Hello guys, sorry for the wait. I would like to thank you for the reviews, you're awesome.
One Piece belongs to awesome, amazing, one and only Oda-san.
Chapter XXI – Truth.
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Where is she? Gazing straight ahead, the question preoccupied his mind. Lami's... My parents'... That guy... Only half-aware of a world outside the car, the answers spun like a wheel of fortune that never stops.
He followed the pattern of the traffic lights, driving in an unknown direction.
She walked into the office, grinning like a bully who stole some kid's money. Whatever, he won't ask. Law took in a deep breath thinking how it would be the right moment for a break.
With that thought he got up, not sparing a glance to Sylvie.
"Going on a lunch break?" She asks with the voice like a cake sprinkled with poison.
He doesn't stop, gripping the doorknob.
"I had a lunch with your wife," her voice was still soft, feather-like.
And those simple words... That mere sentence sends him over the edge. He used every bit of his self-control not to scream into her face.
"What did you do?" He utters.
"Nothing much, you know just sharing some information about you..."
His insides tighten, as his fist clenched. He knew what she told her. Anticipated move. He would do the same. It was a battle, a ruthless one for that matter. Yet, he caught himself being unable to think. To breathe, even.
It was only a matter of time when Tashigi would find out.
"You should be happy I got rid of the distraction," Sylvie added. "Now you can concentrate on us."
"There is no us, and there will never be." He looks at her, raising his voice, but managing to stay in the place.
"You'll change your mind soon," She winked, grinning wider.
"Who's being delusional now?"
"I always get what I want. Always." She sends him simpering smile with partially raised brows.
His words made him sick because they were correct. Since they were kids, she would get what she was after. And when she loses interest, she tosses it aside, searching for a new thrill.
"Well, you didn't get me. Guess it's time for you to learn again."
"Oh?" Unlike him, her perfect mask didn't crumble in the slightest. "And what is that?"
"Defeat."
A titter rippled across the deadly silent room. "I'm looking forward to it." She stood up. "Want me to accompany you? My previous lunch was not so... Satisfying."
But he was deaf to her frivolous taunting, as he was rushing down the hall and into the elevator.
Where are you going? What does it matter? Let her leave if she chooses to. She's like the rest of them.
Maybe... Maybe she will...Stay? He snorted at his own ridiculous thoughts. Why would she stay with me? Your family couldn't handle you much less her. She was...
No.
No matter how different she was, she already endured enough. Much more than he predicted she will. And for that, he had to give her credits.
Heck, I should help her pack and reserve a flight, give her a blessing with that guy... Grant her what we agreed on.
What the...
Giving a blessing? Since when did he have a predisposition of a caring benefactor? He hits the elevator button a few more times, even if it illuminated his choice. I need to hurry; sweat was dripping off his forehead.
"I like... L-Like you," her soft and nervous voice fills his mind, as he focused on the lights above the doors as the floors passed by.
"Yeah, right," he grunts again. What will be the look on her face if they meet? Fear? Anger? Regret?
"You disappoint me, Law," his father said that day. He didn't hear his explanations, mother cried and Lami was silent, her eyes void.
"I will be your shield." The scene shifts in his mind, turning into her face once again.
Naive words, but he was more idiotic for finding the console in them.
"Damn it!" He slammed his fist into the elevator control panel. "Go faster..."
But why? What do you want from her?
Shut up... He tried to silence the voice in his mind that was getting louder with the passing seconds.
You want her to stay with you, but you also wish for her to go.
I got sloppy, Law rubs his temples. He knew that she had feelings for him. Why else would she stay despite everything he put her trough? She wasn't the kind of person to sell herself for money and not that desperate for her goal...
It's my fault. I need to fix this.
When he finally came home, she wasn't there.
But isn't that a good thing? You need to focus on the fight against Sylvie. Remember your cause? Your reason for returning to this damned place and for putting up with that bitch? Tashigi is just... She's a nuisance. And she became a distraction.
Yet he didn't stop, even when the memory of his goal vividly played in his mind.
"Hey Law, you said your parents were doctors, right?"
"Yes, for the hundredth time, and no, I don't want to talk to them more often. Drop it right now."
He sees the young version of himself, crossing his arms while glaring at the tall, blond man.
"You know... You're lucky. You still have your family." The man took a sip of his coffee, not paying attention to his rebellious attitude.
"Yeah well, I wish I didn't."
"You dumbass!" The man lifts his newspaper and smacks him with it. "Don't say things you will regret!"
"Why did you hit me?! It's the truth!" Younger Law rubbed the top of his head, not really feeling the impact, but surprise. "They don't want me and I don't want them either..." He mumbles.
"So what?" The man rolled his eyes. "You will behave like a bitter brat? Be a man! Take on your responsibilities and learn to forgive." He sighed.
"A true man doesn't avoid his duties and responsibilities, no matter how hard they are. Trust me, you don't wanna wake up every day with the same regret that you could do something, but you didn't."
"Why, cause you do?"
The man abruptly went silent, and Law knew he said something he shouldn't. He hurt him again.
"Yes." He ran his hand through his golden hair. "And I don't want you to go through the same." He looks at him, remorse glistening in his eyes. "You remind me so much of my brother... You are my chance of redemption. I couldn't help him... I gave up. When you love someone, you never give up on them. And now... Not a day goes by without regret."
Younger Law lets out a slow sigh, calming down. "How... How do you deal with regret? With anger and hurt?"
"I don't know the right answer kid." The man took a pack of cigarettes, lighting one up. "In my case, it's a purpose. A goal. Call it a dream even, but it's something that guided me 'till now. You know when things are bleak and I just feel like throwing in the towel... I remember "that" and I'm like: ah hell no, I ain't giving up or dying! I'm gonna fight!"
"Forget that I asked," younger Law sighed anew, wandering off the smoke of the cigarette.
"What's that supposed to mean? Are you mocking me again, you little runt?" He grabbed his rolled up newspapers again.
"Of course not, please continue sharing your pearls of wisdom." He rested his chin in his hand, leaning on the table.
"The point is..." He paused to take another drag. "You have to find a goal. Something you love, that will patch you up and in the future maybe you could... Forgive them. Be a better man than me."
Once more, Law notices the familiar look in man's eyes. Sadness. Perhaps greater than his. And despite it, he was fooling around, joking and putting up with somebody like him.
