening was just as enjoyable for you. I'm not the best company lately always talking about Matt."
He gently grabbed her arms, "you are always the best company for me." He kissed her, "and as for Matt," he moved a few strands of hair off her face, "Kitty, he is a big part of your life…has been for most of your life…and he is the love of your life. I would be a fool to think you could put him out of your mind forever."
"Do you think there's a chance he's still alive?"
"Until we know for sure…there's always a chance."
She put her hand to her head and closed her eyes, "I just can't fathom why he wouldn't want to come home. Did he really choose the wide open spaces over me?" Kitty waved her hand, "oh…I don't know…maybe he was hurt and some woman nursed him back to health and he fell in love with her…heck…he could have other children by now."
John wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a big hug, "Kitty, stop now. Stop thinking that way. I can't see him wanting anything or anyone else in life but you." She began to cry as John held her tight, "I know…honey…I know…let it out."
"I want to hate him John I truly do for all he has put me through but I can't…I wish I could but I can't."
John rubbed his hand up and down her back, "I know you can't honey…I know."
The wave of emotion slowly passed and Kitty cupped John's face with her hands, "John, I'm so sorry to put you through this. I wish I could forget I really do. You have been so patient with me."
He reached to wipe the tears from her eyes, "you couldn't forget Matt just as much as I could never forget you. Kitty, what you feel is perfectly normal and I have no problem being the person you cry your eyes out to."
Kitty chuckled, "you always know the right thing to say doctor." He kissed her longingly, "and the right thing to do." She stared into his loving eyes and smiled, "come in for a nightcap?"
"I really shouldn't I have to…"
She rubbed his chest, "I understand…I'll see you tomorrow then?"
He saw the disappointment in her face, "well…maybe one." Her face brightened as he grabbed her by the waist and escorted her through the door.
Doc and Maggie were still on the sofa when the front door opened. "How was your evening, you two?"
John took her wrap as Kitty walked into the room, "John surprised me with the most wonderful evening."
Doc pointed in her direction, "nice floral arrangement."
"I know aren't they beautiful? I better get them in water, excuse me."
"Well…no young lady…you're not excused."
Kitty turned toward Doc, "is there something wrong Doc?"
Doc stood and walked over to Kitty as he tugged on his ear. "Well…no…now. I would have to say everything is very right."
Kitty looked puzzled, "what are you saying Doc?"
"Well…now…I guess what I'm saying is that," he pointed over in Maggie's direction, "we might have to check that woman's sanity…yes sir…cause she isn't right in the head...I'll tell you that."
Maggie started to giggle as she rose and stood next to Doc. "I think what Galen is trying to say is," she extended her left hand, "he proposed and I said yes."
The women shrieked and hugged while the men just smiled. "Maggie, I'm so happy for you." Kitty held Maggie at arm's length, "well…we'll have the wedding here of course and we'll have Mrs. Boudreau make the gowns and…oh Maggie I am so happy." She hugged her again.
Doc cleared his voice, "I'm part of this too, you know. Don't I get some celebratory hugs and kisses? She's marrying me, you know!"
Kitty walked over to Doc with tears in her eyes, "in the words of my good friend Festus…come here ya ole scudder." Kitty gave him a big hug and kiss.
"Now why did you have to mention his name for? This was a pleasant celebration up until a second ago."
John congratulated the happy couple and Kitty walked over and put her arms around John's waist. "I think this occasion calls for a celebratory drink. Doc, why don't you and Maggie go into the living room and the good doctor and I will get the drinks."
They silently walked arm in arm to the bench at the train depot waiting for the iron horse to whisk him away back to the dusty streets of Dodge. It would have been an idyllic four months even if Doc hadn't proposed but now that the commitment was made Maggie had never been more happy or excited in her life. There were so many things she was going to have to do before the wedding, one of which was finding her sister. She would like nothing more than for her to witness the day she pledges her love and fidelity to the most wonderful man in the world. Doc ran his hand across her back in a soothing rhythm as she held him tight breathing in the scent of her soon to be husband. As he looked down at Maggie he smiled for he couldn't remember a moment in his life when he was more contented then he was now. He would miss her warm smile, tender touch, and how she felt in his arms but if all worked out he would be back in another few months and she would be his forever. The train sluggishly pulled into the station and Doc wished he had a few more moments to hold her. She looked up at him, "Oh Galen, maybe I should go with you."
