I wanted to skip school the next day, But Ma made me go.
I didn't want to face either of them.
I've given some thoughts,
I don't want to lie anymore.
I should just break up with Stan.. Tell him I only like him as a friend,
and date Cartman.. Right?
But I cant,
The thought of breaking it off with Stan is too heartbreaking.
I started thinking back of the times We kissed behind the bleachers after games.
He always wrote me little notes and is so carring.
He is the best boyfriend a guy could ask for.
I feel on the verge of tears with thinkg about Stan going out with another guy..
I could physically feel my heart break at the thought of being without Stan
I thought of breaking It off with Cartman,
He could have told me years before he liked me and we could have been together
before I fell for Stan.
then Imagining being without Cartman.. Without him kissing me anymore,Without him telling me he loved me,
That warm feeling he would always make me feel secured and We shared a connection that me and Stan never could.
Cartman coming out and telling me he wanted to be my boyfriend has been my dream come true.
Imigaining it being over made me feel.. Empty with Stan again after what happened with Cartman just.. wouldn't feel the same.
Stan makes me feel special and he's so carring,
But could never be that bad boy type I lust after like Cartman.
I put my head in my hands.
Theres noway way out.
I'm going to get my heart broken either way.
I love them both.
"I cant have them both" I told myself.
I wish I could with all my heart I could.
I just need more time to think.
I walked out and Stan was waiting for me outside Smiling.
I love his smile, It looks so beautiful, That sounds weird But there's noother way to describe it.
"Hey" He smiled and kissed my cheek,
I looked around. Cartman was nowhere in sight.
I've wanted to do this for such a long time, I leaned in and kissed him again,
A passionate kiss I've been waiting to do for along time sense the whole mess with Cartman Started.
I've missed kissing him like this, Sense Cartman's always around I had to pretend like I didn't like it.
Stan blushed when I pulled off him.
He toke my hand and we started walking towards the bus no..
Oh fuck, I cant hold his hand!If Cartman see's us like this He'll flip at me again.
I let go of his hand and put it behind my neck.
"what's wrong?"
"nothing, I uh.. My hands are alittle sweety"
Stan smiled, "That's ok" and put his hand back in mine.
"No really, there really quessy right now."
Stan's face looked hurt alittle bit, and alittle embarrassed.
"Uh.. Ok."
So we walked hands to ourselves to our stop.
The vibe between me and Stan became tense sense we got was an akward vibe between
The hand hokding sittuation.
When we got to the stop, Cartman smiled at me.
Didnt even acknowledge Stan.
Noone said anything.
Stan was still looking at the ground, probably still felt weird about the whole hand holding inncodent.
Cartman would glare at stan whenever he got the chance but when I looked at him he looked away.
Kenny was.. Well I don't really know exactly what he's doing.
Looks like he's examining his finger very closely.. Weird kid.
"Hey so sense You couldn't come last night
I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere tonight" Stan asked.
I toke my books out of my locker
"Sorry I cant I'm seeing my Aunt tonight with my parents."
And slamed it shut.
"Your Aunt Mercy?"
"Yeah"
"Oh.. Well what about tomorrow?"
I sighed.
"I Cant tomorrow either,
I'm going to my My mom's friend's son's Barmitvah."
"Oh" Stan looked down.
heart burned, "Sorry"
I kissed his cheek and started walking to class.
I wasent supprissed when Stan didn't walk beside me.
A week later..
STAN'S POV
Is ir just me or are things Not the same?
I love kyle but He seems really preoccupied lately
Durring the last four days.
I dont know, Maybe it's just me,
But When me and Kyle got together I knew it was the best thing that has ever happened to me
But No matter what I do, It seems like he doesn't even notice anymore,
Am I doing somthing wrong?
I write him little cards and trying to set up dates
you know trying to be a good boyfriend but he just..
Seems to be fading alittle.
He doesnt want to hold my hand anymore, and when we kiss,
I feel like he's not even enjoying it.
Maybe This isn't working out,
He's probably planning to break up with me.
At school Wendnesday morning Stan walked up to me, at my locker.
"Hey Kyle" He smiled.
"Hey" I smiled back.