"Hmpf, I'm already a better man than you." Law replies, smirking.
"A kid barely out of diapers," goofy grin spreads across his face and he pats him on the shoulder, nearly knocking him out of his chair.
"Hey!"
"See? A kid."
"I will hit you too, old man!" Law jumped out of his chair, slamming his palms on the table.
"Old man?" His grin vanishes. "Your words hurt, Law."
"Hey, don't be so depressed!"
"Law, what was your goal before... Before everything happened?"
The seriousness of his voice startled him.
"W-Why do you ask? It's not important anymore."
"Humor me."
"Fine." Younger Law sits again. "I wanted to manage my parents' hospital but... I... I wanted to make them proud and always be there for them and my sister." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kinda stupid and childish."
And the man smiles. The kind of smile that would make Law think he was not a lost cause he believed to be. That there was indeed light at the end of the tunnel. It brought him hope, like it did the previous time.
"That's... That's a true man's dream. A good path to take on. It's decided then."
"HUH?" Law grimaces.
"I knew you wouldn't let me down!" The man patted him on the back a little too energetically.
"Stop doing that! And I won't-"
"It's a promise then?"
"No! Listen to other people-"
"Ahhh..." The man looked depressed again. "And I wanted to brag to the guys in the station that my younger brother is a big shot of a doctor who owns a hospital..."
Law froze. But then he let out a snort.
"Younger brother? Aren't you a bit old? Maybe son..."
Smiling again, the man gives him a nudge, "Now you're doing it on purpose!"
As the car engine sung to the lone road, he grips the wheel tighter, location in front of him well known.
"Law? What's wrong?" Lami opens the door, her eyes wide at the sight of her brother.
"Is she here?"
"Tashigi? No..." She frowns. "What happened? You look...awful. Come on in." She moves away from the door, making a room for him to enter.
"No, I can't... She left. She found out." He speaks mechanically, trying to find an appropriate expression, but his interiors were dry, disintegrating into dust. And he felt like a miserable man who wandered the desert in search of an oasis; when he finally reaches it, he sees it was a result of dehydration.
"Found out?" Lami turns pale. "You mean...!"
"Yes, Sylvie told her." His voice resembled that of an old man, who was on a deathbed.
"Oh no..." She puts a hand on her mouth. "But Law, that doesn't mean-"
"Can you blame her?" He waves his head. "Would you stay married to a murderer?"
"You're no such thing! If she needs someone to blame, let it be me!" His sister shakes her clenched fists, and for the first time, he sees the resolution in her eyes. There was no doubt, no tears, and no fear.
"Lami..."
"I had enough of you trying to cover for me! Even now... Do you think I don't see how you're constantly shielding me? And I asked myself why? Somebody like me-"
"You're my sister." The words naturally came out. "That's what brothers do."
What am I jabbering? Oh god.
Law didn't have time to facepalm himself, as his sister pulled him into a hug. It was strong and full of affection; of unspoken words of gratitude and love. He couldn't struggle, as the true feelings rode on the surface of the sea called bitterness and anger.
The thing he thought he didn't have... Feelings he thought he will never experience again... They were there all along, lurking in shadows.
"Tashigi is strong, and she will get back." His sister broke the hug, and her eyes, although teary, were shining with faith.
"How can you be sure?" He hears himself asking, not accustomed to the "new face" that emerged.
New face? You mean old face?
Shut up.
Original face.
"She will come back to hear it from you."
He concentrates on Lami's words, not wanting to play games with his mind.
"What does it matter?" He dismisses her words, trying to smother the hope inside of him.
It's a known fact that hope is a bitch. And he may have gained some piece of his "new" (you mean old) face but he wasn't that unrealistic.
"You two love each other. And words of the loved one are the absolute truth."
Her gaze never wavers, and he finally realized why she made her choice that day. Why she married Galen. The girl gambled, investing her trust. Fragile heart. Brittle mind. He always thought she chose him because his parents didn't leave her choice. Sure, she claimed to be in love, but... Love is-
A fickle thing?
Women's feelings are often on a spur of the moment and fickle.
You're full of crap.
Okay, maybe they had love, but Tashigi and me... We can't exist.
You're full of crap.
Shut the fuck up, he massaged his brow at the tiny voice in his head.
"Let's get you home, she's probably back by now."
"I... I will go alone." He prevents his sister form departing the warm house.
"But..."
"It's fine." He turns to leave, and hears himself saying, "Thank you."
x
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Tashigi stopped. She found herself in a park.
It was the kind of walks where you keep on walking until you no longer know the way. And you can't stop.
She sighs in turmoil, feeling exhausted.
It was hard to think, yet her mind couldn't stop rolling with all kinds of images, thoughts, and conclusions.
Yet, nothing was gaining a shape. Doubt, fear, loneliness, and anger were mixing and shifting with each fleeting moment.
Curiosity was victorious again. It would always win, when Law was in question, no matter how much she didn't want to believe in Sylvie's words.
Her "investigation" can't be called as such. All she had to do was to type the words Sylvie told her, and it guided her to the old articles. Flevance was a small town, so naturally, any occurrence with the family that was notable like his, would be a huge deal.
"Was it murder or accident?"; "Tragedy in the school"; "School violence"; "Boys will be boys. But what if it ends with murder?"; "Police says accident; parents of the victim inconsolable." Titles spun in her mind, as the familiar dread crept inside of her. God knows how many articles she devoured in half an hour.
Some were detailed, but mostly with speculations, after the common facts.
In the well-known school, two kids argued and fought. One lost his life. Other refused to talk even after being interrogated by countless of psychologists. His only words were "It was an accident. We both fell down the stairs when we fought."
That kid was, obviously Law. Sixteen at the time, brilliant and role-model of a student. It only made the press more interested, fueling their 'imagination.' There were no eyewitnesses since it was a time of the day where no general classes were held, only those who had extra activities of engagements.
Other children from school confirmed there was a clear antagonism among the two of them, and the articles made Law look like he had problems with just about anyone, considering most of his classmates said that he likes to be alone or tending to isolate himself; 'thinks he's superior to the rest of us,' etc. Nobody mentioned the other boy. 'Speak no ill of the dead' policy, which was unfair, to say the least.
Parents of the boy who lost his life (he was the same age as Law at the time), were furious, attacking Law and his family mercilessly, practically using every opportunity to insult and accuse him.
