I don't own Twilight.

Sorry for the wait, guys.

But no, I'm not a skeptic anymore
At last I see what all of this ridiculous hard work is for
The moisture in the air is begging for release
And the memory of your stare is raining down on me...

"Teleport A and B," The Spill Canvas

-Chapter 21: Limbo-

I sat in front of the window, staring out at the lightening sky as the phone rang in my ear. It was that instant before the sun peeked over the horizon, one of only two perfect moments exactly between light and darkness. I stopped breathing as I waited, ready for the sun to appear over the mountains, ready to finally hear Edward's voice.

He didn't answer.

I felt deflated, like a popped balloon, everything in me collapsing on itself in less than a second.

He didn't answer!

Forcing myself to breathe and working to calm myself, I shut my eyes and concentrated on inhaling deeply from the center of my chest, working through the panic. There could be any number of reasons he didn't answer, I thought to myself. It's early, and he's probably still asleep.

As soon as I was beginning to let the distress go, the phone vibrated in my palm, and I knew it was him. I couldn't even wait the requisite two or three rings to answer, but actual speaking seemed to be beyond my abilities this morning. A long moment passed when I accepted the call, but I could tell he was on the other end because a deep sigh gave him away. Soft rustling stirred in the background, the quiet slide of fabric over skin. Is he naked? Oh, please...let him be naked.

It was okay to dream, right? Just because I wanted him ― and boy, did I want him ― didn't mean I was ready to do anything about it. Now was not the time. But soon...I really hoped the time was coming soon.

"Bella," he greeted in a rusty voice, tripping over the B in a way that made my breath catch.

"Hi." It was one word, but it seemed to take so much out of me ― so many connotations in one simple syllable. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I actually just woke up." I expected him to elaborate, but he did no such thing. This Edward was different...more cautious, maybe? There was more moving on his end, as if he was getting out of bed. "How are you?" he asked, a familiar concerned note coloring his tone. Now this was the Edward I remembered. He was both now ― and then it didn't matter to me if he was different. He still had that part of him that just clicked with its counterpart somewhere inside me. Lock and key, the chalice and the sword, and all the other perverted, suggestive, Da Vinci Code-esque metaphorical crap...if I wanted to be dramatic and pretentious about it.

I had to make a mental note to myself to take a break from reading for a while. Maybe it was time to take up sketching or something.

"I'm well, Edward." I hoped he could hear the smile in my voice. But I wanted to hear his voice. It sounded so good...I just wanted to close my eyes and listen. "How are you?"

"I'm...doing pretty well. Okay...I guess."

Another long pause, and I realized how stilted this conversation was sounding, all because I was too busy trying to process the influx of feelings that came from only hearing his voice. I forced a little laugh. "Wow, could we make this any more awkward?"

His low, earnest laugh hit me right in the ribcage and fell straight through my feet. "Communication never has been our strong suit," he joked right back. My face relaxed into a slow grin as tension began to seep from my frame, and I leaned back into the chair. "I've missed you, Bella."

I closed my eyes, picturing his smile, imagining his lips move as he speaks. "Same here," I managed in a small, hoarse voice, listening to more movement on his end of the line. I heard a door click shut and then, nothing. The silence crept in again, and just as I began to worry he saved me.

"So, it's early... Are you still in bed? What are you wearing?"

I giggled, his questions startling me and turning me on in equal amounts. "I'm not sure I should answer those questions." Belatedly, I realized how much innuendo could be inferred from my statement.

"Oh, come on, I'll tell you..." he prodded, and I kept it going.

"You'd be very disappointed."

"Never."

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"What are you wearing?" I quipped with a laugh...and then I realized what he'd done, falling silent abruptly. There I was, thinking I'd turned things around on him...

"I'm still in bed, wearing a t-shirt and a pair of loose pants," he answered immediately, the smugness radiating even though the cellular signal.

"Sweatpants?" I had no idea what possessed me to keep up this ridiculous, borderline dangerous conversation. This was easy, and it felt like it was the same for Edward. I was desperate to make this a good experience, a great reminder of what I could have when I was ready.

"No, they're um, workout pants?"

"You're asking me?" We both laughed, and it made me so warm inside, felt so good against the slight chill of early morning breeze coming through the open window.

