Ok next chapter! Again another hard one to write. In this fic, Steve hasn't been suffering from depression. It's too hard to write it in with him too. I wanted to do something between them having both experienced the same thing but it would be too much, so it's only Chelsea in this fic.
I want to say a massive thanks for all the support on the last chapter. Please continue to review and let me know your thoughts!
Carla shut the door behind her locking it, and Chelsea just stood unaware of what to do. Both of their faces were tear stained.
Carla: "Right why don't you go and put your pajamas on, put short sleeves on, I'll give your arms a clean up"
Chelsea: "Mum it's fine I can do it" she almost whispered, she didn't want her to touch them.
Carla placed her hand onto Chelseas cheek and ran her thumb over it: "Please just do as I ask" she spoke softly but seriously. Chelsea nodded and went through to her room.
Carla got out the cotton wool, and prepared a bowl of warm, salty water and grabbed the cream from the cupboard. She sat on the couch and waited for Chelsea to come back through.
Chelsea walked through in pajama bottoms and a short sleeved top, she had her arms crossed across her stomach. She sat opposite her with her arms still folded.
Carla looked to her and gently took her arms and uncrossed them. Chelsea looked away, blinking away tears. Carla took the cotton wool and dipped it into the water, as she put it onto the cuts Chelsea flinched.
Carla: "Does it hurt?" she asked.
Chelsea shook her head. It didn't hurt. She just felt so exposed. She didn't want anyone to see them, let alone touch them.
Carla gently dabbed the cotton wool along both arms before patting it dry and applying an antibiotic cream. She stood up silently and took everything away.
Chelsea: "Mum, you never said anything" she spoke quietly.
Carla didn't turn from the sink to look at her: "About what?"
Chelsea: "About what I said, that I like girls" she was even quieter this time, she didn't like to say it out loud.
Carla placed her hands on the counter and hung her head letting out a sigh.
Carla: "What do you want me to say?" she said, turning round to look at her this time.
Chelsea shrugged: "Something, anything? I don't know what you're thinking"
Carla: "I don't even know what I'm thinking"
Chelseas expression changed and she looked at her hurt.
Chelsea: "It bothers you doesn't it?" she didn't want to ask, she was afraid of the answer, but she had to know.
Carla: "No don't be silly, of course it doesn't" she said but she looked away, turning to grab a glass from the cupboard above her head.
Chelsea: "Then why can't you look at me when you say it?"
Carla put the glass down on the bunker but slammed it slightly, her frustration showing through.
Carla: "This is a lot for me to take in Chelsea"
Chelsea snorted: "Yeah, join the club Mum" she snapped.
Carla: "This isn't easy for me you know, look at the state of your arms Chelsea!" she almost shouted it.
Chelsea looked down once more at her arms.
Chelsea: "I just wanted the pain to stop" she said quietly, without lifting her head.
Carla ran a hand through her own hair, and poured the red wine into the glass, taking a mouthful and turning round to look at her daughter again.
Carla: "Why couldn't you tell me? Why couldn't you speak to me and let me know how you were feeling?"
Chelsea: "I don't know. I wanted to at first, but I was scared of how you'd react. And the more I kept it to myself about my sexuality, the worse I felt. And then I started thinking of everything else, and I couldn't do anything about it. And the pain was so intense, and I just wanted it to stop. I still can't tell you why I thought to do that but I did, and it helped. I know it's wrong, I know that! And I wanted to stop, god I tried so hard but the days went on and no matter what I did things just felt worse. I'd wake in the morning and I didn't want to be awake. Sleep was the only time I got an escape, I didn't have to feel"
She was crying, and now so was Carla. She left the wine sat on the counter and went over, scooping her into her arms and holding her tight.
Carla: "I'm sorry" she cried.
Chelsea: "I wish I was normal" she sobbed.
Carla: "Hey don't speak like that, you are normal ok. Whether you like boys or girls, it's just going to take some time to get my head around ok? It doesn't mean I love you any less, it doesn't mean I don't agree, I just need time" she sighed.
Chelsea nodded but said nothing.
Carla pulled apart from her: "I think you should go to bed, it's been a long day. First thing in the morning we're going to the doctors"
Chelsea: "I don't need a doctor"
Carla: "Yes you do" she answered firmly.
