He was such an idiot, Sasuke scolded himself. He left Tsunade's office, his body shaking with unknown anxiety, feet tingled. The sensation finally pushed him into a jog. What did really happen with his brother? Why didn't he ask about him earlier? What if...?
He jumped through three steps at once, going down the staircase. Where to go first? POD office? Home? A pub - but which one? Questions tangled in his head, excitement mixed with dizziness. He probably pushed a nurse, making all the files she was carrying fall on the floor, but he didn't stop. Yet again he was twelve years old, chasing his older brother and praying to get any information about him. He broke into a run, but managed to keep the pace as far as to the end of the street.
Then his legs lost strength and coughing shook him as his lungs were hurting after having breathed cold air. He was not used to such exertion. What a pathetic creature has he become, Sasuke thought bitterly, clinging to the nearest fence. So little has left from his ninja skills. What a pathetic creature have they made him into, he corrected, wiping surprisingly abundant sweat off his forehead.
Baka. Why did he even care so much. The situation would resolve without his participation, and if Itachi really wanted to let Sasuke in this time, he should have come and tell him personally. Apparently the teen was useless here, at least in the eyes of his older brother.
Quite convinced with his reasoning, Sasuke went home slowly, but he couldn't completely shake off anxiety that resided in his guts. Maybe the cold was coming back.
[***]
The teen had already made three circles in the park besides their building. Itachi must be home, because where else he could be, if he was suspended. Sasuke wanted to know what happened, but no, he didn't fancy the conversation ahead of them.
Young Uchiha sat down on the bench to allow his wandering thoughts to calm down. Afternoon sun was good. Warm beams delicately kissed his face and repelled chilly air. He had a good spot from where he could see the entrance to their tenement house, so surely he would notice Itachi if the man left or came into the building.
He was fed up with aniki and he was just too tired to think about it. Crossing the threshold of their flat would mean coming back to the same shitty situation as before. The man possessed one particular ability of constantly prying into Sasuke's life and at the same time ignoring the teen. Itachi knew nothing and yet he acted as if he got all the answers. Ordering Sasuke around, praising his beloved Konoha in every breath, paying all the bills and taking Sasuke to his office to show his colleagues what a good big brother he was. Tse. And now what, he saw Sasuke's seals and got scared? What a coward, Sasuke saw them every day! Not that young Uchiha complained much about aniki moving out. Seeing the man scared, confused, and begging for teen's attention brought him grim satisfaction.
Why did he even care. Itachi had always kept him at distance, so here was what the man asked for.
Long beams of the setting sun gave away, that he sat on the bench for too long. Yet again he had drifted into his thoughts. If Itachi really came back, it was about time Sasuke normally came home. Good, he would just pretend he didn't waited for aniki's return.
Sasuke stopped before their flat's door and froze. The stone in his guts weighted a ton in this very moment. He tried to listen, but he didn't hear any sound inside. He raised a hand to knock, but in the end he didn't. He should use the key, right? The teen knew the key is in his right pocket, just like always, but checked through his bag and jacket, making some noise. If Itachi's home, he would sense his presence and open the door. No, that's stupid. Sasuke should have stayed outside the building just a little bit longer. If aniki didn't open now, he would wait in the park. But then he heard steps and shuffling from the neighboring flat. The crazy hag cracked her door open and scowled at him. Just the moment she opened her mouth to say some usual remark, Sasuke burst into his flat and shut the door.
"I'm home" young Uchiha called out tentatively, feeling awkward. The words fell into the silence. The boy checked the rooms, but no sign suggested somebody else had been in their flat.
Baka, Aniki wasn't there like yesterday and the days before. No big deal. Maybe that was even better. He carelessly threw his jacket on the sofa and kicked off his boots in the living room. Itachi would bite his head off seeing him walking in shoes inside the flat.