"So um, I was thinking, Maybe We can go down to stark's pond again tonight
It's going to be a fill moon out."
My stomach dropped I really would like to see Stan tonight.
I would love it actually.
I really, really miss him.
We havent hung out in awhile now.
But I know I cant.
I'm suppose to go to Cartman's house tonight..
I could just skip going to Cartman's and go with Stan..
For some reason I cant get myself to do that.
"I Cant, I really have to study for my biology test on Friday."
Stan frowned, "Study for it tomorrow"
"I cant.""
So, You'd rather study for a stupid test then see me?!"
I slam my locker shut getting angry
What the fuck is his problem?
"This stupid test, affects my whole grade stan it's really important!"
Stan crossed his arms. "Seem's like everything you've been doing lately is more important then me."
He sneered.
"Damn it stan what's your problem!? So I cant hang out for one night,
Doesnt mean you have to get all mad."
"One night? Kyle it hasent been just tonight, for almost a week now every time
I ask to do something with you your making up excusing and saying your busy!
The last time I was with you was last Tuesday! You don't call me, talk to me,
Kyle its like you don't even care anymore!"
I felt a pang of hurt go through my chest..
Was it really that obvious?
Oh my god.. Have I really been doing that?
Stan looks really upset,
I hate knowing I'm the one causing it.
Were standing in the middle of the hallway, and everyone around us is stopping
what their doing and listening in, circling around us. Not like Stan cared.
"Kyle If you want us to be done.." Stan put his hands up,
"Then were done. But don't leave me hanging filling me with all this bullshit you love me."
"Stan I.."
I cant believe this is happening
"I do love you.. I just .."
"You don't even kiss me anymore kyle! You don't even touch me!
It's like your scarred of me or something!"
I frowned, "Well I'm sorry I'm not as affectionate as you want me to be."
Wrong thing to say.
With that Stan stormed off angrily in the opposite dirrection.
I shouldn't have said that
"Wait Stan!" I run towards him and stand in front of him.
His angry eyes are pierce into mine.
"I.. I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that." I said.
He still looks mad
"I.. I do love you.." I feel tears in my eyes
Please don't leave me stan..I hear my inside voice whisper.
"I'm sorry." I hold onto his shoulders, "I'm really, really sorry"
Stan's expression soffened alittle. EVeryone around us were still watching us in silence, but I didn't care.
I leaned in and kissed him, He kissed me back softly,
Oh my god, Ive missed this so much.
Stan's lips.. Brought back so many memorys,
I never got that special feeling with Cartman, the way I do Stan.
I got a sudden thought, What if Cartman is watching us,
Quickly with one eye I glance around the crowd that circled around us.
Then suddenly Stan forcefully pulled away from the kiss and frowed,
"See like that!"
"What?"
"Why were you looking around?"
"I just.."
"What are you scarred someone's watching or something!?"
Obviously the anger in stan still hasent went away.
Stan held up my hand to everyone around us
"Hey look everyone! I'm kissing Kyle! Ok?"
He walks down our halls, everyone is still starring
"I kissed him ok? Happy? Ok?!"
Then he walked back to me,
"What were you looking around for, Huh?!"
I stepped back alittle,
I think Stan is taking this alittle too far.
Then Stan's face slowly turned from rage saddness.
Everyone around us was completely silent.
I cant believe the bell hasent rung yet.
"I.. I'm sorry Kyle." He looked up at me.
"I just.. I don't know, I really felt like something was wrong,Like I was losing you"
He looked down at ground.
It breaks my heart.. Stan had every right to freak out at me.
If he only knew what I did to him,
What I was doing to him.
I dont deserve him.
A tear rolled down my cheek.
I'm not worthy of him.
I'm hurting him.
I feel so fucking bad.
I Hug him, and a few seounds later he hugs me back.
"Tomorow, we can do anything you want." I tell him.
He says nothing.
I'm still crying. "I love you Stan" I hug him tighter.
He still says nothing.
Just hugs me.
"I'm so sorry" I whisper.
I Thought I was going to have writters Block in this chapter,
Luckily it surrvived.
I think it turned out good though :)
Thanks for reading
I love you reviewers :D