Chelsea: "Ok" she said quietly and without saying a word went off to her room.
As soon as the door shut behind her, Carla couldn't contain the tears and broke down, muffling her cries as she just let everything pour out.
Morning came and the two of them went to the doctors surgery, Carla left Alya and Sally in charge of the factory for the day. As they sat waiting, Chelsea was shaking her leg and twiddling her thumbs. She wanted to turn and run, and a few times she had to will her legs not to move from the spot they were in. She felt a hand clasp hers, and turned to see Carla giving her a reassuring smile.
"Chelsea Connor"
Her stomach dropped and she felt instantly sick. She felt her mothers hand on her back giving her a nudge, so she took a deep breath and moved into the doctors room. Her and Carla were sat opposite a female doctor, probably not much older than Carla. She smiled kindly at the two of them.
Dr Pearson: "So what can I help you with today?" she looked to Chelsea for an answer, but she turned to Carla, her eyes pleading with her to speak for her.
Carla: "She's been having a rough time of it lately, and I just found out last night she's been cutting herself"
The words come out and Carla had to look away from the doctor, chewing her lip as she struggled not to let all her own pain and anger at her daughter out.
Dr Pearson turned to Chelsea: "Can I have a look at them?" she asked and came round from the desk to get closer.
Chelsea reluctantly pulled up her sleeves. The doctor held both her arms in her hands and turned them slightly, looking at every cut from her wrist to the inside of her elbow. She gently pulled back down the sleeves covering them back up.
Dr Pearson turned to Carla: "Could you leave Chelsea and I alone for 5 minutes please? If you wouldn't mind"
Carla: "Well yeah I would mind, I'm her mother" she said, clearly having taken offense to the request.
Dr Pearson: "I just think she might find it easier to speak to me alone, than have you here. She might not, but just in case"
Carla turned to Chelsea: "You want me here don't you? You've already told me everything anyway"
Chelsea couldn't look at her.
Chelsea: "Can you leave us just now please" she said quietly.
Carla looked stung and grabbed her bag, slamming the door as she left, the noise causing Chelsea to jump.
Dr Pearson: "Do you want to speak me through what made you do this?"
Chelsea took a deep breathe and went through everything, being as brief as possible but enough to give her an understanding. The doctor nodded along and when Chelsea got upset, offered her a tissue. She listened intently to everything Chelsea had said and once she was done, called Carla back in to the office.
Carla sat back down and turned to Chelsea: "You sure you even want me back in here?" she asked annoyed.
Chelsea: "Mum, stop" she pleaded quietly, and Carla turned back to the doctor.
Carla: "Well?" she asked.
Dr Pearson: "I think it's clear from what Chelsea has told me that she's suffering from depression"
Carla nodded: "Ok. So what do we do about it?"
Dr Pearson: "Well there's a range of different treatment options. I'd like to start off on antidepressants"
Carla: "Is she not a bit young for that?" she cut in.
Dr Pearson: "We're reluctant, but in some cases where we believe it's necessary then we will make exceptions. Are you ok with this Chelsea?"
Chelsea: "If it helps I don't care" she said sadly.
Dr Pearson: "Good, well we'll start her off on Fluoxetine - 10mg once daily then after a week up it to 20mg daily. I also want to try counselling, would you be willing to come and speak to someone here Chelsea?"
Chelsea: "What would I have to do?"
Dr Pearson: "You'd just come once a week for an hour and speak to someone about how you're feeling. They won't force you into speaking about anything you don't want to, but sometimes it just helps to speak and get it off your chest, whatever you're thinking or feeling"
Chelsea nodded: "Ok, I'll do it"
Dr Pearson smiled: "Good girl. Now we'll leave it at that just now, theres other options but I don't want to overload you just now, we'll see how you get on with these. Make an appointment to come back in 4 weeks but if things get any worse then you just give us a call ok"
Chelsea nodded: "Thanks" and both her and Carla got up to leave but the doctor notioned for Carla to stay seated.
Dr Pearson: "I'm just going to speak to your Mum for a moment ok"
Chelsea just looked between the two and left the room.
