Chapter 21

There'll be Nothing You Can Do

I walked the halls of the hospital very slowly. No one really enjoys the hospital but I have grown to truly hate it and it's not just on principal alone.

The hospital carried so many more memories for me. I hate it for the smells. Not just the heavy scent of bleach and other cleaning solutions. But the blood. The smell of my blood all over me will forever haunt me. But that wasn't it. I remember the scent of other's bloods on my hands. The heavy stench of pure evil hung in the air around me. Just being back in these walls it brings back those haunting memories.

I hate it for the sights. I had seen my friends and family at their worst here. I had seen them broken and bleeding, struggling to survive. And remembering the few who didn't.

I hate it for the sounds. Screams of kids, that I may or may not have known. Screams from my family and my friends. Screams of pain and suffering. Loud crying from friends and family. The steady rhythmic beeps of machinery that meant everything was ok... until suddenly it wasn't.

I hate it for the simple fact that I have spent far too much time here in the past weeks.

And on top of my hatred of this place, I have to rehash the same traumatizing story. I hated to admit just how broken I was at the moment and I feared that my showdown with Emmett would only make matters worse. And I don't know how they could get any worse.

I paced the hall outside of Emmett's room about ten times before Rosalie stood just inside the doorway and glared at me. "Are you going to come in or what?" she snapped at me. I froze in place. "Now's a great time for you to visit. He is sending me on a pizza and burger and wing and... you name it he wants it. I guess not eating real food for that long really gives you some major cravings." We exchanged some small talk and then she left.

I still wasn't mentally prepared to face Emmett and his questions so I continued to pace the hall. On my third lap I heard Emmett cursing from the confines of his hospital bed. "Oh for the love of God, Bella! I can see you out there. Are you coming in or what?" If 'or what' was really a choice, I think I would take it.

I planted my feet and took in a deep breath. I spun on my heel and marched into his room. I was as ready as I would ever be. "Hello, Emmett," I said quietly, keeping my eyes drawn to the ground. "How are you feeling?" My voice was flat yet cordial, not the way I ever spoke to my friends.

"Like I just woke up from a three month coma. Now let's cut the crap. Sit down." He gestured to the chair to his left. "We've got a lot to discuss. I'm sure Rosalie won't be gone too long. And these nurses are in here doing things to me every ten minutes. Sit." He demanded again and this time I listened. I sank into the stiff green material and shifted around. I was never going to be comfortable in that seat so I gave up fidgeting and pulled my knees to my chest and tried to hide behind them.

"Play the game. You ask. I'll answer." I said, my voice muffled slightly as I continued to hide my face from him.

Emmett took in a deep breath and wiped the palms of his hands on the blanket draped over his legs. "I have a bad case of Swiss Cheese memory. Lot's of holes. With some help, I've already been able to get a pretty good picture of what happened in there. Rosalie gave me a good run down of things last night. She said that you risked your lives for everyone in there. Multiple times. Alice and Jasper stopped by this morning and they insinuated about some things. What they did to you. How they hurt you to punish you. And I'm sure the things they were willing to say out loud are only the half of it." He paused. I assume he was waiting for a response but I couldn't find my voice. My eyes already clouded with tears. He didn't continue so I lowered my feet to the ground and looked at him as the first of the tears began to fall. He reached for me and enveloped my small hands in his. "I remember a lot of those things clearly. Some of them not so much. And others not at all."

I nodded again. "Your family seems to have filled you in with some pretty accurate details. Why do you need me? What's your question?" My voice was unstable as I spoke.

"I'm getting there," he sighed. "I have some memories that I can't place. They've helped me sort through those. A lot of them are snippets of bigger things. Some of them seem to be nothing more than dreams. But there are a few that I need some more help with. No one that I've talked to was there for some of these moments."

I grew impatient as he paused again. I wiped away the tears and tried to keep my voice steady. "What's your question, Emmett?" my voice was cold and distant.