After their last fight, things got quite complicated in one more aspect, Sasuke told himself. His chakra might be blocked, but not his instinct, nowadays jumping from dullness to panic like a ride on a rollercoaster. The last event reminded him quite directly that Itachi outdid him in physical strength and had chakra. Not that aniki has ever given him any reason to be afraid of him, but what if he'd just snap one day? It was no fun to add one's brother to the list of possible threats. Maybe Sasuke was being oversensitive or maybe the last situation was just an easy excuse to channel all the anger that had gathered towards his perfect brother. Defining Itachi as a potential aggressor would bring the teen a lot of justification he subconsciously yearned. But Sasuke was not up to analyze his feelings at all. Whatever it was, it didn't change the fact that young Uchiha was feeling lousy.
Sasuke made himself tea and went straight to bed, hoping to sleep the anxiety off. Good that Sakura almost forced him to eat lunch - getting down to the corner shop to get some food sounded as too much trouble right now.
When he woke up from his slumber, it was completely dark outside, as if in the middle of the night. Oh, and the phone was ringing. Sasuke was tempted to ignore the call, but the sound just didn't want to die out. Then a though struck him that it must be Itachi, and he dashed from his sheets. The flat was a mess, he noted, he should clean up before his brother returned.
"Moshi-moshi"
"Sasuke?" it was really aniki, and Sasuke was on full alert now. The interlocutor cleaned his throat and continued in nonetheless raspy voice. "Sorry, I couldn't meet you, are you ok?"
"Itachi!" the teen said louder than he intended.
"Is everything ok? Do you need anything?" aniki went on with his usual questions. He sounded tired and there was also something else in his voice, but the younger brother couldn't decipher it.
"No, I'm good. Where are you?!"
"Please take care." Heavy breaths that followed signalized the man said his goodbye.
"Wait, what happened, did you get suspended?! When are you coming back?" the boy didn't care that he was actually shouting to the receiver now.
"Sorry Sasuke, I need to go, we'll talk next time soon. Please take care."
Click.
Shit! The phone hit the floor. How dared he! All the whole week pretending to care and now casually hanging off. A fucking traitor, leaving Sasuke on his own again, keeping secrets, saying later and treating Sasuke like a child that didn't need to know what was going on! Keeping everything to himself, as always. If he had ever uttered a word during these ten years, things would have turned out so differently. Always playing the lonely fucking martyr, be it paying the rent or getting in trouble at work.
Angry tears rolled down Sasuke's cheeks. How dared he, stressing him so much, making him...worry. Fucking Mr. Perfect
[***]
Click. He wasn't able to hold the conversation any longer. Sasuke's voice still repeated in his head. Itachi hid his head in hands, breathing heavily to stop the upcoming wave of tears. He would not cry in front of his boss, who waited outside the Uchiha's cabinet, seeing everything through the glass door. At least ototou sounded quite energetic today. That was absurdly hilarious, Sasuke probably showed more engagement in today phone conversation than ever before. Little brother needed more attention than that, he repeated for the hundreths time in his mind, but first Itachi had to deal with the situation. He was ready to take the whole responsibility for his unacceptable actions.
"Itachi" Kikuta-san entered the room and stood behind his subordinate's desk with his arms crossed. "How is Sasuke?" Uchiha nodded his head to signal everything was ok at home.
"Imagine, I don't really fancy my job right now." the boss continued.
"How is Nishida-san? I haven't ...seen her yet" Itachi stared at his desk, unable to look the man in his eyes.
"Well, quite ok, expect the blue eye you gave her so generously yesterday. She's wearing sunglasses and the colleagues think it's just another fashion fad."
Uchiha was silent
"Ok. That was a bad joke. You're as lucky as hell that there were no witnesses. Team G just finished surveying the surrounding and it seems nobody saw your fight. Geeez Itachi..." he sighted and continued after a while.
