What to do about Magik?
Author's note: Well Inhumans vs. X-men is done (thank God). I thought the first two issues started out well, X-Men take down the Inhumans fast and hard. Then… keystone cops routine commences so as to allow the Inhumans to recover. Very sad (to quote our President). And of course Editorial directs that the Inhumans must not be made to look bad so in the end Medusa is a hero because she presses the big red button to destroy the giant cloud of toxic Inhuman gas (gads I just love saying that, like it's the mother of all farts or something).
Bad writing, bad execution, good art. Illyana participates but is mostly background, which was good as this mean that I don't have to gag on Illyana being out of character.
But… just how the heck was it so easy for the Inhuman Royal family to escape Illyana limbo prison cell? And just why the hell did the X-Men fight so badly on the final fight against the very same people they so brutally took down in the first time? And why was Storm just hovering the whole time showing off her rather nice skin tight costume and tush instead of doing something?
And Medusa has the balls at the end to state "Our species' ability to transform through terrigenesis does not outweigh the lives of even a single mutant, much less all of them".
Come on! Eight months of dead and diseased mutants everywhere! Eight months! It's like Hitler coming out of the bunker at the end of WW2 and declaring that nobody ever told him about the Jews being killed and if only he's known everything would have been ok as he would have put a stop to it.
And Medusa saying "What? Why didn't they just tell us? We would have found a solution that didn't come to… this". Gee… I guess killing everybody who wanted to destroy or harm the cloud kind of puts a damper on folks suggesting any such ideas to you. And don't forget having Blackbolt blasting Summers to vapor because he did just such a thing. (yes I know it was illusion, but the Inhumans thought they did it).
I like my stories to make sense damn it! The real reason was of course Editorial direction as Disney (which I am a share holder by the way) is still striving to make the Inhumans TV show and film (not sure what the current state of that is).
So I thought upon my dismay and came up with a mechanism to… express myself. So, here is my take. Hope you like. If so then give a shoutout. Oh, and I try to also account for why Illyana is not currently scheduled for any upcoming comic books.
This takes place right at the end of Inhumans vs. X-Men Issue 6 and no… I'm so not a fan of the Inhumans. Apologies for the crudity but… well… you'll see why.
Part 21a: Elsewhere…
Someplace red, smoky, and filled with a great deal screams and gnashing of teeth. A voice like a broken chainsaw spoke in irritation… "What now Yana? I'm a tad busy".
A female voice making a statement is made that you can't quite make out.
The broken chainsaw sighs like a cracking cylinder head. "Cashing in one of these trivial favors that I owe you? Well… favors are not agreements so actually performing what you… request is optional per the little bets we Hell Lords sometimes make. Tell Uncle what is it and I'll let you know if I wish to do the deed as it were".
Again a female statement that you can't make out, followed by a long pause.
"Really…? That's the favor? Dang Yana, I'd pay you for the opportunity. So… deliciously fun. Why in hell wouldn't you not want to do that yourself"?
A very brief indiscernible female statement.
The broken chainsaw voice purred a reply. "I… see, can't say I understand but… I see. Ok. I'm all in. Point the way babe. Let Big Daddy show you how it's done".
Part 21b: Ororo's office (the school in Limbo)
Ororo, Logan, and Erik were cloistered in Ororo's office.
Logan got to the point. "Ro', you know something's not quite right".
Erik added his input. "I am unable to conceive of how Forge could have been mentally manipulated into creating Inhuman hunting Sentinels without Magik having any clue at all".
"Nor the ease in which the Inhumans escaped their confinement". Mused Ororo. "Magik has been… distracted since the death of Sapna…".
"Not that distracted". Was Logan's gruff reply.
Part 21c: Emma…
Emma was sitting by the fire. This was in one of her safe houses that she was very certain almost nobody knew about. Emma took another long swallow from her glass of red wine, an empty bottle lay upon the floor, she then looked into the fire and spoke.
"Are you watching Magik? Are you there"?
It looked like there were two eyes in the fire. Then the fire spoke back with the sound of Illyana's voice.
"Yes Emma… I'm watching… You look…".
A flash of light and Illyana was standing in the room. "Terrible".
Emma had been crying and her mascara had run with long streaks down her face.
Illyana poised a question, one that had been on her mind for quite some time. "He died while you were in his mind, didn't he? Scott that is".
Emma slightly slurred a reply. "Yes…". Then stood and picked up a black helmet and placed it upon her head. "Look, I made a new costume, one in remembrance of him".