"No, now I've told you. It's your turn," he insisted, his tone cajoling. He should have been annoying.

Yes, he should have been, but he wasn't. "I'm not in bed, and I have a robe," I said shortly. "And no shoes." Why the hell I found that fact important, I had no idea.

"How long's the robe?" Pervert.

"Knee-length." I was going to make him work for every detail.

"And that's it?" he rumbled, and it was so freaking sexy I wanted to shiver or something equally stupid. This needs to stop, soon! Small steps, remember? No giant leaps for Bella-kind. Keep it simple.

Blah, blah, blah. I hated admitting it, but the damn mottoes actually made sense.

"Sorry, no. There's a ratty t-shirt and shorts under there."

"Why are you sorry? It would be fun to take it all off...piece by piece."

I had to stop this, right now.

"Okay, okay, Edward. Time for another topic," I said quickly, trying to sound resolved and failing.

"Oh...I, uh...yeah," he stammered, falling silent.

Another long moment passed before I finally found my words. "I'm sorry I haven't been in contact. I had to do it that way...I hope you understand."

"I know, Bella," he whispered, and his hurt was palpable, but there was no real bitterness in his tone. "I have something to say, too...I'm sorry. I lied to you, and it was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life. You don't have to forget what I did, Bella, but I hope you can forgive me."

"Oh, Edward," I said on a soft release of breath. His apology was enough, for now... "I'm working on it."

"Are you coming home?" he blurted, sounding so hopeful, and I winced at the thought of having to hurt him.

"Edward, no...not yet. But...I'd like to see you."

"You would?" It almost hurt that he sounded so surprised.

"Yeah...that's a big part of why I called, actually," I admitted.

I was about to continue when I heard something on his end that made my heart stop. If it had hands and a tiny dagger, it would have stabbed itself.

"Edward, hon, what are you doing up?" That was not Edward's voice.

"You're not alone?" I said, rather loudly, and I remembered I needed to stay quiet, because the walls here weren't that thick. Is that why he didn't answer the first call? Because he had to wait for someone else to leave the bed? Oh, God... It all began to overwhelm me, and I knew that blocking all emotion from my head was the only thing I could do to stave it off. "Oh," I breathed shakily. "You...you're... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called."

He didn't wait... I couldn't believe it. I wasn't sure if there was ever a time when I'd really considered the possibility that he wouldn't. Hadn't dreamed that he didn't...want me.

"Wait, Bella, it's really not―" he tried to say, but I cut him off. I needed to get out of this before the feelings came back.

"No, it's okay, it's too early to call. I ah...I'll call you back sometime later, okay?" Though I tried valiantly, I couldn't keep the shakiness out of my voice. The need to scream or cry was creeping up on me, taking hold with sharp, red tendrils of heat, and I didn't know how long I could keep it in.I vaguely registered him speaking, but it was hard to understand him over the static that hissed in my ears. "Bye, Edward." Quickly disconnecting, I dropped the phone to the cushion beside me and stared out at the washes of grey and green beyond the glass. My vision misted, colors dripping into one another outside the window, and I wasn't sure if it was condensation from my breath on the chilled pane or actual tears.

This is what I'd wanted, right? I didn't want him to put his life on hold...and it looked like he wasn't. Screw trying to be noble if this is what it got me ― if I was really honest with myself, there was one part of his life I wanted him to save for me. We both needed to learn how to exist together without existing for one another, and that meant going on with our separate lives while apart. But the thought of Edward with some other woman was...

Sickening. Crushing. Infuriating.

Oh, yes...it was good that I'd ended the call when I did. Who knows what I might have said to him in this mood. The phone rang, and I knew it was him. It rang over and over, for about ten minutes, before I turned it off and shoved it under my leg, like if I couldn't see the phone, Edward couldn't call it.

I was in shock. It's only been two months. Two months! He couldn't keep it in his pants for two months? I hadn't even had the nerve to touch myself while I'd been here, since I wasn't sure if it would just make me want him even more than I did already. Now I had two months of sexual frustration built up and he was shacking up with some other chick!

