That night I'm sitting outside the medical tent, head lolled back as I look up towards the starlit sky. A few people find they way in and out through the flaps, paying me no mind as they go about their business. A few of the soldiers try to salute me, and I just weakly return it with a nod before I go back to stargazing.
Percy told me to wait out here until everything was settled. This marks the second time I'm sitting outside of a clinic, waiting for him to do something. Starting to become a bit of a trend. I'd find it funny if it wasn't for the circumstances.
I went too far. Everything in my mind keeps telling me the same thing, that I went too damn far.
I can't even remember any of it! One moment he's running his mouth about Emmeryn's death, the next he's on the ground in front of me and I'm holding a broken spear. He was battered and bruised, bleeding from so many new cuts. And his hand, it looked like someone fed it into a cotton gin. Fingers shouldn't bend like that!
Caeldori, oh Gods. She never seemed so shellshocked before in her life. I haven't even been able to talk to her since we left the training grounds.
What… is wrong with me? What's going on? This crap keeps happening, over and over again. Just these surges of violence. I haven't felt this way since… since… before we left our timeline. In our last years there, Lucina told me I nearly went off the rails. Drawing weapons on people, attacking anyone who slighted me or even looked the wrong way my friends.
I need to fix it. I need to find out why my head's so messed up and fix it before I do something really bad.
The tent flap pushes open once more, and Percy shuffles next to me. My new surgeon sits himself next to me, setting his staff between his legs and clutching it so it kept upright. His eyes rest on me for a moment, the pupils within almost shaking with uncertainty before he sighs and rests his head back.
"He'll be out of his bed tomorrow morning." Percy informs me, pressing his glasses back up his nose. "Light duties for the coming week. I'm gonna exempt him from training drills, and I'll run him through daily check-ups to make sure he stays on the mend."
"Keep me in the loop." I answer, going back to look at the twinkling lights dancing above us. That old story of stars being the past looking down on those they left behind is ringing in my ears. Wonder how my forefathers are judging me now.
"...I need to say something, b-before we continue." Percy managed out, both his hands gripping his staff tightly. Naga's sake I think I can see a few veins popping through the felt on his gloves, and his voice is shaking more than Anna's store cart on a bumpy road.
I turn to face him, quirking a brow as a signal for him to continue. The boy breaths in and out twice, his hands fiddling with the shaft of the staff before trying to rest himself. "Get on with it, Percy." I order, my face turning into an unamused glare.
"J-just, give me a moment!" Percy answers sharply, edging a bit further away from me on the grass. "Y-you're a scary lady, alright!? I don't wanna get smacked!"
"I'll smack you if you don't get on with it." I threaten, before biting myself back. He tries to scurry away even further, but I reach over and grab his shoulder. I'm trying to be gentle, but he yelps like his arm's getting torn off. "Wait."
He does as I say, stiffly. The Priest is clearly fighting every fiber in his being to keep himself from sprinting away, but he manages to do so. With my usual sigh, I release my grip and rest both my hands in my lap.
"I'm sorry." I start. "I'm sorry that I hurt one of our people. I'm sorry that I put more work on you. I'm sorry that I forced you into this position, when you're obviously uncomfortable with being around me. And I swear, it will never happen again."
Percy absorbs my words, weighing the odds in his brain. Probably trying to tell if I'm being sincere or not. I am, Naga knows I am. I don't want to be some kind of cold ice queen to everyone anymore, not after everything that's happened. Snarky and sarcastic? Sure, I'm always happy to rib people. But not unfair, not cruel.
Thankfully he sees that, and brings himself to sit next to me again. He exhales strongly and clutches his chest, and I giggle softly. He really held his breath that entire time? Jeez, kid. At least have a little bit of a spine.
The boy shoots a weak glare at me, but my giggles just escalate into full blown laughter. Percy's shoulders sag in defeat, a sad frown on his face as I yuck it up. "Are you done?" He asks.
I wipe a tear from my eye, nodding. "So, you were saying?"