Illyana was not impressed. "Looks like Judge Dread with a bit Rachel's hound costume studs mixed with dominatrix and an oversized magneto helmet. Honestly Emma, Kitty couldn't do worse".
"Don't need you… don't need anybody". Was Emma's slurred response.
Illyana sighed. "That was poorly done Emma. Killing the Inhumans who had just destroyed the cloud. And forgetting you had the Inhuman Sentinels. You're… your mental emanations disrupted almost everybody's ability to fight. Even had Storm just hovering there so as to observe you in your revenge All that effort for your vengeance and you screw it up. Well, I'm out. Done with that. In that topic you are decidedly on your own".
"Like you care… And they get off Scott free… Scott…". That's when Emma started crying again.
Illyana gently took the helmet off of Emma. "Not… completely. Now let's get you to bed before you hurt yourself".
Part 21d: Celebrations
Blackbolt and Medusa were in the middle of some serious flirting in one of the private bars at this nightclub, he was behind the bar and she was in front of it. On the bar was the diamond sliver from Emma Frost.
Medusa was dressed in a flowing purple gown that showed most of one leg and the majority of her cleavage, he was in a tuxedo version of his mutual costume. They looked utterly pleased with themselves, then…
The door to the private bar opened and Illyana Rasputin (Magik) walked in, shutting the door behind her. She was dressed in her usual black field costume, but was lacking her sword.
Both Medusa and Blackbolt glared and Medusa spoke for both of them. "Get out".
"In a bit". Was Illyana's reply as she sat on a bar stool. "Some… things need to be said first".
Medusa's hair waved dangerously. "Get out or we throw you out Mutant".
Illyana grinned at the threat. "I think you're going to find that… that's going to be a bit of a problem. I'll have a blue moon beer in a frostily glass".
Medusa's red hair started to reach for Illyana, and then just fell flat on the floor as if it was just now just long hair.
Medusa glanced at Blackbolt as they exchanged mental thoughts… well they tried to, all they got was silence. Both of their eyes rose in surprise.
"And no silent talkie". Stated Illyana as she also reminded them that she was... "Still waiting for my beer".
Blackbolt frowned and took a step in the direction of Illyana.
"Wouldn't do that if I were you"? Teased Illyana in a rather not nice tone of voice.
"We broke out of your limbo; I think we can handle you". Replied Medusa with a dismissive sniff.
Which apparently prompted laughter from behind them. A rather frightening laugh in that it sounded like broken glass in a garbage disposal, yet completely understandable.
"Ha ha ha ha… you… you think you actually broke out all by your lonesomes? Yana, Yana, Yana… you are wasted on fools such as these". Laughed the voice in mirth. "Now Yana, if only you'd see reason and come join with me we could have such… fun times".
They knew that voice. They slowly turned and confronted…
Mephisto!
In appearances he was a tall man red of flesh (and I don't mean American Indian). He had wild and crazy longish blackish red hair. He was dressed tattered red cloak with a high collar and a tattered red loin cloth and his feet were concealed by elegant red leather boots. In short he looked like a devil minus a tail.
Mephisto helpfully pointed out. "Lady's still waiting for her beer. My my, such slow service, and prone to raciest comments I might add. Suddenly an iPhone8 was in Mephisto right hand (pre-release, the devil always gets the best that Apple has, part of a little deal Steve Jobs made oh so long ago). "SIRI bring up Yelp for Blackbolt's nightclub, I need to post a negative review. No no, Blackbolt's Nightclub not Black Volt's electronics supply emporium. Ahhh, that's it".
Thumbs a blazing Mephisto also spoke the review as he typed it in. "Staff is composed of only slightly reformed Racist Xenophobic Slave Owners who not only overcharge, but are slow on delivering orders. And the pork dumplings are under cooked as well resulting in frequent bouts of sudden explosive diarrhea for those unlucky enough to partake. Don't, and I quote, don't be dancing next to somebody on the club floor who was partaken of that house specialty".
Mephisto put away the phone (somewhere) and smiled at the glaring Inhumans. "Don't even think you can toss me out with all your powers now inoperable. Now the Lady is still waiting on her beer. I'll have a whisky sour… hmmm make that two whisky sours, extra large, and make them extra extra sour if you get my drift (set pucker factor to max), and while you're making them give me a shot glass and that bottle of Four Roses Bourbon on the shelf behind you".
