Hey guys just some little updates xx

Chapter 20: was really short i am sorry, i was gunna write more but i did it at school and i kinda got really cold so instead of writing i just snuggled up with Hollyoaks August 2011 – the Jart cellar episodes of course xx

If anyone has ideas, queries anything just message me or review i will find a way of getting back to you. Let me know what you think of Seth and Anita i would like to know what you really think and whether Jasmine and Anita should go back to being friends or not xx

And to Emma 3 : there isn't bad blood, he was just worried about his sister as she has been through a lot and Anita left Jas during the middle of the hardest part of her life, so there is bound to be some tension between the two of them. And since Anita is like a really close friend she might find it hard to accept, Seth basically just wanted to wait until the time was right as he knows Jasmine should be happy with her own love life before he drags her into his. Sorry that was a long explanation, i hope your enjoying the story so far xx

And to everyone please read my other story barriers of hatred – the first few chapters are of Bart but it is really fun to co write it with GirlWednesday xx

And please review obviously not this 'chapter' but the rest, i love reading your reviews and replying back, if i can xxx

The title of this chapter and the last were those of really great books, read them! xx

Chapter twenty one: If You Could See Me Now

Anita POV – new person, new chapter, new POV

Seth woke up at around 10 i had already been up for hours; planning what i would say to Jasmine last time i saw her she was a very unhappy girl who was convinced she was a boy and now a couple of years on she is back with Bart and very happy, i just don't know what to say to her. I mean where do i start that conversation? Maybe i should let her speak first, yes that's what i will do, i am sure she has had to do it countless times before so once more can't hurt. Can it?

I am now sitting in college coffee with Seth, it is 11 o'clock and Jas should be hear any minute, this is my third latte Oh My God, i am sitting her nervous about meeting one of my best friends, why am i nervous she is just a regular person right? Seth kisses me goodbye and goes to Jono at the counter, Seth is taunting him about his secret smooch with Ruby last night, and it was so cute. I mean it would have been if it weren't for Sinead, you know Jono's girlfriend, catching them, apparently i heard she slapped him because his hands were a little to south for her liking, so she dumped him. She was used to Jono's antics as he was as Neil puts it "a babe magnet." And now she was tired of him game so she chucked him. Although the other story is she has found some else and has been cheating on Jono for much longer. I doubt if any of this is actually true but still gossip is gossip. Jas arrived minutes later and looked as what i can only describe as windswept her hair was all over the place and she still looked amazing! This may sound a tad...Lesbian ish but she looked hot, she was wearing jean shorts knee high socks, boots and Bart's mustard yellow jumper, yes the same one he was wearing last night, she can't have been at her own home!

Jas POV – to explain her unusual outfit

Ok so we arrived back to mine last night at about 2 am and the pub was still crowded we asked a very giddy Tilly to close up soon and went back to Bart's and well... you get the idea. I wake up at like 10.30 way too late to go back home so i borrowed some of Theresa's clothes, couldn't for the laugh of me pick out one of her tops so i picked up Bart's and i left the house after kissing Bart bye and him telling me i had always looked 'REEM' in boys clothes, i took this a compliment even though i was sure what he meant. And well i literally ran all the way to college coffee.

Anita POV

Hi, i say shyly as Jasmine takes a seat opposite me, you look great.

"Really i haven't been home yet i stayed at Bart's the night and well you know the McQueen girls all their clothes are too revealing. So i opted for Bart's instead, though i have always hated this jumper!"

Nah, you look fucking great, but i really think we need to discuss a few things, don't you?

"Ok, right after i get a drink" she says and jumps up making her way through the tables towards Jono. She returns moments later with a hot chocolate and a chocolate muffin. "This muffin free from Jono, because i look totes hot today, i could get used to this" i laugh this isn't the Jasmine i remember flirting the boys, staying the night with the boyfriend, wearing tight and extremely revealing shorts. I remember the scared fifteen year old boy trapped in girl's body who spent their time binding their chest and cutting their arms with a compass.

Please will you now tell me what has happen since i left, with you i mean?

"Well that's a massive, huge in fact category. Ok well you remember Riley was with Mercedes right?" i nod they were not right from the beginning they were just kidding themselves thinking that it would work. But Jasmine wait. "What?" I know all of this the baby, your mum, your dad. What i need to know is you!