"I was going to rattle off this speech I had prepared in my head, but I didn't expect you to aquesse without any prodding." Percy mutters bitterly. I almost feel bad about stealing his big moment from him.
"Aren't you glad I did? If I didn't, it'd mean I thought what I did was perfectly fine. And that isn't the kinda person I'd wanna be around." I explain to him, and he nods along in agreement.
"Suppose it worked out then." He agrees, humming to himself before snapping his fingers. "Can we talk about something else then? The last time we tried we were interrupted.
I smile at the kid, nudging him with my shoulder. "Sure. Lay it on me."
"I... I wanted to ask you about the Ylissean League again." He explains. Riiiight, the last time we tried to have this conversation, Blanche came and gave me that little 'talk'. Guess that's two ladies in the world he's rather terrified of.
"Bit of a random topic, eh kid?" I prod.
"I know it seems random but-" He continues after another breath. "You were with the heroes who saved the entire continent from Walhart! Lord Virion, Empress Say'ri, Chrom of Ylisse!? They're all legends here!"
"Virion's a legend…?" I ask in disbelief. That cravat wearing, flanderizing, over dramatic nincompoop is a legend? In the land of Tiki for crying out loud?!
"The Duke and Duchess rebuilt the country in seven years, Miss Severa!" Percy exclaims joyously. "Even when everyone wanted him gone! My own parents were part of the mob that tried to run him out when he returned! But he did care. He just kept working, even when we all hated him."
"Reminds me of a story about someone." I think back to what Lucina said about her late Aunt. Emmeryn had gone through the same pains, both in this timeline and mine. Lucina looked up to that woman's own legend during the later days of her rule. Seems like all of House Lowell's leaders were something to aspire too.
"It's just, you knew them. You fought alongside them, right?" He keeps going. "The stories I've heard makes them all to be special characters, but they're all so larger than life."
Bold of him to assume that. "Percy, you know I could've just been a grunt, right? I could've never spoken a word to the Exalt or the Empress."
"If you were, then why'd Commander Volker put you in a position of authority so fast?" He reasons. "Why's the Duke so familiar with you? And how could a normal grunt be so good in a fight?"
Huh. The little twerp actually has a really good noggin behind those specs. Pretty solid deductive skills.
"OK. I'll tell you what I know, if you answer one last question." He nods his head up and down quickly, so fast I'm worried it'll fly off his neck. "Why in the heck are ya asking me now?"
Percy gulps, his mouth moving as he tries to find the words. Though it really comes out as an unintelligible mess. I let him tire himself out before he realizes that neither of us can understand what he's saying. Then, he tries again.
"I wanna get to know you better, Miss Severa." He admits. "We've only spoken once or twice. And well, now I work for you. The only things I do know about you are that you're very scary and very angry!"
"Has anyone ever told you that you need to work on your delivery." I say, less of a question and more of a blunt faced observation.
"Why the heck do you think I heal people instead of deliver sermons?" He answers smugly, grinning as he gives me a nudge. "Come on, stop stalling! Let's talk about the war!"
"Are you…" For pete's sake, he really isn't going to let this go. "Fine, fine. Where do you wanna start?"
He rubs his chin for a moment, before snapping again. I guess that's a tick for him whenever he thinks of an idea. "Start from the start! When the League landed in Valm!"
"Wasn't there, squirt." I inform, much to his dismay. "Joined up with them a good while after they made landfall."
"But I thought you were Ylissean!" Percy protests, pouting as he loses a chance to find out the initial battle.
I chuckle at his misfortune, rolling my shoulders before relaxing back against the tent. "I am, but I was doing some mercenary work in Brisbonne." I'm gonna need to lie a decent bit in this story, but I can at least start off with the truth.
"So when did you join up with the League?" He asks, trying to find a point where I can start telling him about the conflict first hand. Just like the rest of my life, just like what I told Subaki, Morgan and Camilla, it's complicated. But I can probably spin the story like it was some kind of battle.
I sigh, and think back to the fortress. Back to the town I couldn't protect.
Brisbonne wasn't much, but it was certainly quaint.