"We want justice! It was not an accident, that boy has problems!" or "Just because they are rich, doesn't mean this can go away! We will fight for son, and won't rest until we prove it was a murder by that cold and calculated delinquent who can't be considered a child anymore!"
Tashigi was certain they assaulted them publically because they couldn't do much privately.
The case was closed as an accident. Both of the boys' injuries were consistent with the fall down the stairs, and the deceased boy had a blunt force trauma from the fatal plunge.
An analysis of fracture patterns showed that the cervical vertebrae (the vertebrae of the neck, immediately below the skull), was fractured in fall that involved more than half of a staircase. Law's injuries were not mentioned anywhere.
The whole affair lasted a bit longer than it should, and there were still some topics with the thoughts and speculations posted by the people, online. After looking at the few of them, Tashigi couldn't read anymore. People were so cruel and unfair. Then again, we judge without knowing anything about other people, or the circumstances they are in. It's so easy. We all did it and still do.
But why would Sylvie call him a murderer? Did he tell her something in private? They know each other for a long time...
"I know his very soul... It's only natural for me to be his ideal partner. I can console him and offer what he asks..."
What if it wasn't an accident? If he was a... Tashigi shivers in terror, not daring to finish that thought.
No, he can't be... Somebody who saves lives can't do that.
Or can he?
This time pain struck her, making her sick.
No, he's kind!
Or you want him to be kind? Face it; it's not the first time he played you.
No! No and no! I know him, and he's not that kind of a person!
Know him? What do you know? Are you pretending not to see the darkness in his eyes? In his very soul?
Still trembling, Tashigi feels her energy leaving, and she plops down on the closest bench.
Is she that deceived by the love for him and not seeing the reality? He betrayed her trust so many times... An alarming voice speaks in her mind.
I didn't see the need to tell you since it's private, but yes I pushed that boy down the stairs.
It was his voice.
Her legs were frozen into the place, as she felt the thumping of her heart against her chest.
Now you know why I wanted to spare you from my past. Are you afraid now? You should be.
Her fingers curled into a fist, Stop it!
But she couldn't stop it. Her world slowly fell apart, looking black and white.
"Tashigi?"
She jumps, withholding the scream in her throat.
"Woah, easy... Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you."
She needed a moment or two to recognize the man. Golden eyes, raven, mid-length hair, small smile. Naoki.
"S-Sorry..." Her tongue was tied, and she felt the need to avoid anyone, not just him.
"Are you okay? You are pale."
"I'm..."
Fine. Say it.
"I'm... Not fine," she replies, bursting into tears.
Naoki stood beside her. He rested his hand on her shoulder saying nothing.
When she stopped, he offered her a handkerchief.
"T-Thank you..." She wiped her tears away, feeling awkward. She broke into tears in front of the stranger.
"Tears are helpful for washing away sadness and other troubles." His golden eyes glowed with sympathy and certain gentleness.
She averts her gaze, staring in her snow-covered boots.
"Want to talk?"
He still looked at her when she lifted her head.
"You'll feel better."
It can't be a coincidence he's here, Tashigi thought. What's wrong with you? Since when are you so doubtful? Nobody knows you're here.
"I happen to walk by, my home is near." Naoki closed his eyes, exhaling heavily. "Law messed up, hasn't he?"
"Hm..." Tashigi was still reluctant in answering.
"Nothing in this world is more complicated than love." He shakes his head, tucking in his hands in the pockets of his winter jacket.
"You know..." He studied her face for a moment. "A lot of things happened in his life that shaped him into the person he is today."
Tashigi was reserved, but interested, and it appeared that Naoki guessed the shift in her gaze, as he continued to talk.
"We met in school. It's a typical story, I was a geeky kid who got bullied a lot and he stood up for me. Been friends ever since. At least on my behalf. He wasn't so eager to have a kid who gets into troubles all the time following him around." He smiles, reminiscing about the past.
"And he accepted you eventually," Tashigi addresses him, deciding to sit back onto the bench.
"Yeah... It was hard to get him to trust me. Law was quite independent for his age and had that look in his eyes like he wasn't really here... "
Naoki joins her. "Many of the kids from our class and school approached him with ulterior motives. It was hard to believe in anyone."
Tashigi tried clearing her tickly throat. From such a young age he couldn't trust people around him? Just what kind of life did he lead? The gloom of the wintry day slithered into her pores traveling to her heart.
"There is nothing... Absolutely nothing you should envy me for."
"Naoki..." She lets out a short breath. "What happened the day when that boy died? Did he tell you anything?" She decides to get to the point.
His eyes widened somewhat, as he peered at her for several minutes. Then, he looks at the distance, slumping his shoulders. "I'm assuming you didn't hear it from him."
"No, Sylvie told me. I wish she told me everything instead of tormenting me like this."
Then again, would I trust her?
"That's the thing. It's all she knows. It's all I know, too."
"That's... How can that be? They are childhood friends." Tashigi frowned.
"You know those kids that parents make you hang out with? That's Sylvie. Everything she knows is what she heard. Nobody but Law knows what happened on that day."
He didn't even tell Naoki? What are you hiding, Law?
"Do you distrust him?" Naoki's eyes settled on her again, and she pauses, doubt poisoning her mind. When you love someone, doubting him feels like a serious betrayal. Subconsciously, she was always questioning his actions. Those pesky questions she kept inside were eating their way out, compromising everything she decided to do. Everything she promised to him.
The distance between us is greater than ever, her heart quivered at the thought.
"It's natural, you know." Naoki breaks the uncomfortable silence. "Complete commitment takes time and effort. And you two just started your life together."
And we will shortly end it, she glances downwards, filled with certain melancholy. What would it be like to be loved by him? Would he tell me his deepest sufferings?
No, stop being delusional, Tashigi clenches her glove coated hands feeling the numbness of the chilly weather.
"I used to doubt him too," Naoki proceeds, looking at the clouds in the leaden sky. "At that time, he stopped coming to school and talking to me. I could somewhat understand, as everyone attacked him and his family."
"That's awful," Tashigi feels the lump forming in her throat.
"People can be cruel. It's something we have to get used to." His breath was vapor, nose a bit red.
"That boy who died... He was a bully, but everyone seemed to forget that, blaming Law. He didn't care about other people accusing him. That part of him didn't change; he never gave a damn about what other people think.
What tore him apart was... I'm sure..." Naoki mumbles. "His family was not supportive at all. And for somebody who was dedicated to his family like he was..." He becomes silent yet again.