"We planned the escape?" He asked, though he sounded perfectly confident that he knew the answer. "The one that I ended up getting shot over." I nodded. "Edward too?" I nodded again. "And before you went off to save all our asses again, he kissed you." I pulled in a sharp breath. I don't know why. I was expecting it after all. "And it wasn't just a friendly kiss." He paused, waiting for me to rebuke his claims. "You don't deny it?"

I took a deep breath to try to calm my nerves. "No. I don't deny it. You were right there. But I doubt you fully understand what you saw."

He laughed, it sounded awkward, a little forced. "I think I know a little bit about kissing." He paused a moment and his smile fell into a look of concentration. "Edward told you he loved you."

I wasn't going to deny it. I couldn't lie to him. What was the point? The truth was buried in there somewhere. "Yes."

"Why?"

"One would assume because he loved me." I could tell from the look he gave me that he didn't like the answer. "I know your memory is hazy at best right now but you can't tell me that you don't know what it was like. It was hell in there. Things got intense. Edward helped me through it. I guess I helped him through some stuff too. We leaned on each other and helped keep each other sane. It felt a lot like love at the time."

"Is it?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I can't really speak for him but I would guess it wasn't. You saw him and Tanya here together yesterday."

"And you?"

I didn't want to lie so I did my best impersonation of a politician and avoided the question. "Moot point."

I could tell he wanted to push it but he left it alone for a moment. "So we all went through hell together and it brought us all a lot closer together. Some of us a lot closer than others," his said. His eyes conveyed his meaning to me. "Then what happened?"

I'm sure he wanted a different answer but I was going to be literal. "All hell broke loose. You got shot."

"And you?"

"I ended up with a different set of scars. Some of them are carefully hidden under layers of clothes. But most of them you can't see them on my skin but just look at me. I bet you can almost see how fucked up I am under the surface right now." He squeezed my hands in gentle reassurance as another round of tears fell. We fell silent for a few minutes. I wanted to leave our conversation at that. He wanted to push for more details. But we both needed a break, if only for a moment.

"So you're pregnant?" he finally broke the silence. "Congratulations." There was a quick pause in the conversation. "How far along are you?"

"About three months," I said softly. I could tell he was doing some quick mental math. I don't know why he was dragging this out. He could just ask the damn question he wanted and make this a hell of a lot faster.

"But you're not wearing your engagement ring anymore." He noted, running his thumb over my fingers.

"Me and Jacob are over. I know you know this. You know all of this so just say it," I demanded weakly, pulling my hands from his. He didn't respond. "You told me you remembered everything so stop fucking around and just say it."

"Who's the baby's father?" He looked away from me.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face again. "Just say it."

"I need to hear it from you."

"I already told you all of this once."

"Then tell me again, damnit!" His voice boomed, echoing in the tiny room as he hammered his fists down onto the bed. His sudden anger brought my emotions to near hysterics.

I lifted my head and rested my chin on my knees, trying to keep him from seeing my body shake. "Don't make me say it," my voice was as soft as a whisper. "It hurts too much."

He grabbed my hands again and gently pulled me. He pulled me to my feet then patted his bed. I lowered myself down beside him and he wrapped his arms around me. "I'll kill him for what he did. How he hurt you. How he's still hurting you. The next time I see Edward I will kill him and no one will blame me."

Instead of cry, I laughed. "No." Emmett drew his brow in confusion. "It's not his fault." He stared at me and waiting for me to continue. I licked my lips and took a deep breath. "Of all the things you forget..." I sighed. "It was revenge. Nemo's revenge. For the escape. He shot you. He shot a bunch of kids and let them go. Then he forced Edward to..." I didn't finish the sentence. And from the look on Emmett's face, he didn't need me to.

"Oh shit," he cursed, the little coloring he had draining from his face.

"Exactly," I sighed. "That's why it's been such a big secret. Because it has to be. I can't tell anyone about it because they wouldn't understand. You were there and I bet you barely understand. The things that Nemo did... He wasn't violent or unstable like the others. He was worse. He was cold and manipulative and smart. And he knew exactly what to say and do to get what he wanted. And at the time we were all totally clueless to that." I was dangerously close to another meltdown. "I should have killed him while I had the chance."

