Love…warmth…it so warm here. So warm…so very, very warm. Heaven, am I here? I don't hear anything. There's no demons screaming inside…there's no voice in my head. It's peaceful, warm and peaceful. I can see a blinding white light, and I can see my mother. Momma. She's with my dad, smiling at me. I reach out to them.

"Not now, baby."

Her voice feels warm in my ears. Warm and familiar, like I've heard it before. I have, but where? When?

"Momma…daddy…I'm sorry…"

"It's okay, darling. We're proud of you. So very, very proud."

My father's voice hold compassion, and I can feel the love in his words.

"You are?"

I ask, hopeful like a small child.

"Yes, honey. We're so proud of you, and we love you so much."

"Daddy…"

I try to reach and hug them both. I see I have my mother's eyes. She smiles sadly at me, my father holds her proudly.

"Not yet baby. Your time will come."

"But momma, it's so warm here…let me stay and rest awhile."

"I'm sorry honey, you can't stay here."

I feel the tears in my eyes as I stare at them.

"I have to. I have to stay. It's so warm…I don't feel any hurt anymore."

"We love you darling, we know you'll do what's right."

Their images begin to fade in front of me. I reach for them, struggling, but I can't. I can't get to them.

"No! No!"

I scream, feeling agonizing pain all over. I can see my hands in front of me, blocking the blinding white light as I try to get my parents.

"Check that equipment!"

"The Enclave is retreating!"

"After all this, she let him escape like that?"

Voices…so many voices. Where did they all come from? Are they the voices of the people who I mercilessly killed? The white light…the warm, warm light is gone. Where did it go? The pain…it hurts so much…I can't bear it. I can feel my body, feel every part of myself. I ache all over, is death supposed to hurt like this?

I hear myself groan, hear it with my own ears. My body feels stiff, aching and stiff. I open my eyes, darkness replacing the warmth of a white light. Slowly, I see I'm looking at a cracked and old ceiling. I wave my hands in front of my face, staring. Did I go to hell? I look around, medical supplies scattered everywhere. No. No I'm not dead. How? How did I survive?

"Careful now, careful. Don't move too quickly. Everything's fine, you're safe in the Citadel."

Citadel? I'm here? Who is talking to me? I turn my head, Elder Lyons is standing over me. I look at him, confused, finding my voice.

"I was starting to think you might never wake up, despite our assurances on the contrary. I've been coming down here every day to see both you and my daughter. It is good at least one of you has recovered."

I blink slowly, his words processing one by one in my head.

"Where…where is Sara? Is…is she okay?"

I ask him, my voice weak. I feel weak, all over, inside and out.

"Yes, yes she's fine. Or, she will be. I appreciate your concern for her but don't worry. You've been through enough."

"What happened? How did I get here?"

If Sara was hurt, then that means Charon got hurt too. Memories of our time flashed in my head, and panic jumped at me. Jesus fuck what is going on?

"Please, relax. Everything is fine. You were brought back to the Citadel after some sort of energy strike in the Purifier. You were both knocked unconscious. Quite a bit has happened since then."

Fuck that. I sat up, rubbing my head. It felt like my entire body was numb, and that the blood was flowing back into me to make me alive again.

"Where is Charon?"

I looked at Elder Lyons, nothing else mattering.

"Who?"

"The ghoul! The ghoul! Where is he?"

"Please, calm down, please. He survived also. We treated his wounds."

"Where is he?"

My heart was going a mile a minute, I couldn't see straight.

"Upon hearing of your death, he left after we refused to overturn your body to him."

"What? I'm alive!"

"Yes, right, but we did not feel safe releasing you to him. We did not know of the circumstances and told him you had died. Now, you must hear what I have to say about the Enclave, you must—"

"Shut up. Shut up! No! No more Enclave, no more fighting! I'm done!"

I got off of the bed I was on, dizzy and disoriented. How fucking dare they do that. How fucking…I wanted to kill them all, those fucking asses.

"Miss, please you have not fully recovered!"

I noticed an IV hooked up to my arm, and I tore it out. I can't see right, I can't even stand well, but fuck if I'm staying here another goddamned minute.

"Fuck you, Lyons. Go find someone else to do your dirty work, I'm done. I don't care. I did my part, have your Knights do the rest."

I saw my stuff, my pack and gun, laying in the corner near the door. Hobbling over, I pushed past him and grabbed it. I can't do this, but I have to. The pack feels so heavy, my gun somehow heavier. I use my entire weight to push the door open, struggling to leave as quickly as I can.

Halfway down a hall, I fall, slumping to the ground. There's no way I can make it. I can't even breathe right. I'm weak still, sick and weak from all the radiation. But I have to. I have to find Charon. I'm not dead, he has to know it, I'm still alive…fuck I hope he is too. How…how long has it been?

