"Next time I let you choose where we're going, please stop me."
We've been walking for weeks now, so of course I'm tired. Why, why did Red have to choose somewhere so far away? There has to be some attractions in Cerulean, Vermilion, Saffron, even Lavender Town, but no. He had to choose Fuchsia. We had to walk all the way through Routes 16, 17 and 18.
"Why? I found us a place, and it sounds great!" Red says enthusiastically.
"You did find a place, but why did that place have to be so far from where we were previously? Why couldn't it have been any closer?" I continue.
"Think. The Safari Zone is said to have many different types of Pokémon, so just imagine what info we'll be able to record into the PokéDex! And I might even be able to find some more for myself…" He explains.
"Yes, yes, of course it's for you to find more Pokémon. That's all you ever think about. A break is a break; it's supposed to be completely different from what we're normally doing: Catching, Raising, Training, Battling." He. Just. Won't. Listen.
"Ehehe… But come on. This'll be a great experience!" I finally give due to the fact that I know that once he's made up his mind, there's no changing it. He's always like that.
A little while longer and Red breaks the silence.
"Look up ahead! I think I can see the city!" He's right. It's not as large… well, it's large, but more spread out than where we've been. There's very few buildings; I can easily spot the Pokémon Center and PokéMart, as well as the Safari Zone Red's been talking about.
"Let's see if we can find a guide for the Safari. I don't want you getting us lost by running off." I say.
"Philippe, you're really being a downer. What's up?" Red asks, concerned.
"It's just… I'm tired. And I don't do well when I'm tired." I'm always cranky when I don't have enough sleep.
"Well, you can sleep during the tour. I'll record the info and everything else. You just rest." Gee. Thanks a lot. You bring us here for a vacation, then want me to sleep during the tour. At least he's trying to care.
"Alright. Just, wake me up if you need me."
We continue our way through the city, rest up our Pokémon at the Center, and head to the Safari Zone.
"So, you two kids want a tour? Shouldn't you have brought your parents with you?" The man behind the counter asks.
"We're not too young! We're perfectly capable of handling ourselves. Besides, if anything were to happen to us, it'd be on your property, so it'd be your fault. Besides, don't you want our money?" Red responds.
"Well, you got me there." Red hands over the money, and the man explains to us that we have to leave our pokéballs here for safe keeping. We won't need them in the Safari Zone. He then leaves us to read the rules of the zone.
"What?! You mean we can't catch the Pokémon?" Red says in shock.
"I wonder why. If we were allowed to catch the Pokémon, then there wouldn't be any left." At least that's how it is on Earth. That's why we have protected areas.
"I guess you're right… At least we can still find more data!" Red perks back up again.
"Why the sudden interest in filling the PokéDex? You've never wanted to fill it so badly." He usually has me do all the research; he just battles.
"I think it's because I feel like I've been slacking off. You've been doing all the work in that regard, and I think I should start doing some of it." I think Red's finally becoming a little more mature. Let's see how long it lasts.
"This way." The man returns and leads us out back down some steps. I hand him Cubone – He says he'll drop him off at the Pokémon Center – and follow Red. At the end we make it to a raft with two Pidgeys perched on the railing.
"Hello, passengers. We Pidgebot One and Pidgebot Two will be your tour guides for this Safari trip. We'll show you all the different kinds of Pokémon you'll be able to see here; some you might never be able to see elsewhere!" One of them speaks. Red and I both jump, not expecting it.
"Cool! Talking Pidgeys!" I guess Red hasn't seen many robots.
"Red, those aren't live Pidgeys. They're robots." I explain.
"Oh…" He says, disappointed.
"Now, let's get started, shall we?" The second Pidgebot says. The raft begins moving at a leisurely pace, and we're off.
Not too long after the raft's left the gate we see our first Pokémon.
"Wow! Look Philippe! It's a Kanghaskan, just like the one we saw back near Pallet!" Red exclaims.
"Yes, what a Pokémon." I say, not really interested. Since Cubone's not with me, I'm finally able to relax. It's not as if I don't want Cubone, it's just that he's a handful. Literally. I haven't been complaining much about it to Red, but while he's sound asleep every night I have to wake up and make sure that Cubone's alright. I think he's as hard to take care of as a human baby.
"There's a Dragonair!" Red shouts a little while later.
"What a rare Pokémon." I wonder if there are any Dragonite here?
"And an Exeggutor!" I'm starting to fall asleep… The rocking back and forth of the raft, combined with the sound of the water makes me even sleepier
"Philippe, what's coming off of the leaves?" He points towards the Exeggutor.
"I think… that it's Sleep Powder… if it is, then… that's good… because I really do need some sleep… Wake me up when the tour's over…" I fall asleep quickly.
I wake up to a start. I feel something slam into me and I'm tossed overboard. I see Red trying to keep himself above water, and he's doing a fine job of it. I, on the other hand, am not. The longer this keeps up, the harder it is to keep my head above water. Eventually I black out and am carried along by the current.