Dr Pearson: "I know this isn't easy for you, but you have to be as supportive as you can right now, she needs you more than ever"
Carla sighed: "I know and I'm trying so hard to be, I just wish she'd spoken to me, it's so frustrating"
Dr Pearson: "I understand, but you need to try and not let that get the better of you. She's hanging by a thread and you can see that, just be there for her. I know it might be hard to hard to understand how she's feeling but..."
Carla cut in: "It's not"
The Doctor looked at her confused: "I don't understand"
Carla: "It's not hard to understand how she's feeling. I took an overdose a couple of years ago, before she was with me"
The Doctor gave a sympathetic smile, understanding now exactly what Carla was feeling.
Carla: "I know how she's feeling and that's what makes it so much harder. She's 14. My girl should not be knowing pain like that" she shook her head and bit back the tears.
The Doctor placed her hand over Carlas: "And that's why you do everything you can to support her in every little way possible"
Carla: "Yeah. I will, thanks"
Dr Pearson: "I'll see you both back in 4 weeks"
Carla nodded and took a deep breathe before leaving the room. Chelsea was stood waiting against the wall next to the door.
Chelsea: "I already made the appointment" she said handing the card to Carla.
Carla: "Good girl, lets go"
As they walked along the street in silence, Chelsea stopped and Carla turned to look at her.
Chelsea: "I'm sorry that I'm putting you through this"
Carla: "Come here you"
She extended her arm and Chelsea walked over and allowed her to put her arm over her shoulder and pull her in tight as the two of them walked along.
Carla: "You can't help it ok, you're not well. You're going to get better and I'm going to help you ok"
Chelsea: "I just wish you didn't have to" she said sadly.
Carla: "I know baby, but it's happened so we have to deal with it, and we'll get through it together"
Chelsea leaned in closer: "You're the best Mum in the world"
Carla laughed: "I'm far from it kiddo"
Chelsea stopped again and turned and looked at her seriously: "You are"
Carla pulled her in tightly for a hug.
Carla: "You hungry?"
Chelsea shrugged: "I suppose I could eat"
Carla: "Come on lets go to the bistro" she unwrapped her arms from around Chelsea but took her hand instead.
Chelsea: "Just for a change" she answered, even managing a laugh.
Carla: "Well I can always cook us something?" she asked, a smirk on her face.
Chelsea: "Bistro is fab Mum" she giggled.
Carla smiled, maybe this was the start. They'd made the first step, and hopefully it would get better from here.
She realised a couple of days later how naive she was to think that. As she cradled Chelsea in her arms as she sobbed her heart out, she knew it was going to be a long road ahead for both of them.
They were sat at the Rovers one Saturday night. Chelsea was sat at the end of the bar on a stool, and Carla was stood next to her talking to Michelle.
Chelsea: "Can I have water please? With ice?" she asked Michelle.
Michelle: "Course you can, you feeling ok? You're a bit red in the face" she asked concerned.
Chelsea: "I'm just hot" she said pinching her jumper below the collar and shaking it to let air in.
Sophie was sat on the stool next to her and turned when she heard her: "I know, how warm has it been the last couple of days eh! No wonder with that jumper on, take it off and you'll cool down quick enough"
Chelseas: "I'll be fine with a glass of water" she stuttered out.
Sally: "You're not pregnant too are you? Remind me of Faye with hoodies constantly attached to you"
Chelsea lifted the hoodie to reveal her flat stomach: "No, I'm not. And in future how about you keep your comments to yourself" she spat.
Sally looked wide eyed but turned her head away as Sophie smirked and winked at Chelsea. She blushed and turned away.
Michelle opened her mouth in shock but smiled as she went close to her niece: "I seen that!"
Chelsea played dumb: "Seen what?!"
Carla: "She's too old for you" she laughed.
Chelsea: "Oh my god you's are so embarrasing" she said putting her head into her hands
Carla: "Oh come on, like you've not wound me up"
Chelsea: "When would that be?" she asked matter of factly.
Carla: "Luke?"
Chelsea turned her face up in disgust: "Well no wonder Mother, you were practically cradle snatching"
Carla: "Yeah well nothing happened!"
Chelsea: "I don't want to know!" she shuddered.
She gulped at her water and put the empty glass down onto the bar.
Chelsea: "Can you give me the keys? I'm far too hot, I'm going home"
Michelle: "Already? I was enjoying seeing you for a change" she said looking disappointed.