"Hey."

I hear a voice. I look up from staring at the floor, and see a woman who looks like my mother with a white Buzzcut standing over me in Power Armor. I stare at her, glaring. She's one of them.

"Here, let me help you."

Her hands wrap around my arm, but I pull away. I use the wall and help myself up.

"I don't need help from you."

I hiss at her, angry. How could they fucking do this? After he helped…how could they?

"My name is Star Paladin Cross. I aided your father in many of his missions, and brought him to Vault 101."

I stared at her, breathing hard and heavy. What is this supposed to mean to me?

"That's nice. What you want a medal or something?"

She shook her head, businesslike and not noting on my angry sarcasm.

"You look like you need help. I owe your father a lot, he was a great man, and I also owe you. It would be an honor to aide you."

I sighed. I can't fight, I know that. She seems to know that, too. If I could just get her to take me to Underworld, to get me to Charon, then I wouldn't have to worry. I could go to Underworld, with her keeping me safe until I felt fit to fight again. I just can't stay here.

"How long has it been since I started the Purifier?"

"Two weeks, ma'am. You have been in a coma in the infirmary."

She answered to me like I was military personnel.

"I have to go to Underworld. I can't fight. If you come with me, you're going to need to really help, not just stand there and wait for orders."

"I understand, ma'am. I will do my best to aide you in your mission."

I nodded, glad this time the person following me had free will off the bat. Tossing my pack down, I felt I could walk better without it.

"Carry that."

Cross picked it up easily, and I motioned my head. I walked through the hall, gripping the wall for support.

"I need to go to Underworld to find someone. Once I get there, you can leave."

"Man'am yes ma'am!"

"Enough. My name is Dez."

"Right, Dez, understood. Who may I ask are we looking for?"

I glared at her, throwing myself at the door to open it. It's dark outside. I can hardly walk. Shit how bad of a beating did I take? My legs shake under me with each step. Cross's Power Armor clanks when she walks next to me, and I grit my teeth. I am not stopping until I get to Underworld.

"Charon. The ghoul who accompanied me here. Apparently Lyons told him I died and my only thought is that he returned to Underworld. It's where he said he would go if anything happened to me."

"Yes I remember. I was in the room when that took place."

My head shot towards her. Thankfully, she opened the gate for me, and I stared at the barren Capital Wasteland. No rest, no rest for people like me.

"What happened?"

I asked her, gasping for air as we walked.

"Elder Lyons informed him of your 'death'. He did not take it lightly, but bore the news with respect I admired. He requested your body, saying it was what you asked, and proceeded to argue with us. He then left shortly afterwards."

"You Brotherhood pricks…you shouldn't have fucking lied like that."

"We do not know or trust the ghoul. We did not wish to release you to him."

"It doesn't fucking matter! You shouldn't have lied! What the fuck is wrong with you Knights? You think you know better? He fucking helped in this, and you fuckers lied to him."

"I did not intent to offend you. I was simply following orders from my superiors."

"Yeah, whatever."

I am alone again. I struggle to walk, and I can't breathe well. My legs are having a hard time supporting my weight, and I can feel the world spinning around me. Charon…I'm so sorry. I'm coming, so don't worry, please don't worry.

"But thanks to your sacrifice, the Capital Wasteland has pure, fresh, clean water once again. We are honored, you will go down in history as a true hero."

"I don't want to be a fucking hero. After I get to Underworld, tell everyone I died for all I care, I never want to see the Brotherhood again."

"Understood."

I want to start again. I want to go back, and never help these people. After all I've done for them, they lied to the only person in the world who gave a shit about me, who I gave a shit about. I'm angry, furious inside. You should have poisoned the water supply. No, even now I don't regret giving the vile to Charon. If I really had died, he would have had to live with everyone hating him for what I did. I can't do that to him. I can get my own revenge on everyone now, because I don't have to worry about anyone else. There won't be a Brotherhood waiting for me this time. It's all my own. My life is my own. For the first time, I feel that, and I fucking love it.

I limp along, Cross making sure there are no threats. I hate her for what she helped with. Following orders is bullshit. If I followed my own orders none of them would be here, and the 'pure' water would be tainted. Who the hell did they think they are? My entire body ached and hurt in all the nooks and crannies, and I tried to soothe the angry voice in my mind with images and thoughts of Charon.

I'd get to Underworld, and he'd be there. He'd look at me, and smile. I'd see him smile, too, for the first time. I'd be able to kiss him, and hold him really, really tight. I'm going to cry, I really am. I miss him, I want him to know I'm safe. That I didn't die. He's going to be angry at the Brotherhood, but I don't care. As long as I can be with him again, nothing else matters. I don't think I can function without him anymore.