I wake up in who knows how long on the bank of the river. I take a quick look around and see that a Pidgebot followed me.
"So, you're finally awake. I didn't know how long you'd be out for." It says.
"How long was I out for?" I ask.
"Oh, not long. About half an hour at most." That's a relief… I know that Red's somewhere else, because I don't see him anywhere. I hope that the other Pidgebot is with him.
"So, where should we head now? I know that you know the entire zone inside out; you were programmed that way, right?" I continue to ask, wanting to find Red as soon as possible.
"You're a lot smarter than your friend, you know that?" The Pidgebot responds.
"No, not smarter. Just a lot more rational. Red's one to act before he thinks. That's why I think we make such a great pair. I cover his faults and he covers mine." I explain.
"I think it would be hard to work if you're so different, but I guess that's what makes it work. But, back on track. Yes, you are correct. I know this place in and out. Follow me." The Pidgebot begins flying and I follow. I keep wondering about what happened that made us get thrown overboard; if I know Red, he did something completely idiotic and irresponsible.
We wander around the Safari for over an hour, according to the Pidgebot, and we've seen neither Pidgebot One nor Red. I'm really starting to get worried; what will he do now that I'm not with him? I'm usually the one who keeps him from acting too rashly. I guess it was my fault for falling asleep on the raft. Or the Exeggutor's fault for using Sleep Powder.
After some time we begin to hear a loud noise coming from the other side of the wall of trees we've stumbled across. Loud-noise equals Something-that-involves-Red. Or, that's how it's been happening so far. I begin to run and Pidgebot begins to fly faster, and soon we're on the other side, face to back with a giant Nidoking. If I know him, I bet Red's on the other side not knowing what to do. I sneak around the Nidoking, without alerting him of my presence, and learn that my hunch is correct. Red's looking around not knowing what to do or where to go, and he spots me. I guess Nidoking's noticed us as well, because he turns towards me and roars.
"Philippe! Look out!" Gee, I wonder why? I begin running towards Red, the Pidgebot following closely behind, and all four of us try to escape the rampaging Pokémon. For some reason one of the Pidgebots lags behind while the Nidoking's catching up to it.
"Hurry! Fly faster!" Red shouts behind him. When the Pidgebot doesn't respond, Red completely turns around and sees that the Pidgebot has fallen to the ground.
"Gah!" Is all Red can say. He does something that I can honestly say I would've never guessed for him to do. He stops running, turns around again, and starts running to the Pidgebot, running towards the Nidoking while doing so.
"Red, what are you doing?!" I scream.
"I'm not leaving him behind! He was there for me when I was thrown overboard, he was there for me when I first made my mistake, he was there for me when the Nidoking started chasing me; he's been there since all of this started!" Red screams, all while picking up the Pidgebot and starting to run towards us again. The Nidoking's now only a few feet behind him, and I fear that he won't make it. Now, it's my turn to do something completely unexpected.
I pick up a rock and throw it at the Nidoking. What came over me that compelled me to do so, I don't know. Actually, I do. I know that I want to protect Red, so… I guess the impulse to keep him safe overpowered my rational thinking. The Nidoking stopsfor a second, looks around, spots where the rock had come from, and starts chasing me instead of him. I continue to run with the second Pidgebot while the Nidoking runs past Red and focuses on me. Well, if anything happens to me, at least it was to protect Red.
…Wow. Am I seriously that stupid? There's so many better options that I could've taken during situations in the past that it doesn't really surprise me. It's taken me this long to realize that I could just jump into the river besides me. Sure, Nidokings can learn surf, but it'd be better than exerting all of my energy trying to run. I veer to the side and do just that. Red realizes what I'm trying to do before I do it, so he follows my actions. By the time the Nidoking has spotted us being swept away by the current, we're already long gone and he can no barely see us. I really hope he doesn't chase us. Or, if he does, he doesn't find us before we make it out of here.
When we finally get out of the river, I decide to have a nice little chat with my dear friend Red…
"Red! What the… What… You know what, I'm just going to say it… what the fuck were you thinking?" I shout. I've never sworn in my life, but if there were to ever be a good time for it, it'd be now.
"Philippe, I've never heard you swear!" Red exclaims.
"Do you think I give a damn about that? Do you know what you did? Do you know what could've happened? You went back for a robot. A machine!" I continue to rant.
"They're not just machines! They're actual creatures! They can think and talk and hear just like we can!" Red counters, yelling back at me.
"No, they're not actual creatures like us! They were built from metal by humans. They're not alive. And even if they were, they could be repaired. If one of the Pidgebots's wings was torn off, it could be repaired. If your arm was torn from its socket, it couldn't." I continue to yell.
"Red… please… don't ever do anything like that… ever again. You know how you felt after you fetched me from the ocean, after Surge threw us both overboard? How you thought that you could lose me right that second? Well, that's how I felt when I saw you run back towards the Nidoking. I thought that you would never be able to outrun it, and that you would be… dead… I don't want to lose my… friend." I say, now exhausted from the rant.
