A/N Hey there! You guys rock! Thank you so much for voting this story, I never expected to be nominated in the first place and not even to win the category. I'm stunned. Thank you so much! So this story won Best Drama in Profile Choice Awards 2014! Wow!
I'm so sorry about the long time without update, but I was busy and on top of that I was totally out of ideas for the story and the lack of motivation was the overkill. But CM itself was the reason, why my urge to write came back. This totally awesome promo for next week led me back into the FF world. Hotch being mind controlled? wtf I freaked out - ! I'm so excited about this story again, because of that. So here it comes, the long overdue next chapter of Impact! Enjoy!
It is an odd situation, you think. Daily life in an intensive care unit. On top of it, the sensations and feelings that are driving every thought inside your head, are altogether something, you never expected. Normally you get used to the routine of the place you stay for longer than a couple of days. Well, right now it is already beginning to get into more than 2 month. And just that knowledge, being on life support in an ICU for months, you can't grab a straight feeling about that. You didn't get used to it. The every day treatment, care and applications, you have to go through, to just be able to be in a state of mind and condition, that allows you to be alive, are out of normal. You cannot explain it to someone that hasn't lived through it. On the one hand you are grateful to be alive after all this. It is already a long and dangerous journey since the impact that night more than 2 month ago. On the other hand you are beyond exhausted. You are tired almost every minute and sometimes you cannot grab a straight thought. It is annoying.
But there are not just the medical and intensive care treatments, that requires your full energy or what is left of it. No. There is something else. Someone else. Aaron. Without him, you think, well without him, it would be ... you cannot imagine... you don't want to imagine. Because the feelings, that are so fresh, intense and overwhelming, are draining and filling you with power at the same time. Although, you just became aware two days ago, that there was something more between you two. It has to be. Something like that doesn't just happen. This bonding process went on for weeks, you guess. Although almost all the time your subconsciousness took over the processing of the feelings about the interaction you two had. Because you were and are fighting for your life and that part... well ... you were not always on the top of your business. You still are not. But you fight not alone. You fight with Hotch on your side and it gets better, every single day. Literally. You have to smile. And you have no clue how, because if you would rate the state of mind, you are in, like right now, it is a total chaos.
You are extremely happy and at the same time stressed and worked up from the nurses and doctors, that are giving you a hard time. Well they aren't quite the reason, your condition is. Like you still cannot breath without supporting pressure from the ventilator. Your lungs are killing you. But at the same time, there is Hotch, who is tenderly caring. He makes you calm and confident. Satisfied, it doesn't matter that the treatment, the doctors and nurses are giving you, to keep training your lungs, is annoying you. Because you are exhausted and you don't have any power left to push your body to get better right now.
A hand touches yours. You snap out of your thought marathon and look up.
"You look tense, are you still in pain? We can call Betty and she will raise your pain med cocktail, so you can get some rest."
You study his face. If you could, you would hug him on sight. It seems as there was an entire tank, that needs to be filled with Hotch or what he does to you. Since your relationship took a jump two days ago, you assess everything in a different angle, a different light. And it is definitely warm. Filling. Filling the once empty tank of yours, with positive energy.
"JJ?"
"Hm?"
"Everything alright?"
He begins to lean over to you and touches your cheek and your forehead.
"Are you running temperature again?"
'That is so sweet' you think and your eyes crinkle.
He stops in his movements, his assessment of your status and watch you closely.
"What?" He brings out.
You chuckle, but have to cough. With that the familiar rattling sound of your lungs appears. You close your eyes to ease the coughing and you are pleased it subsides quickly. The Hotch effect 1.0 . You sigh.
"JJ?"
You take his hand and look him in the eyes. Then you slowly start to unwrap the breathing mask, that is pressed on your mouth and nose, to be able to speak clearly.
"...was ...just thin..king...bout you...and evrythin ... withit.."
So much on clearly, but there has to be a reason, why Betty runs you through every breathing treatment possible these days.
With that hesitated exhausted sentence of yours, he determined grabs the breathing mask and presses it back over you mouth and nose. Carefully he attaches the straps back in place. It seems as since the true emotions were out between you two, he became overprotective. More than already. Differently than the guilt driven Hotch, that you were expecting all the time. Now the intention is on another.
You don't protest, while he secures the mask back in place.
"Are you sure you are alright? Because I can get the ."
You have to smile inwardly. Hotch seems to be kind of changed. The stoic manner made way for the emotional, the open hearted Hotch. his calm reassuring way didn't vanish. You give him a faint smile, but a warm one, though through the mask, but add on the end:
"'m fine...Aaron... don' ...worry."
You squeeze his hand and close your eyes to return to your thinking marathon. But something keeps you from thinking about the complexity of feelings and thoughts. It is something you didn't expect to feel anytime ever again. And your eyes shot open.
Hotch must have seen your sudden change in expression. He instantly jumped up from the chair and stands right beside you.
"Whats wrong?"
There is a dumb throbbing pain.
In your left foot.
You start to move your left hand to your hip and then to your leg.
"JJ?"
You blink repeatedly. Your breathing quickens. You frown as your hand reaches your thigh. Then you close your eyes and the tension leaves with every breath you take. You close your eyes and let your head sink in the pillow. And you have to smile under the breathing mask.
"JJ, what's wrong? Please tell me what's going on. Im going to get Dr. Coburn now!"
You just nod, smiling into your mask.
"Yes...bring...im...ere..."
While you hear Hotch leaving the room, you begin to massage your left thigh. You almost cannot believe it. You can feel every of your five finger touching your skin on your leg. What was numb for weeks, you can feel it right now...again...finally. Your spinal cord injury seems to heal. Bliss, you feel pure bliss rushing through your body. You would jump in excitement if you could.
"Jennifer?"
You open your eyes to see three people standing around you and stare at you. Betty checking the monitors and Dr. Coburn already bringing his stethoscope onto your chest. Hotch by your other side looking worried and a little bit like a lost puppy.
" 'm okay..."
"What's going on Agent Jareau?"
You look to Dr. Coburn who is trying to figure out and frowning as he listens to your breathing.
"Honey, what's bothering you?"
Betty is stroking over your forehead, but switches her gaze between you and the monitors.
You are glad, that this time, it's nothing bad happening. This time you can tell all those people, that are sick worrying about you, that you are fine, more than fine actually.
You swallow and gather yourself to speak. Now every one of them is watching you eagerly. Hotch hand is resting on your shoulder and you grab his hand.
"I can ... feel...my legs ...again.."
And you smile.