I am the Lone Wanderer. I realized Three Dog calls me that because no one will ever be able to travel with me safely. No one will ever know what it's like, to live the life I do, and to bear the whole Wasteland on my back. I'm the Lone Wanderer because…I'm all alone. I have nobody, no one out here can compare to me…except Charon. Charon's the only one…who makes me feel like I have something worth living for. I'm not the Lone Wanderer with him. When he's with me…I'm simply Dez, crazy, angry, insane Dez.

I wonder if he already knows I'm on my way. Three Dog has a good knack for reporting things as they happen. As Cross led me through a shallow part in the river, where my feet could still feel the bottom, and up to the Metro tunnel that would eventually lead us to the Mall, I pulled up my Pip-Boy. I think now is the first time in my whole entire life that I've felt how heavy it is. I'm not sure what it is I'm ailing from, but damn, I still can't see or walk right.

"Sad, sad news Wastelanders. Still no word on the Lass from 101. All Three Dog knows is that she successfully activated the Purifier. It's been two weeks, and things look bleak. We can only hope and pray, that I'll get word soon. Peace be with you, Lone Wanderer. You truly have saved us all."

Three Dog says nice things now. Since I fucking risked my life, he seems to have turned over a new leaf for me. I turned off my Pip-Boy, not needing the extra noise inside the tunnels. Charon must think I'm dead, everyone must. I'm sure whoever was following us before wasn't able to get inside the Citadel, and therefore can't keep tabs on me. I'm kind of happy about that. I don't want Charon knowing I'm okay, I want to show him myself. If he knew before I got there…he might come looking for me and we might miss one another all together. No. I won't let that happen.

"We have to get to Underworld as soon as possible."

I told Cross, looking right into her deep eyes.

"Right, understood."

Her pace quickened, and I felt my own body struggling to keep up. I can walk upright now, but not very well. With every step I take, I feel like I'm going to fall down. It takes all I have to keep myself upright, and I keep imaging Charon's face. It helps with my endurance, pushing me like the voice in my head often does. I still think one of these days, I'm going to lose my mind. The events that have happened…they haven't changed me. I still feel the same as I did when I began, only I'm not standing atop a pile of waste. I take the tunnels now, even though I hate them. I'm still angry, still me, still everything I was, just with a better sense of reasoning.

I feel dizzy. Sick dizzy. The tunnels twist and turn and ugh…my head spins. Half of me wants to stop, but I keep going because the more I walk, the sooner and faster I get to Charon. Cross looks at me from time to time, worried I think.

"Are you feeling alright?"

I look at her, and nod my head slowly.

"I'm sick. But I'm not stopping. We have to get to Underworld."

"I do not see why this simple ghoul means so much to you."

I scowl at her. Stupid bitch.

"He's my best friend. He's the only one in this fucking world who somewhat understands what goes on in my head."

"The Brotherhood does not take kindly to their kind."

"Yeah, I know."

She doesn't talk anymore, and thank fucking god. I can't stand the Brotherhood, I really can't. I don't regret the whole Purifier thing, but still, they should be nicer to Charon.

"What happened to Charon after I started the Purifier?"

"You, him and Sara were all knocked unconscious from the spike in radiation. Surprisingly when we arrived inside the Rotunda, the ghoul, Charon, was standing. He was cracking the door that kept you inside the Purifier. His strength…his strength was immeasurable. Radiation levels inside the room were the highest we've ever encountered, matching that of Vault 87. We had to use special gear to retrieve you. Somehow, that ghoul managed to crack through three-inch thick plexi-glass. When we penetrated the Rotunda, ready to come to everyone's aid, he had broken a solid hole in the door. He was trying to reach and open it from the inside. We stopped him, of course."

"Why?"

"He could have sabotaged the entire Purifier. We had to restrain him, and it took five men. However once we left the room, his strength vanished, and only needed two of our men to escort him."

"Radiation heals him. Makes him stronger. All ghouls, actually."

Cross nodded.

"We were not aware of that. We took him to the infirmary, keeping your body out of his sight. We ran the normal tests, and his vital signs checked out. We offered to repair his armor, there was a large hole in the sleeve, but he refused."

"At least you had the decency to make sure he was okay. Why'd you keep him away from me? Why didn't you let him see me? What if he wanted to say goodbye?"

"On our way from the Jefferson Memorial back to the Citadel, he caught a glimpse of you. We had you on a stretcher, and pulled a white sheet over your entire body. I'd never seen anyone, man or ghoul, act that way. It was like…someone flicked a switch, and he began cursing and demanding to be released. Demanding to see you, but we did not let him."