"It wouldn't change anything."

"Just because it wouldn't change anything, doesn't mean it wouldn't make me feel better. I can't change my situation. I can't let anyone in on the secret for reasons I hope you understand. Things happened. I did things in there... I never thought I would could do. Never thought I would be capable of. I thought that I wouldn't be able to kill someone and if it ever came to that... I thought it would ruin me. But it didn't. I can live with that. I am almost happy that I did it. It's the best decision I made in there. That's not the moment that I have nightmares about. That's not one of the moments I regret. I regret that I didn't get to finish the job. I regret that James... Nemo is still alive and still trying to play his stupid fucking games with me. With us."

XXXXX

It didn't take me long to get over my pity party. Edward finished cleaning me up. After I was cleaned Edward was very careful not to touch me. So we cried. We made more promises. We pretended to forget. But the memory hung heavily around us.

We joined our friends (or what was left of them) outside the kitchen area and they thankfully didn't ask questions. But I did. "Emmett?"

"Rosalie snapped," Angela explained. "Her brother was knocked out and unresponsive and her boyfriend was shot in the head. She became a spitfire and somehow was able to hold them off so we could get him outside."

"And?"

Alice shrugged. "We don't know. The two of us trying to carry that ogre out should have been impossible but... We left him right outside the door and prayed that everything was going to be ok. It's all we could do. Even that was risking a lot."

"Rose?" I asked, looking at her sleeping form, curled up against Jasper in the corner.

"They knocked her around a little." Alice said. "Nothing too bad. She finally cried herself to sleep a few minutes ago."

"Jasper?"

"Still out from the hit he took."

"How many kids are left?" I asked, looking around the gym and finding it empty.

"All in the kitchen," Angela answered. "Ten total. Five infants. Two toddlers. Three school age."

We stayed quiet for a long while.

I snapped. It took me a long time to reach that point. But a girl has her limits. While inside I had lost count of things like hours and days, it all just ran together and seemed like one endless day. Sure I was as clean as I could get with some soap and paper towels but I had gone too long without a shower. I had barely eaten. I hadn't slept so much as fallen into a temporary coma from pure exhaustion. And I had suffered enough beatings to leave me with permanent scars. I was surprised I was alive at all.

We seemed to have said all that we had to say. We were quiet. Our captors were quiet. The kids were quiet. It was completely silent in a way it never had been. And somewhere in the silence something inside of me snapped. "This stops now," I said with a sudden conviction in my voice.

I couldn't watch any more of my friends suffer. I couldn't wait to see if they would live or die. I had to end it all before things continued and only got worse. I had no plan. I didn't care if I lived or died. I just wanted the nightmare over.

I turned my back on my friends and began to walk away. I heard Edward shout his protest but I ignored him. My pace didn't slow as I approached Nemo. "Just can't stay out of trouble can you?" he called to me. I ignored him and continued past him and up the hallway that could lead to my freedom. Still with no plan in mind.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Nehil growled as he grabbed me from behind. He lifted me off the ground and I kicked and fought with everything I had, doing very little damage to him but he finally put me down and I again started to walk up the hallway. "Do you enjoy your punishment?" He was already at my heels. His hands gripped my waist and he dug his fingers into my flesh, keeping me frozen in place. "Is that why you keep breaking all the rules?" He leaned in close to me, pressing his body against mine, as he whispered into my ear. "Do you want me to hurt you again?" He brushed his fingers across my neck and through my hair. "Because you should know I won't let you run away from me."

"If I wanted to run away I would have done it already," I explained, my voice flat and detached.

"Then what's with the field trip?"

"I thought I'd go for a walk. Stretch my legs. Get a drink." I shrugged casually.

"Not without supervision, baby," Nehil's hands wandered down my shoulders and rested at my hips.

"As I've already said, if I wanted to escape I would have done it a long time ago."

Nehil laughed in my ear. "You think you've earned our trust in some way?"