Tashigi gazes into the distance, seeing a fog clinging at the homes on the top of the street; as she blinked, she feels tiny drops sliding down her cheeks.
"You have people who love you... It's time for you to realize it."
That night her words were opening the wound he carried for so long. Now, she could finally begin to understand the gap between his family and him.
"I went to his home, fed up with the silent treatment, and I remember Celia telling me he went to boarding school. We didn't even get to say goodbye, and I thought we will never see each other again."
"You know that he left home..." She remembers Valeria's words. Law had no other choice but to leave, Tashigi came to that conclusion.
The more she listened to Naoki, the more the whole incident from the past looked like a result of a vast misfortune.
"For two years, he didn't contact me at all." Naoki's steady voice interrupts her inner thinking. "When he did, it was to learn information about his family and what was going on. I knew I was useful to him and that it wasn't just rekindling the old friendship... Yet, I didn't mind." His voice slips a bit, and she hears the same pain; the hurt when you understand you were used by somebody you trusted and love.
"He..." Naoki slowly shakes his head. "He got back to Flevance four years later, and when I went to meet him it wasn't the same Law I knew... Or thought I knew. Some things happened... I..." He looks her in the eyes again.
"Earlier I said that tears can be useful... But in life, there are things so sad that tears can't fix. Painful memories that form you into the person you are now, making you strong, but taking a toll.
So we speak... To a stranger, to a friend, to a family... We tell them about our profound sadness so we can heal. Law... Refused to do so.
He holds each one of them locked inside, keeping the pain vivid as to remind him of his goal; yes, it's his driving force, but it's also his oppressor, and eventually, it will destroy him." Suddenly he relaxes, smiling a little. "To my relief, the hope has arrived."
Just as she wanted to ask what hope, he beat her to it.
"You."
"Me?" Tashigi croaks.
"He finally took the road to happiness. I can't think of another person more deserving than him."
"You made things right for him. I... We made so many mistakes... He was so young when we pushed him away... In the time he needed our support the most. "
Yet another person was pinning their hope and faith on her. Pressure and panic of their powerful feelings were crushing her, leaving just enough air for her brain to function.
And here I am, doubting him.
How in the world am I supposed to help him? To pull them back together? Their lives were ravaged by one accident, which birthed a string of misfortunes.
The more she thought about it, the more she felt like a child who foolishly stated words and promises without thinking. Without grasping the responsibility and heaviness of so many emotions. It was not just about Law or her. It was about all the other people who cared for him and wanted forgiveness.
It was beginning to get dark, the sky slowly, but surely turning into twilight.
She closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath of icy air, steering herself to only think about her next moves.
Right now she needed to...Cry.
Tashigi lets out her tears again, thinking about how this will be the last opportunity to do so.
"S-sorry, Naoki I need to..." She emits a soft sob. "I don't want him to see me crying..." She covers her face with her hands, maneuvering them below her glasses.
"Tashigi, you're being too hard on yourself." She feels his palm, patting her back in reassurance.
"I don't want him to think I'm pitying him. That's something he detests." She feels a bit lighter but only temporary. A colossal battle was in front of her, and it all depended on how well she could pull her moves. A party of chess, only this time she had to win for all of their sakes.
"Even though you're crying because you love him?"
"He..." Doesn't know that. "He sometimes sees things that aren't there." Tashigi answers.
Calm down, Tashigi. You may not know what's on his mind and in his heart, but you know yourself. This is about everything you went through with him to get to this point, everything it cost you. Despite all your imperfections and his constant pulling and pushing away, you refused to give up. This may have started as a game for him, but damn it, he can't say you haven't earned the right to pull the moves too. It's time to fight.
Tashigi gets up from the bench, "I'm going home, Naoki."
He answers with a faint smile, saluting her resolution.
Before she started her walk, she turns to him, murmuring, "Thank you."
The beginning of her walk made her feel more in command of her own mind and body. Her previous failures and doubts were still there; however, she embraced them as her driving strength.
x
x
Night had fallen fast. The sky that was painted with hues of red, orange and pink, was replaced by the darkness. Chilly wind bit harshly through her wool coat, while she stood in front of their home.
Tashigi drew in a long, shaky breath, "Don't be a coward."
She began to tremble uncontrollably.
Almost all the time we spent together... All we did was fighting. He's blunt, cynical and arrogant... But he was also a good and caring man.
I just want to be there for him.
With that in mind, she enters the house. Her muscles start to relax enveloped by the warmness of the home. Making a few cautious steps towards the living room, her eyes settle on the fireplace, the only origin of the light. Fire licked the bottom of the wood, crackling playfully.
She exhaled with a soft sound, taking off her winter assemble, a bit relieved Law wasn't there.
He's still at the work, she believed. I'll have more time to think and compose myself.
The light suddenly switches on, making her jump. Her limbs turned liquid as he made his appearance, like an animal emerging from the night.
She takes in his somewhat disheveled appearance. The shirt he wore was loose, revealing the swirl of his tattoos.
His hair looked more untamable than usual, which made her think he just got out of the bed. Yet, he looked tired and worn.
His dark eyebrows were angled downwards, as he observed her from the head to toe. She faces his eyes, that always made her weak at the knees, and her mind gets swamped with the yearning... His lips against hers; his hands following the curves of her body.
What am I thinking at the moment like this...?! Tashigi drops the coat and the gloves she held.
"G-Good... Hello," her mouth was too dry to speak, as she scrambles some words of greeting in her brain. She crouches down to collect her things, not being able to face his eyes again.
Her heart nearly bounced out of her chest when he did the same.
Their knuckles brush against each other, and without a warning, his long, slender fingers clasp around her hands.
Tashigi was too stunned to react. She yields to the welcoming warmness of his touch.
"Your hands are cold," he sighed. His hot breath, mingled with peculiar fragrance, fell over her cheek. "Ohhh," she lets out an unintentional moan.
"You shouldn't spend so much time outside," he lets go all of the sudden, putting her coat over the sofa. "You're not used to this weather."
"I was just-"
"You don't want to be in my vicinity, I get it... But we can solve this in a way that excludes you freezing to death." His voice was deep, with a serious tone.
"No!" The bark of her voice startled her. There was so much that she wanted to say to him, yet she couldn't find the words that would reach him.