He smiled, "Well…that is a fine idea but I thought you were going to try and locate your sister? As much as I would love for you to come with me I would think you'd want to be here when they find her."
"I know, I really do want to be here but I don't want to let you go either."
Doc pulled her tight, "Oh, Maggie, it's so hard to let you go too but I really believe within the next few months I'll be back here for good and you and I will be married in front of all our family and friends. There is only one thing I do regret."
"What's that Galen?"
"I so wanted our first night together to be on our wedding night. I hope I didn't ruin anything for you."
Maggie began to chuckle, "I think Miss Kitty and Dr. John gave us a little too much to drink that night. So I guess if you have to blame someone we could blame them."
Doc laughed. "By golly Maggie," he swiped at his moustache, "I think they should shoulder the blame." He looked over at the train, "I suppose I should be making my way over there."
They stood and walked arm in arm until they reached the stairs of the train. "Galen, I don't regret that night at all. You made me very happy and I had never felt more loved in my life. Waking up next to you was a dream come true and all the while you are away I'll think about that night and how you loved me and I know I won't be so lonely."
Doc's eyes became watery as he tried to speak. He finally was able to clear his throat, "Maggie…now…you're giving this old man a renewed sense of purpose. The thought that I can still make a fair maiden feel loved even after spending so much time out of practice…so to speak…well," Doc chuckled, "for your own good I don't think you should encourage me young lady…I only hope I'll be able to duplicate that feat."
"There is no doubt in my mind that you will." She cupped his face with her hands, "I love you Galen and no matter what you'll be able to do or can't do I will still always love you."
He pulled her to him and kissed her, "Maggie, I love you. All the while I'm away I'll be thinking about our wedding day and how I'm the luckiest man in the world." He kissed her again and ran his fingers down her face, "I'll see you in a few months my love." She reluctantly let him go as she watched him take his seat by the window. The whistle blew and the train slowly chugged out of the depot. As the steam wafted through the air she blew Doc a kiss and he waved goodbye.
It was an unseasonably cool April day in New Orleans. It would have been their sixth anniversary and the thought that this day meant more to her than Matt saddened her. She opened the top drawer of her dresser and his ring caught her eye. She took it in her hand and lightly ran her finger around the gold band. She closed her fingers around it and held it tight in her hand as she closed her eyes, "Oh Matt, why won't you come home?"
Matt woke early and started the fire. He crept back under the blanket waiting for the flames to take the chill out of the room. This had become his new morning ritual since the day Running Fox disapproved of his gesture to help Little Fawn prepare breakfast so he decided to use this time to reevaluate his life. He still did not feel totally comfortable with anyone except Little Fawn and he wasn't sure if that would ever change as time went on. As he stared up at the ceiling he thought of leaving and maybe living in another city like Denver or Topeka or maybe even Dodge, he wasn't sure why but New Orleans wasn't on the list. As much as he ached to see Kitty and the children again the thought that she could have moved on and was happy with someone else would bring him much too much pain. He couldn't blame Kitty if she took his disappearance as a betrayal of his vow and there were days he wanted to go back just to explain but then the insecurities would creep into his mind and he felt her life would be better off without him. After all, she had twenty years of coming in second to his duty and obligation could he now expect her to understand his selfish desertion and forgive. As he lay on the hardwood floor his life was at a crossroads. He wasn't sure if he would make his current living conditions permanent, there was someone out there who tried to kill him, and worse, he had talked himself into believing he could never go home again. Maybe when they started work on the cabin he would be too engaged to think about it all.
Kitty was coming down the front staircase as the door opened. Katie was playing in the living room when she saw her Uncle Festus standing in the foyer, "Uncle Festus."
He scooped the child up in his arms and pointed to his cheek. "ya got a kiss for ya ol' uncle?" Katie obliged and hugged him tight. "Now looky here youngin' I be needin' to talk to yer momma so I'm gonna' have to let yer down to go play wit ya dolls over there, OK?"
Katie shook her head in agreement as Festus put her on the floor and she ran off into the next room. "Is anything wrong down at the restaurant Festus?"
"Oh, no ma'am. I just come to talk wit ya a spell."
"Let's go to the library room."
Festus followed and when both had taken their seats he continued. "I been givin' this some thinkin' and I knowd ya don't care much fer me sayin' this and all…well…I just be thinkin' it needin' to be said…that's all."