"Ok, well after mum... you know... i told everyone here i was going to America with dad, but at the last minute i jumped out and stayed in Chester. But not Hollyoaks, and the only person that knew was Seth, then Bart saw me in town and well i came back and we got together. Then on Christmas dad committed suicide and we found out he had been seeing this girl Elise, back in America. She was like my age, it was so weird and then Fern came back last night and we told her to get lost and now you, oh and Mitzeee and Riley got together, had a baby and Riley is gonna propose to her in Venice today"

Awww how romantic, i didn't know about the baby Seth never said, what are they called.

"Well it is a girl and her name is Heidi and me, Nancy, Doug and Bart are the godparents. She wasn't supposed to be born until February but you know us Costello's drama before we are even born!"

So what happened to Jason? I had tried to lead up to it gently but i couldn't hold onto it any longer, it was eating me up inside.

"No no, you and Seth first"

Well, i came back from Middlesbrough, to Manchester to see Eva and then this must have been when you were away, because i came back and spoke to Seth asking to see you and-

"You came back here looking for me?"

Erm.. Yer you were like my best friend, i mean we were so close; i haven't ever kissed any of my other friends before, apart from Newt. But he was actually a boy and whatever yes i came back to see you. And that is when Seth said you weren't here so i said i would wait, and then he told me i wasn't allowed to see you hoping i would just leave, but i didn't i then i said Heidi may be your mum but she can't keep you locked up forever.

"Oh dear"

Oh dear, is right, he broke down in tears and told me everything except, he told me you had moved to America to progress with treatment, not exactly the truth, and then before i knew it we were kissing and then we went up stairs. I thought it was just gonna be a one night thing, and then he called and i texted and wham, here we are 5 months later.

"5 months!"

Yer, he told me in December after your dad's funeral, that you were back and he said i couldn't come over anymore because he wanted to tell you when the time was right, because of all you had been through and that, and i agreed. That was until i saw you yesterday that is why i was so shocked i was expecting Jason, a real man not Jasmine and Bart! I mean you and Bart, it is amazing i always knew someday, somehow, somewhere. But before i saw you two together, it's just so... romantic! Cus last i heard he was dating that slutty bitch Sinead, who went out with Gaz! I still can't believe that.

"5 months, he kept it a secret for 5 months; i mean we texted everyday and talked on the phone for ages. He had been keeping it from me since like September!"

28th of August actually. I came down during my summer holidays and have stayed put ever since. I corrected her, i know that doesn't help things but dates and times are always important.

"Well, if you two are serious about each other then, i can't do anything to stop it can i. I am happy for you Anita, you can't find a better bloke then Seth, he is great so kind and generous. He always puts other people's feelings ahead of his own. Look at me going on and on. Feel free to shut me up any time soon. "

Can i? Sorry it's just i am sure Seth wants to say something as well. I point behind her at Seth, i will leave you two alone then, i am so glad i caught up with up Jas, meet up soon i want the full download on Jason and Bart.

"Wait" she says running after me. "Can we just do it now, before i totally bottle it?"

What about Seth?

"I am sure i will see him tonight to discuss things"

Ok sure then, i say linking arms with her and walking to one of the ramps in the skate park.

"Ok, right let me completely finish before you say a word. You got it?" Yup i got it. I confirm. "Well, i never really went to America and i so badly wanted to go and see Bart and confess everything to him, but i just couldn't bring myself to do it. I just couldn't. I don't know why i stopped being Jason, for a while i didn't wanna be anyone, i just stayed inside speaking to nobody. Then i was in the shower a few days before i saw Bart again and i realised that i was actually comfortable in my body for once, i don't know exactly what happened and despite what mum used to say, it wasn't a phase. But i don't think i ever knew what i truly wanted. I thought JASON was who i really was but then i just didn't know. But when i saw Bart again all these feelings came rushing towards me and i discovered who i truly was, Jasmine. And not matter what that won't ever change, and i think Bart does love me for who i am boy or girl. Jasmine or Jason. He loves me either way he just may not admit it. But i have decided that i am well and truly Jasmine Costello."

That is wonderful Jas, i am glad you thought about my advice, even if not on a subconscious level.

"What advice was that? i seem to remember getting lots of 'advice' from lots of people"

Well i believe i said:

BE WHOEVER YOU NEED TO BE BOY OR GIRL.

And i will always stick by that Jasmine, if you ever need anybody i am here for you, always! I hugged her and walked off hand in hand with my boyfriend Seth Costello, the most wonderful man on the planet and the second best and most inspirational person, he comes right after Jasmine, i don't think anybody will beat her, she is truly one amazing human being.