I had to force myself not to think about it. Since I was being bombarded with it daily, I decided there probably wasn't a better situation to try out this cognitive restructuring shit. Every time I found my thoughts wandering in his direction, I decided to do something else, like take a walk, or write, or something constructive. This, in turn, was supposed to help me calm myself enough to rationally analyze those thoughts.

It was a lot fucking harder than it sounded...believe me.

-x-

A week later, I was still steaming. I hadn't been able to think about anything else but Edward and his new girlfriend. Pouting, that's what I was doing, but why else was I here? It was something I felt I needed to do, and what better time to work through my emotions then when I was in fucking rehab?

Before I knew what I was doing, I had my phone back out and on, and I didn't even bother listening to the numerous voicemails. I was livid, and he was going to hear about it. How dare he have sex without me!

"Bella," he breathed before even one ring went through.

"You asshole!" I blurted, all my plans for a scathingly eloquent speech deserting me.

"It's not at all what you think, I promise!" he insisted, and the voice, God, his voice was distracting.

"I'd love to hear what kind of magical explanation you have for the woman who was in your house at dawn."

"I wasn't at home, Bella," he said quickly and I suddenly realized what people meant when they said they saw red. Crimson and carmine coated my vision like some movie parlor trick, and I wanted to home in on vulnerable parts of Edward's anatomy so I could destroy, destroy, destroy.

"You have got to be kidding me! I can't believe you!" I sputtered, sitting straight up and knocking a pillow to the floor. Edward was yelling on the other end at the same time, and I finally heard a clear sentence.

"I was at my parents' house! That was my mother, I swear."

"Your mom?" Oh, son of a bitch.

"Yeah, my mom. Bella," he said, his voice going hoarse, "how could you think I'd do something like that?"

"We didn't really make any promises, Edward. You're free to do whatever you want," I answered flatly, all the fight hemorrhaging out of me. It was quickly replaced with anger and disappointment in myself. I hadn't come as far as I thought...and it was a hard truth to acknowledge.

"What I want is to be with you."

"Edward―"

He interrupted me, his voice getting louder and more intense. "The only person I want to be with is you, Bella. Just you. Consider this my promise." Those words curled up inside me, taking root and calming the swirling doubt that I'd been feeding all week.

I smiled, and it was huge and slow. "I only want to be with you, too, Edward."

"And is that your promise?" he whispered softly, though the lower volume didn't hide the anxiety in his voice. Silly man...who else would I ever want? I didn't think I'd ever want anyone, and he'd wormed his way into my life anyway.

"Yes, it's my promise."

-x-

I sat down, once again marveling at the strange conversations leading up to this visit. Though if anything, it had only helped to convince me that a future with Edward was something I'd fight my hardest for. It was three twenty-seven, and I was perched on the edge of an old Adirondack chair, nervously awaiting the dismissal of Saturday's family program. My right knee bounced incessantly, no matter how much I tried to stop it. When I could pry my eyes away from the door, I forced myself to stare out at the mountains, trying to spot something new in the thick mat of coniferous forest that blanketed the earth in green.

Sunlight glinted off the pool in front of me, the surface glassy and flat, the cool shimmer almost irresistibly inviting in the late summer air. Maybe Edward would enjoy going for a swim? I sure as hell hoped he had something planned, because I'd been too nervous to think of anything. There wasn't much to do on this tiny island; the calm, laid back pace a perfect fit for recovering addicts ― the only thing for people to do was be in each others' business, since the town was small ― but I worried Edward would be bored. I'd promised myself I wouldn't let temptation get the best of us ― jumping right into bed wasn't the way to begin our new start.

I wasn't sure how I'd be able to maintain a respectable distance between us after two months of no contact. Hearing his voice last week had been devastating and exhilarating. It seemed my life suddenly involved a lot of paradoxical emotions. But I knew I needed to see him, no matter what.

Let it be was more than just a Beatles song.

I was tired of trying to stay away from him. I wanted a second chance ― something I'd have to be willing to give him as well ― so I had to work through the residual anger. Surprisingly, I was finding that it no longer mattered so much in the face of my desire to see him again. Going into this reunion with expectations was a stupid idea, but I couldn't help but obsess over how it would turn out. How much would he want to talk? Would his hair be longer? Shorter? Lightened by the slight increase in sun the summer had brought? Would he be thinner?