Kitty looked at Festus puzzled, "what needed to be said."
Festus waved his hand, "oh shoot Miss Kitty ya done knowd that it be botherin' me to think that this yayhoo is spendin' yer good money to be doin' nothin'. Now I knowd how yer feel and all but I just can't stand knowin' that Matthew might be needin' my help and I'm not doin' nothin' 'bout it." Festus pointed in Kitty's direction, "I been runnin' through my head some things that Matthew might have tolt me 'bout Caleb's cabin and I be thinkin' that I knowd where exactly it might be. If nothin' else Miss Kitty I knowd I can track better than that there ninny they got out there now. I don't got a lot of money but what I do got I'm gonna' go look for ole Matthew and I'm a gonna' find him afore it's too late."
"Festus I appreciate what you want to do but…"
Festus interrupted her thought, "I be thinkin' on this long and hard and now wit old Doc marryin' up wit Miss Maggie and all…well…it be my weddin' present to him cause I knowd he want ole Matthew there." Festus could see the tears forming in Kitty's eyes, "now, now, Miss Kitty, I don't want cha to be sad…no need fer that."
She stood and Festus quickly rose, "you better promise me you'll come back here…whether you find Matt or not. I can't bear to lose you too."
"Ah shoot Miss Kitty. I got no place else to be than here wit ya and ya youngins.
Kitty placed her hand against his cheek and kissed him. "You take good care of yourself and come back safely to us."
"Yer betcha."
As Festus walked down the hallway to the front door Kitty called after him. "Festus when were you thinking about leaving?"
"Morrow mornin', first light."
Kitty walked closer to him, "see me at Russell's tonight. I'll give you the money for your trip."
Festus dismissed her, "Naw Miss Kitty now yer don't have to go and do that."
"Festus I insist. He's my husband and if you are willing to do the legwork the least I can do is fund the expedition." She smiled, "Agreed?"
"I guess I can't be argufying with that. Much obliged though."
She hugged him, "I'll see you later."
With Doc and Festus gone Kitty's circle of friends were slowly dwindling. According to Maggie, Doc was hoping to be back in June and it was looking good that it would be a permanent move. Now if only Festus could find Matt they both could be home for the holidays this year. Kitty was coming down the hallway on her way upstairs when John came through the front door. "I hope I'm not too late."
She kissed him, "no, as a matter of fact, I was just about to go upstairs and read to them."
"Then why don't you relax and set us up a round of drinks and I'll be down as soon as I have your children dreaming sweet dreams." His foot touched the first stair when he abruptly turned back toward Kitty snapping his fingers. "Oh, I almost forgot." He took the letter from his jacket pocket, "I have a letter from Galen for Maggie."
"I think she's in the kitchen I'll give it to her." Kitty smiled, "it'll give me something to do."
John continued up the stairs and Kitty headed toward the kitchen. When John reached the top of the landing Maggie walked toward him from her room. "Dr. John?"
"Oh Maggie, Kitty has a letter I received from Galen. She thought you were in the kitchen."
"I just came up the back stairs I'll get it later. Can I speak with you?"
"Sure…what is it?"
"Now that I'm getting married to Galen," she blushed, "I still can't believe it…you'll have to excuse me."
John smiled, "It's a wonderful time for you and Galen."
"I know Dr. John…I love him so."
He ran his hand down her arm, "I know you do. So…what was it you wanted to speak with me about?"
"Not that any date has been set yet but I would like to have my sister here for the wedding. I just don't know where she is. I was wondering if Mr. Walters might be able to find her."
"I can certainly ask for you."
She touched John's arm, "Oh…Dr. John…that would be so wonderful. I think I have enough money to cover his fee but if you could let me know…"
John shook his head, "Maggie, I wouldn't think of letting you pay for this."
"Now, Dr. John I can…"
He took her by the arms, "I insist on taking care of the fee. Let's just say it's a wedding gift…OK?"
She hugged him, "Thank you so much."
He held her at arm's length, "all I want you to do is write down everything you know or can remember about your sister including any photos you may have. If you have any idea of where you think she might be that might also be helpful. I'll give it all to Ben and he will do the rest."
"I most certainly will." She reached to pull him closer as she kissed his cheek. "You are a good man Dr. John."