Chelsea: "I'm sorry but I can't stand it in here, I need to go home and strip off"
Carla: "You can't hide them forever you know, just take your jumper off" she said gently.
Chelsea looked at her in horror: "Oh my god and have everyone staring at me and talking about me?! No way"
Carla looked at her seriously: "You have nothing to be ashamed off"
Chelsea: "Aren't you scared what people think?" she asked, eyebrows raised.
Carla scoffed: "Since when have I cared about what people thought?"
Chelsea felt a smile at the corner of her mouth. She looked around her and slowly slipped off the hoody revealing her arms. She put them both by her sides, more for her own comfort than anything, it was bad enough having them uncovered at all. She felt Carlas finger move through her own and clasp her hand tightly. Chelsea smiled at her but pulled her hand back and hopped off the bar stool.
Chelsea: "I'm just going to the bathroom"
She went in and straight to the sink, running the tap and splashing cold water over her face. She leaned on the sink and looked up at her reflection. She took in a deep breath and patted her face dry. The door opening at the side of her caused her to jump.
Sophie: "Sorry Chels, didn't mean to scare you" she laughed but her look changed when she saw her arms.
Sophie: "Chelsea whats happened to your arms?" she asked moving closer.
Chelsea stepped back and put her arms behind her leaning against the sink: "I don't want to talk about it"
Sophies eyes softened and she leaned against the sink next to her: "Rough time?"
Chelsea: "Something like that yeah"
Sophie: "Your Mum knows I take it?"
Chelsea nodded: "Yeah, we were at the doctors the other day"
Sophie: "What are they saying?"
Chelsea: "Depression. I've got tablets and I start counselling tomorrow"
Sophie: "Oh Chelsea" she said softly and put her arms around her tight.
Chelsea gladly accepted the embrace.
Sophie: "You know if things ever get bad and you need to get out or speak to someone, I'm always here"
Chelsea: "Thanks, you might regret saying that" she laughed.
Sophie: "No I won't. I just wish there was more I could do"
Chelsea: "Can I ask you something?"
Sophie nodded: "Shoot"
Chelsea: "How hard was it when you came out as gay?"
Sophie: "Pretty difficult, I struggled with it for ages before I said anything. But everyone came round to it in the end"
Chelsea nodded: "That's what I'm hoping"
Sophie furrowed her eyebrows: "Are you...?"
Chelsea laughed: "You're gaydar must be broken love"
Sophie laughed but her smile disappeared when the scars on Chelseas arms caught her eye again.
Sophie: "Is that why you did this?" she tried to touch her arm but Chelsea pulled it out of reach.
Chelsea: "It's one of many things. Listen I better get back through"
Sophie: "Yeah they'll be wondering where we are, come on"
The two sat back on the bar stools and exchanged smiles before turning back to who they were with.
Carla: "What was that all about?" she asked, curiousity getting the better of her.
Chelsea: "We were just talking, she was really nice to me, about, you know"
She knew, and she made a mental note to thank Sophie herself.
When Tracy walked passed to go to the toilet, she stopped to speak to Carla and out of nowhere her hand shot out and grabbed Chelseas arm.
Tracy: "What the hell have you been doing Chelsea?" she asked in shock.
Chelsea tried to pull her arm back but Tracy tightened her grip.
Chelsea: "Let go" she pleaded with her.
Carla: "What the hell are you doing, let go of her!"
She grabbed Tracys arm herself and pulled her off. Tracy stepped back from the two of them.
Tracy: "Whats going on?"
She looked hurt, and shocked. She wouldn't say she was close to Chelsea but she still regarded her as her niece.
Carla: "Not here ok" she said lowering her voice but it was too late, everyone was already looking, many of them had already seen.
Chelsea looked around her, seeing the mixed emotions on everyones faces. She went to pull the hoodie back on but Carla turned round to her.
Carla: "Leave it off, you have nothing to hide"
Carla looked around at everyone: "What? You's have something to say?"
Julie: "We're sorry" she looked at them with pity, and something Chelsea had inherited from her mother was the hate to be pitied.
Chelsea: "For what?" she asked annoyed.
Julie: "For whatevers happened" she shook her head, not really sure of what to say.