"You're bastards. All of you."

I shook my already dizzy head at her. Thinking about what Charon was going through during that time…shit. I would have flipped out, too. Hearing he broke a hole in the glass made me smirk. Leave it to Charon to have that kind of strength and determination.

"We will soon be arriving at the platform that will bring you to the Museum of History."

I nodded. I don't know if I can carry my pack inside, but I know the ghouls won't take kindly to Cross. They'd probably try and attack, and I don't want her attacking back.

"You can leave me at the door of Underworld. Go back to the Citadel, and don't say anything to them about me, even if they ask."

"I respect you enough to fulfill that request."

"Good."

Climbing the escalators was a bitch and a half. Cross offered her help, but I refused. I had to do it on my own, I don't know why. I struggled, lifting each one of my legs separately was so hard, and it hurt so much. I thought I wasn't going to make it, but when I reached the top, I was so fucking proud.

My pride was short-lived, though. I had one more steep set of stairs to climb once I picked the lock to let us out.

"There are enemies up there."

I glared at Cross as I held onto the rail besides the stairs. It's dark out, the cool night air soothing my sick body.

"Ignore them. They won't follow us inside."

She nodded. I struggled up the stairs, grinding my teeth and taking the pain. Charon was so close, I could almost feel him. It was only a matter of time now, before I was happily in his arms. He's going to think I'm a zombie I bet.

"Why do you have bare muscle on your wrist and collarbone?"

I glared at Cross for asking that. She opened the doors to the museum for me, but I wasn't thrilled about it.

"I got Trog over in The Pitt. I picked at it, and now I'm stuck like that."

"I thought you may have received some ghoulification while in the Purifier."

"No. It's Trog."

The burning barrel. I could see it, it lit the entire entranceway to Underworld up like daytime. I've never been so happy to see it. My heart pounded, half from excitement, half from the hard time it was having with all the strain I kept on my body. Oddly enough, there was a gathering of ghouls I've never seen before outside of the entrance. One ghoul with a bad wig was selling something called 'Aqua Pura'. They glared at Cross as we walked by, and I smirked about this. I don't know what 'Aqua Pura' is, but hey, people gotta make money somehow.

Just inside these doors, Charon was waiting for me. I know he's there, I just know it.

"This is where we leave. It has been good, traveling this short distance with you."

I nodded to Cross, and took my pack from her. I didn't say goodbye back, I just turned, struggling harder with the added weight, to push open the door. Charon…I'm here, and we can go home now. We can go home to Rockopolis…and I'll show you just how much you mean to me. I hope you don't hate me for taking so long, but I couldn't help it. I had to wake up, first.

I rested against the door, breathing heavy. Ghouls stopped, staring at me in awe.

"What?"

I asked, out of breath and tired. Quinn came over to me, staring at me like I was the walking dead. Maybe to them I am, after all, it's been two weeks and no word.

"It's…you."

I slid from the door, swaying and struggling to stand in front of him.

"Yeah, it's me. Where's…Charon?"

Quinn didn't offer to help me with my stuff, and I didn't ask. He looked up at the doors to the Ninth Circle, and I knew. Charon's in there. He is.

"Thanks, I guess."

I told Quinn, and hobbled over to the stairs. Gripping the banister, I pulled my weight. I pulled myself up, and with each step I took, excitement and anticipation rose in my chest. All I've ever known to want was just up these stairs, and through a pair of doors. Will he be happy to see me? Yeah, I think so. He's probably going to have a lot of questions, but I don't mind answering. As long as he gets me that big bed in Carol's Place, and lays with me until I have the strength to get home, I'll answer whatever questions he has.

I hesitated in front of the Ninth Circle. My hands were shaking on the doorknobs, both from nerves and from keeping myself straight.

"Now or never…"

I murmured. Who knew seeing Charon again would be this crazy? He thinks I'm dead, maybe that's why I'm so damn scared. Pressing my weight down, I opened the door. Three Dog bellowed out, hitting my eardrums hard. I almost knocked myself down, but didn't, thank god.

"Still no news on 101. Sorry to disappoint all you listeners out there, but as soon as I get an update, I'll let you know."

I looked up and saw him. I saw him, I did. Charon. He stood behind the bar, leaning against the counter shaking his head, facing the radio.

"…He's been so down and out since he got back from the Citadel…wish I knew why."

Ghouls beside me held up conversation. Guess they hadn't gotten the memo. Moreover, I guess Charon had decided to keep it all to himself. I pulled myself away from the door, and hobbled to the middle of the room. Not a lot of people are in here, and that's good. The lights are unusually dim, probably because they're going to go to bed soon and all. My heart raced, my body shook and ached but fuck if I don't care. I'm here now, I'm here.

