Chapter 21 – The Good Life
Things are not that bad. The classes are not overwhelming even though I never bothered much with them in the past and besides I have Serge to help me with the homework.
Karl and Pascal are not bad either. I can see they still have doubts about me, maybe not believing that I can change but I don't blame them. I have deceived many people, many times before and it is an expected reaction from anyone smart enough, but I can see that they are genuinely trying to accept me. I really appreciate their efforts even if they do it just for Serge's sake.
Serge seems really happy even though I told him everything about the consequences that our friendship might have and I'm glad about that. I want him to be happy.
Last evening was my first experience of a normal life, or so I think. I wouldn't know what a normal life is like, now would I? The little study session with Serge and his friends was pleasant even though a bit awkward but in time we will get used to each other more and things will be different, right? Then the boys played cards and they tried to teach me too because, as they put it, the game is more interesting with more players. It was fun.
"Gilbert, are you ready for breakfast?" There was a knock on the door and then came Serge's voice, loud enough to wake up anyone if they were asleep.
I open the door before he can knock again, fully dressed in my uniform "Yeah, I'm ready."
"You're awake?" he asks a bit confused.
"Of course I am, I always wake up early" I answer just as confused.
"Well since you skipped class and breakfast all the time I assumed that you would sleep in in the mornings when you have nothing else to do" he explained a bit embarrassed.
"Not at all" I say amused "Come on you wouldn't want to make Karl and Pascal wait for us, would you?" I say dragging him out of my room and towards the main building where breakfast is served.
"Serge, Gilbert over here" Karl and Pascal noticed Serge and I enter the room and wave for us to join them at the table. And so we do. I can feel the others stare and I can hear them whisper but for some reason it doesn't make me uncomfortable.
I think that Serge noticed too because as soon as we take our sits at Karl's table he grabs my hand under the table as if trying to assure me that everything is all right. I answer by curling my fingers around his hand and giving him a small smile. It's all right, it really is, it doesn't bother me what they think. As long as I am with Serge nothing else matters.
"So….Pascal….how is your essay in Latin going? You know it's due to tomorrow?" Serge starts the conversation.
Pascal dismisses him with his hand "Who has time for that? I have more important things to do."
"Then I suppose we should rearrange your priorities for you" Karl comes in.
Pascal gives him an annoyed look "Well thank you very much mister model student…" he starts sarcastically but Karl doesn't even glance at him and continues to drink his tea.
"That's what friends are for" Karl explains leaving Pascal so not satisfied. If Karl makes plans to make Pascal study then he doesn't let him go until the work is done and the older boy knows that very well. I suppose he'll have to leave the 'more important thing' for later, whatever it is.
I kind of like the way they take care of each other and the thought makes me smile.
"Well fine, I'll finish the essay today but this evening I choose what game we play, and I don't want to play cards" Pascal gives in. The other two start laughing at Pascal's obvious frustration.
After breakfast we head to class and I sit next to Serge just as I used to before, but not for the same reason. He puts his books on the desk and looks at me a little hesitant. "So…have you thought about us being room mates? I just know that you don't dislike the idea as much as you said you do."
"No I don't, but I'm not sure we should" I say with a sigh. He can't even imagine how much I actually want us to share a room and even a bed if he wants to, how much I hate being alone in there every night but I don't want him to get hurt because of it. We spend too much time together for his own good as it is but I can't peal myself away from him again. I'm tired of acting and I'm selfish. I want him to be happy and I want to be happy too and since we are happy together I don't want to play the old game ever again.
"You're still thinking about what August said?" I sense concern in his voice.
"I can't just let it go as much as I want to" I try to defend myself and he gives me an assuring smile.
"It'll be fine. We'll find a solution when the time comes."
"You sure are carefree…." I smile back.
"I got that from you, you know?" I know. He didn't use to be like that. It's funny how right now I feel like our roles have been switched. I am the one concerned about his well being the same way he always was about me and he is the one going with the flow of life the same way I do with my own life.
"I'll talk to Karl about it this evening" he sais right before the teacher enters the classroom.