"Philippe, I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't think… I-I didn't know." Red begins, but can't finish.
"I know. That's exactly my point. You don't think. That's why I'm always worried. Part of the reason why I'm always tired is because of me having to take care of Cubone 24/7, but… another reason is because I have to take care of you twenty-four-seven. It feels like I'm taking care of two children. I always have to watch out for what you might do or what stunt you might pull. I'm always having to worry about what could happen to you." I finish.
"And… would you two mind?" I yell, suddenly realizing that the two Pidgebots were listening to our entire conversation. They quickly look away and pretend not to have noticed us.
"Let's just get out of this death trap." I say. I get up and Red does the same. The two Pidgebots fly in front of us and begin leading us out.
"So, how much farther is the exit?" Red asks.
"Well, we have to take a different route now if we want to avoid the Nidoking." Pidgebot One answers.
"Which reminds me… Whatever did Red do to provoke the Nidoking in the first place?" I give Red a death glare when I ask that, and he looks away sheepishly.
"He threw a pokéball, trying to catch one of the two Nidokings that were battling each other, but instead caught the thing they were battling for; a Nidoqueen." Pidgebot One explains.
"Of course. You'd almost get yourself killed for a Pokémon." Unbelievable. For some reason… I feel as if I'm getting more agitated every minute.
I don't hear Red's response to that, so I turn around and… I don't know what to think. I don't know if I should laugh uncontrollably or try to save him. I see Red hanging, suspended in mid-air by the tentacles of a Victreebel. Well, they're more like vines, but… tentacles make it all the funnier. The first thought that comes into my mind is a perverted one. In the end, I decide to try to save him.
"Red! Pidgebots, what do I do? The guide didn't leave us with any Pokémon!" I exclaim.
"Look by the Victreebel's base!" I do as I'm told and see what they're talking about. When Red was lifted, he dropped the pokéball that he had dropped. Must be the Nidoqueen he had captured earlier.
"Do you really think that I'd be able to make it there and back before I'm hoisted up as well?" I ask.
"It's your only option! Either that or Red gets digested by the beast." I guess I really have no choice then. I begin to run towards the Victreebell and it decides to do the same thing. It begins walking – Or… slithering? I don't really know – away, back into the forest. I make it to the pokéball, pick it up, and continue chasing after it. I pick up the hat that Red had dropped along the way.
By the time I catch up to the Victreebell its kids are already squealing at the sight of a meal. No, bad Weepinbell! The only one that's going to be eating Red is me!
…I did not just think that. I did not just think that.
Red's tied up and hung by a tree along with the other dozens of Pokémon that the Victreebell has caught.
"You've got to get Red out of there, fast! This is the Victreebel family's evolution ritual!" One Pidgebot explains.
"You mean I'm going to be their evolutionary meal?!" Red shouts, suddenly alarmed. As if he wasn't before.
"Red! I don't think that one Nidoqueen's going to be able to stop all of these Pokémon! Don't you have anything that could help?" I ask.
"I might, but as you might not have noticed, I'm a bit tied up at the moment!" He shouts.
"Gah! Think.. Aha!" I send out the Nidoqueen, fully knowing that she's not going to be able to fight all of the Pokémon off herself. But I have another plan in mind…
"Nidoqueen, I know that we've just met and all, but do you think you could do your mating call?" I ask the Pokémon. For some reason she understands and obeys my command, and begins the mating call. Off in the distance both Red and I hear the Nidoking's respond, and then hear them crashing through the trees. I'm not sure if this was a good idea or not, but it was the only one that I had that might possibly work. If the Nidoking are able to reach us before the Pokémon eat Red, then they might be able to distract them long enough for the Pidgebots to chew through the vines holding Red up.
Not long after we hear the Nidoking we're able to see them as well. They completely flatten the trees as they run through and suddenly stop, spotting all of the Bellsprout and Weepinbell. They look around, see the Nidoqueen completely surrounded by them, and start to destroy everything in their path to get to her. The Pidgebots chew through the vines, Red falls into my arms – And I fall to the ground due to his weight – not that he's fat or anything – and we begin to run. Before I get out of range I return Nidoqueen to her pokéball and hope we're able to put enough distance between us and the Nidoking before they notice.
It looks like all the noise that the Nidoking created while rampaging through the forest caused many other Pokémon to awaken, because they're all behind us fighting as well. Good thing we're now far away from the epicenter of the fight.
"Phew… we made it. I really hope we don't run into any more Pokémon." Usually I jinx things by saying those kinds of things, but this time I don't. The Pidgebots continue to lead us out and we soon make it to the entrance of the Safari Zone.
"So, how was your tour?" The guide asks us on our way out the door.
"It was… interesting, to say the least." I respond.
"It was the best thing ever! I wish we could go again!" Red grunts at that last part due to me elbowing him in the stomach.
"No. We. Do. Not." I say, emphasizing each word.