Would he like the extra five pounds I'd put on, or would he wish I hadn't eaten quite so much? I almost laughed when I realized that I must be improving just a tiny bit, if typical female worries were creeping into my list of concerns.

The faint scrape of a shoe across the paving stones sounded just to my right. My head snapped over, my heart full of butterflies and hope as it tried to leap out of my chest.

Everything stopped, and it was eerie. For a second, no insect chirped, no bird sang, and no wind blew. He was the same. His hair was a bit shorter, maybe, as if he'd just gotten a trim. Dressed simply in a black t-shirt and jeans, his hands shoved in his pockets almost self-consciously, he looked younger than I remembered.

I stood slowly,taking a few steps toward him, wiping my damp palms on my shorts in a gesture I just knew gave away my apprehension. Managing to raise one hand in a little wave, I mouthed, "Hi."

A huge grin transformed his handsome face from nervous to joyful as he started forward, the sun picking up the reddish highlights in his dark hair. The light reminded me of flames as it danced along the tips, growing brighter as he drew nearer. It seemed to take years for him to cross the short span of paving stones that separated us ― yet I knew in reality it only took mere seconds, if that.

Then he was there, in front of me, sweeping me off my feet as his arms locked around my back and I threw mine around his neck. Burying my nose in his soft, thick hair, I greedily sucked in a breath, searching for that hint of comforting scent that defined him alone. I could feel him doing the same.

At that moment, everything boiled down to instinct ― my senses took over, the animal overriding reason. No matter how civilized we thought we were as a species, we were still driven by some of the most basic instincts in nature. The body recognized its mate not only by sight or sound, but by that trace of scent that stimulated the senses and triggered the release of endorphins.

Poets wrote about it as love or physical attraction.

I could admire it. But no matter how beautiful I found the poetry, the raw, primal beat of the animal was always just below the pretty words created by human intellect. Because it wasn't the mind that controlled the root of those impulses. It was chemistry, and it had always ruled us.

Neither of us spoke as he all but crushed me with the force of his hug. I could feel his heart beating against my chest, mine thudding in a complementary rhythm. My feet dangled nearly a foot off the ground, one of the sandals I wore slipping to the stone, and I laughed into his neck.

"It's good to see you, Edward. Think you can put me down now?" I asked softly. In response, he let me slide slowly down his body, reminding me of things I had no business thinking about at this point in time.

A hand came up to tug on a lock of my hair, and I could feel him winding it around his finger. Those all-seeing eyes searched my features, cataloged every little detail. I hooked my index fingers in his belt loops, needing to touch some part of him, but not quite trusting myself to touch his bare skin.

"You look beautiful," he said softly, the warm timbre of his voice washing over me like a slow, gentle swell in a tropical sea.

"You don't look bad, yourself," I forced out, the first word not quite audible. His mouth pulled up at one corner as he looked down at me. The spring green of his irises warmed with appreciation as I nervously licked my lips. I could feel the blood heat my cheeks, which would be blatantly apparent in the afternoon sunshine.

"What would you l―" we both started, grinning and laughing at each other in a fit of nervous energy.

"You first, Bella," he prompted, his fingers grazing my neck. I took in deep breath, my fingers remaining rooted to his belt loops, maintaining white-knuckled control over my impatient hands.

"What would you like to do?"

"Are you allowed to leave the grounds?"

"Yes. I just can't leave the island. Did you have something in mind?" I raised a questioning eyebrow, hoping that he didn't automatically assume we were going to go somewhere more private.

I was afraid I'd give in without much fuss.

"Well, I was wondering if I could take you for an early dinner. Or late lunch. I think I should make sure you get something to eat. Whatever you'd like," he finished quickly, and I could've sworn he blushed the tiniest bit. I loved this more boyish side of Edward. Something else was different, as well ― he seemed lighter, more open. Some tiny part of me began to wonder if repairing what was between us would be so tough after all.

"That sounds perfect. I was too nervous to eat much today," I admitted.

"Let's go, then," he said, a slight curve to his lips. Letting my hair fall free of his fingers, he pulled my hands from their death grip at his waist, keeping my right hand as he tugged me toward the car. I knew he wouldn't have driven all the way up from Seattle, but some part of me expected him to lead me to his familiar silver sedan. Instead, he guided me to a sleek, black car I couldn't even begin to name.

