Happiness for H: Ghosts

March 18 (the evening lingers on)

Horatio sat silently for a couple minutes, while he collected his thoughts. Eventually, Emily peeped at him from lowered lashes. He was staring out at the ocean, his hands clasped lightly between his knees, fiddling with his sunglasses. She watched as the wind tousled his hair, making her ache to be in his arms, the steady beat of his heart in her ear. Afraid her hands would not obey her mind, she quickly buried one in Ghosts' ruff. Curling her other hand into a fist, Emily hugged it to her stomach.

"Horatio, are you ok?" She couldn't stand the silence any longer, she had to say something. He nodded. Not looking at her, he asked,

"Why are you here Emily?" There was no emotion in his voice.

"It wasn't my fault." She couldn't keep the defensiveness out of her voice. "Ghost and I were playing Frisbee and it went over the fence," she explained tightly. "Contrary to what you're thinking, I wasn't running away."

"I asked you to stay away from the beach." His voice was quiet and level. Still he wouldn't look at her.

"I went to get the Frisbee and Ghost exploded out of the gate. I didn't purposely try to disobey you Horatio. Oh gosh," she groaned, "I sound like when I was ten, trying to explain how the chocolate cake batter got on the ceiling to my grandmother."

She caught just the tiniest bit of a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He looked at her then.

"I think this is slightly more serious than cake batter on the ceiling, Em." Studying the way her fingers slid through her pet's furry neck, Emily said unthinkingly,

"You wouldn't say that if you had been in the kitchen at the time. It looked like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory after a particularly nasty experiment gone bad. I was grounded for weeks. And I had to clean up the mess." Looking up at him then, she was disconcerted to find those blue eyes watching her intently. Emily felt her face grow warm, and looked back down at her hand.

"Did you ever get in trouble for something you didn't mean to do, Horatio?"

"All the time," he answered her quietly. "Emily, look at me. Please."

Slowly, she raised her eyes back up to his. Those blue eyes were dark with emotion. Since he didn't say anything, Emily decided to speak first.

"Why can't you trust me enough to tell me?" she mumbled sadly. "I'm your wife and yet it seems I'm the last person who finds out about what's going on with you."

"You know about Raymond." It was a statement. Horatio's gaze slid away before coming back to hers.

"Just what was written in the newspaper and on TV." Emily held her breath, wondering how he was going to take her admission that she had been snooping into his past. When he didn't say anything, she said softly, "I'd rather hear it from you, though."

"It's complicated."

"I'll let you know if I get lost."

"Emily… I don't know where to start," Horatio started to reach for her hand, then thought better of it as the white dog lifted his head from where he had been resting it on his paws.

"How about the beginning?" She refused to back down. "Remember that whole thing about for better or for worse in our marriage vows, Horatio?" He raised an eyebrow as he nodded. "I would say this falls in the worse category." she paused. "I want to know about the "worse" stuff as much as I want to know about the "better" stuff."

"I've been taking care of everyone I love for as long as I can remember Emily. It's not that easy to just change ..." his voice trailed off.

"You don't have to do it alone, anymore, Horatio," Emily said quietly. She watched as his eyes slid away from her and he looked out towards the ocean once again. Looking down he began to run his hand up and down the length of Ghost's back, feeling the smoothness of the dogs soft fur.

"Yelina said I need to let go of Raymond." At Emily's sharply indrawn breath, Horatio looked at her questioningly.

"Yelina?"

"Yes, I … we went to the cemetery today, to Raymond's grave." Horatio was beginning to realize how it looked. "Em, it's not what you think," he said quietly. "Yelina and I … we've been through a lot with Raymond and … after he died …"

"I know," Emily whispered, blinking her eyes furiously so he wouldn't see the tears welling up in them. She became aware that he was speaking again.

"Emily, I let go of Raymond today. I couldn't save him when he was alive and I can't save him now. It's just that I made a promise to always take care of him, and it's painful to admit that I failed."

She looked up at him, the pain in his voice making her ache to take him into her arms and hold him right there on the beach.

"Who would ask you to make that promise?" she wondered aloud.

"My mother." His voice was nothing more than a whisper. "I was the big brother. I was supposed to look out for him … when she couldn't." His voice broke then, and he looked away out to the ocean. Horatio felt Emily's hand gently cover his where it lay on Ghosts' soft fur. He hardly dared to breathe, and they stayed that way for some minutes. Slowly she squeezed his fingers. Horatio looked at her then.

"I think," Emily said slowly watching him carefully, "that your mother would have been very proud of you. I know I am." Those wonderful blue eyes glittered in the evening light. Emily gave in to the desire to gently move the bright hair from his forehead.

When he leaned over Ghost and kissed her, Emily didn't move away. Her arms reached for him, as she tried to move closer into his embrace. For once Horatio didn't care who saw them, he only wanted the comfort of her body against his, his mouth drinking in the taste of hers.

Lifting his head and looking over every inch of her face, Horatio said huskily,

"Let's go home, sweetheart." Emily nodded, not trusting her voice. He helped her stand up and with Ghost between them, they started toward home. Several more times during the course of their way up the beach, Horatio stopped and took her face in his hands, kissing her gently until Emily shivered and moaned softly.

TBC