"Fine," he massaged the back of his neck, his frown deepening. "Go to my parents' home, say that we had a fight and that I called it quits or something... You can say that I threw you out, I'm sure they would buy it-"
"Law, what are you saying..." Tashigi croaks out, unable to wrap her distressed mind around his words.
"I'm just trying to... Agh, fuck it." He avoids looking at her, combing his hair with his long fingers. "You can... Leave. Our deal is done."
The warmth of her body vanished as quickly as it came.
"I wanted you to stay at least for tonight, so we can work out for details, but if you are that discomforted by my presence then I suggest-"
"Please, stop." Tears were there, threatening to go out. The disappointment filled her insides, even though it was an expected move. Right now, he was hit by the years and years of bottled up emotions. The fact that she knew the truth must have made him think that she, like the others, will leave him.
"What? I'm only being considerate towards you since-"
"Since what?"
"Since I dragged you into this mess." He crossed his arms over his chest.
"Yeah, you did. But I'm also the one who allowed it. So it's kinda insulting that you want to get rid of me, just because... Just because you're the one who's vulnerable now."
"Watch your words."
She notices a glint of anger, not being able to avert her gaze. Who knew that his eyes could be so frighteningly alive? His anger was not a fire, burning hot and fast. It was a deathly ice, coating him like a protective cocoon. It must have saved him from all the pain, Tashigi shudders. It also isolated him from his family and friends.
"Or what?" She walks closer to him, her muscles quivering.
"Or I'll make you." Despite the usual gruffness to his voice, there was a certain tenderness, too. Her heart hammered as if it would pulverize her ribcage at any second.
"You don't scare me, Law. It's easier to act like you don't care. Trust and intimacy are frightening."
Tashigi lowers her voice, aware of the fact that the subject at the matter was sensitive. She shouldn't push him, especially since he knew her weak spots and deepest pains... He could easily break her down into a sobbing mess if he decides so.
Law lets out a weary sigh, but doesn't say a word. Instead, he walks away, flinging himself on a sofa.
Tashigi hesitates, but decides to follow. She sits by his side, making some distance between them.
As they sat in deep silence, she lost a track of time. The fire gradually turned a chunk of wood into the ashes, yet both of them didn't move to put another one. He struggled with himself, she could see it in every crease of his brow. The man who chose to abandon his emotions, convinced they were only a burden. Yet, here he was, struggling blindly with them.
"You're really not scared of me?" He mutters.
"No," she responds as quickly as she could, trying to sound reassuring.
"You're definitely an idiot."
"So are you, but I'm used to it." She replies too casually, without giving it a proper thought. "Uh, I-"
He lets out a small huff and his mouth curved upwards just a little bit.
Did he... Smiled? Tashigi blinked.
"So... Why did you come back? Is it the curiosity? Your goal? Or..." His eyes lingered on her briefly, sufficient to make her heart lose control.
It tumped stubbornly, reminding her that it also beat for the person in front of her.
"Something else?"
Tashigi gulped.
This kind of question was not unexpected it's just that... For some reason, her mind was getting fuzzy and she was losing her course of thoughts. What should I say...? I... I can't say my true feelings because...What was that sweet smell that lingered in the air? She shook her head distracted yet again.
"I... I uh... Thought about ... I was on a walk..." Silence crashes down around them, yet he didn't show any signs of impatience.
"I w-would say... A bit of everything."
He lifted his brow.
"I-I mean-" The sugary smell was so overwhelming, almost like a poison.
It had a kind of familiarity, which brought back the time spent with him, as well as the life she had before she met him.
"I realized I..."
All those memories were... Precious. No matter how great or hurtful they were.
"I-I..." She takes in a deep breath. "I trust you, Law. And sure, I am curious about your past, but that's only because I'm interested in you."
His eyes widened for a split second, before his lips curled into a sly smirk.
"You love me, then?"
His words shot through her causing a rush of adrenaline. He disarmed her in just a minute.
"Aren't you mistaking love for pity?"
She didn't get a chance to respond.
"I mean... Women love to fix men. Believe me, I am not broken nor do I need fixing."
His words paralyzed her, making her unable to come up with a retort.
"I am to blame too..." He stood up, pacing the living room, like a leopard in the cage. "I got sloppy with my plan and... Don't look at me like that, I told you I'm not nice. You had your chance to walk away."
Tashigi scowled at his venomous darts.
"You surely understand by now that my goal stands above everything else. Whatever feelings you think you have towards me are an illusion, and frankly worthless to me."
It was harder to breathe. She loosened up the collar of her shirt, starting to sweat. To hell with the plans and patience.
"Oh, sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. 'I have a plan for everything.' Not so great when the consequences of your actions come to bite you in the behind?"
"Huh?"
"Shut up." The blood was rushing to the head, as she glared at him. "You begged me to stay, and now you want me to go just because it's convenient for you?!" Tashigi wanted to cry, as rage filled her insides.
Out of all the men, I had to fall for the stubbornest one.
"You're always doing this... Just as I get close... You push me away... Well, whatever!" She stood up as well.
"That doesn't change my feelings or the fact I care about you. Sorry, but you can't make me leave that easily! I will leave when we agreed on."
The vein on his forehead popped out. "Tashigi you can't be this delusional-"
"I'm not done!" Her hands tightened into fists. "One thing I won't tolerate, and I mean WON'T permit, is for you to call my love fake!"
"You-"
She approached him, poking him with a finger in the chest.
"Fix you? I just want to help you get rid of that pain and anger you are carrying, idiot! Can't you see you're falling apart? You are the one who is blind! I gave up everything for you! And no, before you say you didn't ask for it, I would do it again. And you know why? Beat this into that thick skull of yours, I LOVE YOU."
Her body shook furiously, thankful for the burden she got rid of. There will be consequences to her actions, but she didn't give a damn about it at the moment.
Law's face has become rigid, jaw clamped tight.
"The only thing that is useless around here is the mask you desperately try to preserve." Tashigi lowers her voice, awaiting for him to say something.
However, he stays silent, smoldering underneath his stony expression.
"If you want to talk, I'll be in my room. Let me give you a hint: don't come with that same nonsenses, cause it doesn't work anymore."
Not waiting for his reply, she climbs the stairs and slams the door of her room.
That went... Terrible. Tashigi scrunched up her face, collapsing on the bed.