John smiled, "well, if you will excuse me, I have a date to do some reading." Maggie smiled as she watched John open the door to the bedroom. She turned and made her way into her room to compile her list.
Later that evening John and Kitty sat on the sofa sipping their drinks. Her back lying up against his chest, legs out in front of her, his arm holding her securely in place. They sat in silence but with Kitty in his arms every night he didn't need words to feel content. He yearned to show her how much he loved her but until Matt's disappearance had been resolved this would only be a dream. He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her waist as he looked down at her face. "You asleep?"
Kitty took a satisfying breath, "No, I'm just thinking."
"About what?"
"Festus."
"Kitty he's going to be fine. I know he's been living here for awhile but I don't think that has dulled his innate instincts at all."
Kitty smiled, "I know but…"
"But what?"
"I guess I'm afraid of what he might find."
He lifted her chin with his fingers, "are you afraid he's going to find that Matt is dead?"
"John, Festus is a good tracker and I'm sure he will find markings that this other person missed." Tears began to well in her eyes, "he could find Matt…too late."
John pulled Kitty closer to him, "let's not think about that OK?" As he absentmindedly ran his hand across her back a thought crossed his mind. "Didn't you tell me once that Matt had suffered from amnesia?"
Kitty looked up at him, "ah…huh, he had been missing for months, longest he had ever been away. Matt would always make sure to send me a message from somewhere so I wouldn't worry but when that never came I began to believe I was never going to see him again." She laid her head back on John's chest. "I had given some serious thought then of leaving Dodge."
"Then isn't it possible that he took a fall and could be suffering from amnesia again?" John smiled, "Kitty he could be alive but not able to get in touch with us." John expected Kitty's mood to brighten but she looked as sad as when she thought he was dead. "What's wrong? I thought Festus finding Matt alive would have made you very happy."
She took a deep breath and held him tight as she spoke in a whispered tone. "Matt was in Arizona when it happened and he was rescued by a woman. They grew close and one day," she took another deep breath, "Matt…um…well…he…um…he…slept with her." She remained quiet for awhile then continued. "He would have made a life with her if his memory hadn't returned."
"How did he come to remember?"
"The outlaw he was tracking came there to kill the woman and I guess had a change of heart and told her who Matt was. As soon as she mentioned his name everything started to come back to him and he came home."
John continued stroking her back. "It must be horrible to not know who you are. Imagine how he must have felt." He could feel her trying to hold back the tears, "what's wrong?"
"What if he has amnesia and another woman is taking care of him when Festus finds him. What if he has another family? Do you really think he'll want to come home to me? A woman he doesn't know."
"Even if this situation existed there's no doubt in my mind that he would return with Festus and I'm sure that when he took one look at you he'd know immediately where he belonged," he ran his fingers through her hair, "but I don't think we ever have to worry about that."
"Why not?"
"Kitty, how many women do you think are living alone in the mountains?"
She laughed. "If there were only one, Matt would find her."
John chuckled as he lightly patted her back, "well…maybe so." He moved his head to try and see her face. "Feeling any better?"
She looked up at him and smiled, "you always make me feel better John," she shrugged, "even if Matt has amnesia again at least he'll be alive." She sighed, "we'll just have to start over…that's all I guess." She kissed him and held him tight. As he ran his hand up and down her back conflict raged. The unselfish man hoped Matt would be found because that would make the woman he loved happy even though nights like these would belong to them. The selfish man hoped Festus would fail in his mission and Matt would be lost forever. As he looked down at this beautiful woman resting in his arms he was unsure which man he really was.
Festus thought himself very lucky that there was a mule available for rent in Denver. He felt so much more comfortable on a mule and in his mind that animal made him track better. He also took it as a sign that he was going to find Matt, safe and sound, like he did in that old hide cutter's alcove in the valley east of Dodge. It took him awhile to get his bearings but with each step of the mule his confidence rose and before long he knew he was the best tracker this side of the Mississippi. He had run the plan through his mind a million times on the train but now in this setting he stopped a moment to reconsider. His first thought was to go straight to where he believed Caleb's cabin to be but what if Matt never made it to Caleb's? It might take awhile longer but he would check any and all cabins he saw along the way just to make sure. It was still pretty brisk and he was thankful he had decided to take his heavy jacket. He pulled the collar up around his neck and prodded the mule to head north.