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Nevermore

Chapter 21: Reminiscent

Alois/Claude

Alois' POV

When you're deprived of something you need,

You end up wanting everything.

Waltham Abbey.

The carriage ceased movement, and a knock on the door signaled Claude to open it. Finny popped his head inside and I flew to him, almost pleading for fresh air over the stuffy atmosphere of my isolation.

He complied, saying that we had to be very careful not to draw attention to ourselves. For me, this was difficult.

I eagerly hopped outside, brushing my hair back from my eyes. It was so bright, not a rain cloud in the sky, and I was beginning to miss the outdoors terribly. There was no doubt about it; I'd take advantage of this opportunity.

"Where do you think Hannah is, Claude?" Not that I really cared.

"She should be at a landmark. I told her it would be easier to find her and the triplets if they were at a landmark." He sounded sporatically inclined.

Bard approached us, his signature cigarette hanging from his mouth. He removed it to blow a swirl of smoke into the air above our heads.

"There's been a change in the plan." Joy.

"Exactly what change is taking place?" I realized that I came off rather annoyed.

"Well," Bard began, "don't get angry with us, but we kind of didn't send the letter to your servants."

I exploded.

"What the fuck are you talking about? You ruined the plan! How dare you!" Claude had to hold me back from springing on them.

"Woah," Bard screeched, "calm down! Just listen to the rest of the plan!"

I managed to escape Claude's grip, lunge at Bard, and lay an energy-ridden fist on his right cheek, yelling, "Damn you!"

By now, onlookers were stopping to stare at the unintentional scene I was making. I went to hit Ciel's cook again, but Claude snatched me away. He was squeezing me so tight that I thought I'd blow up like a firework. It prevented me from moving at all.

"Ciel wasn't kidding. You are psycho." Bard backed up. "Why are we helping you in the first place?"

"Maybe Ciel has lost his mind. Maybe your master is psycho as well!"

Feeble, little Finny stepped up at my statement and replied, "Our master is very grown up. He was forced out of his childhood."

"SO WAS I!" Something overcame me suddenly, and I felt my body go limp in Claude's arm. I fell forward, but since my butler was still clutching onto me, I didn't meet the ground. My eyes were watery, and it would only be a matter of time before I broke down.

People were staring.

"This is embarrassingly dramatic." Finny covered his flushing face.

"Someone's going to recognize you two." Bard mumbled, scratching his head.

"Don't worry, he's going back in the carriage now." Claude said cooly.

"Wh-what? No. No, Claude. Please." I begged him.

He picked me up with ease and (more or less) threw me into the carriage.

"Forgive his highness for his outburst. He is only a child." Claude bowed, then entered the carriage as well.

The carriage started moving again, and I knew we would be leaving Waltham Abbey soon. I hadn't even gotten up from the floor yet. I hung my head in despair because what Finny had said about Ciel being forced out of his childhood caused me to remember more than I wanted to...

"Bring Jim to me."

I didn't want to remember any of it.

"Jim..."

My name wasn't Jim. I was Alois, head of the Trancy fortune, ruler of my own fate. Memory killed me, memory murdered me.

"Alois."

I snapped out of it when I heard Claude call me.

He took off his gloves and placed one of his hands on my messy, blonde hair. I melted into his touch instantly, and surprisingly, he slid down onto the floor beside me.

"I worry sometimes... about you. You put all your emotion into something, and you end up never liking the outcome." I would never expect him to say anything like that.

"I'm sorry." He would never expect me to apoligize for anything.

"You're growing up."

"I've already grown up."

"I am sorry for that." He kissed my forehead.

There was a long silence.

"Claude..."

"Yes?"

"Can you... erase my memory?"

Claude removed his glasses, wiped them against one of his gloves, and placed them back on his face.

"That is not possible." He finally replied.

"But why? Ciel's memory was erased that one time."

"That was different."

"How so?"

"Hush now." He placed a single finger against my lips to silence me, but I pushed the motion aside and said, "I don't want to remember. The townspeople, my parents, my brother, Trancy..."

Claude shushed me quietly, but I rambled on.

"Luka... I'm so sorry. I just let you die..."

Everything I ever bottled up about my past escaped all at once.

"He made me do everything for nothing. Trancy humiliated me, so I swore that the day I made that contract with you, I'd make him suffer and take everything he owned for my luxary because I thought I deserved it after what he put me through."

"I understand."

"No. You can't possibly understand what it's like to be ridiculed by everyone for not being born into any type of wealth. You don't know what it was like to be orphaned and sold to some stranger who would use you."

I broke down...

... and I knew it wasn't fair to Claude.