In the end, I couldn't control myself. But he... That fool! To question my feelings like that... Unless it was some sort of a trap-
Oh, no. Don't tell me I...
She rises up, as the goosebumps danced over her skin.
I admitted that I love him.
Tashigi grimaces, "Great, I freaked him out."
How in the world do I constantly end up doing the exact opposite that I should? And it always happens when he is around...
"Why is love so absurd to you?"
"It's not absurd, it's just that it makes things complicated. People tend to crash and burn because of it."
Right, I remember.
But it's also his fault. It's not like she happened to fall for him just like that. The devil cooked things up, and now he was scared to taste the dish he made.
"There is a certain kind of chemistry between you and me...Only you ignore it... No, you deny it, I embrace it."
She climbs to her pillow, sprawling like a starfish, too weary to change into pajamas.
Yet... She couldn't shake the feeling that he was not his usual self. The old Law would not hesitate to verbally slaughter her and then toss her out like a trash. What he did earlier was a feeble attempt to push her away.
He's hurt, Tashigi answered to herself, so that's why... He is frozen in time, when it comes to emotions, to love.
I need to remind myself that his goal was the only thing that kept him going through all those years of loneliness. He spent most of his life working towards it, and I was too naive in thinking that I could simply halt it and show him "the right way."
"Help me a little... Will you?" Tashigi stared into the ceiling, praying to the unknown person that was so important to Law. "I don't think you would approve what he's doing either."
She sighed, as the tears overflowed, blurring her vision.
x
x
That was pitiable. Law shuts his eyes, frowning. His monstrous headache was blocking any attempt to clear his mind and recover some of his calmness. Silence felt so good, yet his buzzing mind wouldn't have any of it.
I wish she... He caught that thought, not knowing what to do with it. Earlier he was trying to find her, yet he didn't have a clue what to say or do, if he encountered her.
By the time he got back, he was determined to answer all of her questions and explain everything thoroughly. However, as the minutes went by, he concluded that it was a bad, unwise idea. Why would he, Trafalgar D. Water Law have to justify himself to someone who was just a passenger in his life?
Besides, he didn't have a desire to start 'that something' with her. He was incapable of appreciating people who are trying to be kind, friendly and honest, always thinking there is an ulterior motive. That's just how his mind works.
She will stubbornly cling to her imaginary emotions and maybe they are true but... Everyone grows tired at some point. Especially if they have to prove love. And he needed proofs... Oh, how he needed them...
Pull yourself together.
You are no longer like that.
You don't have nuances called emotions.
After a bottle of wine he stored since his graduation, he started to believe in his mantra again.
There are no feelings.
To feel means to call forth the blackness within.
Yes, that's it, his mind locked it down. He was in control just the way he liked it, minus the slight dizziness. The most important thing is that he got his shit together and his self-defense mechanism.
Until she got home.
That's when the circus called emotions began in full swing, and all of his puny attempts to call it quits only made her eyes burn stronger increasing the power she had over him.
So. Fucking. Frustrating.
"... Beat this into that thick skull of yours, I LOVE YOU."
His heart exploded. A clear confession was not something he expected of her. It nearly put the last nail in his coffin.
"Tsk." He resumed his pacing in the living room.
Focus. You have a purpose. An aim.
Calm down.
But the frustration kept coming back, disturbing the pool of his logical thoughts like an unexpected rainfall.
"Damn it!" He throws some of the food delivery prospects from the coffee table into the fireplace, which was long extinguished.
She probably used to order food since I wasn't home...
Stop. Thinking. About. Her.
How can I though? He drags his fingers through his hair. To love me? That's... Troublesome.
She was the one woman who would not and should not fall for somebody like him. That's why he picked her in a first place. And like everything, it blew up in his face.
It's my fault.
She was just... A tool. For months, we fought and insulted each other.
Was?
I got sloppy... He rubs his temples. Grew accustomed to her presence...
Then we combusted into bed... Pretending like it didn't matter, but it did.
The truth is... I can't give her what she wants. I knew that, but I gave her hope.
Because I'm that kind of a man.
"If you could see me now..." Law gritted his teeth, blind with a headache.
"Would you be angry and ashamed of me?" He drops on the sofa, closing his eyes. "No, you would kick my ass, if you could see the man I became, Cora-san..."
He dug his nails into the soft fabric of the sofa, feeling worse than after a night of nightmares. "Did I become like your brother?"
Though his mind wavered, there was one thing he was sure of.
"But I didn't abandon my goal... Our goal. And I will fulfill it no matter what..."
How long has it been since she started playing this ridiculous game? A week?
Her efforts were goofy from the beginning. Tashigi wasn't the type to ignore someone, particularly him. The lines of her body fell into humorous poses, each time he caught her gazing at him from the side of her eye, pretending she was doing something else.
Is she giving me a pitiful version of tasting my own medicine? He smirked. Let's see how long that will last.
Tashigi continued to work at the hospital, without any problem; even Sylvie was caught unprepared. In the public, she behaved like usual, old Tashigi; but he knew better. Every time they bumped into each other, she would become really tense and obnoxiously polite. The same kind of behavior he when they were strangers.
Few times when they returned home together, he was used to her observing him discreetly, as he kept his eyes on the traffic. He would sneak a look and meet her eyes, enjoying how quickly she would avert her gaze to keep the game going.
That one time, however, she didn't spare him a glance; she even referred to him by his last name.
He almost snapped.
That's when the days became brutally long, and he may have had a thought in his mind how she was getting good at the game.
As the days went on, she would say nothing, spending all of her free time either in the library or in her room.
Why is she still here?
Why can't she just go?
The same questions ravaged his brain, as his heart was clutched by the familiar sense of loneliness. It was a vice of his mind, killing him every day just a little bit more, leaving a trace of darkness. It was fueled by his nightmares, while he was carrying on with business as usual in the outside world.
Dinners at his parents', Lami's and other occasions was something he did alone; she refused to accompany him under the pretense she wasn't feeling well or that she was too busy.
Why is she still here?
Why can't she just go?
He thought that for the umpteenth time on his way back from Lami's.
It's like they switched; now he was the one who visited his family more often than he could believe, even getting adapted to the idea.
No... He had a mission to do that involved them, so that's why. There is no other reason.
The deal involving Galen's clinic was coming to a conclusion; he had helped them find the suitable buyer. And it wasn't from the kindness of his heart, it was because he came up with a plan to push that annoying woman out of the hospital for good. The plan came to him one sleepless night, when he sneaked into her room, to look at her sleeping figure. He didn't know why he did it, but it helped him think.