"No," I responded looking back and addressing Nemo. "I'm not stupid but neither are you. You know I won't risk hurting my friends. I won't walk out the door until they do first."

Nemo chuckled behind me. "Let her go. Let's see where this leads."

Nehil grunted and reluctantly released me. I ignored their conversation as I stalked up the hallway, my mind spinning trying to find a way out of this mess. I turned into the office and stopped short. I had all but forgotten what lie in the office, the past days events having blurred together. Maria's body was still lying in the middle of the office, dry blood browned with age matted in the carpet, the stench of decay beginning to fill the room. I allowed myself only a moment for the memories and the grief to pass before I stepped into the office. I tried to ignore the body and the bloodstains as I moved about the office, willing myself to find some answer in the disaster. Rifling through desk drawers, finding nothing more useful than pens.

I paused a moment to stare at the door to Esme's private office. I wracked my brain, trying to recall days ago, back when this all started and I swear that door was left open. I peeked inside I worked on trying to save Maria's life to make sure that Esme wasn't also shot and bleeding on the floor. Now the door was closed. Had I imagined it? Had everything that happened affected my memory? It was possible.

"What is this about, Princess?" Nemo asked, suddenly appearing in the door frame behind me.

I tried to quell my panic of being watched as I approached the unlocked cabinet, grabbing a bottle of Tylenol and a set of keys from the hook. I shook the bottle of pills at him, hoping to distract him as I slipped another bottle into the pocket of the hoodie. "I have a headache. Among other things. I only wish there was something stronger," I explained as I unlocked Esme's office. Nemo laughed as I slowly pushed the door open, not knowing what to expect.

"What are you doing now? Nemo asked.

"I need something to wash it down with." I stepped into Esme's office and froze the panic rising in me again. You couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. Esme's office was in it's organized disorder sort of state. My eyes continued to scan the room and only because I know Esme and her office so well, I noticed a few things out of place. The phone at an awkward angle on her desk. The empty water bottle barely visible beside her desk, just beside the heel of the shoe that was on Esme's foot at the beginning of this adventure. I wanted to hold onto the hope that she had kicked her shoe off as she escaped when all of this started. But I couldn't. I knew she was there. I could feel her energy, wild and terrified as she hide, trying to keep herself safe. But more than just sense her presence, I could smell it, not like the unfamiliar scent of decay outside her office. It was the familiar odor of old urine soaked into the carpet that all of us that have helped to potty train the toddlers were used to. Nemo would notice it the moment he set foot inside this room. So I couldn't let him in. He couldn't know about Esme. He couldn't have another one of my loved one's to torture.

I checked over my shoulder, Nemo stood beside Maria's body looking into her lifeless eyes. I moved into the office quickly before he could notice. I walked around her desk and saw her. She was curled into the fetal position, hiding between her desk, visibly shaking. But her eyes were wide open and focused on me. As she took in the sight of me, all bruised, bloodied and battered her eyes grew even wider. I offered her a small smile, trying to reassure her. She seemed uninjured but I silently mouthed a question anyway. She nodded and offered a small smile in return. I opened the large oak cabinet behind her desk, trying to not be too obvious of my secret conversation with Esme if Nemo decided to look into the office. I pulled out the bottle of vodka she kept there for 'special occasions' like when we all got together and repainted the walls, or when Jessica finally got her CDA. There was only a quarter of it left but it would be enough. I unscrewed the cap and took a long drink from the bottle, letting the liquor burn my throat on it's way down. I took another drink with a couple of Tylenol and felt a slight tug at the pocket of my sweatshirt. I looked down to find Esme removing her hands from my pocket, a slight extra weight in in now. We exchanged more smiles and nods before I turned my back to her. I took another drink of the vodka, my already cloudy head getting a little more hazy. I reached in my pocket and felt for the small bottle and pulled it out, carefully squirting the contents inside the vodka and giving it a little shake.

I walked out of the room, closing the door behind me and took another small drink from the bottle. Nemo was still staring at Maria's body as I walked past him. "You stood up to Nehil and risked his wrath for a couple of Tylenol and vodka?"