I watched as Charon leaned forward, clicking off the radio. I heard him sigh, and knew my legs weren't going to hold me up much longer.

"You're a fuckin' rotten asshole, you know that?"

I said, yelling almost, with the last bit of strength I had. I felt my pack slide from my back, giving me more time to stand. I watched as Charon's back instantly straightened. I would cross my arms and give him a triumphant smile if I could. All I could do though, was stand there with a half-assed smirk on my face. I felt myself swaying back and forth like the floor was moving. Charon turned around, and our eyes met.

"You should be ashamed, giving up that easy. I'm superhuman Dez!"

I saw Charon mouth my name. He came from around the bar, and I felt his strong arms around me. Finally. I let myself fall, letting him support my weight on his own. I felt him lift me in the air, my feet leaving the ground. He clung to me, his hands on my back, his face pressed into the crook of my neck. I rested my heavy head on his shoulder, feeling bad I couldn't return his embrace.

"You are alive…you are alive…"

He whispered, holding me closer and tighter.

"I'm sick, Charon."

He held me in the air, picking his head up and staring into my eyes.

"Dez…you are alive."

I nodded, frowning.

"I'm sick. I need to lay down…I can't walk…"

Charon nodded. I'd fill him in and act on my excitement once I got something to lay on.

"Out! Out!"

He yelled to the handful of ghouls lingering around Ninth Circle. They left immediately, a little scared. Charon carried me over to a bed against the wall, laying me down gently. He ran his hand over my cheek, and man…I never felt so damn comfortable before.

"You are alive…they had told me otherwise."

I noticed his cheeks were wet. I couldn't help but smile.

"No…no I lived. Unless I'm dreaming or this is heaven…or hell. Not sure yet."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. I should be more excited, but I can't be.

"I'd be happier, but I just woke up."

"Woke up?"

I nodded.

"I didn't die. They got Sara and I out of there, and we've been in a coma I guess. Sara's still in one, well she was when I was there. I left a few hours ago, I came straight here."

"It has been two weeks. Three Dog has mentioned nothing."

"Charon, I'm really happy to see you."

He nodded at me.

"Yes. I feel the same."

"I'd be happier, but I can't really…It hurts to move. They didn't want me to leave but I did. I did, Charon."

"You have brought fresh, clean water to the Capital Wasteland, Dez. You deserve all the rest you need."

He held my hand, staring at me. I wanted to move my legs, but I couldn't. I'm too weak.

"I'm going to need a lot…I feel like shit."

Charon stroked my cheek with his free hand, just staring.

"I am just happy to know you have survived. I have…been deeply upset since you said goodbye inside the Rotunda."

I frowned, remembering that. I didn't want to, but I had to. It made me want to cry.

"They told me you broke a hole in the glass trying to get me?"

Charon nodded, still stroking my cheek comfortable.

"Please understand I had no intention of damaging the machine. I was simply acting upon impulse."

"I don't care, Charon."

I groaned, trying to sit up. I felt his hand on my chest, pushing me back down.

"You must rest, I will not have you walking or moving unless you need to."

I laid back down, holding his hand and squeezing it.

"I…have something to say."

"Yes?"

"It's about us now. I'm not…I'm not going to worry about anything but you and me anymore. I…I don't know what's going to happen, but we can't trust anyone. They're going to be after me, they are, I know it."

"Who?"

"The rest of the Enclave, Charon. They're gonna kill me."

His back stiffened, and I was starting to see two of him. It concerned me somewhat, but I didn't let him know that.

"No one will ever harm you again."

It came out more like a threat than a statement. His eyes flashed with anger while he looked at me, taking his free hand and running it through my hair. I wanted to jump up and hug him, kiss him as hard as I could and never ever stop. But I'm too weak. I can hardly wiggle my toes at this point.

Charon stood from the bed, and began to unstrap his armor. I watched as he slid it off, and noticed where it was sewn in. He kept his black shirt on, kicking off his boots. Gently, he moved me closer to the wall and fitted himself against me.

"I am in shock that you are here."

"I've been here a whole ten minutes. Get over it."

He wrapped me in his arms, and I started to cry. I guess I was in shock, too. I felt him hold me tighter, and I pressed my face into his shirt.

"I…I was scared…I thought I was going to die…I did die I think. Charon I was so scared…I was so scared."

I wailed like a dying animal, like all the pain was coming out. Just like it had when my father died. I cried hard, sobbing and wailing. I could hear my echo in the empty rooms of the Ninth Circle. They bounced off the walls, and came back in my ears, scaring me a bit.

"I know you were, Dez. Please, do not cry."