"So the 24-hour arrest is almost over. I won't press any charges to any of you so we will have to let Yamato out. He just gave some vague testimony that you two had a disagreement, but there's not even enough evidence to classify it as a peace disturbance either - even if I wanted to. He won't bring private prosecution against you and of course you'll do the same. This means the criminal case is closed for me, and I'm throwing away the report you've been writing. It's a shit, I won't have it in files, how my best man suddenly snapped and attacked a random guy. Although you're definitely at fault here, I highly doubt you're the only one to blame. But fortunately I don't need to and I won't dwell on who started and why."
"Not so random, sir," Uchiha cut in "He shouldn't just wait outside my flat, what business could he have there anyway, if not for some kind of retorsion against me or my brother? "
"Don't you even dare investigating it further, Itachi." the boss slammed his hand into a desk. "It might end bad for you and Sasuke. I'm not threatening you, but saying that good reputation matters, especially now - before the next council meeting. And the park near your house is a public place, I can't prohibit anyone from coming there, or pry what they do there, as long as they obey the law. Do you understand Itachi, you've already brought us enough worries."
"Boss, I don't know what got into me yesterday... I am so sorry!"
"I know you are" he shrugged his shoulders. "And I know quite well what got into you: long lasting stress you've been bottling up since forever, exhaustion after a whole week of alcohol binging, guilt.. Nothing unusual, but responsible people solve their problems by talking, not fighting. I just don't know if I should thank Mikami-chan for trying to separate you two, or prohibit her to work with you, because having two higher-ups involved in a street brawl it's too much for my nerves!"
"What should I do to make up for my mistakes?"
"Oh, stop repeating this question like a mantra. I'm just asking you, leave everything to me. You're not allowed to contact Yamato in any form, and if there is such need I will inform Hokage about the incident the way I see it best. I doubt however if she'd like to make the matter public. After all Yamato is her man."
Kikuta sighted deeply and finally sat down.
"We all need to rest now, Itachi. I would like you to take the week off." Seeing Uchiha trying to protest he added. "Yes, that's an order. If Sasuke's well, I want you to spend this night again at my place, and then you're returning home. No straying and attacking random people anymore. Is that ok?"
"Boss, I don't want to cause any more troubles for you and Umi-san..."
"Troubles? That's the safest place I can put you. Seeing you in this condition I can't help but imagine how the moment you cross the threshold of your house you start another useless quarrel or have emotional outburst you'll regret in the morning. He needs you to be strong, so you have to pull yourself together. In order to do so, you need to finally rest. And yes, I have to, you know, ...let's say you've temporarily resigned from Second-Vice Chief position due to personal reasons."
[***]
Sasuke tossed in his bed. The futon besides him remained vacant. The clock stroke 1 a.m. and the boy suddenly sat up awake, having realized he left the flat in total mess. Shit. Sasuke was well capable of living on his own and keeping the place tidy should prove it. The fridge was probably also empty. When was the last time he watered plants? He ened up making in his head a list what to do before aniki's return, and set the alarm half an hour earlier than usual to clean the place. Because it was sure nii-san was returning, right?
The sleep didn't want to come as his mind was mulling over what to tell Itachi. He was afraid of this confrontation and of the knowledge what really happened that aniki got suspended.
Finally he drifted into an oneiric world, nagged by the tangled visions. He was running through pre-war Konoha, but aniki was nowhere to be found. He even checked the police station and Hokage's office, but didn't meet any of his relatives, who could give him answers. He didn't want to go into that direction, but he just happened to stand in front of the entrance to Uchiha's districts. Traditional curtains danced in the gate, letting Sasuke see through them a silhouette of a man in the distance. His long dark hair rested on the navy kimono, covering the family crest, but his lineage was well visible in every aspect of his appearance. Itachi? He called aniki, but his voice was lost in the wind. No, he would not go there. There must be another way to find out! Sasuke dashed away from the gate, hoping to finally find somebody he could ask. Time was running short and his attempts didn't bring any results. Again he ended up in the same place. The figure was walking away, into the fire. The whole district was burning. Sasuke called again and this time the figure stopped and looked back, as if waiting for him. The young Uchiha didn't see his face, but it must be Itachi, or Father? Madara? The figure turned and started walking again... The boy again ran away from the entrance, but the rest of Konoha was a grey blur of shapes and shadows. Only one place mattered and his feet again found the way there. There was already the wall of fire, devouring houses, lightening up the trees like matches. The wind hit Sasuke with heat and ash. The raven adolescent grabbed the gate's curtains, to see better but the figure was gone. The world was crumbling. He wasted so much time. He needed to find Itachi, but he wouldn't go in. He coulld not. He'd rather shout until his voice was gone. He would not go in, but... Fire was licking the curtain he was holding to..."