Sleeping Tashigi wasn't ignoring him. She wasn't the woman which mind he could no longer read; she could not repeat that she loved him.
But he struggled to admit her actions were starting to affect him more than he thought was possible.
He would often get distracted, catching himself staring out of the window during work hours. The more he was trying to get to his goal the more useless he became.
He started to crack. One night at his sister's home, he slipped.
"I know how it is to be devoted to your parents and end up screwed," he said to Galen, unintentionally. By the time he realized they were looking at him as if he just confessed he adores his niece and nephew, it was too late.
"I mean-"
"Yeah, I know how you must have felt brother," Lami sighed. "No, actually I don't. I'm sorry. But they... They want to make amends. Though, I'm not gonna tell you what to do, I have no right."
"It's not-"
"My parents may have pushed me to do something terrible, but... I wouldn't have met Lami otherwise." Galen intervened, possibly to break a potential argument between the siblings. "So... I'm kinda grateful. That doesn't change the fact that I gave them a piece of my mind." He weakly smiled, tightening the grip on Lami's hand.
Law looked at them wordlessly.
For almost every shit that happened in his life, he blamed his parents. They were the one who neglected him, who distrusted and pushed him away.
Not once did he think that if they didn't do that, his life would be so... Not this.
He would never have met Cora-san... And he would never notice her...
But he was more perplexed by them.
How can they be at peace with each other? Where did their resentment, pain, and anger disappear? It was something he would like to know.
Not even Cora-san could tell him the answer. Was it something you learn on your own?
"Law, are you and Tashigi okay?" Lami's question came timidly.
He didn't respond immediately, playing with the leftover food on his plate.
"Yeah... We're fine."
"Are you sure- I mean did you... Tell her everything?"
"No. She didn't ask."
"Really?" Lami widened her eyes. "She... She's something special isn't she?" She cracked a smile. "That kind of trust is so hard to get, it took us years... I'm so glad." Her voice breaks. "You deserve someone who would never doubt you." She stood up quickly to hide her teary eyes. "I'm gonna get the dessert, just a moment."
She trusts me? She said that... But, does she really? He stepped into the kitchen, to leave the food Lami packed for Tashigi, along with the cookies kids made.
The sudden sound cuts his core. A laughter.
Her laughter.
It's a sound he hasn't heard in what seemed like a thousand years. His feet move faster in curiosity, and he finds her in the library. She sits, her back facing him, perhaps amused by the something she just read.
Is she pretending not to notice me or she really doesn't know I'm here?
Law could only guess, not moving from the spot.
Her dark hair lies long and loose, obscuring her neck and back, yet allowing glimpses of her ivory skin. The gleam of the lamp haloed her body, highlighting the delicate curves of her shoulders. If it wasn't for the loathsome sound of creaking door, he might have stayed rooted to the spot for as long as she was there.
The screech of the door made her drop the book she was holding. She turns, unable to hide the surprise he was staring intently at her.
The realization she was trapped in the room with him dawned on her face.
And seconds later, he closed the door behind him.
The speech formed in his mind, how they can't keep this on, throwing tantrums like toddlers; how they need to get a grip.
"I... I brought food, from Lami... She ... Kids made you cookies..."
What came out was something utterly inferior.
Her mouth slightly parted, but she swiftly recovers, blinking away any thought or words she might want to say.
Instead, she only nods, looking right through him as if he wasn't there. Tashigi leaves the book at the desk, moving towards him.
His heart jumped in anticipation of her next move, intrigued by the fact he couldn't see through any of it. He concentrates on her eyes that were getting a reflection of the rebellious violet through the lenses of her glasses, driving him insane.
The sweet smell that came from her, some kind of flowers? What flowers did she like, again?
It didn't matter, he missed it. He yearned for it, he wanted it, to drown in it, to feel it on his skin...
Her hand reaches out to him, making him hold his breath.
Touch me. Don't ignore me. His mind begged.
Her delicate fingers wrap around the bag he was carrying, while she waited patiently for him to let go.
Right, the food.
The simple gesture yanked him into reality. He releases the bag to her, still not moving from the door.
Well, at least she would have to say something if she wanted to leave.
"Could you-" She looked at the door behind him.
He did not wait for her to finish. "Would you stop with the silent treatment?!" He snarls, visibly startling her. "It's like I'm living with a fucking ghost!"
But her stubbornness prevails, and she grips the doorknob. He moves from the door, letting her open it.
"To hell with you, woman," he breathes out the weak hex, unable to think of anything better.
She opens the door, walking through it, but not before giving him a glimpse over her shoulder.
"I'm still waiting for... If you want to talk." She mumbles, leaving the library.
After a month, he called his lawyer to consult about divorce papers. He knew that they could get a clean and quick divorce if he is able to come to an agreement with his spouse about everything.
I just need to talk to her and persuade her that it's the best solution... Yeah, it would be great, if she wasn't so unreasonable. Law scoffed, throwing the papers into the drawer of his desk.
How long does she plan to do this? And why is she doing it in the first place? Is she expecting some kind of apology?
Is she waiting for him to tell her all about his past? The questions surged in his mind, pressing him for answers.
If that's what it takes for her to leave him, he was prepared to do it.
It was three after midnight when he entered her room. As quietly as possible he looked at her form edged by the fain street lights through the large window. This looks too familiar, he thinks to himself. He did it so many times, losing the count.
What am I doing? He thought to himself, rubbing his temple. It's late...
But before he could leave, he was bothered by something.
Who sleeps with the open curtains? And it was not her first time to do so. How is she not bothered by the lights?
Idiot.
He makes few cat-like steps towards the window, closing them. Why am I sneaking around for? It's not like she can-
"Law, what are you doing?"
He freezes to the spot at the sound of her voice. "I was... Checking the curtains."
Oh my god.
"The curtains?" He didn't have to see her face to know she was baffled.
"I do it all the times because- Just go back to sleep."
I need to get out.
But she turned on the lamp on the nightstand, her hand already gripping the glasses.
Shit.
"I know. It's not your first time sneaking into my room."
Sneaking... He felt like a stalker.
"I'm not sneaking, it's my house. I just happen to notice that..." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You know what? You should leave them closed all the time." He turned on his heel, walking away.