The country's on a peninsula at the south eastern edge of Valm itself. Most of the land's dotted with fishing villages, farms, small shops and rolling hills. The only big city to speak of was the Capitol, which I never even went to. Only heard stories about it from townspeople and traders who came to and fro along the roadways.
When I first showed up as I feel from the portal, I was terrified. We'd gone through the eye and I was all alone, in the middle of a land and time I didn't know anything about. Naga said we would all land somewhere in Ylisse, but even with everything not on fire it didn't take me long to realize this wasn't home. The dialect was different, for one. None of the landmarks seemed familiar at all, even counting the destroyed state we left Ylisse in. Plus I was able to walk from coast to coast in a few days flat.
That's when I happened upon Hobart, the town that I'd set up shop in for the next year of my life. Hobart did remind me of the home I spent my childhood in. It was an old, countryside manor that was surrounded by fields. The ground was level and the soil was soft. Room for Mother to let her pegasus roam and graze, a sanctum for Father to avoid the endless work of Ylisstol. Funnily enough, we ended up spending half the time in the city anyway. Morgan and I spent so many nights sleeping over at the castle the servants ended up giving us permanent rooms, even before Mom and Dad died.
One night I passed out on the settlement's outskirts, and a pair of townsfolk brought me into their home. Newlyweds, I could tell before they informed me by how sickly sweet they were around each other. The man's name was Holland, red hair and a scruffy beard that always looked half shaved. Theresa was his wife, a simple looking brunette with dimpled cheeks and a tired expression. Both worked as shopkeepers in the square, running the general store and living a modest life.
They let me sleep on an extra bed in their attic. Spared me some food and drink too, even though I was rather hostile to their hospitality. The next day they'd called the local Priest over to see if I was injured, and I promptly scared him away when he tried to remove my gloves. Both of them weren't happy with my showing, but back then I was too paranoid to care about what other people thought of me.
When they told me where I was, I slipped into one of the darkest ruts I'd ever been in. Alone, on an island. Miles away from Ylisse, cut off by an entire ocean. Not a coin on me to try and find a ship to my destination. Plus, for all I knew, I was the only one of the kids who'd made it. There wasn't a trace of Lucina or Cynthia or Noire or, well, anyone. For all I knew they were dead, and I'd become the sole survivor of our future.
Stayed up in the attic for five days after that. Didn't talk, barely ate. I'd spend most of my days lying on that lumpy bed, staring at the shingled roof or the wedding ring I kept around my neck. It was valuable, for sure. Easily could've sold it for a pretty penny. But that wasn't gonna happen for obvious reasons. That ring became my tether to the world, as I felt myself slipping further and further away. Things in Hobart were calm and peaceful, and if the family that took me in was anything to go by, they knew nothing about war.
That ring was proof that what I'd gone through wasn't just some bad dream. All the things I lost were real, they happened. My memories weren't just some dark fantasy whipped up by some girl with delusions of grandeur. They were going to happen again, unless I got off my arse and did something about it.
Theresa managed to get me down one day and sat me at her kitchen table. Then she told me that she'd arranged for me to speak with the village elder.
The old man turned out to be Holland's old man, and on their word he offered me a proposition. Work in the town for as long as I was willing to stick around, and he'd compensate a room for me above the couple's store along with a decent pay. No one there really knew their way around a blade, so my showing up seemed like a blessing in disguise.
I didn't want to settle in, but I also didn't have any other options. Besides, getting a job meant I might be able to get enough coin to hop onto a ship. Or at least bribe a deckhand into letting me help stow away. Anything to get back to Ylisse.
I spent the next few years living in that room, a stack of coins slowly piling up as I got ready to take that trip across the sea. Being a town watchman was surprisingly easy. Most nights, I only had to deal with raunchy drunks and petty thieves. Sometimes a small pack of bandits would find their way to my sanctum, but they were easy enough to deal with.