"Make it yourself". Replied Medusa with bitter scorn. "We are leaving".
Blackbolt pocketed the piece of diamond as Blackbolt and Medusa walked to the door, opened it, and…. looked upon nothing. Just a black void. They hurriedly backed up and shut the door. They turned to find Mephisto drinking a shot and the bottle of Bourbon was now in front of him.
Illyana also had her glass of icy cold beer. She got up, with the beer in hand, and walked to the door. "Excuse me". She politely said as she edged past the two Inhumans, opened the door and departed into nothing.
Mephisto waved at them from his end of the bar. "You're trapped here until we have a little talk. And the longer it takes… well… Hurry up with those whisky sours. And I just adore Karaoke and John Denver". With that a disco ball materialized. Mephisto got off of his bar stool and began to sing Rocky Mountain High as music burst forth. Badly singing I might add, combined with groin thrusts like some demented combination of Elvis and Michelle Jackson while using the bottle as if it was a mike.
…
…
And the Colorado Rocky Mountain high, I've seen it raining fire in the sky.
I know he'd be a poor man if he never saw an eagle fly,
Rocky Mountain high, the Colorado Rocky Mountain high, I've seen it raining fire in the sky.
Friends around the campfire and everybody's high
Rocky Mountain high, Colorado. Rocky Mountain high.
Rocky Mountain high, Colorado. Rocky Mountain high!
…
…
Medusa and Blackbolt exchanged glances and then walked back over to where Mephisto was singing. Blackbolt accidentally stepped on Medusa's hair causing her to briefly curse up a blue streak at him. Medusa sat down and Blackbolt returned to behind the bar and silently grumbled to himself while he started making the whisky drinks.
Mephisto smiled an evil grin and stopped singing. "Knew you'd see it my way. They always do in the end. Golly gosh darn, didn't even get to my boy band tribute. Now let's see…".
Part 21e: Truths
Mephisto sat back down on the bar stool, picked up the shot glass and tossed it over his shoulder and then proceeded to take a swig right from the bottle. "Ahh, good stuff. Well… Yana asked that I give you two this little chat being that she'd probably end up killing you if she did it herself. I owned her a favor as I lost a bet a little while ago, little thing hell lords do from time to time, so here we are".
"We do not fear the witch". Replied a disdainful Medusa which only madeMephisto laugh again and slap his knee.
"Ha ha ha ha… Witch? Tsk, tsk, tsk. Yana so underplays it… well she's young, she'll learn. Yana's a witch like I'm a choir boy. Hell Lord you two ninnies. Hell Lord". He took another swig from the bottle.
"Didn't stop us from escaping her prison cell". Replied Medusa.
Mephisto smirked. "Because she set you up to escape dumb ass, and left you close enough to find where Blackbolt was being kept, how… convenient that was. And no alarms? Please… Now I admit she's not the tactical and strategic genius like you Medusa, I mean just look at the brilliant strategies you had incase the Mutants attacked, which was so obviously going to happen… oh wait… sorry wrong universe. Just so many of the little buggers… let's see… in this universe… the Mutants handed you your ass with both of your thumbs up it as well. Took all of you down like Andy Kaufman going up against a real wrestler. I mean… high school football team vs. the Oakland Raiders".
Scowls from the Inhumans as Medusa replied. "They… surprised us the first time, the second encounter went much differently".
"Rrrrriiiiggghhhhttttt". Scoffed Mephisto. "Find somewhere else to peddle those damaged goods. One word as to why you did so much better, just one word… can you guess it"?
Silence from the Inhumans. Blackbolt finished making the drinks and slide them to Mephisto.
"No? Well… the word of the day is… Emma! She's nuts! Bonkers! Two plus two equals cheesy grits kind of crazy. Plus she was rather drunk. The X-Men fought so badly because Emma's mental vibs just interfered with everything, girl just wanted to grandstand on her death by cop attempt and because of all that self medication she kept getting distracted". Mephisto giggled, then continued.
"You taking down Psylocke while she prattles on about having a sword? Only wolverine left to protect Forge and the cloud destroying machine? Emma forgetting she had Inhuman sentinels for crying out loud? Don't kid yourself Medusa, you should have gone down faster then Paris Hilton at Adult Con. Your big battle was with a drunk suicidal crazy woman so of course you looked better the second time".
Mephisto handed a whiskey sour each to Medusa and Blackbolt. "That's for you dearies, like my booze straight, and don't you even think about not drinking it as you can't leave this room until I leave and you drink up".