I sobbed uncontrollably into his chest. I couldn't stop even if I tried. It all just came out, all the pain and the fright, everything I've felt. It came like a rush, like the high of a good dose of Jet. I gripped onto Charon's shirt for dear life, thinking if I let go I'd lose him. I can't lose him anymore. I can't handle that. It's going to drive me insane, it's going to hurt and I can't deal with it anymore. I clung to him, trying to press myself even closer. I felt his chin on the top of my head, feeling his jaw flexing.

"Are…are you…mad at me?"

I chocked out through sobs, staring at the blackness of his shirt. It's amazing, how one person can make such a difference. How one person can totally fuck with your head and make you so vulnerable by just being there. I don't feel like myself right now. I feel like I did the night we got back to Megaton after my dad died. I feel weak and helpless. It's horrible, to feel that way.

"I am not mad at you, no. I am mad at myself, for not staying at the Citadel and for not being able to properly comfort you."

I thought he'd be different, I don't know why. I thought he'd…sound different, act different or something. As always, he's still the same. The only constant I've ever had in my life.

"Please don't leave…don't leave not even for a minute…I can't be alone again…"

"I will not leave."

I let more tears flow, only this time they were quiet. Charon held tightly to me, his strong arms wrapped around me. I felt weak, but safe. No one would hurt me now, no one would be able to. I have Charon, I have him again. I don't need to be scared anymore, but I am.

"We have to visit Gob, when I get better. Together. We have to stay together. Even if we fight you can't leave…"

"I will not, Dez."

"I can't live alone anymore…I can't."

"I understand."

I don't think he did. I think he wanted to understand so badly that he just assumed he could. No one can understand what's in my head right now, not even Charon. I'm hurt and sick, I'm scared and I did something that could prove to be pretty noble, only I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to start the Purifier, I would have much preferred if Sara went in there, risking her own life. I just figured, I had to because my father was the at the core center of this entire shit storm. I didn't sacrifice my life out of good will, out of being a good person. I did it because I figured no one else would, and I was their last-ditch effort.

That's not a reason someone should do what I did. I should have told Sara to go inside, she cares about the whole thing, I don't. I took the credit for something I can't care less about. The people might like me now, a little, but I don't care. I doesn't sit right, knowing that I didn't do the act for the right reasons. Maybe it's supposed to feel this way, though. Maybe I'm just a mess because of the radiation, and when I get better I'll think clearer. Who knows? I don't. I just…feel like someone else. I feel like someone else, and Charon is still the same.

I squeezed Charon, trying to forget all these stupid feelings. I buried my face in his chest, closing my eyes and fighting the urge to puke.

"What have you been doing since you left the Citadel?"

I asked him, trying to calm myself down. I felt Charon stroke the back of my head, and it comforted me.

"I returned here to Underworld. I have been running the Ninth Circle. I have done nothing else."

I opened my eyes, staring at the black shirt he wore. I felt myself shaking, I don't know why, but I am. I'm shaking for some reason, maybe because it's all a mess in my head. It's all haywire and dizzying and sickening. But you know…I don't think all of that matters right now. I'm safe now, in the Ninth Circle, back with Charon. He's the only one in this world who cared about me when everyone else wanted me dead, he's the only one who kept me safe when everything was trying to kill me. I smiled, rubbing my nose into him, feeling his arms around me. I should be happy he's here, happy he's back. I can worry about everything else later or tomorrow or the next day. Not now, though, not now.

"I don't want to sleep in my armor…"

I mumbled, struggling to sit up. Charon helped me, propping two pillows behind me. I looked at him, feeling pitiful.

"Can you help?"

I motioned towards my boots. Charon nodded, and I felt him tugging at the laces. It was hard for me to unzip my top, hard for me to pull it off and down my arms, but I did it. It's just my entire body is sore, and numb. I can't really feel much but pins and needles, and when I do feel something it feels weird. Maybe I should have given myself another day or two in the Citadel, but I couldn't just leave Charon hanging longer than he had been.

I tossed my top to the floor beside the small bed. My arms feel like jello, and I don't actually feel like their my own appendages. Imagine if I woke up dead, and this was all a dream? That'd be a straight kick in the ass, I can say that much.

"Do you need help with your pants?"

Charon asked me, and I looked down at my legs.

"No…leave those on. Last thing I need is to wake up with some creep ghoul guy standing over me and eye fuckin me."

Charon sighed, angry for a quick minute.

"That would not happen."

I have a trained killer who has jealousy problems with me. Not only that but he's stocked with a Combat Shotgun and an endless stock of ammo. Yeah, I fell pretty fuckin safe with him around. I managed to smile at him, watching him finish taking my boots off and crawl back up in bed with me. I rested my tired head against his chest. I'm Charon's woman now, I guess. The roles have switched, he own me in a sense.