I can sense that Karl doesn't agree with Serge's decision but he sais nothing. I suppose he does the best he can to accept me in their group and maybe even to trust that I will not hurt Serge again. I don't mind though, because I don't plan on disappointing him either. I will not hurt Serge and I will not let anyone else do it either, he is too important to me.
Even if Serge will never love me the way I do I will still be happy as long as I am by his side and that gives me plenty of reasons not to hurt him again.
After Serge brought the news to his friends the subject was dropped and we started playing games, like we did last evening after homework was done, and since Pascal managed somehow to finish his essay we let him choose the game to play, which was surprisingly chess.
He had never required to play chess before, even though I'm sure he is familiar with the game. Pascal just has that personality that works perfectly with strategy games and I'm sure he is good at it too. What I don't understand though is whether he really wants to play chess or he wants to include me in the activity, considering the fact that I only watch when they play cards. Pascal is still a mystery to me.
So Pascal and I play while Pascal tries to explain the rules to Serge, who knows nothing about the game. Karl knows the rules but he lacks experience when strategy is involved. I lose the game but that was expected, after all I am a bit rusty since I haven't played in such a long time.
The only person I ever played against was Augu but those games are a distant memory. It seems that he forgot about me ever since he brought me to this school, not taking me home on holydays, not sending letters….It used to bother me, make me feel lonely and lost but not anymore, thanks to Serge.
I wake up from my wandering as Pascal declares checkmate to our second game and we switch places with Serge and Karl so they can play too.
"So how should I start?" asks Serge who got white since he is the least experienced of the two.
"You might want to bring out a knight first" suggests Pascal and Serge did exactly that, followed by Karl's opening. The game went on until Serge made a really bad move and made Pascal grip onto his hair with both hands.
"Now why did you do that?" he shouts.
"But Karl's king is in check…" Serge points out not really understanding why his move had been so bad.
"The point of the game is to put Karl in checkmate not just check" I point out "See? He can escape right here" I continue showing him the next move Karl can make "and besides now you have your queen in the middle of Karl's territory while your own king is quite unprotected" next I show him the obvious threats that come from Karl's side. He listens carefully and watches my every move then nods slightly.
"I think I understand now" he sais "let's start again!" They start another game but Serge doesn't play much better. Pascal and I however, point out the mistakes they both make, much like a tutoring game, and so the time passed without anyone noticing. It was almost ten when Karl noticed the time and he freaked out, to my amusement.
"So…I guess you won't be sleeping here tonight?" he asks a little sad.
"No" Serge responds "so Pascal can move in here if he wants" he obviously is trying to make the older boy feel better.
"You bet I will" the oldest boy sais "I'm tired of those little bastards crying around day and night" he continues to everyone's amusement.
Serge takes some of his things so we can leave for my room, then stops in front of the door to say goodnight to the older boys.
"Thanks Pascal, it's been fun playing chess. Let's do it again sometimes."
"I think you should better stick to playing piano, honestly" the other boy pouts "You're not much fun as an opponent in chess, if you know what I mean."
We go back to my room…our room now and get ready for the night.
Serge dresses in his night shirt and lays down on the bed next to mine, getting under the warm blanket but I don't move. I'm also dressed for the night…yes I'm dressed in a night shirt even to my own surprise, but I don't want to go to bed, not my own anyway. It feels like it's been such a long time since I felt Serge's warm embrace at night… I want to ask him to let me share the bed with him but I don't dare. We only shared a bed when I was upset and he was trying to comfort me, I don't know how he will react if I do it with no reason, so instead I just stand in the middle of the room staring at him.
"What's wrong?" he asks. Apparently he noticed me standing there, spacing out.
"Nothing" I say heading to my own bed. I don't dare to ask him after all….
"Come here" he sais to my surprise, making room for me in his bed. I never expected him to offer but I'm not about to refuse it, so I get under the blankets next to him, satisfied. I put my arms around his neck with more confidence than I had before and rest my head on his shoulder. I love this warm feeling and I don't want to lose it ever again. I don't want to lose him the same way I lost Augu, but then again Serge is not Augu. He has proved that countless times before, and I completely trust him now. That's right, I have no more doubts about Serge.
And with that warm feeling I drift away in the dream world.