Yet when he reached the door...
Don't be a fucking coward, a malicious voice spoke inside of him. Tell her.
"Tashigi." He turns to her.
"Yes?" She peered over her glasses, tilting her head.
He silently walks over, sitting at the edge of her bed. "I'm sorry." The false apology crosses his lips, and she doesn't answer.
"If you want the truth... I will tell you."
"You're sorry?" She repeats a tad louder. "For what?"
"For... Everything?" He quickly adds it, trying to sound as natural as possible.
"So you trust me?"
Trust? What is she-
"You trust in my love?"
"Huh?" He hesitated, his words trailing off.
"You're lying," she frowns, closing her eyes. "Why are you really here for?"
Her words punch him in the gut, sucking all air out. And it was quite long ago when somebody managed to make him feel so feeble and out of control.
"What the fuck do you want from me? What does it take you to leave me alone? Are you a masochist? You enjoy suffering so much?"
He glares at the source of his frustration. "Cause that's all you gonna get if you stick by my side!" His breathing was heavy and dragged, and he did the one thing he told himself not to- lose temper.
"I do not suffer by your side." She exhaled, continuing. "I want you to accept my feelings. You don't have to love me back, just acknowledge my love. I will stick around as long as I have to, until you believe me."
Law shook his head, thinking how there are still some things in human behavior that could surprise him.
How many times did he hear Sylive professing her love to him, claiming how no one would love him like she does?
How she accepts the man and the monster? There was a time when he believed her words were true. But like most things in his life, he grew tired of hearing it. And indifferent.
It wasn't love, only a bad obsession.
"Why?" He enquired.
"I think it will help you." Tashigi whispers, twisting the wedding ring on her finger.
"So you are trying to fix me." He huffs mockingly. "Waste of time, like I said."
"Maybe so... But...When you love someone, you never give up on them." She blushes a little, but he hardly notices. His eyes lock on hers, wide and wild, while his nostrils flared.
Those words... How is that possible?
Ridiculous!
"Law, what's wrong-"
"S-Shut up!" He bolts upwards. "Your efforts are futile! Quit being so unreasonable, you're nothing but a burden to me."
He sees the twitch of her eyes, and he knows he hurt her. That was the only thing he excelled at, and it seems that she forgot. Whatever picture of him she painted in her mind, he's going to destroy it.
"I want... A divorce."
Her gaze falls downwards and he awaits tears.
"I can't do that." Her voice is clear, as she gripped the sheets. "I need to stick a little longer, especially now." She looks at him again and he stumbles back a step. Actually fucking stumbles. Never before has he seen such a determination in her eyes.
No, he saw it earlier, but it was for her work, not for him.
"We will be spending the next week together." Her gaze shackled him, annihilating his will to fight her.
"W-What...?" He scarcely mumbles.
"That hospital management conference?" She touched a stray lock. "You won't be going with Sylvie, you will be going with me."
Law parts his lips. Who is this woman?
But Tashigi ignored his reaction, giving blow after blow. "I made myself acquainted with everyone who is valuable to the hospital and with Bernard himself. Sylvie is still on his leash, so she can't do what she wants to. I simply made a few observations and he and your parents agreed."
"Observations?" Too stunned to say anything else, but repeat her words, he sat back on the bed.
"I think you'll be happy to know you don't share the office with her anymore." She smiled, like a straight-A student.
I'm dreaming. No, I'm hallucinating. What the fuck was in that drink?
"I showed him the recent case you helped me with, and we concluded that you would be more successful if were to teach young surgeons. It would be a waste if you are stuck in the office all the time. Our educational program is of the great value to the hospital, and young minds should learn from the best."
She studied his face silently. Small smile forms on his lips, and he thinks she was relishing in the dominance over him.
A payback, huh?
It was something he deserved after everything he had done to her. That didn't chase away the feeling of anger and... Arousement.
"Of course, you are still in the management of the hospital, just... I thought it would be more enjoyable for you to do something you love. Not everything has to be sacrificed."
"I see." His lips lifted upwards. "Such a thoughtful wife." He scoots closer to her. "Or should I say calculating?"
To his satisfaction, she broke the eye contact, blushing again.
There it is, my little mouse. He got the urge to push it over the limit.
"I j-just... B-Bernard is a family man himself and I asked him for a favor to send me with you since we barely spend time together..." She mutters the last part, fiddling with her fingers. "I also mentioned that Sylvie doesn't need to attend since she went on a bunch of them before she exhibited the desire to help Bernard and succeed him. You should have seen her face when she was caught in her own trap." She lifts her head up, offering him a glorious smile.
His grin widened. "Fine, I will put off the divorce... You have earned your shot."
"Huh?" She blinked so ignorantly, after what she did to him minutes ago. He didn't know whether to be glad or pissed.
"A week with you, hmmm..." He crawls closer, grabbing her sheets. "Between the four walls... Nowhere to hide... Or ignore."
She presses her lips together, clutching the covers. "Stop fooling around."
"Oh? You can fool around and I can't?"
"Law..." She yields, letting him uncover her. "I'm sorry if-"
He slides his finger across her lips.
"So, what do you plan to do with me? Seduce me? I'm looking forward to it. You will have to be... Very persuasive."
He buries his face in the curve of her shoulder, delighted by a slight twinge of her warm body and a small moan escaping her lips.
"Y-You're a d-devil..." She faltered, harsh breathing filled his ears.
"Right back at you."
I craved your mouth, your voice, your hair... And you left me starving. For a month. He hastily gets rid of his thoughts, tightening the embrace around her.
"I'm a little pissed, you know," he plants a modest kiss on her neck, blowing on her skin.
"T-That tickles," she was fighting a giggle, but not him.
"A lot actually. Nobody has ignored me for so long... Prepare to pay the price."
"Hey if anybody should be pissed it's me," She pushed him lightly. "You wanted to divorce me just a while ago. Not to mention-"
"Stop dwelling in the past." He takes off her glasses, kissing her.
Man, oh man… This chapter has been altered a thousand times I believe, until I was satisfied with it (somewhat). It was the hardest chapter for me to write so far, comparing to the rest. Like I mentioned in the previous A/N the end is near lol. I'm being optimistic that I will finish it in 2 or 3 chapters, but who knows. This fanfic was supposed to have only ten chapters when I started to write it and now it has a little more than double -_-
Thank you for reading, and all of your compliments.