"I'm sorry I care so much about you."

I said, not really watching or caring what came out of my mouth anymore.

"Why?"

He stroked the side of my head, scratching my hairline and making me feel so…damn warm inside. No one's ever been able to comfort and calm me like he can.

"Because it might be bad one day. Just because I finished helping the Brotherhood doesn't mean we're not done traveling the Capital Wasteland. Once I can stand without wanting to fall on my ass, we're heading out of here. I'm sure we can find something to do."

"It cannot be bad."

That's because he's stupid. If by somehow I get myself in a bad situation, I know now Charon will act on emotions and not on his training. He might forget when enough is enough, and accidentally harm the wrong people. As long as I'm okay in the end though, I don't give a shit. People shouldn't mess with me anyways.

Charon kept scratching my head, making me smile, keeping me warm. It's cold in Underworld, I don't know why but it is. I have a blanket, but I don't need it. If Charon's planning on cramping himself on this small bed with me, his body heat will keep me safe and warm.

"I can't wait to get home…"

I muttered, closing my eyes.

"Yes."

He kissed the top of my head, his ghoul lips pressing down. I want to have a make out session, but I can't because I can't really control where my limbs go. I don't want to accidentally knock him in the face. There's time for that shit later now, though. I don't have to rush into anything. I don't have to be anywhere at any given time. For the first time in my life out here, I can just sit back and relax. I don't have to worry, I don't have to think about what it is I need to do. I can simply empty my head, and rest here with Charon.

"I am thankful you survived the radiation inside the Purifier."

"I am, too. I'd be dead if I didn't."

"Yes, I'm aware of that."

I sighed, pressing my face into him. This is wrong, I know it is, but I don't care. I don't care who hates me because of this. I'm lucky. I have someone out here who keeps me safe, away from harm, and cares about me. That's something you can't find out here, trust. Everyone's always trying to survive, not caring who they hurt. I'm a prime example of that. But now I have trust. I have someone and I don't care who shits on it.

I was about to let myself fall asleep. Fall into a well-needed rest propped up against Charon in the dim lighting of the Ninth Circle, but I heard a door open. I felt Charon's body stiffen against mine, and felt him pull away from me as he reached for his shotgun. I can't defend myself, and he knows this. Opening my eyes, I saw him staring off at the far door, the one closest to us, and on the opposite side of the bar. I watched, trying to clear my blurring vision, as someone walked over to us. Charon stood, his shotgun aimed.

"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!"

I can't tell if it's a boy or a girl, but damn they're scared.

"Who are you?"

Charon growled and I angrily rubbed my eyes. When opened them again, I saw a man in Wasteland Wanderer garb standing in front of Charon, his hands blocking the gun. Like that would help.

"I'm from The Pitt! Don't shoot!"

Charon looked at me, and I shrugged, too tired and weak to care.

"Never saw him before in my life."

Charon cocked his shotgun, stepping closer to him.

"You heard her. Choose your words carefully…"

Props to Charon. Even without his contract he listened to me, read between my words. Neither one of us trust anyone we encounter in the Capital Wasteland, and for good fucking reason.

"Please! Listen to me! You helped Wernher! I saw you, you fought in the Hole and you got a huge scar across your back!"

He knew, and the only way he would know that is if he actually did see it happen. Charon looked back at me, and I nodded.

"Let's see what he has to say."

I could tell Charon didn't want to hear jack shit. He wanted to shoot this strange guy who appeared in the Ninth Circle, seemingly unaware of the ghoul population. I took note of how he nervously kept staring at Charon, trying to figure out what exactly he is.

"I…I came to…to find you. I…remember you from The Pitt, you freed us all."

"Tell me something I don't know."

I pretended I didn't feel as weak as I felt, and dug into my pocket for a cigarette. Charon stood beside me, and took one from the pack. Smoking made me feel tougher than I really felt, and I liked feeling badass.

"I needed to speak with you, it's urgent."

"I'm not going back into The Pitt. You figure that shit out on your own now, you're free."

He shook his head at me, his dirty hair flying everywhere. I noticed he didn't have Trog. Not good. Everyone, and I mean everyone, in The Pitt has Trog. The cure isn't done yet, I know that too, Wernher said it would take a year to fully complete. He's not from The Pitt, he's lying.

"I need to speak with you, just you, alone."

Charon gripped his cigarette in his teeth, cocking his shotgun.

"No."

It was all he needed to say to almost make the guy piss himself. A six foot something ghoul standing over you with a loaded shotgun would make anyone shit their pants. Well, besides me. I didn't want to inform Charon that the mystery man was lying. I wanted to see what he wanted from me.