Medusa glared but… took a sip. And yes it was very very sour. Blackbolt's fist clenched, but the glass remained unbroken. He then took a sip of the sour concoction.
Mephisto prompted Blackbolt. "Speak up Blackbolt. Your voice has no power here and we so rarely get to hear you prattle out loud in that whinny high pitched voice of yours. No? Well… didn't know you were into fisting, man Emma got you good. Now I'm more of a giver then a receiver but you took that fisting like a man! She was up to her elbow in you! Now that's gotta hurt"!
Blackbolt spoke and… no displays of power, and yea he does have a high pitched voice.
"Get to the point".
Another smirk from Mephisto. "You may have fooled most of them but… not me. And not Yana".
"Fooled them as to what"? Scornfully replied Medusa.
"Gunna play dumb I see… well, not exactly hard for you toots". Mephisto took yet another long swig. "The whole setup. So many months in the making. Almost feel sad for poor o'll Johnny Storm. I mean such a handy boy toy for you, kept the bed extra warm and scratched the itch whenever you wanted a good scratching seeing that o'll Blackboltie was gone. And what a good well hung scratcher he was… And then you just kicked him to the curb like an unwanted puppy without even a second thought. But one must ask the question, as o'll Johnny boy has now banged both of the sisters, just who is better in the sack? My votes on Crystal, yea less experienced but… bet she's tighter".
If looks could kill then the glares from the two Inhumans would have destroyed Manhattan by now.
Mephisto continued. "I'd say don't worry about Johnny, but you aren't. Johnny will find somebody new, he always does. Bet within the week there will be somebody new for Johnny to wrap little Johnny around. Somebody younger… although… I suppose you were one of his MILFy moments… Opps… wait one…".
Mephisto wet a finger it raised it into the air like he was trying to find out the direction of the wind. "Why Johnny's on a rebound one night stand as we speak! And barely legal at that! Ahhh Johnny my lad, I'm proud of you. Go Johnny go go go! Reminds me of the time in this alternate universe where Johnny and Aunty May hooked up, see in that universe Johnny was kind of fixated on older women, really older woman".
Mephisto eyed Medusa up and down. "Then again… you are old enough to be his mother, stretch marks and all".
Medusa sneered. "Get to the point you disgusting little man".
Mephisto smiled. "Eight months… eight whole Fing months you do nothing but defend the cloud. Prevent its destruction. Complain that ISO is off working with Beast when she should be dong more import Inhuman work. Real lack of Bo-Ho over the little dying mutant problem. And what does Blackbolt do during this sad episode? The big nothing! I just can't see how 'I'm defending my way of life' vs. 'I'm defending my right to live' is even a debate. But things were going to pot, the Nuhumans just aren't integrating, and Blackbolt of course saw the setup that was presented to you".
The two Inhumans went still. Medusa replied. "What setup"?
Mephisto cackled. "Even had a big red button for crying out loud. Push it and save the mutants, don't push it and they all get to die, and… your true callous nature is utterly reveled and the Nuhumans overthrow you, after all the Inhumans are rather a pushover when it comes to fighting. Push it and you lose, don't push and you lose. Best you can do is try to come out looking like the selfless hero. Can't help but notice that if you push it then suddenly it's ixnay on killing the poor sap who destroys your so-called sacred cloud as that would now put your head on the chopping block. Funny how the rules were different when you thought Summers had destroyed a cloud. Back then it was off with his head"!
"No such thoughts occurred". Replied Medusa while firmly not looking at Blackbolt.
Which just prompted howls of derisive laughter from Mephisto. "I'm the Devil dearie, such… knowledge comes with the job! Let's see… what was that little mental exchange you and Blackbolt had"?
Mephisto gestures and a recording of Medusa's and Blackbolt's thoughts are played out loud.
Blackbolt "It's over my love, we need to regroup".
Medusa. "But the sacred cloud…"?
Blackbolt "Has serviced its purpose, and these Nuhumans are… resistant to our ways".
Medusa. "We can still find a way to force them to bend to Inhuman rules of society".
Blackbolt "No… too much Inhuman harm will result. We must… seduce them instead, we must want them to want us to rule them".
Medusa. "Meaning…"?
Blackbolt "Be the martyr, save these mutants, be the hero, or the choice will be taken away and you will be discarded".
Medusa. "So the choice is a trap"?
Blackbolt "Yes, regardless of what you pick that button is going off. The cloud will be destroyed. So let us take the credit".