All I knew was that it looked fast and very expensive. I was almost scared to get in.

"You trying to impress me, Cullen?" I joked nervously as he opened the passenger door and handed me inside. When he was settled in the driver's seat, his seatbelt buckled securely in place, he looked over to me, grinning like a little kid. I couldn't help but return his smile.

"Is it working?" I loved the way his eyes glinted with just a bit of wickedness, igniting a slow burn low and deep in my belly. It only seemed to feed the butterflies that were rapidly reproducing in my stomach.

"Maybe," I conceded, hiding my smile and looking down at my lap as he put the car in gear.

He chuckled softly, focusing on the road as he navigated the unfamiliar town. "I saw this little restaurant overlooking the bay. I thought we could give it a try. Then, if you want, we can go for a walk, or to the beach."

"We'll play it by ear, then."

"Great," he said, his grin becoming wider.

Soon, we were tucked in a little corner of the quaint restaurant, where the booths were lined with red and white checkered table cloths and baskets of freshly baked crusty baguette chunks tempted every patron. The room smelled of bread, fresh herbs, salt, and the sea, making my mouth water in anticipation. The early afternoon hour left the restaurant nearly empty, making it all seem much more intimate than I was comfortable with.

When my eyes met Edward's across the table, however, my mouth kept watering, but for an entirely different reason. He clasped my hand across the table and didn't let go. After the waitress had come and gone, our orders placed, he eyed me speculatively as the pad of his thumb stroked the back of my hand.

"You look really great," he said with a grin, and I looked down at our hands with heat rising in my cheeks.

"Didn't we already have this part of the conversation?"

"Did we? What did you say about me? I can't seem to remember." Oh, I'd missed these silly times between us...so much.

"I said you didn't look so bad," I answered coyly, peeking up at him through my lashes.

He frowned in exaggeration. "I'm not sure I'm very flattered."

"Like you don't know how good-looking you are," I said, laughing. He was currently looking a bit disgruntled, and most of me was sure he was playing it up. "Edward, fishing for compliments isn't very becoming. And you know very well I like what I see." I raked my eyes up and down his torso, appreciating the fit of his shirt.

He grinned. "That's what I thought."

As we ate, we discussed everything, nothing, and all things in between. We even skimmed the subjects of therapy and group meetings, but we'd only barely touched on them, pushing them aside in favor of lighter topics for the time being. After our plates were cleared away, he patted the bench seat next to him.

"Would you like to sit over here with me?" His lips twitched at the question, curving into a tiny smile, and while my brain tossed off a few halfhearted warnings, my body was out of the seat before I realized it, and pressed against his side milliseconds later. He sighed happily as he draped an arm around my shoulders. "I've missed holding you, hugging you," he whispered, his lips grazing my hair.

"I've missed you," I returned simply, letting my eyes fall shut in happiness as I was once again overwhelmed with the feeling of homecoming I got from being in his arms.

We shared dessert, and he let me eat most of the creme brulee. He watched me like a creep, and I teased him about it with an offhand comment. I knew immediately it was the wrong thing to stiffened next to me, shooting an imperceptible glance my way.

"I'm sorry," I said softly, poking at his spoon with mine in the little dish. He looked up with unsure eyes, and I gave him a timid smile. "At least I can make a joke about it now." I refused to watch anything but his face, hoping he'd understand that I was on my way to working through what had happened.

His grin was wide, triggering a rush of relief as we both realized this was just another sign that we still got each other, still clicked. All too soon, his smile disappeared, but he didn't exactly look unhappy.

"About that, Bella...we need to talk."

"Do you think it could wait until we're done here? I think I'd be less on edge if we were somewhere less...populated," I tried to explain, gesturing to the increasingly busy restaurant.

"Oh, of course." He shot me a warm look. "Sorry. I didn't notice how busy this place has gotten. I wasn't really paying attention to much else apart from you."

-x-

Edward took me down to the beach, armed with blankets and hot chocolate. I teased him a little for his over-zealousness, all the while secretly enjoying his attention. At first, I sat facing the water with my hands planted behind me for balance, getting lost in the view. Edward never had liked being ignored, and soon enough, he huffed a huge sigh before grabbing his belly and laying his head across my legs, sprawling out all over the blanket.