Chelsea: "I don't need your pity"
Tracy: "Good cause maybe you need a good shake then! Why would you do this to yourself?!"
Carla: "She has depression Tracy" she growled.
Chelsea pulled the hoodie on despite her mothers protests.
Chelsea: "Mum I'm going home" she went rummaging into Carlas bag and pulled out the house keys.
Carla: "Don't worry, I'm coming darling" she said softly but Chelsea shook her head.
Chelsea: "I want to be alone"
She walked out. She didn't want to speak to her Mum. Why did she even let her convince her to take the stupid thing off in the first place! She knew everyone was going to think she was crazy, off her head, mental, whatever else! And god the pity in their eyes, she couldn't stand it.
She went back to the flat and once again she felt everything build up and build up inside her. She looked to the counter at the knife block and the tears streamed, she had to rip her eyes away from them and pull her feet from that spot and into her bedroom. She was breathing so hard and so fast, willing herself to calm down but she got more frustrated and more upset and she leaned onto her desk to calm down.
It didn't work.
She stood up and swept her arms across the desk knocking everything to the ground. She picked up the lamp and threw it across the room before letting out a cry. She turned behind her and looked at the girl staring at her back in the mirror. God she hated her. She didn't know who that was. Without thinking she pulled her arm back, hand clenched into a fist and powered it through into the mirror, smashing it into pieces. She pulled her arm back again but a pair of arms gripped her tightly around the waist and pulled her down to the ground.
The voice tried to soothe her and she cried, struggling against him.
"Shhh Chelsea, it's ok" he said softly.
She turned her head round to look up at him.
Chelsea: "Nick?"
Nick nodded and loosened his grip slightly. She didn't move though. She lay her head back onto his chest and blinked her eyes, her breathing slowing back to normal.
They sat in silence for what felt like forever, but in reality it had been about 10 minutes.
Nick: "Can I let you go?"
He felt her nod and he unwound his arms and she stood back up. Chelsea turned to look at him as he stood up as well.
Chelsea: "What are you doing here?"
Nick: "I heard the commotion from my flat"
Chelsea nodded but said no more. She picked up her bin and moved to the floor, kneeling to pick up the broken pieces of glass. Nick walked over to the desk, picking things off the floor and putting them back onto it.
Chelsea: "You don't need to do that"
Nick gave her a gentle smile: "I want to help. Besides, I'm not leaving till your Mum gets back"
She nodded. She knew even if she told him she'd be fine that he would stay. To be honest, she didn't know if she would be anyway. It was weird, but his presence calmed her.
They cleaned up as best they could and Nick went to her, holding her hand in his, looking at her bloody knuckles.
Nick: "Come on, lets get this cleaned up"
When Carla arrived back to the flat she saw Chelsea sitting on the couch, Nick at the side of her bandaging her hand up.
Carla: "What's going on?"
Chelsea: "I'm sorry Mum, I tried to stay calm I really did" her voice quivering.
Nick: "It's not much damage, it'll heal up quick. She'll need a new mirror though, eh kid" he gave her a smile.
Chelsea: "Nick heard me, he calmed me down and helped me clean up"
Carla looked to him gratefully: "Thank you Nick"
Nick shrugged: "It's nothing honestly"
Carla: "I'll take it from here and let you get back"
Nick nodded and got up, he turned to Chelsea before he left: "If you ever feel like that way, I'm just across the hall"
Chelsea: "Thanks Nick" she said, genuinely thankful.
When the door shut behind them, Carla sat on the couch and lifted Chelseas bandaged hand.
Chelsea: "It's fine Mum"
Carla shook her head: "It's not. I'm sorry"
Chelsea: "It's ok, I know you were doing what you thought was right. And I get it, I can't hide them forever. At least now people won't be as shocked when they see them"
Carla: "It'll get better baby"
Chelsea sighed: "I know. I just wish it would happen quicker. I want things to be back to normal"
Carla: "I know. Listen why don't we go to bed, you're up early for your first session with the counsellor"
Chelsea nodded and got up: "Can I sleep beside you tonight?"
Carla: "Of course you can darling, come on"
The two went off to bed, both praying that tomorrow would be the start of something better for her.
There we go! Another one done! Please review,
CharmedSuperGirl
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