"I…I followed you from the Citadel. They wouldn't…they wouldn't let me in and I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"I need your help, in The Pitt. They…they want to kill me."

He gave me this sob story about Wernher that I proved wrong in my head. I smoked my cigarette, forcing my body to stay awake, forcing my arms to do what I wanted them to do. I noticed the guy looked at my chest from time to time. I pulled the covers to my neck, glaring at him. He's a liar.

"What's your name?"

I asked, tossing my cigarette on the floor.

"Uh…my name it's…Kyle."

Our eyes met. He's lying about that, too.

"Your story sounds bad, and it's really sad."

"So you'll help me?"

"No. I might, I mean, if you were telling the truth. But you lied. You're not from The Pitt."

"Excuse me?"

"For one you have no signs or symptoms of Trog, for two you don't have a burn on you, and everyone knows The Pitt is full of hellfire and shit like that. Three, the cure isn't ready and won't be for another year."

Charon growled when I finished, and pointed his shotgun at him again. I could see his muscles tense, the veins pumping as they pushed blood though him. I glanced over at 'Kyle' as he nervously stared down the barrel of Charon's shotgun.

"You have one more shot to tell me the truth."

"I do not think we should give him that, Dez. He could be the one that has been following us."

I shrugged, covering up a wince from the pain in felt with a yawn. Shit I'm gonna go on one hell of a rampage when I can move again.

"Alright. Alright. I'll tell you the truth, but you're not going to like it."

"No, I won't. I don't like anything people have to say."

"I was hired to warn you."

I cocked an eyebrow, cautiously looking over at Charon.

"Warn me about what?"

"Look, I don't know who you are, or what you did, but people are pissed. My people, anyways."

"Who the fuck are 'your people'?"

"I come from Paradise Falls. I used to be a slave but worked my way free, and I've been hired to…I'm not sure, but relay a message."

At the sound of 'Paradise Falls', Charon took a few steps closer to him. What the hell do some Slaver pricks want with me?

"Warn me? About what?"

"At first they wanted to recruit you, they need your help. Once they found out that shit you pulled up at The Pitt, all their business is lost. They lost five men when they went in there, five. They want you now."

"Want me? As in…enslave?"

He nodded.

"The bounty on your head is high. I don't know shit about you, but they want you and…him."

He pointed nervously to Charon whose gun was almost at his temple. Slavers want me? I thought they were on my side…I figured I was badass enough for them to…leave me the fuck alone. Guess not.

"Whose paying for this bounty?"

"I don't know! I swear that's all I know!"

I didn't know what to do. I have Charon, but even Charon isn't protection against a Mesmetron. I could kill this kid, in one swift word have him laying dead. But no, I didn't. I can use this to my advantage.

"Go home, little boy. Go back to Paradise Falls and tell them…tell them to just fucking try."

Charon looked at me nervously, as if to say 'you're serious?', but I don't care.

"You…you're not going to kill me?"

"Leave right fucking now and I won't."

He was out like he was on fire. I never seen a man run so fast in my life. I might have laughed at it, too, if I wasn't so damn tired. Charon looked at me, lowering his weapon.

"You let him go?"

The words sounded familiar in my head, but I didn't try to figure out why.

"Charon, I'm too tired to care, really."

He nodded, but he didn't agree. I could tell by the look in his eyes he was worried. Charon doesn't say much, and I like that about him. He doesn't argue if I give short answers. He just accepts them and moves on.

"I understand, Dez. You need rest now, though."

Charon came and laid with me, his arms around me again. I should be worried about the guy's warning, worried about Slavers and shit. But they don't know where I am. And even if they did, they don't know where I live. Maybe some of them remember Rockopolis, but that was a long time ago. They probably think it's caved in and gone now. Plus I'm pretty safe with Charon. As soon as I get my bearings and can get on my own two feet, I'll be doubly safer.

Still, it does suck out here. It sucks knowing that just when I get myself up and ready, I'm going to have to fight or some shit. Knowing someone is after me, someone might be following me, someone might want to kill me. It's the same shit every day, just a different back story. I have successfully pissed off everyone in the Capital Wasteland at least once. I'm not sure if I should be proud of that, but it does bring a smile to my face. I mean, who else can say they've achieved that? I've pissed off everyone from Rivet City to Raven Rock and back again. That's a lot of people.

But I've helped just as many, too. No one seems to give me credit for that, they only remember the wrongs I've committed. Maybe now with starting the Purifier and having Three Dog on my side, the people here will appreciate me. Maybe one day I'll wake up and not hear voices or strive to do bad things. Who knows? Anything can happen out here, I guess.