"Did someone eat too much?" I laughed, looking down at his pouting face.

"I was hungry," he said, quickly defending himself. "The food was delicious, and so was the company. I didn't want to leave." This time his voice was dark, rich, and when his pout morphed into an incredibly sweet smile, one huge butterfly fluttered its wings in my belly.

"Let me sit up, please," I urged, and he lifted his head while I crossed my legs Indian-style on the blanket. He tried to re-situate his head in my lap, but the position I'd chosen wasn't the best for him to continue lying on me. As much as I was enjoying being close to him, I was much better off with a little separation between us. He made grumpy noises as he sat next to me, mimicking my position. Defiantly, he grabbed one of my hands and held it in both of his own. I let him keep it and watched the water for a few more minutes.

"So, that private investigator stuff? That's really weird. You do realize that's not okay, right?" My words had started soft, scratchy and unsure, but I managed to finish strong. He needed to know that sort of behavior wasn't normal or rational.

"I made a mistake. It was the wrong decision, and I'm sorry," he said.

Finally, I was ready to stop watching the glittering water, and I found him gazing at me, his eyes unreadable. His face was so dear, and I was eager to re-familiarize myself with every detail.

Now he looked unsure, and I could tell he wasn't happy with my silence. "Look..." he paused, nervously looking away for a moment. "I couldn't stop myself from looking for you after you left my place the first time." His green eyes met mine, and they were hot with his determination to explain.

"When I first noticed you, I was at a plateau in my life, I guess. I left Chicago and came back to my family in Seattle because I thought it would make me happy, but I still wasn't satisfied." He held my hand gently in his, turning it over in his hands and stroking his fingertips over my open palm. I enjoyed it too much to deny him his distraction. It was almost ticklish, the sensation going straight to my spine and shooting down. "And then I found you...or you found the bar," he teased, giving me a quick grin. "I just knew I wanted to be in your life, or I wouldn't be happy."

"Edward," I said softly, closing my fingers over his and scooting closer to him, so we lined up shoulder to knee, facing the bay. "You can't put all your happiness on being with me, and I can't do the same with you. It's been a hard lesson for me to learn here, and I'm still not sure I've mastered it.

"Despite everything...I still want to give this a try. I don't know when I'll be ready, and we might not work even then. I want to be a part of your life, and I want you to be a part of mine...but none of it will work if we're not completely honest with one another." There it was. I put myself out there, and he could take me...or leave me hanging in the wind.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I promise."

"Good." I sighed and leaned into him, soaking up his warmth. We watched the twinkling bay in a somewhat comfortable silence, enjoying the velvety white noise of the ocean waves.

Nothing else needed to be said right now...I just hoped what we had said was enough.

-x-

"I guess you have to go in soon." It was cute, the way he sounded so glum. It was all very reminiscent of a high-school date, or at least, my approximation of what a high-school date should be, considering I'd never had one. Yet here I was, sitting in a parked car with Edward.

"Yeah...I sort of have a curfew," I said, grinning sheepishly. "Next time you come, I won't have so many restrictions."

"You want me to come back?" he asked, and I could see the hope and surprise in his gaze on top of the underlying hurt that hadn't left his eyes all afternoon.

I nodded, unable to speak past the knot in my throat. I'd been afraid he wouldn't want to come back. My favorite smile formed on his lips, the one that started at one corner and lit up his whole face, the one I dreamt about more than I'd like to admit.

"I'm glad," he whispered, his lips touching my forehead in a gesture that I loved and hated. It felt so good, the press of his warm lips and the slow wash of his breath, yet I wished for more. That was where the danger waited, I just knew it. "I've missed you...so much."

"I missed you, too. I'm glad you came today." I love you.

"You don't realize how long I'd wait for you...and I'd be here every weekend if you'd let me." His hands came up to the sides of my face, holding me in place for the light pressure of his lips. It went no further, but it was enough. Enough to reaffirm our connection better than any passionate embrace could.

We were silent as he helped me from the car and walked me to the front entrance, and I didn't want Edward to leave. Stares greeted us as he walked me to the visitors' area in the main complex, but I found it easy to dismiss the usually ever-present worries that they were judging me. For the first time, I finally began to feel like I was on my way to being normal; no matter how hard I'd tried to deny it, I wanted Edward to be essential to that normality.