Over time I ended up getting a bit too attached to Holland and Theresa. Funny enough, I was the one who told her that she was pregnant. Poor girl got woozy one afternoon, so I took a bit of time to help her about the shop. She couldn't keep food down, felt light headed, at first you'd think it was the flu. But she wasn't burning up, and her eyes seemed fine. So after a bit of prodding, she told me that she missed her last… time of the month.
Oh, the look on Holland's face when I told him. I'll never forget that expression of pure panic. Subaki looked the exact same way, as if he didn't know how babies were made.
But like everything else in my life, nothing good stayed that way.
A ship landed on the coast, small, but full of Valmese troops. A piece of work named Nelson started pillaging the countryside, taking anything and everything he could find. Food, tools, livestock and coin. Especially coin. It got so bad that people stopped coming near Hobart entirely, and the town slowly started to wither away. I tried, Naga knows I tried to beat them back. But every time I killed one of them two more showed up the next day. Everyone else in town was useless in a fight, what was I supposed to do? Throw a staff in their hands and make them help? I couldn't put them at risk.
Then Nelson personally came to town. Him and a crew of his lackeys started looting everything in sight. Sooner or later they hit the General Store, and managed to snatch everything that wasn't nailed down.
Including my savings and my mother's wedding ring.
I marched up to an old fortress they'd taken over the next day, Holland tagging along despite my protests. It went… better than I expected. They didn't fight us, at least. If anything the opposite happened, Nelson wanted to hire me. A few of the rats I'd left alive scurried back to their den, and given me a decent reputation. He offered to pay me too, triple what the townspeople did. All I had to do was help him build his own little empire.
Almost said no. But then I saw the ring on his finger. He could tell I was looking, too, and flashed it at me. Smart weasel put two and two together, realized the ring was mine, and decided to hold it as collateral.
So I said yes. Even though it made me ill, I said yes to working for a violent, horrible man. Why?
Because he had my dead mother's ring.
Class act, Sev.
"...So what happened next?" Percy asked. He's turned around to face me, legs crossed like a school child listening to the teacher. Poor tyke was hanging on every word, waiting for some sort of big climax to happen.
"The Ylisseans showed up, Chrom included. Nelson got killed, I signed on with the good guys." I explain nonchalantly. "Maybe if you wait, I'll tell you how I did that."
"Still can't believe you were working with a Valmese General!" Percy protests in annoyance. "Isn't that like, treason?"
I shrug. "Probably. But I didn't know about the War. Plus Nelson wasn't a Valmese General anymore."
Percy tilts his head, intrigued by that information I'd kept from him. "So, can I continue?"
"Yes! Come on, I'm dying from suspense here!"
"You're the one stalling!" I protest, shooting a murderous glare at the boy as he shrinks away and quiets down. Swear to the Gods, some people don't know when to pipe down.
Lucky for me, Nelson was a paranoid sort of monster.
He always surrounded himself with the best of his fighters, letting the cannon fodder handle the looting and raiding. Holland ended up joining up himself, business at the shop withering away into nothing. Plus with his kid on the way, and Theresa not getting enough food for her or her passenger, he got desperate.
I'd spend day after day playing bodyguard for the bastard, listening to his delusions of grandeur. When he wasn't ranting about how much he hated Walhart for stunting his rise to power, he'd boast about how he'd create his own empire. Slowly get the funds and the men to overthrow the Count of Brisbonne, then spread his dirty mitts into the neighboring territories. Growing and growing until he thought he could take Walhart on himself.
Still couldn't believe the idiot threw away a position like being a Valmese General so he could turn into a glorified bandit leader. But at least he was as predictable as he was vain. After a few weeks I figured his pattern out easily enough; ambushing trade caravans and raiding the local settlements for everything they had.
It was unsustainable, for both him and the townspeople.
Holland managed to make a deal with him; the towns pay tribute and he stops with the pillaging. Sure, it nearly bankrupted them every month, but it kept their homes standing and their people breathing.
Meanwhile I'd spend my time toddling about the fort, checking for holes in the defenses. Most of the bandits were usually drunk, so my skulking never seemed to be noticed.