I shrugged. "Mostly the vodka. Too bad there wasn't more. I don't think you'd blame me for wanting to get really drunk."

"No," Nemo said, approaching me and taking the vodka from my hand. "I can't hardly blame you. But your punishment is about pain. I think you deserve to feel that pain."

"You don't think I've been punished enough?"

"Clearly not," he nearly growled at me. "Anyone else would psychologically damaged beyond repair, shaking and sobbing in the corner for months to come. But you... I thought maybe I had you broken for a second. You ran away crying leaving your boyfriend devastated in your wake. And I thought I finally had you. But you try to clean yourself up," he said, brushing stray hairs out of my face. "And put on a brave face and continue to piss me off," he spoke, his voice low and rough.

"Is that why you allowed me to come up here? Is that why you followed me? I piss you off so you need to punish me more? You needed absolute privacy to rape me?"

"If that's what I wanted, I would have taken you a long time ago," he said through a smile. "I wouldn't have allowed Nehil to play with you. I wouldn't have let Omnis beat you. I wouldn't have let your boyfriend get a turn." His lips continued to curl into a smile while his eyes remained dead and empty. "And if I was going to choose anyone it would be that little brunette friend of yours."

Anger rose up inside of me. "Don't touch her," I said through gritted teeth.

"I've thrown you to the wolves. But I have been saving your little friend all for myself."

"I said, don't touch her."

"Haven't I proven to you by now that I am the one who is calling all the shots? That I am the one with all the power?"

"And haven't I proven to you that I am very resourceful. Do whatever you want to me. But if you touch her and I will kill you."

"I already do whatever I want to you. And when the mood strikes me, I will do the same to your little friend. And there will be nothing you can do to stop me," he said, his finger tips trailing down my jaw line to my neck where he wrapped his fingers around my throat like a halo. "And how the hell do you plan on killing me?" he asked, squeezing his fingers just a little. "If you were able to do it. You would have done it already." He squeezed his fingers tighter around my throat nearly cutting off my air supply. "I will break you. I will make you submit to me."

"You're going to kill me here? Without an audience?" I asked, my voice strained as I tried to find enough air.

"No," he responded releasing me. "There are fates worse than death."

XXXXX

I walked out of the hospital feeling a little better. My secret was out to a lot of people. It made me feel better to have gotten at least a little bit of that weight lifted from me. And so far everyone understood. No one hated me. Or Edward. And they were all remaining silent. But how long could that last? My luck wasn't that good.

I pulled out my phone noticing missed calls and a voice mail but I ignored it all. I had something I had to do first. I dialed and waited after three rings my mother finally picked up. "Hey, baby. How are you doing?"

If only I could tell her the truth. "Can I still move in with you?"

"Of course, baby. You know you are always welcome. I think this will be good for you. Get away for a little bit. Rest. Relax. Let mom take care of you for a little while."

"Thanks, mom." We continued to talk and make plans for a few more minutes before we both finally hung up.

I made a few more phone calls before listening to my voicemail. "Hey, Bella," I heard Tanya's sorrowful voice fill my head. "I kept my promise I didn't say anything. It was hard. But I owed you at least that much for all you did for my family. But I can't keep it up. It will slowly kill me. I've done a lot of thinking. And I have made up my mind. Meet me tonight. At the house at 7. I will make sure that we're alone." There was a short pause where I could hear her breathe over the line. "And Bella, be there or I will tell him."

Author's Note: So... there you have it. Another chapter done. I'm sorry it has taken so long to get it out. But I have been (stalling) having a little trouble with the chapter contents because we are coming down to the end of this story. I estimate two or three more chapters to go. And for those of you who are sad to hear that... there should be a short sequel to follow. If all goes well. I already have a plot worked up in my head.

And as another note, I have been toying with the idea of writing some outtakes for this story. Maybe something from Edward/Alice/Tanya etc. point of view or something... anything really. Things that aren't a part of the story but you wish they were. If there are any moments you would like to see let me know and it might make the cut. Thanks for reading! And Merry Christmas!