"Kukuku , you want to avoid the fear, Sasuke-kun?"his master mocked him " the fear is you, my boy."
"There'sss not running away from this feeling," hissed a snake, curling up his arm "it's a part of you, Sssasuke"
The district was ablaze.
Father praised him for learning the fire technique as the surface of the lake was painted in all shades of red, reflected from the jutsu.
Chains covered his body. They were melting into his skin, cutting his soul.
Sasuke was running again. Jumping from tree to tree, chasing somebody or being chased?
Bloodied Itachi slid down the stone, falling lifelessly after their fight with the heavy thud.
Alarm clock burst out. Sasuke sat up covered in sweat with ashy taste in his mouth.
The futon next to him was still empty. Sasuke forced himself to get up and shuffled to the bathroom. Hot shower let him wash away the night terror. That place was the only one he wanted to be and the only one he helplessly needed to never go into. Soon everything would be ok, when he met aniki in front of the hospital.
Then he sat down in the living room and took in the chaos around him. Nii-san liked things clean and neat. Ok, first, he would deal with dirty glasses and broken mugs. He remembered this time to put dessert plates and cups in the left cupboard and mugs and bowls in the right one. Matching pillows on the armchair, no clothes on the floor, boots parallel to the wall, futons rolled out. Looked much better now, good, Itachi wouldn't grimace. Sasuke enjoyed his little accomplishment. Despite of the bad sleep, he was in such a good mood, that he made himself coffee and a toast, which he miraculously came across in the empty kitchen.
However the closer to the time to leave, the more anxious Sasuke felt. Yesterday worries, they all came back. Did something happen to aniki? Or did he give up on him? Or was he angry? Did Sasuke hate him? But he wanted him back. Did he? Maybe the boy could stay at home all day, letting the situation resolve itself without his participation... Itachi would scold him for not going to work. He could still call in sick... But Sakura would like to come in and check on him probably. Sakura, it was her who had told him about Itachi's suspension. He needed to ask her.
Sasuke regretted having eaten breakfast, as he felt nauseous from all the nerves. Nonetheless he put on his boots, grabbed a jacket and his bag, and lumbered to work, as merrily as it was his execution.
[***]
Just one more corner and he would see the hospital gate. His heart was speeding, stomach his had already turned into one big stone. He stopped and took a few deep breaths. There's not turning away now. Itachi was there, he must be there and everything would be ok from now on. Stupid older brother, why is he making Sasuke feeling so much?
He made a few steps and the entrance came into view. Nobody. The sight paralyzed him for a good minute. No, aniki must be inside, only an idiot would willingly stand in such cold. Why was he not coming out, he should see Sasuke right now.
The boy got into the building and immediately looked around. The lobby was full of people but his brother was not one of them.
"Oh, Uchiha-kun!" the nurse at the reception desk already spotted him and start introducing him to his daily tasks.
He wasn't there, he wasn't there, but everything would be ok, woudn't it? Because Itachi called him last night and promised they would talk soon.
AN: Thanks for welcoming me back, it was wonderful to see that you're still interested in the story! Speciall thanks for ystv, yara9292, tutul and honorable Guests, for stopping by and reviewing - your insight helps me to shape the plot and it motivates me to keep writing a lot! If you spot some mistakes or have any questions - please tell me, i'll be thankful. I'm glad that you found Yamato's pov intresting, I plan to introduce other POV's to bring some more variety and perspective, especially to Sasuke situation. Cheers!