The walls were about to fall apart. Cracks criss-crossed their way from top to bottom along the supports. It didn't take an engineer to figure out where a few well placed firebombs would bring the whole thing down. I just had to figure out how to craft explosives, plant them, light them on fire, get everything Nelson had stolen out, and keep Holland alive. All the while making sure no one found out.
And you know what? I at least got the first part done before the Shepherds arrived!
Do you know how hard it is to teach yourself how to make a bomb!? And not some namby pamby fire cocktail, I'm talking an actual explosive! I had to bribe three people to get the stuff I needed, nearly blew off my fingers twice while I put them together, almost blew my cover, literally. And just when I was planning out an escape, everything was set and ready, I just needed a few more weeks, Chrom shows up! Why was he even down there!? It was a hill-fort in the middle of nowhere!
...Why am I trying to justify myself to myself in my own thoughts? Do I do this every time something goes wrong? Naga's grace, I do have a problem.
Whatever, anyway. One afternoon a few scouts come to Nelson's chamber and tell him that his Exalted Perfectness was making his way up the hill to fight him head on. Naturally, he panicked and started rallying his personal guard. Holland get sent off to the front with the rest of his cannon fodder. When I protested, Nelson held up the ring. Said as long as he had that, I had to do anything and everything he wanted.
That's when he waved me off and told me to check the gate. I could hear him laughing at me as I walked out the door.
That's when I finally had it. It was one thing to be a glorified guard dog for this slime, but I'd be damned if I killed for him. It'd betray everything that ring even stood for and why I even jumped through that portal to begin with.
I needed to find Holland and get us out of there. My plan probably wasn't gonna work, we weren't gonna get a second chance like this.
I'd omitted the parts about time travel anyway, just told him I was a wandering sell-sword moving from contract to contract. Considering my attitude, he bought the idea pretty quickly. Still, he looks rather disappointed now. "So that's it? Nothing important or dramatic? No fighting any of the actual Imperials?"
"Not until we went back to the mainland. I found my friend, Chrom dealt with Nelson, and I joined the League." I inform, lifting a hand and ruffling his hair against his will. "I'll tell you about that another time, champ."
"Stooooooooop!" Percy protests, batting my hand away and moving to straighten his hair once more. Once again I find myself giggling at his misfortune, but he doesn't seem to be holding it against me. It's nice to see him like this though. Whenever he isn't weighed down by his job, he's actually a really nice kid. If I ever have a son, I think it'd be nice if he turned out like this.
My enjoyment always seems to be on a timer, though. As I look up I can see Caeldori making her way towards us, an uneasy smile on her face. She offers a quick bow to Percy, the boy's face putting on a blush as he looks away, then another one to me. I answer with a nod, then lift my hand for her to grab.
"What is it now?" I ask as she grabs on, grunting as my daughter pulls me up. I begin to dust off the grass that's surely stuck to my keister, ears open for the explanation. "Did someone else get hurt? Someone took something they shouldn't have? Something's on fire?"
"None of the above." Caeldori dismisses, waving for me to come along with her as she starts trotting back the way she came. I look to my left and give Percy a parting wave, the boy smiling meekly before he returns himself back into the tent and gets to work.
"Then what's the matter?" I ask, eyes forward as the oil lamp light guides us walking between the tents. Caeldori's got one on her hip too, clunking softly against her riding gaiters and illuminating her hip.
"I just wanted to walk you to your tent." Caeldori muses innocently, as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on.
"Uh huh." I say as we walk, lock step with one another. "Why?"
"Because knowing you, you would have spent the entire night outside moping." She answers smugly, lowering her volume. "Something I've noticed with you, Mother. You tend to do bad things first, then drown in remorse afterwards.
"Elegant word-choice." I retort, snorting at her assessment.
She grins at me from my flank. "In truth, I planned to give you more of a lecture. But after your time with Mister LeRoux, I felt it unnecessary." Caeldori's grin falters as my dismay becomes apparent. Little weasel spent way too much time around Rhajat back in Hoshido, now she thinks she can snoop around and people won't bat an eye.