Medusa. "So then, no choice at all".
Blackbolt "Other then appearing to be the hero".
Medusa. "Then we must find an opportunity to trigger the emotional telepathic mime of our reunion that we constructed so long ago as to inspire the mentally weak".
Blackbolt "Are you done with Johnny"?
Medusa. "Phsss. Fumbling boy compared to you my love. Why did you ever suggest him as my cohort"?
Blackbolt "It made our separation look so very authentic".
Medusa. "That it did my love, that it did".
The two Inhumans exchanged glances while Mephisto cackled in amusement and laughed himself to tears, as he laughed he made drink up gestures to them. They did, but almost couldn't choke down the sour sips.
Finally Mephisto calmed down wiped away a tear of mirth. "Blackbolt carrying you into the air is… beautiful? Just what poor sap of an Inhuman mind wiped telepath wrote that drivel? Then you give up the throne rather then have it taken from you? How utterly pathetic and contrived and oh so false"!
"And now…"? Asked Blackbolt.
Mephisto took a long swig that drained the bottle before answering. "I Love it! My hat would be off to you if I was wearing one. I! Absolutely! Love! It! That's the kind of thinking we value at team Mephisto"!
Blackbolt raised a question. "So you are…"?
Mephisto stretched as he replied. "Going to do absolutely nothing, so is Yana, much to her annoyance. Rules after all, Hell Lords just aren't allowed to do some things. That's why she decided to have me tell you as the girl just didn't trust herself not to loss her temper and then…". Mephisto drew his finger across his throat.
"She has not the power". Spoke Blackbolt, which just again get Mephisto laughing.
"She arranged for the death of the Elder gods you dork. You… you're just… lucky that the powers that be, call them Editorial, is currently on your side. My advice is don't go looking for dear old Emma. Guess you'll just have to take whenever Emma throws at you first before you get to respond. Hmm you might want to go off world for a bit, you know… get away. Well… time for me to skedaddle, places to go, people to kill, you know how it is, always work work work work work".
Mephisto got up from his stool and walked over to the door but paused before opening it, turned and… "Oh and Blackbolt, bad news, Johnny is better at it then you, he's had more… variety then you after all, plus he's younger and more… skilled and I'm not sorry to say better equipped as well… That boy is hung! And you know that little thing you've always begged Medusa to allow you to do… the thing she never allows you to do? Well… she let Johnny do it. In fact it was kind of their thing, and she loved it! I mean scream like a banshee and tear up the sheets and breaking the bed loved it! And just to be a dick of a spoiler, she's never ever going to let you do it. Plus… well you should really write Johnny a thank you note for all the little tricks he taught her, boy oh boy is she going to rock your world. And bonus, she's multi orgasmic now thanks to Johnny, although… it might just be with Johnny… you'll find out I guess".
Then a chuckle. "Then again… that's assuming you two… let's just say Johnny left a little gift was it were for you. The big H. Yep… Herpes! Surprise"!
Medusa looked horrified and Blackbolt looked… queasy.
Then a statement that prompted an alarmed look on Blackbolt. "Oh and Medusa honey… Blackbolt's learned a thing or two as well in the months that you two have been apart. Boy's been positively nailing it! Poontang galore! My my, must be almost half of New York by now. Just kidding, only a few hundred or so. Men are such dogs and you did let him off the leash… But then again… I mean… hell even Johnny cheated on you".
A scowl of offended disbelief from Medusa.
"You really didn't know? Crystal banged him so hard on that spaceship of hers he almost had a stroke. Guess the girl was feeling a bit… envious of her big sister. He gave her the big H as well if that's any comfort. So… Blackbolt my man, how do you rate the two of them? I mean just like Johnny you nailed Crystal a few times behind your wife's back so who's better in the sack… Opps! Let the cat out of the bag, my bad… Um… gee is it me or is it suddenly uncomfortable in here"?
It wasn't Mephisto.
Mephisto waved goodbye. Well… I'll keep a warm place ready for you both… tootles".
And with that Mephisto was gone.
Their powers returned.
And the flirting mood had gone cold like liquid nitrogen is cold.
There was then a nock at the door, they exchanged looks and Medusa answered. "Come in".
It was the maitre d'. "Sir, the city health inspectors just closed down the kitchen. Something about undercooked pork dumplings and… um… the dance floor is… um… a mess".
Blackbolt wanted to sigh… but refrained.