He sank into an empty armchair, pulling me down into his lap, obviously in no rush to leave. I blushed like a schoolgirl caught making out with her boyfriend on the front porch after a date. It wasn't exactly an uncommon occurrence when I was with him, but it somehow felt more heated, more intense, and I worried it would be glaringly obvious. As soon as I finished the thought, I knew how silly it was for me to be concerned about it...this was Edward. I wanted to be with him, despite the leftover anger I sometimes felt about what had happened. But we'd agreed to be honest with one another from now on, and that's what was most important ― we had to move forward and work at being better, both on our own and as a couple, when it came time for that.

"You know," he said thoughtfully, his face softening in a smile that warmed the golden flecks in his eyes. "I think that might have been the most 'normal' date we've ever had."

"So you think this was a date, do you?" I teased, pursing my lips together so I wouldn't smile. He blinked in surprise, and I almost missed the hurt expression that flashed over his features before he forcibly smiled in response to my joke. Oh, no...I don't want that.

"Well, that will teach me to assume," he quipped, laughing halfheartedly.

"I was teasing. Of course it was a date." Now it was my turn to force a smile to my face, but it wasn't hard to keep there as I rested my hand on his arm, the one wrapped around my waist, hoping that the action would show him I was happy to be so close. "And I had a wonderful time," I said quietly, all pretense gone. "Thank you, Edward."

"You're welcome, Bella." His face was open and warm as he lifted his other hand, the pads of his fingers grazing my jaw. I instinctively lifted my face to his, waiting, waiting, until his lips, soft and hot, landed low on my cheek ― oh, so close to the corner of my mouth. Without my permission, my fingers clenched on his upper arm, which brought me closer to him.

And then I did something I promised myself I wouldn't. I turned my head, just enough so that my lips caught his as he was pulling back. His breath stalled, his fingers bit into the flesh at my waist, our mouths connected, and it was the same. Everything it always had been ― every rushing feeling, every crackle of energy, every tingle of warmth ― it was all still there, and it wasn't enough.

It was just a simple press of lips, but I felt more alive in that moment than I had in more than two months, maybe even longer. Edward always left me reeling, but this reconnection was so surreal, so electric...it couldn't truly be as good as it felt. He was breathing again, in shallow gusts of warm air that picked up speed as his fingers flexed on my jaw before tangling in the hair at the back of my neck. His mouth opened over mine, his tongue barely touching my lower lip for an instant, and then he was pulling away with a heavy sigh. I brought a hand up to lightly brush his lips with my fingertips, loving the way they felt when I smiled and his mouth curved in response.

"I'd better get going or I'm never going to leave," he finally said in a low voice, shifting underneath me with a wince. I imagined we'd both be having quite the sleepless night.

"You'd have to. Security would make you," I teased. "No overnight visitors in rehab." It was hard to keep the wash of shame away at my self-deprecating comment, but I managed. Things were slowly getting easier, but it still took lots of work to re-shape those destructive automatic thoughts that had been ingrained in my personality for so long. I was determined to make it work, however, because I knew what I wanted for myself. As much as I wanted Edward, I wanted things between us to be right even more than I wanted right now.

We stood together and hugged tightly, his body completely enfolding mine as he lifted me off my toes. "Can I call you?" he whispered at my ear. He loosened his hold and let my feet slip to the floor. I never lost contact with his body, thoroughly enjoying every plane and ridge I'd missed these last months. His eyes were so bright, yet so dark, and I knew he was still afraid I'd reject him. He made sure I had my balance, and then his hands dropped to his sides, leaving me missing the warmth of his touch. I couldn't tell him no.

"Yes." My answer was just as quiet as I stepped backwards toward the hallway.

He stood in the sitting area as I walked away, smiling when I turned back a final time. It was an image I knew I'd keep in the forefront of my mind for the weeks to come. When I finally drifted to sleep that night, I dreamt I was back at the beach with Edward, wrapped in a warm blanket and his even warmer arms. It was the best night's sleep I'd had in a while.

Thanks for reading and putting up with the ridiculous wait for updates on this story. I haven't forgotten it, I promise.