"I didn't want to interrupt." She explains half-heartedly. "Plus it let me see how you interact with Percival."
"Just call him Percy." I request.
"But I prefer Percival!" Caeldori answers in defiance. "Percy… reminds me of the old Percy. And they're both so different, I don't want to call them the same name."
"Ugh. Fine, call him whatever." I permit defeatedly. Not worth pulling hairs over this.
Caeldori's smile returns with her small victory, walking at my side as reach my tent. Peaking my head inside, I can see Subaki's already retired to our personal quarters. His desk is uninhabited, all his work stacked neatly on each side. Meanwhile on the opposite end, I still have a mess to work through.
"You left a lot out from your story." Caeldori chirps once more as I pull my head back from the inside. "You didn't even mention grandmother and grandfather."
"I had to fib a bit of it, dear. You know why." I give the tent one last look before sighing, before going inside fully and traversing over to my work. Caeldori follows, eyeing me as I start to shuffle the papers into stacks similar to my spouse.
A frown's creasing my face as Caeldori keeps the conversation going. "Do you really need to spend another night here? Father's worried sick, and so am I. It feels like you never speak with us now."
"Someone has to do this work." I note, pulling out a candlestick. As I set it down on the wood, remove my gloves and look at the wick. "And no, I'm not making you spend all night instead."
"I suppose this is another case of your being allowed to be a hypocrite?" Caeldori jabs weakly. I glance up to see my daughter's eyes, wallow in sorrow.
"You and your father come first to me. So I'm willing to be a hypocrite if it means you get proper sleep." I reply, cracking a small smile. "Go. I'll see you in the morning."
Caeldori nods, but remains stiff. Her eyes travel down to glance at the brand resting on the back of my hand, peering at it deeply. "That mark." She mumbles, leaning forwards to get a closer look. "Another thing you've never explained to me."
My hand goes to cover up the back of my hand, pulling both away from her line of sight. "Some things best remain buried."
"Even from me?" She presses.
"Especially from you." I inform. "This brand's given me and your Aunt hell from the moment we were born. There isn't a day that goes by I don't thank the Gods you're free from it."
"That doesn't make me want to know why any less, Mother." Caeldori protests bitterly. "Can you please stop sheltering me from your past? Why? Why do you always keep so much about yourself away from everyone around you?"
"Gods willing, you'll never need to find out why." I take the candlestick back in my hands, holding my thumb and forefinger at the wick.
It's been a while since I've used this trick. Anakos told us not to do anything that could reveal our links to other worlds. He took away Owain's brand, our hair colors, even our clothes. But I never bothered to try and see if I could still make use of my inheritance.
Now's a good a time as any.
I close my eyes, inhale, exale. When I open them I focus on the tip of my fingers. The flow of my aura's dormant, but it's there. Just a bit of jarring and…
I chuckle darkly as my fingers burst alight in purple flame. Like riding a bike.
Caeldori gasps, jumping away as I press my thumb and forefinger against the top of the wick. My birthmark rages alive with color as well, right before I kill the energy. Like a switch, it all turns off. The only remnant of what just occurred is the bright lavender flame that now illuminates the tent, bringing light to my face and my daughter's.
"What… what was that?" Caeldori asks, leaning forward to inspect the flickering light as if it was an alien life form. She hops about the desk, trying to find something wrong with the fire itself.
My smile holds, though I want nothing more to just disappear into the ground. Ignis still works, not sure if that's a good or a bad thing yet.
Well, suppose I'll find out soon enough.
A/N: This one took me a lot longer to get out than I expected it too. But on the plus side, the next two chapters I've basically got preplanned in my head. We'll be having another Xenologue, for everyone who wants to see how the first generation's still managing.
As a sidenote, I'm finalizing the full outline for this whole storyline now. From the events of the original timeline, to the Awakening chapters, to Fates, to this series. Things are getting straightened out and everything should be lining up, so the big plotpoints will be easier to put down in writing.
A belated Happy Holidays and Happy New Year, guys. Here's to making 2019 better than 2018.
o/